Disclaimer: All things Twi still belong to S Meyer. This story belongs to me.
I want to thank my Jen and speedbetaing Amy for getting this out so fast once it was finally done.
I'm sorry it took this long. I hope you still enjoy it.
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After Jasper got dressed, sans his t-shirt, we went to the campsite on the other side of the meadow and began to work on getting the tent up. It didn't take us long, we were both skilled campers even if I was terribly rusty. It was an old tent I had helped with dozens of times in the past though, so helping Jasper came to me easily.
We had sawed off a few low branches of the surrounding trees to have something to hang things on. I spotted the guitar hanging from one of the branch stumps.
"Hey, does that mean you'll play for me?" I asked, pointing at the instrument.
Jasper grinned at me. "I think you could persuade me to do it. It seemed odd to leave it behind so I brought it over when we came here with Em," he explained. He had been playing so much lately I could see why it was natural for him to take it with him.
They had gathered some firewood, so we didn't need to do much. The tent was in the shadow of the trees and I looked at it longingly. The heat was getting to me, probably because I wasn't that physically fit yet and I had spent a few hours by riding and then loving Jasper under the sun.
"Go take a nap, baby," Jasper said when he caught me looking at the tent.
I frowned, spending the little time I had alone with him by sleeping wasn't my number one priority.
"It's no shame to be tired after a day like this," he pointed out. "I'll come join you if you want to, but only to rest because you need it," he said in a tone that didn't leave room for argument.
"Okay then," I sighed and crawled to the tent.
It was a nice one, even if on the old side. There was enough room for four people to sleep in and even a taller man like Jasper could comfortably sit there, even kneel in the spot where the ceiling was the highest. There was a window in the ceiling too, it was really nice because if you angled yourself right, you could look at the stars before falling asleep.
I plopped on top of the light sleeping bag and the thin inflatable mattress Jasper had insisted we took with us. The mattress was wide enough for the two of us and I knew he didn't want my bony body laying down on the hard ground. I did appreciate the gesture, I was sure he slept on the ground back at home and this was a luxury for him.
Grabbing my hoodie from the backpack, I rolled it in to a ball and tucked it under my head. I did feel sleepy and when my body felt like it could finally relax, it was heavenly to be able to stretch myself and lay down comfortably.
Jasper settled down next to me and looked at me for a while. There was a lazy, slightly sleepy expression on his face and I smirked, knowing that I was a part of why it was there.
"Oh, stop that..." he muttered and made me grin more.
He leaned to kiss me and then encouraged me to roll over to lay on my other side. When I did, he spooned me, pressing his chest to my back. Both of us hummed contentedly at the skin contact. It was then I realized I hadn't put a shirt on after taking it off. I smiled a little. Even if I had bones sticking in the wrong places still, at least I wasn't self conscious like I used to be.
I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes next, the sun was shining in from the open flap of the tent. My toes were warm for once, a thought that made me smile sleepily.
The next thing I registered was that we had turned at some point; I was now spooning Jasper and my arm was draped around his waist, palm against his abs. Then it hit me; I was painfully hard and my cock was digging into Jasper's ass.
"Had any good dreams, darlin'?" Jasper asked, chuckling huskily and I felt myself blush. When I was trying to turn away, his strong fingers grabbed my wrist and kept me close. "Where are you going?" he asked.
He let go of my hand and turned around carefully. Somehow I couldn't look at him right now. All of the bravery of earlier, all that was gone. Suddenly I was just me, Edward's shadow.
"Baby... there's no need to feel like that..." Jasper murmured, using his fingers to raise my chin. "So you were asleep, had a nice dream," his expression was mischievous when he added, "or I was just too hot..." to which I snorted and rolled my eyes.
"Maybe both..." I admitted.
"And as I recall, I'm the one who got excellent head earlier..." he murmured, his fingers trailing a path from my chin to my chest. My face was flushed in red again. Of course I had seen the effect I had on him before, but it was still good to hear it put to words too.
A fingertip was circling my nipple and I felt his lips on my forehead.
"Let me make you feel good, too?" he asked quietly, in just a whisper.
My breath hitched and I could practically feel my heart beating faster suddenly. Jasper chuckled and pressed his palm over my heart.
"At least your body agrees..." he pointed out cheekily.
Taking in a deep breath as if to encourage myself, I raised my eyes to look into his. There was nothing but love and a underlying hint of lust in them.
Finally my hands cooperated with the rest of me and I slid my fingers to his curls, pulling him into a kiss that told him what I couldn't put into words.
Need, want, love, trust.
Jasper's warm, large hand left a trail of heat behind as it descended my body. He let it rest on my hip for a while, building anticipation and once again my body surprised me when my hips thrust up to his touch.
I must have gasped into his mouth, as he raised his head and smiled at me.
"May I?" he asked, finally moving his hands to the waistband to open the fly and tug the jeans off me, if I'd let him. Hell...I don't think anyone could have made me not to...
So I nodded and swallowed hard as I felt him slide the pants down, my underwear in tow.
And then I laid there, inside the tent, mostly in the shadow and looked at Jasper looking at my broken, bony body. I could tell he was mapping me with his eyes. I remembered seeing the same expression on his features before, when he was looking at the horses or concentrating on something else completely.
A tiny little whimper escaped me and Jasper's eyes snapped up to look at mine.
"I don't know what you're thinking, darlin', but somehow I don't think it's the same what I'm thinking..." His smile was loving and gentle. "I look down at you, seeing all the bones that stick out and scars you have from surgeries and I think, 'This is my Edward, this is the man I love,' and nothing can change that, Edward. No matter how others see you, no matter how much you'll change as you get better, this," he placed his hand over my ribs that were too prominent still, "is how you looked like when I was falling in love with you and I'll always remember it. Now stop being self conscious and let me love you as you are." His tone was playfully snappy, like he was trying to make me forget the declarations he had just made.
I cleared my throat as I fought the tears away and gave him a weak smile. "Okay... I'll believe you... eventually." I grinned a bit.
Jasper let out a huff and rolled his eyes, but I knew he wasn't serious.
"I love you, too," I added, because I knew now for certain. It hadn't been long, maybe a bit over a month, month and a half tops, but I knew. Time loses meaning when you're too ill to deal with it. Things melt together, become one continuous loop of pain. And I realized the pain wasn't there anymore.
"Good, you had me worryin' there for a moment." Jasper smirked and lowered his head to mine.
I don't know how long we kissed, but I felt like floating. Jasper's calloused fingers smoothed my skin where he could reach easily and I honestly didn't notice when he touched my cock at first. When I did, I also realized my back was arching and I gasped, pulling my head away from his to breathe.
It was like I was distanced from myself and so in the moment at the same time. I felt everything and nothing at the same time; his mouth on my neck, shoulders and chest, his hand around my length, his words whispered to my skin.
As much as I wanted the floating feeling to never end, my body wasn't listening to me at all. Jasper shifted lower and began to roll and tug at my sac with his other hand. Vaguely I registered the tingling sensations I had almost forgotten about, the difference between a self-induced orgasm and one given to you by another.
And then I was flying, arching and curling and coming so hard I didn't know it was possible to feel like that.
Minutes later when I could open my eyes and look at Jasper, I saw him smiling at me from where he was sitting next to my thighs. The sunlight made his hair form a beautiful, illuminated halo. The man was perfect and all mine and I knew I was the luckiest boy alive.
Without saying a thing, he raised a hand and swiped a little of the cum off my stomach before lifting his fingers to his mouth. I swear, even though the light came from behind him I saw his eyes flash and there was a sound reverberating from his chest.
I swallowed hard and he let out a husky chuckle.
"I can't... yet... It's always been something that I need time for..." he said in a more serious tone and I just nodded. He wasn't gay, he was bisexual with less experience of men than I had and for some guys it just was like that.
"I understand, honestly I didn't even notice," I grinned and then stretched lazily, enjoying the post orgasmic state. "Man, you're good..."
Jasper chuckled and reached for some wipes I had in my pack and cleaned me up carefully. Even a simple thing like that left me purring contentedly.
"Someone needs a lot more orgasms..." he murmured, his eyes twinkling with amusement, "but before that, we need to check on the horses, get some dinner going and I believe I owe you a song or two?" he asked, suddenly being all sorts of efficient as he backed out of the tent.
Grumbling, I grabbed my discarded boxers and jeans and pulled them on before crawling out into the late evening sun. How long did we sleep?
Jasper's delectable ass was already walking away from me and towards the paddock, so I opted to go shoeless and walked after him, stretching my arms and yawning.
The horses were fine, happy and ignoring us completely. The normal camp site stuff like getting the water and deciding what to eat were easily done. By this time the sun was really dropping and the crickets were starting to get louder, we had a fire going and a blanket spread on the ground near it. Naturally it wasn't safe to be right next to the fire, so I was happy that the weather was nice and the early evening was still warm.
I noticed that Jasper had brought my hoodie from the tent and smiled a little. He really was a nurturer, whether he realized it or not.
Jasper was opening our bottle of wine while I dug out all my mother had packed for us to eat.
"You'd think she wants to feed a village..." I grumbled when I realized how much exactly there was.
"Let me guess," Jasper said as he settled to sit Indian style on the blanket, "pasta salad with chicken, some grilled cheese sandwiches and... something with chocolate in it. Plus fruit and sodas?"
I took inventory and grinned widely. "It is getting scary how well you know my mom."
"Oh, well if she's going to be my mother in law one day, I better start getting to know her now." Jasper shrugged very casually and leaned to toss another piece of wood to the fire while I tried not to gawk at him too much.
When he turned, I schooled my expression and saw him smirk. Narrowing my eyes, I just shook my head and then couldn't help the giggle that escaped me.
"What, you tellin' me you're not in this for the long haul?" he tried to look serious but then laughed with me for a moment.
It was strange how different he was now. Compared to the man he had been when he came to stay with us, the difference was striking. Jasper was relaxed with every family member instead of just the horses. His slight southern drawl was more pronounced too, especially when he was alone with me or aroused or just feeling otherwise good about something. Not that I complained, the accent was fuckhot.
We ate in silence, enjoying the sounds around us. The fire was crackling and the horses were calm, grazing in the grass. The crickets were loud and some birds were singing beautifully in the forest. I hadn't felt tranquility like this in ages, if ever. For once I knew my place in the world and it was right here, with this man who made me forget all my misgivings and faults and just let me heal and turn back into the Edward I was supposed to be.
"You pulled me out of my pit of tar," I blurted out around the second glass of wine.
Instead of asking 'what?', Jasper stayed quiet where he was now laying next to me on the blanket. He was propped on his elbow and staring to the fire over my shoulder. He leaned to kiss my neck softly and hummed contentedly.
"You've made me believe again."
His quiet statement was something that made my heart beat faster and made me feel so alive, it took my breath away.
I could only try to imagine what it had been like for him. Losing his wife and child at such a young age, when things were supposed to be taking off, the rug was pulled from underneath his future. Who could blame him if he had lost hope? Whether it was hope of love, life or just feeling more than sorrow again, I didn't know. Maybe all?
We laid there for what seemed like eternity, draining the bottle of wine and then just staring at the fire quietly, soaking in the warmth and the closeness we felt. When I had to sit up to pull on my hoodie, I reminded Jasper that he owed me some music.
He got to his feet and went to get the guitar, as I moved a bit closer to the fire to sit on a log. Sometimes I didn't recognize my own body, but this felt familiar; sitting on a log and pulling my knees up, an echo of childhood camping trips.
"You look adorable," Jasper said as he came back and settled on the blanket with the guitar in hand.
I leaned my chin to my knees as he began to play for me, clearly just playing something random at first before he picked a song and sang it for me.
"I'mnotafraid, tosayIloveyou, anymorethanIusedtobe, babe. Iamscaredtodeath, Iamscaredtodeathtofallinlove..."
I had heard him hum the song before and I wondered if it was something that touched him in other reasons than just being a song that sounded nice to him. Were the lyrics partially true to him?
Somehow it didn't disconcert me. If he had doubts, if he was scared, he knew I was here for him if he wanted to talk. I smiled at him and he changed the song into something more upbeat.
I laughed out loud at his song choice. "You only like that song because you liked it when mom was watching Glee!" I told him and he chuckled but nodded at me while continuing to sing it flawlessly.
Yes, my mom was watching the episodes of Glee she had taped and she was doing it with my boyfriend who was a hard core horse trainer cowboy... Even Emmett told Jasper he was more gay than he would have ever thought when they first met and he found out Jasper liked cock.
Yes, the statement was made in front of my mother and Emmett got thwacked in the back of his head by Esme.
Naturally I watched some with them, after all there's something about the guys in that show...
"Stop fantasizing about Puck and Finn making out and figure out another song for me?" Jasper said and I realized I had been staring into space again and blushed.
"Erm... hmm..." I mumbled and then it hit me.
"EverytimethatIlookinthemirror..." I sang and Jasper began to strum his guitar with a huge grin on his face. We did a very crappy and loud version of 'Dream On' Glee-style and laughed out assess off when the song was done.
"Next time I get to be Matthew Morrison," Jasper said as he placed the guitar to the side.
"Only if it means I get to be NPH." I smirked and Jasper muttered something about me having a thing for Neil Patrick Harris.
Getting to my feet, I walked back to the blanked and quite promptly sat down, straddling Jasper's lap. He raised a brow at me, but I merely kissed him softly and pressed my face to the crook of his neck.
It was strange how the feeling of peace and safety washed over me as soon as I was in contact with Jasper like this. His arms were wrapped around me and he was humming something under his breath. He was clearly on Glee-mode still and I kissed his neck before smiling against his skin.
The darkness had fallen around us and suddenly I became more aware of my close proximity to the sexiest man I'd ever met.
Despite his still healing ankle, he maneuvered to his knees and then got up with me hanging from him, my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
I don't know how it still surprised me how well he read me. I suppose the intimacy from before had gotten us to this point, where we weren't so skittish around each other and could just act on what we felt.
Suddenly I couldn't wait for him to make love to me.
When we got to the tent, he looked at me for a moment, as if to scout my emotions. I smiled, determined, and he let me down in front of the tent.
"I think we need our supplies..." Jasper murmured and walked to the side to get the said supplies from the saddle bags.
In that moment I was very grateful to have a big brother like Emmett. He really did love me and apparently he loved Jasper as well. He knew neither of us would have thought to bring any. Mainly because we'd be too careful not to push the other even though we both, quite clearly if Em noticed it too, were ready.
I crawled to the tent and took the hoodie off, even though losing the warmth made me shiver. I was lying on my back, watching the sky from the window in the ceiling when Jasper came into the tent.
He smiled at me before settling down next to me so that he too could look at the stars.
Jasper's warmth against me made me warm up again. In more ways than one.
I turned to him and looked at his face in the near darkness. The only light was coming from the bonfire Jasper had fed a few bigger pieces of wood to.
There was no need to do the 'we don't need to if you're not ready'-speech, not for either of us.
"I've never felt this connected to another person in my life," I confessed quietly and Jasper smiled.
"Me neither," he whispered and leaned to kiss me.
It did surprise me, as I could feel he was being honest. I didn't want to think about his late wife but still... Maybe, just maybe we had found our missing pieces in each other? Soul mates, if you believed in such things?
While I couldn't be happy about Alice having died, I was glad I could be there with Jasper now. On the other hand, I wasn't very happy having had that accident that rendered both me and my best friend, Calla, incapable of any human contact and physically broken for months and months.
"Do you think... that... this..." I said after the kiss when I was getting my breathing under control, "is some sort of payback?"
"You mean like the universe paying us back for all the shit?" Jasper asked and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe... I believe in balance and this, with you... it all feels right," he said and smiled at me, leaning back to kiss me and I could feel the love in the kiss.
When we came up for air again, Jasper crawled to dig a lamp from the corner of the tent.
"That's new," I pointed out, not having seen the thing before.
"Yeah, Emmett had bought it, see, one of those new LED-things. Totally safe to have on in the tent even if we'd... forget all about it." Jasper's grin was mischievous.
"Ahh... and you plan to forget all about it then?"
"Yes. Now strip," his husky words were almost a growl. The sound made me comply immediately, like the tone of his voice called to something deep within me and made me hard in an instant.
I certainly hadn't been into playing with domination and submission before, but maybe I should file this away for further use? At least the commanding tone had made me all sorts of turned on in record time.
After I got my clothes off, I laid back on the comfortable mattress and leaned on the pillows. Jasper's eyes on me made my body respond by shivers that had nothing to do with the cool evening air.
I raised my brow and let my gaze sweep his body in a suggestive way. Jasper smiled a little and started to strip as well. The more of his skin I could see, the more shallow my breathing got. How the hell was I this lucky? It seemed like I kept repeating the question over and over again and never found an answer.
Every time I saw him shirtless I fell for him just a little bit more. It was like I couldn't believe that all that I saw was mine. Well, all, but the ink that was Alice's.
"Do you think she would approve?" I blurted out as my eyes caught the words over his ribs once again.
Jasper was quiet as he laid down next to me and pulled me closer to lay almost half way on top of himself. My fingers went to trace the ink on his chest while he thought about the question.
"Yes. I think... she'd want me to be happy. It was always so difficult for her to know nothing she could do would make things better for us. She didn't want to be a zombie because of the meds or have the ups and downs without them... I know we both thought we could handle it but sometimes... Things just aren't as straightforward as you think." All the toughness of just minutes before was gone from his voice.
"We never thought it would be easy, but we certainly didn't think..." he sighed and I turned to look at him.
"Nobody thinks of those things. Either they are looming over our heads or we choose to ignore them and make the most of it. I could never blame you for trying to hold on to the positive," I said and he nodded.
"That's almost exactly what her parents told me."
"They were right. If I remember correctly, your sister said something about you starting to live again." I smiled and kissed his chin. There was a tiny bit of stubble there, it scraped my lips and I loved the feeling.
"Mmhmm..." Jasper said, the tone changing again.
He kissed me while practically lifting me on top of himself. Our naked bodies were flush from our lips to our feet and the feeling made me want to purr. He felt so warm under me, his hands mapping my back and fingers gliding over my skin, teasing my butt ever so gently.
Placing my hands on either side of his chest I lifted my head to look at him.
"So, is this your way of saying you want me to top from the bottom?" I grinned and to my surprise he blushed.
"Eh... it's been a while and... If you think it won't hurt your hip? I'd like to make sure I won't hurt you," Jasper's tone was quiet, his eyes pleading, and I could understand his hesitation.
"You wouldn't hurt me, Jasper. I know it. But if this makes you feel more comfortable..." I let the rest trail off and shifted so that I was straddling his waist. He didn't need to answer. I'd do anything for him and to make this as perfect as possible.
I reached for the lube and condom, looking at it for a moment.
"At home we won't need that... I mean... unless you want to..." Jasper blushed again, averting his eyes from me.
"Oh, I never really thought that far but you're right. We're both clean..." I said, we had both been tested quite a few times in the past and were certain of that. We had had the discussion of being tested one evening while we sat watching the puppies play. It had been Jasper's practical side kicking in and I had been amused. It didn't seem so amusing now.
Here it would be easier, mess-wise, to use a condom. I had never been exclusive with anyone for long enough to have unprotected sex. That would be something I looked forward to doing with Jasper. But first things first...
Jasper took the lube and slicked his fingers. As I smiled and leaned to kiss him, I felt his fingertips stroking my skin. The soft touch after the lube warmed a little, was enjoyable and I trembled as the little pressure glided up and down my crack.
"Stop... teasing..." I gasped into his mouth when I realized he was doing just that. He was avoiding my entrance even when I rocked my hips a little, making our cocks rub against one another.
I swallowed his husky chuckle when he gave in and I felt his fingertip teasing my ass.
"Fuck..." My lips scraped against his stubble as I let my face slide down his cheek to his neck.
It had been a long time and the emotions connecting us enhanced every touch. Breathing, gasping against his pulse point I rode the sensations coursing through my body. I barely registered the second finger or the third and I certainly didn't realize I was rocking more until Jasper groaned under me.
"You're going to make me come... before I'm inside you..." he said huskily and I blushed. I was fucking myself with his fingers and in turn causing quite a bit of friction between us.
"Oops..." my tone was shy suddenly and Jasper chuckled.
"Not that I mind the fact that you're enjoying yourself, my love..."
"Oh, shut up..." I smirked, taking the condom and moving enough to roll it on him. "Now watch," I said, remembering my promise to top from the bottom.
I applied some more lube on his erection and positioned myself again. His hands were on my hips now, helping me balance just in case I needed it.
When I guided his cock to my hole and sat down on him, I could feel the tension in him as he struggled to stay still.
It was strange to think that not long ago I was pretty much a living dead, barely existing, Edward's shadow, and now I was here in this tent, making love to the man I hoped to spend the rest of my life with.
When I began to move again, he opened his eyes and looked at me in wonder.
"Edward..." he whispered, reaching his hand to grab me by my neck and brought me down for a kiss that stole my breath away.
I placed my hands on his chest and held myself up for a while, letting him do the work. I enjoyed just staying still while his cock moved in and out of me, spreading the love from my heart to my whole being. In some ways I had never before understood the phrase 'making love', now I did and I wanted to hold on to the feeling as long as I could.
Just as I began to feel the first signs of my arousal hitting its peak...
"Oh fuck, ow!" I heard the whine escape my my mouth and Jasper stopped moving immediately, flipping me off him and on my back before I had time to notice.
"Hip?" he asked breathlessly, his hands going to where he knew the pain came from.
I nodded and he started to rub the muscle on my thigh and my hip.
"Hey... none of that..." I heard him murmur and blinked, looking at him quizzically. It was then I realized I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Not from the pain, it wasn't that bad, but the disappointment.
"We knew that could happen, didn't we? So we'll try again, be more creative..." He flashed me his irresistible smile and I wiped my tears, feeling myself responding to the smile.
"Any ideas?" he asked as my thigh stopped to tremble and I could flex my leg again. I thought for a moment.
Smiling, I nodded towards his erection that had wilted enough for the condom to need replacing. "You toss that one and let me take care of the rest..." I smirked, feeling better again. I could do this, we could do this. It was just overcoming the physical obstacles my injuries were still causing, but I felt safe and loved with Jasper.
Eventually, after some more making out, I rolled another condom on him and slicked the sheathed cock with more lube. Then I winked at Jasper and turned to kneel away from him.
"Come on then..." I breathed huskily and looked at him over my shoulder.
I didn't have to wait for long. I felt the head of his cock against my entrance and exhaled, pushing back against him. Two simultaneous moans filled the tent as we became one again.
This time he tugged me up, his more muscular front against my skinny back, and held me up as we knelt together in the middle of the tent and our bed.
"I love you, Edward..." he whispered as his thrusts picked up speed.
"I love you, too..."
When Jasper shifted the angle a little, his cock rubbed against my sweet spot and the sound reverberating from my chest sounded needy and animalistic, almost foreign.
My fingers were tangled up in his hair and my other hand went to my own erection.
"The day at the river..." I gasped and felt Jasper nod. "I went for the walk..."
"And?" Jasper managed to ask as he took a more firm hold of me, picking up the pace yet again, almost slamming into me in earnest now.
"I had to... touch myself... because you looked... so hot... coming out of the water..."
As soon as my words were out of my mouth and registered by Jasper, we were both flying. The intensity of the lovemaking had been one thing, but the resulting orgasm, the feeling of my soul touching his when we fell into something private and pure was something else completely.
It was a high I never wanted to let go of and never ever wanted to experience it with anyone else but Jasper.
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A/N: I hope it was even remotely worth the wait.
There were two songs playing in my head while writing the last part;
Weapon by Matthew Good and GlassVaseCelloCase by Tattle Tale.
Again, as you can see I'm not abandoning this story. I'll do my best to finish it, no matter how long it takes. I really haven't written that much during the summer and this early fall. My muses have been gone and my depression has been on high gear.
No matter what else I write or don't write, Brand New Start is my baby and I won't abandon it.