Hey, I'm back…., again I'm trying to update this story , without beta …., hehehehe . But hopefully I could revise it ASAP with my beta. And hopefully you still can read it and still can enjoy it, and still love it … hhhehehe

Once again, forgive for any mistaken grammar n spelling.

ENJOY !

Previously Chapter 36

And by miracle, Dean survived. He lived again after three long desperate weeks, living in the death door, then back to be Master Samuel personal slave again.

Dean stood in paled as seeing his Lord starred him nervously and plead guilty of what had he done to his young slave who might be his son.

Chapter 37

Lord Winchester starred at him with uneasy guilty eyes. He then unlocked the door and let it open wide.

"The only reason why I had done that ...," stepped in the chamber. "Because you have all over her face," he stood before the big potrait of Milady.

But Dean stayed where he stood. No, he wouldn't come inside.

Looking by his son didn't make any move, John looked at them with uneasy. He sighed and walked out,

"I'll let this open, Dean, so you may come whenever you aready."

Dean bit his lips. He really wanted to come, but couldn't. That chamber had put him on the great pain he ever felt. Later he knew, 150 lashes were only given for a fugitive slave, or runaway slave, before they went execution, and Dean was neither two.

So that mean, The Master really wanted him to die. He felt sick again. He retched in sudden.

"Excuse me...," and he run out before ith all over the floor.

"Dean !" Sam shouted and followed his brother.

Outside Dean retched again and vomited.

Samuel stood beside his brother.

"Dean, are you alright …?" he asked concerned.

Dean wiped his mouth, took a deep breath, then forced to smile

"Yes, I'm alright, Samuel."

"No, you are not, Dean…"

Dean bit his lips, "I will, Samuel, you do not have to worry."

Samuel went silent.

"I remember that day …., I thought I was loosing you ….," with bitterly.

Dean felt sick again as the memory took him back there again. But he stayed remain; he didn't want to scare Samuel.

He smiled groggily, "Well, I'm not, I'm still here, Samuel…"

The young Winchester smiled and burst into Dean's arms, hugged him tight.

Dean hugged him, controlling his own feeling.

He took a deep breath, "Hey, let's walk to the wood, it's been a while, huh ?" he tried to change the conversation.

Samuel nodded eagerly, "I promise I will not climb the tree again…,"

Dean had to laugh, "I'll make sure you will not climb again, Samuel….,"

Samuel smiled wide.

"Then shall we ….?"

Samuel nodded, and too the first step toward the wood with Dean followed behind.

In the wood.

Walked into the woods, reminds Dean to the moment he accompanied Samuel for training. Hunting training, and of course he would take the punishment for every single Samuel's mistake during the training. But he accepted. Anything for his brother, he would do. That took his curiosity, did Samuel still have the training after he was gone ?

"Do you still take the training with Lord Master ?"

Samuel bit his lips. "Yes… and it was hard and tough. Father really want me as good as him, he wants me to be a warrior."

Dean felt the guilt, without him, Samuel must take the punishment alone.

"Forgive me, Samuel …?"

"What for ?"

"For me not being there…"

"Hey, I was glad you were not there, Dean…. Apart for me missed you so much, and really want to have you by my side, but other part, I was glad you are not taking my mistakes. I'm all by myself, and I think father wants me that, not depending on you. And yeah, it was tough at the beginning. But I can make it. I can be what father wants me to be, then he took me to the first hunting. Vamps hunts. I take it as the chance to get away from him. Rossa told me everything that you are my big brother. So I have to find you, wherever I could find you…. So I ran. But guess I was too fool to believe I could find you, and I messed up everything."

"You fell from the horse…,"

"Yes…, it was rain, heavy rain, and I really want to meet you. Then Storm slipped and I fell… - father found me, I guess, and took me to that kind Sir Castiel, then find you there," he smiled gladly. "I finally found you, big brother."

"Yeah, you find me, Samuel ….," Dean smiled gladly.

"And now I have you back, please don't go again, Dean…,"

Dean bit his lips, then shook his head, "No, Samuel…, I will not going anywhere…,"

Samuel smiled wide, and hugged him.

"I love you, big brother …,"

"I love you too, Samuel."

Dean let go the hug and looked up,

"Well, I guess we better go home now…., it almost dark …, I don't want Lord Master looking for you."

Samuel looked up, "Ok…," he didn't want to put Dean on trouble, even he doubt he will get it now, as his father seemed to have changed now.

As they back to the manor, Dean had the fear what comes a head, no matter what reason is it. The memory was still haunted him, and he just prepared for what comes, even the worst.

But nothing happened. As they came to manor, Lord Winchester greeted Dean with cold concern eyes. He still has the pride eyes to show how he worried about Dean.

"Yes, I'm alright, Master …., forgive me, Master, we just have a walk to the wood, but nothing happened there, Master…," he said meekly.

"It's alright, Dean…, you two can walk to the woods…," he gave a little smile. Still little hurt there, Dean hasn't call him father. "Why don't you take a rest, before diner comes…?" sounded an order.

Dean went silent. He looked to Samuel and Sir Castiel, and nodded, "Yes, Master…."

"Dean…, I'll company you !" Samuel followed his brother, but his father stopped him.

"No, Samuel, let your brother alone, to take a rest in peace …"

"But …," Samuel started to protest, but held it, as maybe Dean needs to take a rest alone. "Alright father," meekly.

"Why don't you help me and Sir Castiel translating the book…."

Samuel nodded, "Yes, father….," and followed his father to studying room.

At first, Dean was not sure with the order to take rest, which means that would be a sleep, and sleep will bring the nightmare. But as he slept, he slept with peacefully, no nightmare, and no bad memories came. He felt a bit freshener when he woke up.

When he woke up it almost diner time and he gladly the diner went good. Nothing happened only a little chat with Samuel and Sir Castiel, but still tried to avoid The Lord Master. No matter what the Lord do, even the kindness, didn't make any comfort for Dean. He knew he didn't make The Lord any comfort too, but The Lord didn't do any harm, yet, and Dean wondered when the anger blast out.

Dean walked back to his chamber after putting Samuel in bed, and his eyes stuck to the open door of his mother chamber. The open door was so inviting him. He really wanted to come inside and meet his mother. But the memory still haunted him. The Chamber who made him live in death door weeks- suffered from the greatest pain he ever imagined, felt like he had live in another world, a world that he didn't existe anymore. But somehow, he came back. He came back for Samuel.

Hesitated Dean walked in as he knew Master wouldn't hurt him anymore.

Nervously he looked to that portrait for the first time.

He gasped, 'Its really her, she's the one who was always come every time he stood on the death door, soothing him, and keeping him strong and stay alive. It was really her mother, not just an angel, but real mother. She was the one who protecting him along this time. And yes, she really looked like him. Dean didn't notice before, but yes, she looked like him. Tears drop on his cheek. He smiled.

"You have her eyes, Dean," a voice really jumped and paled him from behind.

He stepped back, paled and tremble, "Forgive me, Master, forgive me !" with head down, and cursed. It will happen again. He wished he could run in one blink.

"No.., Dean…," John insisted, "It's okay…, you may stay…, you may see her…, please …"

Dean stayed where he stood.

"Look at her, Dean… I could instantly know you by those eyes and your blond hair. Just like her."

Dean bit his lips. "Then you knew I'm her child..."

John paled, "Yes, I knew, you are her child, but I didn't accept that you are my child. I believe you are that slave's."

Dean closed his eyes, which hurt so much. Tears even runs dry.

"Forgive me, Dean, I really am ..., but I promise _" tried to reach him.

"NO !" Dean shouted him in sudden. "You never sorry! And I cannot forgive you!" made his father froze in shock.

"DO YOU THINK I CAN FORGIVE YOU, AFTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE !?" he went hysterical.

"HOW COULD YOU SO MEAN TO ME!? HOW COULD YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SEE ?

"I'M YOUR SON, BUT YOU HATE ME AND TREAT ME WORST THAN ANY SLAVE YOU HAVE !" Dean's face was red full of anger and emotion. Tears run dry.

"Dean…," John tried to stop the hysterical boy.

"DON'T DEAN ME !"

John stepped back.

XXXSPNXXXSPNXXX

Samuel woke up in sudden by the shout in the middle in the night. And he could tell, its Dean's voice

"Dean….!?" He got up and ran out.

XXXSPNXXXSPNXXX

Dean ripped his clothes and showed his full body.

"YOU SEE THIS SCARS ? YOU SEE THIS SCARS !? THANKS TO YOU ! YOU MADE THIS ALL !"

John closed his eyes, he couldn't see that. All the scars he made.

"YOU THROW YOUR ANGER ON ME! YOU PUT ME ON HELL! I NEVER LIVE A SINGLE DAY WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF YOUR WHIP, YOUR KICK, YOUR CANE!

"YOU SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME ! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ME INSTEAD OF HATING ME !

"YOU HATE ME TO YOUR BONE. YOU NEVER LOVE ME AND HOW YOU CAN BE LOVE ME NOW ? WHY NOW ?"

"I want to pay my mistake…., I want to _"

To John surprised and shocked, Dean Onslaught him before he could finish his words, pulled his knife out, and drew it to his neck, chocked him and pressed him on the floor.

The air seemed stopping, and Dean just a few inches on top of him, with knife touched his skin, pressing it slowly. He couldn't breathe by the shock, and the boy starred him deep, with anger, disappointed and desperate. His face was burning.

"I hate you !" he hissed.

John didn't move, waiting for the worst, Dean would slide him, but he knew how to react.

He swallowed calmly, "I know son, I know you hate me, and I deserve it. You deserve to be mad, and I don't deserve for your forgiveness. What I've done, its not forgiven….."

Dean bit his lips, starred the lord even deeply. How he wanted to slide that throat.

"Dean !" Samuel burst in, and watched in horror the scene he never expected happened. Dean attacked his father.

He was ready to go to them and separated them, but the strong hand pulled him.

"No, Sir…, don't distract him…"

"But Sir Castiel…, Dean is trying…" tears has run his face, due the fear.

"No…." with kept looking the horrible scene.

Rossa and several servant had gathered to see what happened, but no one interrupted.

John still didn't move, and ready for what it takes. He had to take it. He should take it, the price he paid.

But nothing happened. Dean just starred in mix of emotion. He really wanted to kill him, but couldn't, something stop him. And John knew, Dean started to loose.

"I… I … just…. want to be loved…. I …jus..t… want … stop this pain…, I don't want to be hurt again…." his voice trembled.

John gulped. "Then you won't. I promise, I will never hurt you again. No one will hurt you again. I will love you forever ….," really from his deepest heart, really really breaking his heart, by the damage he has caused.

And Dean lost it, his body was shaking so hard, cried, then finally drop the knife.

John caught the limp body and hug him tide,

"I'm sorry, Dean…, I'm sorry…., I will make it right now, son, I promise, I love so much, Dean…," kissed Dean's head and hair.

And Dean even cried in his father arms, letting his feeling out, releasing everything he felt. He had waiting this…, he really wanted to be hugged like this.

Castiel watched silently. Samuel still cried in his side. But he knew something has change now. Hopefully, it will better now, for Dean.

TBC