The Twins Vs. Hermione

(Though now it's George Vs. Fred and Hermione)

8- I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

3- "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

This one is from a different list:

"To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

Professor Snape was not looking forward to his classes today. His first class was the seventh year N.E. students, which had the troublesome Weasley twins in it. Then he had the fifth year Griffyndors and Slytherins, with The Boy Who Won't Die, Weasley Number 6* and Know It All Granger. He dreaded that class, for he had to see her eyes on a James Potter clone. He wasn't sure which class he hated more, but between Weasley Numbers 4-5**, 5-4** and 6, the Potter clone with her eyes and the Know It All. He downed his pumpkin juice and swept away to his dungeon lair.

Fred and George walked into their potions class playing Rock, Paper, Scissor. Fred threw rock and George threw paper. Fred groaned, knowing he what he had to do. First and foremost, he just had to survive Snape, McGonagall and Flitwick's classes, so he could meet up with Hermione to plan their revenge. Until then, he was to act like nothing was going on. The bell rang just as the twins took their seats next to Lee Jordan. As Snape began class, George and Lee sniggered, knowing what was about to occur. The moment Snape began to explain today's lesson, Fred raised his hand. "Weasley, what do you need?" Snape demanded, clearly cross with his interruption.

"Sir, is today's potion suitable for use as a sexual lubricant?" Fred asked and braced for whatever hell Snape was sure to throw his way.

Snape raised an eyebrow at him, in surprise. How could he have known…? Unless he actually read the book, there was no way he could've thought to ask about it. Wait a minute…Snape groaned internally, as he remembered the first time his class brewed this particular potion. Sirius Black and James Potter asked Slughorn that question every single class afterwards, no matter how many points the former potion master took away. After the first three hundred, Slughorn gave up and chose to ignore the two. Clearly, the twins were in contact with Black somehow.

"Weasley, it is. I will be talking to your Head of House about this, mark my words. Five points from Griffyndor for interrupting the lesson." Snape said and continued his lesson.

The class was stunned. Everyone had expected Fred to die at the hands of their potions master. Snape noticed the class's confusion and smirked. Minerva had warned the staff of the twins sudden "retro" pranks. He had not expected them to attempt it in his class, though. He admired their nerve for a millisecond, then remembered Sirius Black was the one behind it. He knew he put them up to this. His expression soured even more than normal as he returned to at his desk, hoping to grade some "decent" essays.


Morning classes flew by and Fred found himself in the library with Hermione. They were in a secluded corner, the one where Hermione hid from Ron when they fought at school. "Have you heard the one about his broomstick?" Fred asked her, hoping to get a reaction.

"Yes, Fred. I told you, between Harry, Ron and my dorm mates, I've heard them all." Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

"Surely, you haven't heard the one about how fast he is?" He asked, smirking.

"Yes, Fred." she replied, as she worked on her essay for potions.

"How about the one with Angelina and Alicia?" Fred asked, knowing he had her.

"No, haven't heard that one. I'm certain those two will murder you in your sleep if you tell that one." Hermione said, smiling sweetly.

"Fredrick Weasley, what on earth are you going on about?" Angelina Johnson demanded, suddenly appearing from behind a tall book shelf.

"Nothing, Angie, my dear. Her - Granger and I were just discussing some potions stuff." Fred said, grinning innocently.

"Hermione, you win. I'll have it for you after dinner. Didn't think he would fall for it." Angelina said, smiling at her fellow Griffyndor.

Hermione returned her smile and nodded. Angelina walked away, as Fred glanced between the two in confusion. "Fred, "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" isn't a challenge. And you'll do best to keep you mouth shut about that last one, aye?" Angelina called over her shoulder, as Madam Prince glared at her from her desk.

Fred nodded and rounded on Hermione. "What was that all about?" He demanded.

"Angelina and I had a bet. It's nothing really. Thank you by the way. You just earned me ten galleons." Hermione replied, grinning.

"Well, Granger, since you bet on me for something, maybe you can do something for me." Fred said, smirking.

He whispered what he wanted in her ear and she nodded. "So, you'll give me half your winnings?" She asked, returning his smirk.

"And I get half of yours from Angie." He said, sticking his hand out.

The two shook on their deal and Fred helped Hermione gather her things, preparing to leave the library.


Hermione nervously entered Professor McGonagall's office later that afternoon. Ii was her turn for career advice and Harry had told her Umbridge had been present at his. She hated that woman and did not want her to interfere with her plans. Especially for what she was about to do. She sat down in the chair in front of McGonagall's desk and waited to hear the tattle tall cough of Umbridge's presence. "Calm yourself, girl. Umbridge is teaching a class right now, so you don't have to worry." Minerva said, sensing Hermione's nerves.

Hermione smiled, knowing she wouldn't get into too much trouble now. "Let's began, Ms. Granger. What did you have in mind for a career choice?" Minerva asked, examining Hermione's file.

Hermione swallowed and said "I wish to conquer the world with flying monkeys, Professor."

Her Head of House stared at her in surprise and shock. Hermione fought the urge to laugh. "Ms. Granger, that is not an appropriate career choice. Which one put you up to it?" Minerva asked, knowing good and well who would have her do such a thing.

"Fred did, Professor." Hermione replied, looking nervous.

"Don't fret, Ms. Granger. You just helped me win a bet with the Headmaster. Now, what is your real career choice?" Minerva asked, smiling at her favorite student.

The meeting continued without any mishap, though Umbridge did interrupt when classes were through for the day.


Later on that night, the two met up in the common room after everyone had gone to bed. Fred shared his ideas for revenge with her and she made sure they were fool proof. Once their plans were made, he asked her about her career advice meeting. "McGonagall looked so shocked when I said that. I'm just glad Umbridge wasn't there for that. I would have numerous detentions." Hermione said, laughing.

"Wish I could've seen McGonagall's face. Bet that was priceless." Fred said, laughing.

Little did the two scheming Griffyndors know, George was watching from the shadows on the boys dorm staircase. He smiled, as he remembered what Sirius had told him. Things were progressing according to plan.

* I made a list of the Weasley kids from oldest to youngest. Snape just gave the Weasley kids numbers in his mind due to the fact there are many Weasleys. My Snape doesn't bother to learn the first name of any student not in Slytherin (in the books, I believe he's only called Draco by his first name). Also, this was made under the assumption that Snape taught Bill and Charlie.

** Fred and George are known as 4-5 and 5-4 because Snape can not tell them apart, but he is certain they are the fourth and fifth Weasleys he has taught.

A/N: A bit random, but it's a bit of filler to show Fred and Hermione's growing relationship *hint hint* I've read fics using the flying monkeys rule and they all have the twins or Harry saying that during career advice (not sure if anyone else used Hermione), so I thought I'd be somewhat different. Thanks for the reviews!