Beware. Sexual references galore. You have been warned.


A birthday present for NightxBlossom. Now, I know little to nothing about Torchwood, and can hardly tell the characters Jack and Ianto apart (I once accidentally called Ianto Janto), so forgive me if they are horribly OOC. In fact, I kinda feel bad for writing it xD

This also isn't really a crossover. It's more like two short fanfics combined. Is that allowed? Hrm.

Ah well, enjoy, Brittany, and fellow readers :3


"Jack, I'm pregnant. Happy Birthday."

A long, intense silence followed, in which Ianto stood in the doorway, looking like a huge goof carrying a pregnancy test, and Jack stared, mortified.

"Last time I checked, you were male." Jack retorted, scanning his brain for any bits of information that could explain the situation. So far, so bad.

"I'm sorry," Ianto remarked, a huge grin forming over his face. "Did I say I was pregnant? I meant Gwen."

Jack gave up with his brain racking and resumed his horrified staring.

"Wanna have birthday sex?" The younger man offered, ruffling up his hair and grinning wildly.

"Do I ever!"


"Sweet sixteen." Seifer murmured into Hayner's neck, emitting a low chuckle as his partner kissed his cheek.

The younger boy groaned in approval as he was pushed further down into the bed. They were in the middle of at least their fiftieth hot session, and weren't about to let anything stop them.

"Hayner, I brought you pressies!" A sing-song voice chirruped from behind the closed bedroom door. However, now it was open, and the young, innocent eyed Olette was standing and staring, open mouthed at the sight before her. Her perfectly wrapped presents tumbled to the clothing covered floor.

Hayner and Seifer froze, despite the horrid position they were in. Seifer was sitting on top of Hayner, who had his hand against his upper leg. Each red faced boy opened their mouths to explain, but no words came out.

"Oh my gosh." Olette was trembling. "RAPE!!!"

Screeching and squealing, the young teen ran frantically about the bedroom, whilst the two boys watched in horror.

"Olette!" Hayner silenced her, and now she was frozen in place, tears forming in her eyes. "This...um...it isn't rape."

After at least half a minute of awkward silence, Olette finally regained her voice.

"This is worse than the time in third grade that I caught you doing yourself to the song 'We Will Rock You', Hayner! I-how-why!?"

With that, she rushed out the way she had come, screeching out phrases such as 'Hayner's been brainwashed' and 'Pence, get the fire extinguisher'.

Seifer's birthday present was obviously ruined.

Olette's, however, were not.

Hayner opened the first present. Socks.

Seifer opened the second present. Underwear.

They grinned.