Happy New Year! As my New Year present to you all, I decided to post the last chapter of my story. I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed, favorited, auther alerted, or just decided to read this story. This story kicked butt all over the place, and I love the way it came out. It suprised me though, because I've never really done a humerous fic before. Ah well, hope you like it!

Roy: No, they hate it. Obviously that's why they're reading it.

Me: Awww, shut up, Roy-boy.


Ed: Roy-boy, Roy-boy! (in a sing-song voice)


Me and Ed: Nooooooooo!!!!!!


Riza: What's going on here?

Really. Don't. Own. Any. Of. This. How many times do I have to say this? Yeesh, stupid copyright laws.

"Of the hook, my ass," muttered Roy, massaging his head as he signed another useless paper by the fading light of the sun. His head was really killing him at the moment, throbbing like some sort of sick torture device. Sick, thought Roy. Ha ha. Coughing a couple times into the back of his hand, he set down the pen and sighed, resting his head on the desk. He really needed an aspirin. Rising from his chair, he massaged the crick in his neck. As his punishment for acting out in public, Riza had him start on some of his paperwork. If she was any more sadistic looking, she would have a whip and big smile on her face. Instead, she had a gun and a deadpan expression. In reality, his mountain of paperwork was only about twenty sheets thick, but hey, twenty sheets seems a lot when you have a killer headache.

Roy walked down the hall, wondering if he should be worried. Ed was somewhere in the kitchen, cleaning as part of his punishment for their earlier actions. When the two of them had united and protested about them being punished when they were sick, Riza had just smiled and told them this was a tenth of what were going to have to do when they were better. With a significant look, she had told them to snap to it, and by god they had. Roy smiled to himself as he walked towards the kitchen door. That was his Riza. Gaze of steel, heart of iron. Roy paused, just outside the kitchen door. His Riza? Was he getting that sappy already? He just sighed to himself and smiled a little. Well, maybe he was. His thoughts went back to the conundrum of how to tell Riza that he liked her. Something told Roy that if he botched it up he would loose her forever. Not to mention certain parts of his anatomy might go missing as well. A slight shiver ran down Roy's spine as he thought of all the ways he could mess this one up. Oh, well. He'd figure something out, like he always did.

Something was off, though. No noise was coming from the kitchen. Roy should have been hearing the sounds of dishes being washed and curses being muttered. But not a single sound came from inside. Roy frowned. That couldn't bode well.


Somewhere near by, a certain golden haired watched the kitchen with amusement. Sometime during today, Ed had decided he was going to skip getting back at Roy and head straight to getting the two resident lovebirds together. After all, staying at the bastard's house for a day hadn't been so bad after all. No that he would want to stay longer. So, Ed decided to pay Roy back in the only was he could think of; getting him together with his dearly beloved. It was painfully obvious that the two had it bad for each other. Watching the two of them, Ed was tempted to hurl. Or alchemizing his eyelids shut. Which he could do now, having recovered enough over the course of the day to use alchemy. All the signs were there, so Ed decided to give them both a little push. With manipulation and a little luck, this would work and he would get it all on tape. With a small laugh, Ed turned back to the scene that lay in wait.


Roy walked into the kitchen, intending to discover the reason for the strange silence. Knowing Ed, it couldn't be anything good. Staring, Roy gazed in astonishment, blue eyes wide. The kitchen was sparkly clean, every surface shining from a recent polish. The lights were dimmed, the room lit only by fading sunlight and the candles placed strategically on the kitchen table. Laid out on the table was a magnificent dinner. Penne chicken, a Caesar salad, garlic bread, and even a bottle of wine, for heaven's sake! And standing in front of this romantic, candle-lit dinner, right by the adjoining kitchen door, was Riza Hawkeye. The girl of his dreams had made him dinner. Surreptitiously, Roy pinched himself. He winced slightly in pain. Yep, defiantly real. Nervously, he gazed around, unsure of what to do next.

Riza stared in disbelief at the carefully planned dinner laid out before them. Who ever knew Roy had this much forethought. Really, how many people tried to pull moves on a lady when they had a chest cold? Not many. It ruins the macho effect if they're coughing and sneezing every five seconds. Oh well, she wasn't complaining. Who would if the man of their dreams made them a romantic candlelight dinner? Thinking to herself, Riza was caught off guard when a hand touched her waist and gently guided her to a chair. "Why don't you sit down?" said Roy gently, his black hair casually falling across his handsome face. Riza stared openly at him, tracing her way down his face with her eyes. Starting with his obsidian hair, she went downward taking in his handsome nose and flawless lips. His features were angular, as if chiseled from hard granite. Finally, she met his tender gaze. His blue eyes were hard to tell from black in the poor lighting, but if you looked hard you could see the dark sapphire that made his eye color. But his eyes were not what interested Riza. It was what those eyes told her that held the story of this man. Determination, guilt, loyalty, and bravery shone like the light of a thousand candles, fueling his burning flame of ambition. Smiling gently, the corners of Roy's eyes crinkled slightly, giving off much softer feelings. At Roy's low chuckle, however, Riza broke from his gaze, shivering slightly as the heat that lay within them left her. She sat with a blush, embarrassed that she had been caught staring sappily at Roy like some sort of love-struck fool.

From across the kitchen, Roy felt the sudden urge to kiss Riza senseless. Bad hormones, he thought, scolding is body for trying to betray him. Very bad hormones. No cookies for you. Roy blinked. Wait, did he just threaten his own body with withholding cookies? That was too weird. Shaking off his weird moment, Roy decided to get off his butt and be the gentleman. After all, Riza had gone through all the trouble of making him dinner, on top of looking after Edward and him all day. Which was no mean task, might he add. So, Roy walked across the kitchen and gently touched her waist. Immediately, the urge to kiss her came back with a flaming vengeance. Guess withholding cookies just wasn't enough to get his body to behave. Ignoring the signals being frantically screamed at his brain, Roy did not kiss her, simply guiding her over to one of the vacant chairs.

"Why don't you sit down?" he asked gently, this time fighting back the urge to move that one strand of hair that had fallen across Riza's face. Instead of doing so, Riza opted to look up at Roy instead. As soon as her gaze touched his face, Roy felt his heart accelerate, going at what seemed to him a hundred miles a minute. Nerves reduced his brain to a stuttering wreck, with fleeting thoughts dancing around his brain. Should I kiss her? Will she kiss me? Should I wait until she's ready? Why do I sound like some sappy idiot? Roy had never fallen so hard for someone before. As much as Roy had thought this was just a simple crush, he now suspected to be something more. He was truly falling in love for the first time and as much as it scared him the person standing in front of his made it worth the fear. The fear, pain, and anxiety were all meaningless when paired against Riza's love and happiness.

Their gazes met, and Roy tried to spell out with his eyes what his mouth couldn't say. Gazing into her amber depths, he waited to see in she would make some sort of move. You're getting soft, Roy thought to himself with a chuckle, if you're waiting for the girl to make a move. Where's your womanizing charm? Apparently, all of Roy's good sense was taking a vacation, along with most of his brain. This fact was accentuated when Riza looked away, obviously embarrassed for staring at his like that. In reality, he hadn't minded at the slightest. Roy mentally cursed for being an idiot and making things harder for her(and him).

After a moment of extremely awkward silencer, Roy sat down and they both dug into the delicious (kudos, Ed!) meal in front of them. As they ate, the silence in the room seemed to grow thicker as both people desperately tried to find a topic of conversation. Grasping at straws, Roy cleared him throat and said, "So…the meal is amazing. You really didn't have to go through the trouble of cooking me a whole fancy dinner." Realizing how dismissing that sounded, Roy hastily tacked on, "Not that I mind, of course! It's just that you've never done something like this before, and I was wondering-"

Roy was interrupted by Riza interjecting. "I thought you cooked the meal," she said with a confused expression on her face. Roy was distracted for a second by the way Riza was biting her lip, but then he bit his tongue to keep his thoughts on the strait and narrow.

"No," Roy replied, trying desperately to keep his mind off Riza's lips, as well as other parts of her body, "I just walked in and the table was set." Damn it, I need to stop thinking about her!

"So did I," Riza said, looking puzzled. Both adults paused for a second, trying to solve the puzzle that had so neatly presented itself. Then, in the same instant, both bolted upright and looked at each other.

"Edward," they said in unison. Riza leapt for the door, frantically jiggling the handle, but it was no good. Our tricky little Edward had alchemized the doors shut, making it so that even if you shot the hinges off the door would stay shut. Riza banged against it, beyond furious. "EDWARD!" she yelled, thinking violent thoughts and sending them up the stairs. When she got her hands on him that kid would be biting bullets. Riza thought that by now the kid would have learned his lesson, but apparently you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Why yell?" came Roy's voice from behind her, in a gentle way that made a shiver of pleasure run down her spine. She felt his breath on the back of her neck before she faced him. He was very close, leaning in while he pinned her with his gaze. Riza stood breathless, not daring to breathe. If she moved, she would wake up, and this would turn out to be some kind of wonderful dream. "The way I see it," he whispered softly, his blue eyes melting her with their tenderness, "He did us a favor." Riza looked deep into his eyes, and didn't know what to do. Ever so slowly, Roy leaned in, his eyes never leaving Riza's. Screwing up her courage, she leaned forward. In a single instant, their lips met.

Roy leaned into the kiss, feeling the warm fire that was their lips. He couldn't believe that he finally had the woman of his dreams in his arms. He also couldn't believe Riza hadn't shot him for being so foreword. But none of that mattered as he leaned into Riza's lips, holding here warm body close to his. This was the closest it got to heaven as far as he was concerned. Sadly, he was running out of oxygen, so he reluctantly broke off their kiss. Cupping Riza beautiful face in his hands, he looked her dead in the eye, put his heart in his mouth and spoke. "I love you, Riza," he said breathlessly, smiling a true smile for what seemed the first time in ages. Riza's sherry eyes sparkled, and she leaned into his embrace. "About time," she muttered, snuggling deeper. Roy smirked, resting his chin on the top of her head. Riza was here in his arms, and that was all that mattered to him in the world right now. Everything else, he thought as he raised Riza's chin for another kiss, can wait until tomorrow.


Edward, hiding in the kitchen cupboard, made a face. Ew. Waaaay too much romance for one room. His golden eyes gleamed, however, when he looked sideways at the small camcorder that had recorded the entire mushy scene. No need for me to be here, thought Ed, beginning to soundlessly climb back through the tunnel he had made between the kitchen cabinet and the living room. I think the camera can capture the rest for me. Sealing the hole behind him, he slunk up the stairs, all the while thinking of all the things he could do with the footage he had just captured. Finally, he settled of a pretty good plan. Not too evil, but defiantly humiliating. He would only embarrass Roy in front of the crew, not anyone he didn't know well. That way, he avoided life-threatening revenge schemes. Plus, if he played it right he could even get a few cens out of it. Ed forced down an evil cackle. Tomorrow, he was going to have the time of his life.


Riza groaned, blinking in an attempt to un-blur her vision. What the hell? It took her a few seconds to remember why she was on the couch, curled up next to Roy. After their little make-out session, Roy had snuggled with her on the couch and they had watched a late-night movie. Apparently, they had both fallen asleep while watching. Roy was sprawled all over the couch, snoring. Riza smiled a little at the scene.

"I hope nothing happened on that couch."

Riza's head jolted up to find Edward turning off the TV. "That's a waste of electricity, you know," he chided, narrowing his golden eyes at her.

Riza turned a funny shade of red at Ed's insinuation. "E-Edward!" she stammered, blushing. She frantically pushed herself upright, while Ed simply raised an eyebrow.

"I just act like a kid. I'm not naïve," Edward said with a smirk that looked scarily like Roy's. "Or stupid," he added, turning to walk towards the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready," Ed tossed over his shoulder, his automail leg clunking noisily on the wood floor as he padded around in bare feet. As soon as he was out of the room, Riza began to blearily shake Roy awake with one hand, the other massaging her temple. "Roy," she moaned, "Wake up. Edward's made us breakfast."

"Aaaargh," Roy moaned inarticulately, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He was acting very zombie-like, Riza realized with a grin. With his eyes still closed, Roy managed to slump himself off the couch and slog towards the kitchen, lured in by the coffee Riza could now smell. Giving a small yawn herself, she also got up and walked into the kitchen. Ed was sitting at the kitchen table, digging into a plate of scrambled eggs and sipping a cup of orange juice. Roy was also seated, attacking a cup of coffee with a single-minded intensity that was almost frightening. There was another plate of eggs laid out for Riza, along with a cup of coffee, so she sat and began to eat.

After finishing his food Ed leaned back in his chair, sighing contentedly. Roy, finishing his food seconds after Ed did also leaned back, considerably refreshed and awake thanks to the coffee. Riza, not felling very hungry, pushed her plate away and began to do the dishes. All was quiet in the kitchen for a while, silence broken only by the sloshing of dish water. Then Edward rose to his feet, and with a sigh began to put on his jacket. "Well," he said, looking at the floor, "My apartment's fixed, so I'll be heading out. I wouldn't want to interrupt anything," he said with a grin, his eyes flickering between Riza and Roy. "Thanks a lot, Riza. You know, for taking care of me and all."

Riza smiled at him. "It's no problem, Ed."

Ed nodded, then turned to Roy. He seemed to struggle with himself, trying to bring the words of thanks out of his mouth. But in the end, Ed just narrowed his eyes and said, "You're still a bastard, bastard."

"Right back at you, short stuff," Roy shot back with a smirk, wearing that "I-art-better-than-thou" look on his face. Of course, following the preordained laws of nature, Ed exploded into a small rant.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT EVEN ANTS LOOK BIGGER?" Ed screamed, stamping his foot childishly. Thankfully it was his real one, or Roy would be replacing floorboards. Roy laughed, and Ed gave a "humph" and stomped out the door. Riza and Roy heard him call "See yah!", and then they heard the front door slam.

"Good riddance," Roy snorted, pouring some more coffee. Riza opened her mouth to dress him down fro being rude, but instead of a lecture coming out of her mouth she sneezed. Roy looked on in astonishment, and Riza sneezed again, covering her mouth with her hand. There was a moment of silence, and Riza could feel a headache coming on. Riza groaned, sinking back into her chair. "Damn you to hell, Roy," she moaned, stifling another sneeze. Roy wisely chose to suppress his laughter, and reached for the phone.

"I guess I'll call us both in sick for today. What a great chance for me to nurse you back to health."

"Shut up, Roy."


Later On That Day…

Roy and Riza were watching TV together on the couch when the phone spontaneously began to ring. "I'll bet it's the office," Roy said dryly, getting up to answer it. "Without the both of us there they must be in shambles."

"Tell them I'll shoot them later if they misbehave," coughed Riza, pulling her blanket tighter around her.

Roy made to the phone just in time, diving in to answer it. "All right, what did you screw up Havoc?"

"Jeez man, that's creepy how you know it's me. Honestly, are you sure you're human?"

"Positive, Havoc. Now, what the hell are you doing?" asked Roy, rolling his eyes in preparation to the next crazy thing the crew cooked up while he was away.

"Well," said Havoc slyly, "Right now, we're watching a very interesting video. A very nice romance, in fact. Care to hear a clip? I know you can guess what it's from."

Roy sighed and waited, playing along with Havoc's stupid game. However, when the sound began to filter through the phone, Roy froze in shock. That…that was his voice! He was saying, the way I see it, he did us a favor. That was from last night! How…? Suddenly, Havoc got back on the line.

"Riza, I love you!" he whined in a high pitched girly voice. Laughter could be heard from the other end as Roy's hand began to strangle the phone. "Gee, Roy, I never knew you were that corny. I don't see how the girls fall for you. So, what are you two doing home today? I'll bet whatever you're doing wouldn't be rated G!" More laughter on the other end of the phone, and Roy's hand squeezed all the tighter. "And the best part is, Ed let us have this cheep, it was only forty cens-" Havoc's voice was cut off by the phone being slammed down into it's cradle, then said phone being incinerated in an intense burst of heat. Roy swore he saw red as he started screaming.


The End :)

Thank you for sticking with me! Hope you like it! If you review, I might do another fic like this one.