Gohan trudged down the halls of Orange Star High, wondering what he had ever done to be treated so cruelly.
Sharpner just wouldn't give up. He was so insistent about dating his mom, and thus inserting himself as the father figure in the demi-saiyan's life, that he had woken the poor boy up at the horrendous hour of 4 AM.
Apparently, the jock thought it was up to him to be the man around the house and make sure the Son boy got to school on time; not to mention himself, though he could've cared less if he went to school or not. Somehow, someway, Sharpner had found a way to get inside his house and promptly forced him out of his bed. Upon the announcement of the jock taking him to school, Gohan had to suppress the urge to throw him out to window. Even though he had been rudely awoken, the manners Chichi had force fed him all of his life refused to let him get rid of the blond menace. On top of that, as he got dressed, Gohan realized there was no way he could use his usually means of going to school with Sharpner around. A floating orange cloud would be too strange, even for the king of weirdness; not to mention there was the most likely possibility of the blond not being able to ride the cloud.
With all those factors added together, Gohan found himself taking the long way to school via Sharpner's capsule car. There was just no justice in this cruel world, especially for half-saiyan teenagers.
And at the moment, all Gohan wanted to do was just collapse to the floor and get the precious sleep he had been denied. It would've been so worth it too, until he ran into Videl. The girl had noticed his zombie-like state and had come to investigate the matter. "What's wrong with you?"
Gohan eyed the girl for a moment before saying "Sharpner…drove me…woke me up…must…resist…urge…to kill…"
The Satan girl blinked her eyes. Who would've ever thought the innocently-minded Gohan would have such murderous thoughts? That was something she usually would've thought of.
Today was going to be very interesting.
And speaking of interesting, here came the man of all the Son boy's problems. "There you are, son! I've been looking all over for you!" Walking up to Gohan, Sharpner rested one of his arms on the boy's shoulders. "Now I know I made you skip breakfast but think of it this way; I'm preparing you for life. You won't always have the luxuries your mother and I provide for you."
Turning his head then, the blond set his attention on the Satan girl. "And don't think I forgot about you, babe. I have to tend to some fatherly matters right now but we can meet up again later. We have so much to catch up on."
Videl's hands balled into fists. Seriously, was this guy becoming more and more annoying with each passing day? What would it take to get it through his thick skull that anyone of the female gender had nothing but homicidal feelings towards him? Did he have to be killed just to get that point across?
Well, if that's what it took, Videl would be damned if anyone took that satisfaction away from her.
Before she could act though, Gohan stepped away from Sharpner, removing the boy's arm from his shoulders. "Sharpner, I'm just not in the mood to deal with you right now. Just leave me alone, alright?"
Sharpner didn't look the least bit put back. "They grow up so fast."
That caused Videl to look at the blond weirdly. "What in the world are you talking about?"
Before the jock could answer though, Videl's watch communicator went off. "Videl! We have a situation at the construction site downtown! A man's been shouting at the top of his lungs about how bad his life is. We think he's a jumper."
The Satan girl immediately answered the call. "Don't worry Chief, I'm on my way." Spinning on her heels, she raced down the hall towards the staircase leading up to the roof.
As Sharpner watched the girl disappear into the stairwell, he failed to notice the sudden disappearance of his other friend.
A man wanting to commit suicide was a terrible thing, yet Gohan couldn't help but feel grateful. He had been having a bad morning up to this point, so anything that could get his mind off of it was gladly welcomed. Besides, perhaps saving someone's life would put him in a better mood.
The Son boy flew towards the location of the construction site the Police Chief had mentioned as quickly as he could. It wasn't too hard to find considering the street in front of the building was covered with police cars and emergency vehicles. Close by was Videl's jet copter, signifying that the Satan girl was here as well.
Well, time to get to work.
Landing on the building across the street from the construction site, the demi-saiyan soon located where the jumper was. The man appeared to be shouting down to the cops below about…something; he couldn't quite hear what exactly. Might have something to do with his tired state.
Suddenly, Gohan noticed some movement behind the man. Looking closer, the Son boy saw Videl approaching the man from behind, trying to sneak up on him and prevent his desperate action.
However, the man seemed to know what the Satan girl was up to as he swung around to face her. Some more words were shouted from his mouth, but since he had his back to the hero-disguised saiyan, it was hard to hear exactly what.
Then before Videl could stop him, the man leapt from the building.
Alarms went off in Gohan's head as he launched himself towards the falling man. What in the world was he thinking?! Was he insane?!
Fortunately, the Son boy reached the jumper before he could fall too far, catching him in his arms bridal style. "I got you sir!" he declared as he deepened his voice.
What happened next completely took the demi-saiyan by surprised. "It's about time you showed up!" the jumper proclaimed. "I've been waiting to meet you for a looooong time."
"Wh-what are you talking about?" Gohan stammered.
Instead, the man gave the boy the once over before cuddling into his body. "Don't worry your pretty little head off. I'd let you save me any day."
Not liking what he was hearing, Gohan immediately flew towards the closest floor of the under-construction building. Upon setting the man down, he soon discovered that the jumper had other plans. Though his feet were now on the ground, the man had wrapped his arms around the Son boy's torso. "Mmmm, you're warm," he said in a husky voice.
"Could you please let me go, sir?" Gohan said uncomfortably.
"You're just too much, Mr. Saiyaman."
Okay, this was getting really weird. As gently as he could, he pushed the man away from him. Upon seeing his "admirer" making another attempt to hug him, Gohan leapt back. "Please sir, cease and desist!"
The next thing Gohan knew, the man began chasing him around the floor, trying to get his hands on him. What was with this guy?! Couldn't he see how uncomfortable he was making him?
It was this sight of the demi-saiyan fleeing from the persistent man that Videl walked in on, slightly taken back. The Satan girl nearly broke out laughing when she realized the man intent on making Saiyaman his life partner.
You didn't see this everyday.
Suddenly, Videl felt the caped hero behind her, trying to use her as an obstacle between him and his admirer. "Miss Videl, please! You've got to help me!" he pleaded.
"Help you?" the Satan girl said, clearly amused. "I thought you were the Great Saiyaman. Can't you handle something like this with ease?"
"I've never been in a situation like this!" the hero replied panicked. "Please, I'll do anything! Just help me!"
A sly grin crossed the Satan girl's face. "Anything?"
"And if I said I wanted you to show me who you were?"
There was a pause from the man. "Wouldn't you want something else?"
Videl tilted her head up to look at the ceiling, pretending to think. "Ya know, I'm starting to think you and your admirer make a lovely couple."
Desperation enveloped the hero instantly. "Okay, okay! Just make him go away!"
A wicked grin spread over the Satan girl's face. "So we have a deal?"
"Yes! Deal! Now help!"
This was absolutely perfect! The daughter of Satan was mere moments from finally unmasking this thorn in her side and all she had to do was drive a gay man away from the man. Unfortunately, that was where Videl hit her first obstacle. How was she gonna get rid of this guy? It wasn't as if he was bothering her or committing any crimes; though she could use disturbing the peace because of his false suicide attempt. That would work for a short amount of time but what would stop this man from threatening suicide again? The short term prospects were very tempting but her loyalty to maintaining harmony within Satan City kept her from acting on it. She needed a long term solution.
So what would drive a gay man away? Well, they weren't interested in woman, that was for sure. It'd be stupid to try and pass Saiyaman off as one, especially since he was obviously a guy. Perhaps she should tell the guy that Saiyaman was her boyfriend or something. Videl immediately trashed that idea. There was no way she would be romantically linked to a guy who wore a trash can on his head. Unfortunately, that was the only avenue that showed the most promise.
Perhaps she didn't need to declare a relationship with Saiyaman. It was possible if she and him had some display of a relationship that would be enough to accomplish her task. Besides, she could shoot down any possibility of further attachment later. Though not the best idea around, it would have to do.
With that in mind, Videl spun around, facing a surprised Saiyaman. Before he could react, the Satan girl grabbed the collar of his green gi shirt and pulled him down towards her. The next thing the hero or gay man knew, Videl had her lips pressed onto Saiyaman's, stunning both of them, though for different reasons.
A few moments later, Videl broke the kiss and looked towards the gay man, who looked as if he were on the verge of tears. "It…it can't be!" the man gasped. "It's just not fair! Why do all the cute ones have to be taken?!"
A smirk grew on Videl's face. Her ploy had worked like a charm. Now it was time to collect on the hero's promise to her.
"Alright Saiyaman, its time we had a talk," the Satan girl declared as she grabbed the still dazed hero and pulled him away from the emotionally shattered gay man; all three oblivious to the helicopter hovering across the street.
Chichi stared at the TV set shocked. There, on the screen, was her little boy in his Saiyaguy costume, kissing that hussy that had showed up during the weekend. Her son…was kissing a girl…on TV.
She knew it! That girl just wanted to get into her son's pants! She was just like all of those city tramps with their lusty motives. There was no way she was gonna let that hussy destroy the innocents of her oldest child; nuh uh, no way. She'd be dead and buried before she would let that happen!
That was when the voice of the reporter catching the scene made himself known. "Well, that's young love for ya. I'm sure the citizens of Satan City will approve of this little romance between the Great Saiyaman and Satan City's own Videl Satan. As everyone knows, Videl is the daughter of Hercule Satan, the man who defeated Cell. Phone calls have been made to Satan Manor but as of yet, there have been no replies.
Chichi just stared at the screen, her anger draining out of her. Satan? That girl was the daughter of that fraud that got rich off of her son's achievement?
And if that was the case, that meant this Videl girl was also rich. Wheels began turning inside the mother's head. Perhaps she needed to stop by her son's school again…
With the crisis of the jumper thankfully over, Gohan found himself in a completely new predicament. After receiving a kiss from the girl he thought would rather kill him with an ice pick, the demi-saiyan now found himself alone with her. He had made a deal with the devil girl and she wanted to collect.
"Well, I've held my end of the bargain," the Satan girl said, "now it's your turn. Take off the helmet, Saiyaman."
To say the boy was nervous would be quite the understatement. "A-are you sure you wouldn't want anything else? I'm sure we can make a much better arrangement."
"Zip it, Saiyaman. You said you'd do anything for my help and I want you to show me who you are. Now get to it before I remove your lungs and use them as footballs."
Gohan sighed. There was no way out of this. Sure, he could've flown away but it was only a matter of time before the Satan girl would hunt him down again and demand to know his identity. He got the feeling though, she'd be a lot less nice about her asking if he did that.
Moving his hands to his head, the Son boy gripped his helmet and slid it off.
For a moment, Videl just stared at his face. A second later, the girl shouted out "I knew it! I just knew you were Saiyaman!" Pumping a fist into the air, Videl took on the look of a kid that just found out what she was getting for Christmas.
Gohan just sighed again. Well, his secret was out. He was completely at the Satan girl's mercy as to what she'd do with this knowledge. Would she keep it to herself? Hold a press conference to announce his identity to the world? Something even more sinister?
What Videl eventually did caught him off guard. Walking up to him, the Satan girl patted his check with his hand, a grin on her face. "Cheer up! I would've found out sooner or later."
Gohan just nodded his head, not even trusting himself to make a verbal reply.
Still looking at him with her grin, the Satan girl said "You know, we should probably head back to school. We've already missed first period."
The Son boy let out a cry of despair. "I completely forgot about school! My mom's gonna kill me if she finds out I wasn't in class!"
Videl shook her head in amusement. "Tell ya what Gohan; ride with me in my jet copter and I'll make an excuse for you. Probably something with Sharpner bugging you."
Gohan blinked at the girl, surprised. "You'd do that?"
"Sure, it's the least I can do for you since you have been helping out."
However, despite the generous offer from the Satan girl, Gohan got an uneasy feeling that he was about to be making more concessions to the girl. Knowing his luck, she'd find some way to get flying lessons out of him.
This day just couldn't get any better. Not only had Videl finally been able to confirm her suspicions that Son Gohan and the Great Saiyaman were one and the same, but now she could add flying lessons from the boy for helping him out with his tardiness. The guy just couldn't stop thanking her for helping him out, he actually wanted to repay her in some way.
Yet another opening the Satan girl used to her advantage.
Now that she was knew that flight was possible, without aid from machines, she'd be flying high in the sky in no time! Boy, wouldn't her dad be surprised when she showed him her new ability!
Unfortunately, the two teens ran into the last person either of them wanted to see at the moment. Standing in front of the school was Sharpner, who was approaching the jet copter as if he were a man on a mission.
As Videl got out of the copter, along with Gohan after he had changed his clothes, the Satan girl could feel her temper rising. It always did that when she wasn't in the mood to deal with the annoying blond jock.
"Videl! I was so worried about you!" the blond exclaimed as he held out his arms in an attempt to hug her. In response, Videl ducked the hug and walked towards the front door of the school, leaving Sharpner to wonder where the girl had gone as she wasn't in his loving arms.
Gohan soon appeared next to her as they approached the school. Neither one talking as they left their "friend" behind. Truthfully, they had had enough of the guy for the day and it would be too soon if they heard from him again.
Yet, fate would throw another obstacle in their way; this time in the form of Son Chichi. However, unlike the last time Videl had met the woman, the Son mother seemed more remorseful.
Seeing her son with the Satan girl, Chichi prepared herself for what she was about to do. "Hello," she greeted.
Videl didn't respond as Gohan beat her to the punch. "Mom? What are you doing here?"
Taking a deep breath, the Son woman said to Gohan "I've had a bit of time to think about what happened yesterday and I just feel horrible with the way I treated your lady friend." Looking to Videl, she continued "I'd like to apologize for my actions."
The Satan girl's eyes blinked. O…kay…this was weird. She had been expecting more of a violent rampage instead of an apology. "Umm…thanks, I guess. Apology accepted."
Chichi smiled warmly. "Would you like to stop by the house this weekend? Spend some time with the family."
Suddenly, Sharpner made his presence known. "That sounds like a great idea! Me and the boys can bond while you ladies can cook me dinner. We'd be like a family!"
Simultaneously, large veins began throbbing on the dark headed women's heads. If that boy said one more things, just one insignificant word, he was gonna pay.
"Then the three of us can get friendlier in the bedroom, if you know what I mean."
The students of Orange Star High just stared into the sky. They had seen some strange things in their time but this one had to take the cake.
Hanging from the flagpole was a beaten Sharpner. Bruises and trickles of blood covered his body, or at least the parts the students could see of him. There was no doubt that who ever had beaten him up had done some damage to his covered body parts.
Yet the strangest thing wasn't that he was beaten up or even up on a flag pole. It was how he hanging from the pole. Sharpner hung five feet from the very top of the flagpole, leaning forward as overstretched underwear emerged from his pants. The waistband of his briefs was wrapped around the top of the pole. Many people couldn't help but hold their backsides as they imagined how painful the wedgie the jock was receiving was.
As more and more students stared at the scene, one of the teens said "Wow, I never knew Sharpner wore bunny rabbit underwear."
To STD: An amusing story you say? I guess you need to show me the way to it. Is it already on ffn?
To Sigfried Wild: A crazy and insane story with some logical flow too! A bleeding Gohan is a funny Gohan after all.
And this is the end of Come To Daddy. A bit short to my usual work but that just how everything was planned. There was a very nice turn out for this fic and that just puts a smile on my face. Thanks to all who reviewed this story. You make writing stories worthwhile.
It may be anothe long while before you see my pretty name again. Have to think of some sort of fic that would be worth ya'lls time. If readers can't enjoy a story, then there's not much point in writing it. Thanks again!
RyRy tested; MaMa approved.