A/N: I am so sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted, and also for the fact I'm leaving it at a cliffhanger. I've had this part written for a while now but didn't post it because I wanted to add more, but since the lazy muse isn't cooperating, and I've had requests for an update, I won't make y'all wait any longer. I will try...note the word try...not to make y'all wait this long for the next part. Thanks for hanging in with me. I love you all!
Sam was really getting into the kiss when Holly pushed him back a little, ending it. He looked down at her, puzzled, when she cupped his face and said, her voice soft and, Sam noticed, a little shaky, "Sam? Give me a minute?"
"What's wrong, Hol?" When she closed her eyes and turned her head to the side, Sam rolled off her and propped himself on his arm to look down at her. He took one of her hands in his and rested them on her stomach, wanting to be touching her somehow.
Holly took a deep breath, then looked up at Sam and said, her voice quavery, "I'm scared."
"About what?" Sam asked, wondering if she was uncertain in the same way he was.
Holly reached up and ran her thumb over his bottom lip, playing with it lightly, as she gathered her thoughts. Sam watched the expressions flit over her face and waited, wanting to give her the time she needed to talk with him. When her thumb passed over his lips, he pursed his mouth and kissed the pad of it, then leaned his head down just enough to draw the digit in his mouth, and sucked on it.
Holly smiled, relaxing a bit, then said, looking back into Sam's eyes, "Last year, before you moved here, I went out with a boy. He was in one of my classes, and I really liked him—"
Sam didn't like what he guessed was coming. Little twinges of unease snaked through him, and even though he knew he needed to listen to her, he didn't want to hear it either. "What happened?"
Holly cleared her throat then said, her voice husky, "We went out several times, and I thought things were going really good. He treated me nice, and Mom and Dad liked him. Then one night, when we were in his car, he...he..."
Sam felt a rage engulf him; so sure that Holly was going to tell him she'd been raped. I'll kill the fucker he swore silently, bile rushing into his throat, the rapid thrums of his heart rushing in his ears. He pushed it back so he could hear Holly when she continued to speak, but it was a struggle.
She rushed to reassure him. "He didn't rape me, Sam. I can see that look in your eyes."
He wasn't a fucking bit surprised she could see his rage. The sonofabitch used her, and Sam knew if he could find him, he'd tear him limb from limb. He trembled with the need to take out his fierce anger out on the fucker.
He refused to take it out on Holly, though. She needed him to calm down and listen. He closed his eyes and worked to let go of his outrage, then opened them to look back at her. "Then what happened, Hol? He scared you, I see that. What did the asshole do?" Sam drew their clasped hands up to his lips and kissed the back of her hand, trying to calm them both.
"He just got a little too enthusiastic. He didn't...didn't bother to get me—" she paused, and Sam thought he knew what she was trying to say.
"He didn't get you ready?" Sam whispered, and it was then he wanted to thank Dean for the discussion they'd had a few days earlier. Without the information Dean had shared, he wouldn't have understood what Holly was trying to admit to him.
Holly met his gaze, and Sam read the relief in her soft blue eyes. She nodded and said, "It was my first and only time, Sam, and it wasn't good. It hurt. He rutted and figured, I guess, that because he got off, I did too."
"How is that not rape, Hol?" Sam asked. "The sonofabitch just took from you without giving back." He felt weak and helpless that he hadn't been there to protect her, and it pissed him off.
"It wasn't rape, Sam. I wanted him. I don't blame him for how it turned out. I guess he was just impatient or something. It would have been nice if he'd thought of me and how I felt at the time, but..." she shrugged, and it hurt Sam that she was so willing to forgive. He couldn't, though. He refused to.
He figured Holly saw in his eyes how upset he was. When she drew Sam down and kissed him, he resisted lightly at first, then he kissed her back, sweet, gentle. "I'm not like that, Hol. With us, when we do it, it'll all be for you," he promised then wanting so badly to replace her bad memories with new, better ones, he drew her back for another kiss, but it was much more than that.
Their mouths meshed together, and tongues thrust, and Sam wanted to devour her, eat her up, from the hot taste of her mouth all the way down her body, only this time, he'd make sure it would be good for her. Forget about him and how all he wanted was to be buried to the hilt inside her. When they finally made love, and Sam knew that's what it would be for him, it'd be all for her. He didn't matter. She did.
After the shock to his system from Holly's admission, Sam didn't want to rush her straight from the park to the motel. He knew they both needed time to settle their minds. He couldn't do for her what he wanted to unless he got his head on straight, and it took some time to do it, his fury was that strong. He wanted revenge; he needed it so much he could almost taste it, but the time for it was past, and he didn't want to hurt Holly by beating the shit out of the guy when she'd moved beyond it and let it go. He figured he'd try to do the same, as hard as it was, because it was for her. She was too important to him not to try.
It was late morning, and Sam's stomach rumbled. Since Dean hadn't packed a lunch for them (it'd just been beer, which didn't surprise Sam) he helped Holly to her feet, and after gathering up the blanket, bag and cooler, they made their way back to the car.
The stuff returned to the back seat, Sam playfully tickled Holly and stole kisses from her, making her squeal and giggle. He captured her, and held her against the warm heat of the car, his tall body pressing all along her shorter, more delicate one. The feel of her, the way their bodies aligned so perfectly to one another, Sam's young libido soon asserted itself, and he felt himself grow rock hard against the softness of her.
Laughter subsided, and when Sam looked down at Holly and saw how her eyes had gone from their baby blue to a darker, smoky shade, he knew she wanted him as much as he did her. He ran a hand over her left cheek, and admitted, his voice deep and husky, "I want you so much, Hol. I want to grab you up and race with you to the motel, and stay there with you all day, but I don't want to rush you."
Leaning her face into his hand, Holly closed her eyes a moment then said, her voice equally soft and low, "I'm okay, Sam. I know you're upset by what I told you, but it's over and done. Let it go, okay? Please?" Her eyes, moist and pleading, ripped into him, and Sam knew he couldn't refuse her anything.
He dipped his head in acquiescence. "Okay." He let her tug his head down to kiss him, and he felt some of his fury over the situation fall away.
When his belly rumbled again, more loudly than before, Holly giggled and slipped a hand between them to rub it soothingly. "Let's go get you some food. You're growling like a bear."
They spent the next couple hours in a diner, eating, talking, holding hands...putting off going to the motel. Sam wanted Holly, and he knew she wanted him, but for Sam, making love for the first time was a momentous thing, and as much as he wanted to be with her, he was nervous that he wouldn't make it good for her especially after what she'd gone through with the asshole.
Sam saw in Holly's eyes that she was as nervous as he was, and that somehow made it easier for him. Knowing it wouldn't get any easier with time, he reached for her hand and asked, his voice soft and low, "Are you ready, baby?" He could read in her eyes she knew what he meant.
When she nodded, he rose from the bench seat they'd been sharing and helped her up then hand in hand, he led her from the diner and into the car.
Sam was surprised by the motel room Dean provided for them; it wasn't like some of the run-down places they had stayed in over the years. It was actually a nice one, and the room itself was clean, and decorated in tones of smoky blue and beige, unlike some of the more unusually-themed rooms they'd stayed in in the past. Silently thanking his brother, Sam followed Holly into the room, and closed the door behind him with a soft click.
Holly turned to face him, a small nervous smile crossing her face. She held her hands clasped in front of her, and her gaze hit on everything in the room but the queen-size bed that dominated the space.
Sam moved to stand in front of her, and took her hands in his. Already knowing the answer, he still asked, "Nervous?"
Holly nodded and replied, "Yeah, I am. Are you?" Her blue eyes were huge in her face.
Sam nodded back. "Yeah, but I don't wanna wait anymore." He bent down and kissed her, and when their lips met, Sam felt it to his bones.…