I don't own any of the characters in here, excpet Mr. Sutherland... So don't sue me.


The bell rang. The class began to trickle in groups of threes and fours. Coed groups I thought with a bit of pride. Look how far they've come since middle school. Standing by the whiteboard, I idly play with a marker while I watch the seconds tick by till two o'clock. 9…8…7…6…5…

"No, Potter, I will not go out with you!" a red haired girl stormed in, her face matching her hair. Four boys follow. One boy, Potter, I assumed, looked quite downcast. The other three were laughing. The long blacked haired boy was doubled over, trying to breathe. This was obviously not the first time this had happened. The bell rang again. The short boy jumped. This causes the boys to laugh harder. The Goth/Emo kid whose space they were occupying, looks affronted that they dare disturb his brooding with their laughter.

"Boys, take a seat," I ordered. They notice my presence for the first time.

"Who are you?" the black haired boy demanded.

"I'm…"

"The sub for Minnie. Remember she's having her baby? We talked about this yesterday, Sirius," the brown haired boy interrupted. Minnie? They call my processor Minnie? I am so doomed.

"It's not mine," the black haired boy, Serious, denied. Who names their kid Serious?

"We never though so. You don't have the luck with ladies I do," Potter answered. The rest of the class giggled, watching them fight as if this is television show.

"Luck with the ladies? What do you call Evans, a troll?" retorted Serious. Evans' face was returning to the color of her hair, so I decided that it would be wise to intervene.

"I am Mr. Sutherland." No way am I giving those boys my first name. If they could turn Minerva into Minnie, they would have a field day with Percival. "I am subbing for Mrs. McGonagall for the rest of the year. Since I don't know your names, I am going to sit you alphabetically." The class groaned in protest.

"But Mrs. McGonagall let us choose our seats," cried an Italian boy.

"Well, she's not here. Iqra Ash… I have no idea how to say this. Iqra, sit here."

"It's Iq-ra Arshad." She moved over a seat.

"Sirius Black," the black-haired boy sauntered over from his corner seat, glaring at me all the way. Oh, so that's how you spell it, like the star.

"Juliet Capulet." Sirius brightened at bit. He turned around and promptly began flirting outrageously with her. They both ignore her now-glowering, I suppose, boyfriend. I hate drama.

"Anthony DiNozzo." The Italian boy stood and took the spot behind Juliet.

"It's Tony." I expected something a little more smart-alecky from him given his complaining.

"Tony it is. Next row. Lily Evans." The red head took her seat, eyeing Sirius carefully.

"M.E. Freidin." She seems fairly normal, I think as she takes her seat without a comment. Then, she tries to break up the love fest between Sirius and Juliet. I wish her all the luck in the world.

"Burton Gustor." The class erupted into laughter. I don't blame them. What an awful name!

"It's Gus, Mr. Sutherland."

"Okay, then. Goneril Lear." I have never seen that much Abercrombie on a person before. Her outfit must have cost more than I make in a year.

"Next row. Regan Lear." Two of them? This is almost worse than those boys. I'd take rowdy boys over catty girls any day.

"Remus Lupin." The brown haired boy who interrupted me before. He grins madly at Sirius and I can see the wheels turning in his brain. Maybe I should put them further apart…

"Timothy McGee." A quiet looking boy, nerdy. Good, I need more of them.

"It's not McGee, it's McGeek," exclaimed Tony. Name-calling, really? Are we in second grade?

"I thought it was McFlabby," the short kid, who came in with Sirius, Remus, and Potter.

"No, it's McFlower Power. Everyone knows that, Peter," Sirius cried over the budding laughter. He had broken off his flirtations with Juliet. She was now staring at him longing and throwing backward glances at the boyfriend.

"Actually, it's Tim. Ignore them. The lunch ladies made the mistake of not limiting the amount of dessert people were allowed to take. They might possibly be just a little, tiny bit hyper," he explains with a long suffering sigh. I felt bad for him. Poor nerdy kid getting picked on all the time.

"You mean they aren't normally like this?" I asked, wondering if my seventh period class might actually be normal.

A chorus of yes's and no's answered me. "So which is it?"

Tim answered, "No. not really…" I could see him mentally crossing his fingers. Mrs. McGonagall must have been one brave lady, taking them on willingly.

"Okay, then. Romeo Montague." The jealous boyfriend from before. He was alternating between death glares at Sirius and looks of longing at Juliet. Maybe I should separate the two of them for his sanity. Then again, I am not sure this class has any sanity left. Are teachers allowed to think those things about their class?

"Moving right along, Peter Pettigrew." The pudgy boy from before. He takes his seat in the front of the class. A little too close to Remus Lupin for my liking, but it would have to do. He doesn't seem like the instigator of the group.

"Hamlet Pince." The Goth/Emo kid. He sat without comment.

"Ophelia Polonius." And his pink princess? I mean, look at those puppy eyes. Maybe she should go Goth/Emo that would get his attention.

"James Potter." So Potter wasn't a first name? It would better one than Sirius.

"Hey, you forgot me, Mr. Sutherland," a tall black kid called out from the back of the classroom.

"You are?"

"Dwayne Phillips."

"Okay Dwayne. Why don't you sit up front?" Screw alphabetical order. There is no way on earth I am putting Potter, I mean, James up front. He was way too close to Peter and Remus for my liking.

"That screws up your aphbeticalness," Sirius cried. Did I mention this is a senior English class? "It messes with my ADD."

"No, that messes with your OCD," Remus said with a long suffering sigh. Are these kids that much of trial on their own classmates?

"That, too." Great, just great. This class, that kid, is going to be the death of me. THE DEATH OF ME!!!

"Next is Kate Todd." Finally, another sensible looking person. We need more of those.

"Abby Scruto." The Goth girl. Maybe she was going out with the Goth/Emo kid, Hamlet. No, no, no she was to busy trying to get Tony's attention.

"Last but not least, Shawn Spencer." All done. Only twenty of them. I can deal with that.

"I have a question. Did you get divorced recently?" Shawn queried. Just what I need, another wise-ass.

"I don't see why that is important." They don't need to know about my personal life.

"No, I'm a psychic. I see that you were married. What happened?"

"Still none of your business. Moving on. Now these will be your seats for the next few weeks until I learn all your names." And I can trust you all to behave.

Sirius raised his hand. I didn't know he knew how. "Yes, Sirius?"

"Since you obviously know my name," he grinned. "Can I sit where I ever I want?"

I blinked several times. What is wrong with this kid? I just spent the last twenty minutes putting them all in order, and he wants to change seats. Can I curse him off? … No, I'd probably get fired. "Just because I know your name doesn't mean I know everyone else's."

"Well do you know McGoogle's?"
"Who?" He looked at me beseechingly.

"Tim." I look him. "The nerdy looking kid who sits behind Remus. Anyway, now you know who he is, can we switch seats? Besides you can learn his name just as easily over here, as you can over there. Do you know what else? Why don't you let everyone choose their seats and then, make a seating chart?"

"You are seated in alphabetical order for a reason, and you will stay that way until I feel that you no longer need to." There, I am calm and collected and not cursing the kid off. Good job.

"But we aren't in alphabetical order. You switched James and Dwayne. Phillips comes way before Potter. H and O. For that matter he goes before Hamlet and Ophelia, too. Where did you go to school again? Because I don't think you make a very competent English teacher if you don't know the alphabet, don't you agree, Remus?"

"What— sure?"

"Isn't there some form or something you can fill out? To tell the school a teacher is incompetent?" he asks the bewildered Remus.

"Okay, moving now." Let's change topics and get on to the lesson, please.

"No, you are bugling patsy that got coerced into edifying this assembly of young scholars. How much do you desire to wager that you have no inkling what I just acknowledged? Though I do prefer your ineptitude to the didactic approach that some teachers have." Wow, Sirius has a brain inside his pretty head. I must have taken to long to answer because he continued, "I am speaking English, right? Ne fonctionne mieux le français? Que diriez-vous bulgare? Oder Arabisch? Nó…"

"Stop, please stop!" I cried. I can't take this kid anymore. I wanna go home…

He shrugs, "Since you asked so nicely." The rest of the class laughed.

I swallowed and began, "Since we only have a few minutes left in class, you start working on the homework."

"HOMEWORK!?" the Italian kid, Tony shouted. Methinks he doth protest to much.

"Yes, homework. Write a two page double-spaced essay about your family. It can be that they are the most awesome people you ever met or they are evil people who deserve to burn in hell. I don't care. I just want it tomorrow." The bell rang. Thank the world. "You are dismissed. Sirius, stay for a moment." He pouted slightly, but waved his friends onward. Everyone else leaves.

"What do you want?"

"Detention." My first detention on my first day.

He smirked, "When?"

"Today?" He laughed. It shouldn't have been a question. I have to be more firm.

"Can't, I'm booked. How 'bout I pencil you in for next Tuesday? I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure I'm free." He rose.

"Sit back down. You cannot schedule your detentions whenever you want. I, as your teacher, tell you when to serve your time."

He laughed again. "You're new. If you want to talk to Mrs. Cole and get me out of her detention, I'll gladly serve yours. But that isn't going to happen, so good-bye."

"You have detention until next Tuesday. What did you do?" I am shocked, well shocked wasn't the right word, but… I didn't know it was possible to have that much detention and still be in school.

"Secret." He grinned at me again. "Now I have to go, or I'll be late." He turned and walked out. I made a mental note to check his excuse. Tuesday would be fun. Oh, well, about that lesson plan for tomorrow.