Walking in through her front door, Roseanne Conner took off her coat and hung it on the rack sitting off to the right. As she was doing so, she screamed out, "Dan! Where are you?"
"I'm in the kitchen, hun!" Dan replied. "How was your day?"
"It was crap," Roseanne replied. "We got this new manager at Wellman's who walks around yelling at everyone all the time while smoking this big fat cigar. He raised quota today to 8000 units. Dan, there's no way I can meet 8000 units!"
"Have you tried talking to him?" Dan asked, grabbing a can of beer out of the fridge.
"Now why didn't I think of that?" Roseanne said sarcastically. "Of course I talked to him. It didn't do any good!"
"Why don't you quit then?"
"And do what, exactly? Wellman's is the only place I have worked since before I had Darlene. Speaking of which, where is my little she-devil? And Becky and DJ?"
"Darlene is upstairs in her room brooding. DJ is over at a friend's house, and I have no idea where Becky is," Dan replied.
"Darlene! Get down here!" Roseanne bellowed.
When Darlene had thundered down the stairs, she walked into the kitchen and asked, "Yeah, Mom?"
"Where's Becky?" Roseanne asked.
"She's over at Chip's house," Darlene said.
"Again? That's the third time this week!" Dan complained.
"Yeah. I bet they're swapping spit again. Especially since Chip's parents are out of town," Darlene gossiped.
"What?!? My daughter is over at a boy's house without parental supervision?" Roseanne griped. "Eh… as long as she doesn't end up pregnant. One less mouth to feed."
"Hello? Roseanne, are you home?" came a voice from the laundry room.
"Hi, sis," Roseanne said as she spotted her sister Jackie through the window.
"Hi. Can I use your washer?" Jackie asked.
"Since when do you ask?" Roseanne said. "Sure. Just make sure to replace anything you use up."
"So what's going on here?" Jackie said, looking in to see Dan drinking his beer and Darlene sitting at the table looking at Roseanne.
"Becky's over at Chip's house… and Chip's parents are out of town," Darlene said before rising and running back up to her room.
Jackie started the washer and came into the kitchen saying, "So, how're you handling your daughter being at a boy's house alone?"
"Just peachy, Jackie. At least Becky has a boyfriend. I got stuck with the Beer-Sucking Lump over there."
"Oh, quit complaining. You've got a man, at least. I am getting so desperate that I'm considering going out with the next male to cross my path," Jackie griped.
"Hi, Mom! Hi, Aunt Jackie!" DJ Conner said as he ran through the kitchen.
"Don't even think about it, Jackie!" Roseanne said.
The three adults all sat down, cracking open beers and spent the evening trading stories of love found and lost through the years gone by and their dreams and aspirations for the years to come.
The end, for now.
A/N: This was just a crack!fic inspired by watching one too many Roseanne episodes on DVD with next to no sleep. A (much) better fic for the Roseanne sitcom will be coming soon.