Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Here you find me in between
Heaven and hell my dear where nothings what it seems
It's just as well I fear I'm giving you the creeps
And a farewell kiss to go into the unknown. -' Help me' by Alkaline Trio
The Fire Within
By Dreaming While Awake
The leaves rustled in the misty night breeze as I wondered what made me like this. This bitter and cold; I wish I could say I was unfeeling too, but I wasn't that lucky.
I didn't want to be like this. Why was I like this?
Of course, now I remember, Sam Uley was the cause of my miserable existence yet I made the decision of staying this way. It just wasn't so easy to forgive and forget. I wanted to, so badly. Yet here I was, hating the very air I breathed.
I wasn't always this grim, cold, heartless… I used to be happy and fun to be around. I used to be sweet and naïve before he decided to stab me in the back when I wasn't looking. How was I to anticipate such unforgivable betrayal?
I always though Sam and I were meant for each other, but it seemed that destiny played me a cruel joke and took him away from me… and gave him to my cousin.
I was hurt, who wouldn't be? Even when I tried to forget, it always hurt. I couldn't forgive her for taking away my heart, my air, my everything. Sam had been everything to me and now he was gone. It only took him a second to decide that he didn't want me anymore, that my cousin was much better than I could ever be.
I sat on the high cliffs, breathing the salty air and feeling the sprinkles of cold water on my face as the waves crashed into the jagged rocks furiously. I sighed, how beautiful it seemed, yet so undeniably deadly. The ocean was a deep gray as the waves trashed without stop, rebelling and reaching out for me so they could pull me into their depths and disappear forever.
'Maybe…' I thought 'maybe I would be lucky and disappear'. If I were gone then so would the heart retching pain that consumed my half lived life. There would finally be peace and numbness. To me the prospect seemed perfectly blissful.
I stood from my seating position on the cold rocks and looked down at the crashing waves with a sad smile, I wanted to dive into the welcoming sea, let it consume me in its cold mantel, cradle me and comfort me with the promise of no tomorrow- of the end of all my pain. It would probably hurt the people close to me but I couldn't keep suffering for their sake anymore. I've had enough of this pain, of having to watch Emily and Sam being so happy when I wanted nothing more but for them to suffer as much as I was. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt and I wanted it gone forever.
But…I would miss my obnoxious little brother Seth, my humble mother Sue and the pack even thought they viewed me as a grim and cold person. They didn't understand that my pain was too big for it to allow me any real happiness. Even living seemed fake. Turning into a wolf didn't make things any better, especially when Sam was the alpha. Having to accept this was hard all in its self. Having to see how Sam imprinted on my cousin was asking too much. I didn't want to be a wolf, I didn't want to have to hear Sam's thoughts about Emily and feel his blind devotion towards her. Life was a bitch and I wasn't willing to deal with her anymore. I wanted out.
I took a deep, unnecessary breath to calm myself. It wasn't as if it really did much. I took of my sandals and then my necklace. Sam had giving it to me for my eighteenth birthday, it was a simple necklace with my old nickname 'Lulu' written in gold. I placed it carefully on top of my sandals to make sure they would find it. They could sell it for all I cared.
An alarmed howl pierced the air like a bullet, I instantly knew it to be Seth; he had already read my goodbye letter then. It wasn't like I planned a suicide letter or anything; I had been planning on just leaving and only wrote a long 'goodbye' for my family's sake. It wasn't entirely my fault that the cliffs seemed like a much faster and concrete escape route.
The sound of paws echoed through the forest, coming closer and closer each time. Without a second thought, I plunged myself into the welcoming water below. There was nothing to think, nothing that would ever make me reconsider. This was it for me.
The water was biting cold even with my normally hot temperature but I dint care, and after a few seconds became numb. I felt myself crashing into reefs and rocks but couldn't feel the pain. Everything seemed hazy and unreal, as if I were dreaming.
'I guess there wasn't a happily ever after for me after all' I though grimly, my mind slipping into unconsciousness.
I woke up coughing water and with a sore throat .Someone sighed in relief and I groaned, opening my eyes slowly only to be met by deep green ones smiling down at me. It was a young man with spiky short hair and tanned skin, maybe a year or two older than me.
"You're awake! You sure gave me a heck of a scare there miss" he assured with a grin.
I smiled at him in thanks and looked down at my bloodied cuts, I wasn't healing and I was cold, I smiled so wide that it actually hurt. I wasn't a wolf anymore! 'Maybe defying myself worked after all' I thought, looking back into the eyes of my savior.
"I'm Gabriel, by the way, you should come with me so I can heal your wounds miss…?" he questioned.
" Leah, just Leah" I said smiling up at him, which he returned as he swept me off the ground.
"Leah's a beautiful name" he smiled down at me for the third time that day.
Suddenly I couldn't remember why I had been so miserable.