Hey!! Welcome to this CRAZY thing that the five of us have cooked up. So, what happened was the wonderful manyafandom started an absolutely fabulous contest where you had to use four elements of different other contests in a one shot. Of course I instantly thought it would be HILARIOUS to have vjgm, shabbyapple, OCD_Indeed and qjmom to each write something in a one shot all together.
So we started writing our entry, and then the contest was cancelled. We, however had already written around 12000 words of totally hilarious crackfic and didn't want to waste it. SOOOO with The Fandom Gives Back Charity Auction, we thought that we could use our powers for good!! HAHA!! That's when we held psymom down and tickled her until she agreed to write a chapter for us too!
Please go to thefandomgivesback(dot)com and click on the link to the auctions. The boards will open for bidding starting on Nov. 15th and close on Nov. 20th. There are literally over a hundred authors offering one shots, full stories, out takes…including vjgm, qjmom, OCD_Indeed (and a group effort from vjgm, shabbyapple and qjmom for an epi to Shadow Guardians!). BUT wait, that's not all…there are 100 Monkey Meet and Greet tickets, autographed items from the cast, podcasts, blogs, handmade items…oh we can't list them all, just go and check them out!! Again, thefandomgivesback(dot)com!
None of us own any part of these characters, but we did make up all the rest of the crazy shit in this!
"Are you kidding me?" I couldn't believe what my son had just said to me. "This was a done deal, Edward. How the fuck did you bunch of morons screw this up?"
I pulled the phone away from my ear and rubbed the bridge of my nose. It really didn't matter what Edward told me in that moment…I was actually going to kill each and every one of them. Realizing that Edward was still talking, I put the phone back in place and abruptly cut him off. There was nothing that he could say to me that would change the rage that I was feeling.
"You know what, Edward….I don't want to know. I don't care. Just get your asses back here…NOW." I slammed the phone into its cradle, leaned back in my nice leather chair and surveyed my office. Lot different than that piece of shit folding chair and the card table in a trailer we had all those years ago.
When my brother, Caius, and I started this business, we'd had dreams that our sons would one day run it. Cullen Erection and Demolition grew quickly. We had gotten lucky and started just when Seattle was in a building boom, allowing us to make a name for ourselves. Cullen E & D was known for our attention to detail and doing a job right…and on time. Something rare in our line of work.
From the time our sons, Edward and Emmett, were old enough to understand even the simplest of building concepts, they'd been in the office. Caius and I had been so pleased that it looked like we were going to actually be able to pass the company on to our sons and retire to enjoy the fruits of our labors…so we thought.
My son, Edward, leaned toward the business side of the industry. He loved looking at the numbers and figuring out how we could make the most from each bid. Even as a teenager, he had been able to work some of our most lucrative contracts. He really did have a gift for knowing what others were going to bid and being able to come in just under them, yet still give us a huge profit margin. When it was time to pick a college, his grades…and my money…helped him get into Penn and the Wharton School where he earned his MBA. I couldn't have been happier when he came back to Cullen E & D.
Emmett, Caius' son, had taken to the demolition side of the business. Not really much of a surprise given Emmett's playful personality and his propensity for destruction. He did surprise us all, however, when he was accepted at USC on more than his abilities on a sports field. Like Edward, he earned his graduate degree and came back to us as a structural engineer.
Both the boys were given Vice President positions; Edward was in charge of the money side and Emmett the working side. They were each allowed some latitude when building their departments, but I had to all but force them to take on Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton. Emmett and Edward had gone to school with them, and they had competed against one another all through school. Everything from girls to academics to positions of sports teams became a competition.
It wasn't as if I'd just pulled them off the street with no experience. Both Tyler and Mike had worked for me since they graduated from high school, and had earned their way up the ladder…as it were. They started out doing grunt work and by the time Edward and Emmett came back from college, those two were at the top of the company. And I thought it was only fair that they work under the new VPs. Edward and Emmett weren't so enthusiastic about my plan, but I'm the boss. That was almost two years ago.
None of them had been able to get along since.
Unfortunately, we lost my brother to cancer not long after the boys joined the company and I was left to deal with the next generation on my own. Yeah, thanks for that, Caius. I missed my brother desperately, especially at times like this. We were supposed to spend our "Golden Years" together—vacationing in exotic places with our wives, sailing, playing with our grandchildren…
Putting those thoughts aside, I needed some reassurance that I wasn't actually going to be trying to dispose of four bodies this afternoon. I picked up the phone and called the one person who could always calm me down.
"Hello?" her beautiful voice came over the phone, and I instantly relaxed. For as long as Esme and I had been together…going on 35 years now…she always knew just what to say or do to ease my tensions.
"Esme, darling," I breathed out.
"What did they do now?" My poor wife had been listening to me complain about those four boys for the past two years. I hated to bring my work home with me, but if I didn't vent to her, one, or all, of them would eventually end up "accidentally" disappearing in the next demolition job we did.
"The Denali contract…" I couldn't tell her anymore than that, because I didn't know anything myself. "Edward just called to let me know that we lost the Denali contract."
"Oh, Carlisle. I'm so sorry." I could hear the disappointment in her voice. This was going to be the one that allowed me to retire. After losing Caius, I vowed that I wasn't going to let my life and the time I had with my beautiful wife pass by. And those idiots just cost me my retirement. "What happened?"
"I don't know. They're on their way back here right now. I swear on everything holy, Esme, I'm going to kill them this time."
Esme let out a little laugh. I had been threatening death, dismemberment, even castration for two years now. She knew that I wouldn't do it, but she encouraged me just the same.
"Now, Carlisle, you know that wouldn't do any good. Then you would be stuck there running that place for many years to come. You just need to figure out a way to make them work together… as a team."
I let out a sigh. Of course she was right. But how the fuck do I get them to work together? They hate each other.
"You'll think of something, darling. I trust you. I love you," Esme told me.
"Love you, too." I hung up and leaned back in my chair, waiting for the band of morons to return.
There was a light tap on my door.
"Come in, Alice," I called out. My assistant, Alice Brandon, was a godsend. On days like today, I was thankful that she was on my side. She was always so perky and I couldn't help but smile whenever she came bouncing into my office.
"Mr. Cullen, I-"
"Alice, come on, you've been here for three years now. I've asked you to call me Carlisle. We are a family at Cullen Erections."
Alice's face lit up with a huge smile, the one that always made me smile back, not matter what kind of shitty day I've had. And today would qualify as one of those shitty days.
"Okay, it's just that Ed…I mean the other Mr. Cullen, asks specifically that I call him 'Mr. Cullen' and sometimes I get confused."
"He what?" I was beyond angry at my arrogant son. I found myself wishing that he was five years old again so I could take him over my knee.
"Ummm, yeah, he said that we needed to maintain a professional atmosphere. It's just easier to agree than try to explain that I know that you wouldn't want this place to be all boring and stiff."
"Don't worry about it, Alice. After what my son just told me, I'm not sure he'll be working here much longer." I let out a laugh which caused Alice to giggle. "So how is that young man of yours?" I wanted some normalcy and lightness right then.
"Oh, Jasper is fine. He's away at a conference right now, but the wedding plans are still progressing really well. You and Esme are still coming, right?"
"Of course. Hey, you think we could talk Jasper into doing some private sessions here at the office and fixing this band of merry morons so they get along?" I asked, hopeful that this was the solution that I was looking for.
"Sorry, Carlisle. After meeting Edward briefly last year at the Christmas party, he says that he's only a Psychologist…not a miracle worker." She gave me a small smile.
"Well, it was worth a try." I smiled back at her to let her know I wasn't offended. I knew my son had some issues to work through…I just didn't know how to make that happen. "Now, what was it that you needed when you came in?"
"Oh, yeah. I was wondering if I get off early tomorrow? I have a fitting for my wedding dress and then there's the flowers, and –"
"Alice," I interrupted her. "Yes, you can get off early tomorrow. No problem. Hell, the way my son and nephew are driving this place into the ground you may be able to take an extra long honeymoon."
Just then, the door was pushed all the way open, almost slamming into the wall behind it, and in walked four deadmen.
"No, Edward! This was your own damn fault!" Mike was yelling, slightly turning to Edward who was walking behind him.
"What the fuck ever, Newton. If you hadn't decided that you needed to flex your muscles, none of this would have happened," Edward shot back.
"Fuck off, Edward." Sometimes I realized what drove Edward crazy about Newton, when his best come back was that bad.
In the meantime, Emmett and Tyler were going at it too.
"Tyler, why in the name of hell would you tell a client that our last project had gone to shit? That was brilliant."
"Well, I don't think that propositioning Tanya Denali was really the way to deflect, Emmett," Tyler replied.
Please tell me they are all kidding? Please tell me this shit wasn't going on during the meeting…
"All of you shut it! Now!" I yelled over the bickering. "Alice, can you go ahead and close the door on the way out?"
"No problem, Carlisle." She purposely looked at Edward and smirked. I saw his face tighten up to the point that he looked like he was going to stroke out. I do love Alice.
Once Alice was gone and the door closed behind her, I turned to what were supposed to be my best men. I was fuming.
"Sit the fuck down…all of you." I waited while Edward and Newton jockeyed for position. Tyler and Emmett just glared at each other across the room. "Mike sit there and Edward there." I directed them to chairs. Since when do I have to treat almost 30 year old men like toddlers? This situation was so much worse than I could have imagined. "Now, Edward, you go first. What happened…in detail."
"Okay, so we were in their conference room, and Emmett had just finished giving the presentation for their new luxury high rise down town. When jackass over there," he pointed right at Tyler, "announces how the new casino out in La Push had gone to shit."
Tyler began squirming in his seat. I nailed him with a pissed off glare before he could open his mouth. I knew that if one started defending themselves, this meeting was going to go south real fast. At least with Edward's control freak issues, I knew that I would get the precise story. I also knew my son, so I knew how he would be reacting.
"Okay, so Tyler has a big mouth. It isn't like that whole thing wasn't reported on ad nauseum when it happened. The Denali people knew that going in, that can't be what blew the deal. What else?"
"Oh, can I answer that, Carlisle?" Emmett asked with a big smile on his face. Ah, this must be the part where Edward tried to take back control.
"Please, Em, enlighten me." I looked over at Edward, who was at least smart enough not to try to interrupt his cousin.
"So Edward's eyes got all big, and he got that little vein thing in his forehead…you know the one. Oh, there it is right now," Emmett pointed at Edward, "I mean I can't completely blame him, Tyler was a dickhead, and we all know how much Edward hates losing control of a situation."
My son made to stand up. "Sit down, Edward. This is just getting interesting."
"That was when Newton took the opportunity to toss out something along the lines that if 'Daddy Cullen's prodigy couldn't keep control of the underlings, maybe he should take over. Of course, that went over well. Edward was immediately on his feet and in Mike's face…making things in the room uncomfortable to say the least."
Now that's just fucking fabulous. My son and his second in charge toe to toe ready to throw down in the middle of a presentation. We must have looked so professional.
"So, in an attempt to save the whole thing, Emmett began to shamelessly flirt with the Denali sisters…all three of them," Edward offered, thinking I was sure to take the focus off of him. "I don't know what exactly he said, but one of them, Irina I think, actually gasped just before they all got up and told us in no uncertain terms that they would not be doing business with Cullen E&D as long as we were so unprofessional and immature." Edward actually looked ashamed, which I took as a good sign.
I was completely speechless.
Mike stood and began to walk out of the room.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I moved to stand in front of him.
"Well, obviously, I did nothing wrong. It's not my fault that Edward can't control a meeting."
"Sit back down," I ground out through gritted teeth. Mike was good at what he did, but the guy had a problem with following directions, especially when they came from Edward.
I leaned against my desk and just stared at the four of them for a few minutes. I hadn't a single clue of what I was going to do to fix this, but I knew I had to do something or my business and everything that I had worked for and built was going to come crashing down around me.
"Get out! I don't want to see any of you for the next few days. Figure out how to work together or none of you will be working here. And I mean that." I made sure I was looking right at Edward and Emmett.
They all stood up to leave, with Edward leading the way, mumbling under his breath as he yanked the door open. Emmett followed behind him, with Mike and Tyler bringing up the rear. All of them had their heads hung in shame.
Just before the door closed, Tyler turned to me and with a smile said, "Hey maybe you can send us to one of those touchy feely retreats. We can learn to loooove each other." He let out a huge laugh as he turned back and disappeared through the door.
So that's the first chapter…only the five of us would name a company Cullen Erections!! HAHAHA!!
We have a thread over on Twilighted(dot)net where you can come and play. And that is pretty much all we do!! HAAHA!!
Next chapter will be up tomorrow, so make sure you have this story on alert!!
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