Millefiore version of A Very Varia Xmas. Yes, it's early but if I don't post now, it'll probably just stay buried in my harddrive.

A Merry Millefiore XXXmas

It was the most dangerous time of year. A time when mistletoe covered the base ceilings and psychotic bosses potentially lurked around every corner, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting White Spell captains. We mean, of course, Triple-Xmas, which is not three, but 30 times sexier than any normal Xmas.

Shouichi reluctantly showed up to the party, lured by promises to allow deejay.

"Merry XXXmas, Irie-sama," the Cervello chorused, launching twin smooch attacks on Shouichi's cheeks. Like Shouichi and the other White Spells, they were wearing red, fur-trimmed versions of their uniforms. The Black Spells wore green, which ironically made them look like second-class elves.

"Gyah!" Shouichi stumbled back in surprise, glasses askew as he swiped a palm across his cheek. "Must you do that?"

"Mistletoe," was the chorused response.

Shouichi stepped away from under the dangerous plant and bumped into the refreshment table.

"Peeps~ peeps~ we need more peeps~" Glo-Xinia twitched with creepy intensity generally reserved for rings and Vongola mist guardians, and members of his Wisteria Squad ran to grab more boxes of the marshmallow fluffs shaped like snowmen and snow-capped 'XXXmas trees' (which were either dildos or cocks... Shouichi couldn't decide which was less brain-breaking to imagine Byakuran swallowing up by the fistfuls).

"Captain Irie~ Would you like to eat me?" The magician's doll's current form was that of a life-sized gingerbread man (boy), with star-candy eyes, chocolate buttons, and frosted white trim. He coyly played with the sparkly red ribbon tied around his neck with round cookie hands. "I'm yummy yummy paa~"

"Better not," Spanner advised, handing Shouichi one of his lollipops, in a limited edition red-and-white striped peppermint flavor. He nodded past Shouichi. "Byakuran just spotted you."

"Shou-chan~! You're finally here~!" Byakuran waved his arms, calling attention to the forest of mistletoe positioned strategically above him.

Shouichi whipped back to Spanner. "Maybe he didn't see me look over."


Byakuran pouted as his second-in-command ignored him, shoulder blades drawn tight in annoyance or fear. He then brightened and started belting out a new carol, soon to be a hit XXXmas classic, to the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

"Shou-chan the red-haired White Spell~
Had a very fiery bush~
And if you ever saw it~
Byakuran will fry your tush~"

"Byakuran-san!" Shouichi rushed over, mortified.

"Ah-ah, it's Shou-chan~!" Byakuran beamed, placing mittened hands on Shouichi's burning cheeks. "You're so red. Are you drunk?"

"I think you're the one who's drunk."

"Just on the holiday cheer," Byakuran admitted cheerfully before leaning in for a kiss.

And then another.

And then another.

"Byakuran-san! That's enough!"

"Tsk tsk, Shou-chan! You know the rules. A kiss for every mistletoe~"

" many are up there?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out~!"

Genkishi watched jealously as Byakuran continued his makeout session, Frenching through Shouichi's token resistance.

It wasn't fair. Genkishi had stepped inside the circle of molestation about twenty times already, a ribbon tied into a fancy bow in his middle of his naked torso and a gift tag that said "For Byakuran-sama" hanging off one newly pierced nipple, without getting a single obligatory peck on the forehead.

"Hey, Gen-chan," Byakuran leaned toward him conspiratorially, and Genkishi perked up. Was this finally his once-in-a-lifetime-time invite, the five-minute up-against-the-bathroom-wall, pants-bunched-around-his-ankles pity sex?

"Did you know? Ply Shou-chan with enough liquor and he becomes a kissing monster."

"I do not!"

"Actually, you do, cap~tain," Iris purred, draping herself over Shouichi's shoulders, ample boobs pressing against his back as she flicked her tongue at his ear.

"Argh!" Shouichi wrenched away, seeking refuge from girl cooties with Byakuran, who gave Iris the thumbs up.

Iris winked back as she continued, "Remember when Gamma goaded you into a drinking contest?"

"Oh really?" Byakuran smiled, grip on Shouichi tightening. "Sounds fun. I'd kill to hear the story~"

Gamma, who was taking full advantage of the open bar across the room, felt a sudden shiver run down his spine.

"What's wrong, aniki?"

"The princess? Where is she?"

"Tazaru-aniki took her to take pictures with Santa."

Gamma frowned, trying to think through his inebriated haze. There was something really disturbing with that seemingly innocent statement. What was it again?

"Ushishishishishishi!" Siel cackled from his throne.

Uni looked up at him with dead eyes, expressionless but for the slight tremble to her lower lip.

"Don't be shy, princess," Santa Siel coaxed. "Come sit on my lap, and tell this prince what you want!"

Olgert elbowed Tazaru aside and set Uni down on Siel's lap.

"Were you a good little princess?" Siel hummed, bouncing her in his lap as one manicured hand curled around her shoulder.

"..." Uni nodded hesitantly.

"You listened to everything Byakuran-sama said?"

Another hesitant nod.

"Goo~d girl." Siel patted her head as she shrank away and cowered like an frightened bunny. Siel then reached into the bag marked 'toys' (which was a lot more full than the blood-spattered bag marked 'lump of gore', seeing as the Millefiore was classified as an evil organization, even on their tax forms) and handed her a little souvenir of their visit.

"Be sure to put out some cold milk and double chunk chocolate chip cookies or I'll kill your entire family and make you bake them in the oven for me, ushishishishishi~"

Olgert snapped a shot of them, Siel grinning ear-to-ear and a deer-in-the-headlights Uni clutching her pink plastic pedo-sized XXXmas tree with glow-in-the-dark and vibrating feature.

Of course, everyone knew plastic could never compare, but they certainly lasted longer than the real thing, chopped from the source.

"Princess, are you alright?" Gamma asked in concern, knees hitting the floor as he checked her over for injuries.

"Attention, all captains and vice captains."

"Please come to the center for the traditional game of drunken musical chairs," the Cervello tag-teamed the announcement before Uni could answer.

Gamma suppressed the urge to grab Uni and run, knowing there was nothing he could do to get them out of this. It was no secret that this was Byakuran's favorite XXXmas event and even less of a secret why.

"Let's go, Shou-chan~!" Byakuran placed himself behind Shouichi and patted his bottom affectionately.

An unnamed F-ranked 6th Squad member started the music - The Pineapple Song of all things - and the Millefiore heads started to move, some normally (the bureaucrats), others dragging (the sane ones), and yet others skipping and turning with the music (the evil smiley ones who ended their sentences with a '~' and characters not supported by ffnet, i.e. most of White Spell).

The music suddenly stopped and everyone unnecessarily fell over themselves and battled with boxes, trying to secure a seat and participation in the next round. Unnecessary because...

"Oops. You beat me, Shou-chan~" Byakuran said happily from where he was straddling Shouichi, fingers entwined around Shouichi's neck as he made absolutely no effort to find another seat. "And look, it happens to be under mistletoe!"


"Everyone who found a chair, takes a shot of vodka and continues. Anyone without a chair is out."

Byakuran turned to Genkishi. "Gen-chan, I need your spot."

"As you command, Byakuran-sama."

So Genkishi was the first casualty, and everyone took a shot except for Uni. Gamma gallantly downed her share and was no more disadvantaged than anyone else despite hitting the bottles since he had stumbled out of bed at ten.

Unsurprisingly, when the music screeched to a halt once again, Shouichi found himself with a lap full of Byakuran and a ceiling dangling mistletoe once more.

"Goddamnit, Byakuran-san. That's not how you play the game!" Shouichi flustered.

This time, Baishana played sacrifice.

"...are you going to do this every time?" Tried patience.

Nigella, out.

"You're heavy. If you do this one more time, I swear, I'll lose on purpose." Futile threat.

Iris, cut.

"..." Uni looked on uncertainly, the only one without a seat.

"Over here, princess, ushishishishi~" Siel beckoned, crooking a finger at her while holding up a sprig of mistletoe over his head.

Uni took three hasty steps back, bumping and falling backward into someone's lap.

It was Byakuran, who was properly sitting on a non-Shouichi chair. "Uni-chan~ did you drop in to get a kiss~?" he teased.


Shouichi, lap lonely and vacant for the first round in the game, looked confused and conflicted. Gamma was anything but. He scooped up Uni and defiantly stepped back. "We're out."

Gamma and Uni, double forfeit.

Maybe it was the double shots or the previous shots now taking effect, but Shouichi felt heady with dread and anticipation as they stumbled messily around once more. Because Byakuran had found a chair on the opposite side during the last round, they were far apart in the circle. It wouldn't be easy for Byakuran to get through the mess of bodies into Shouichi's lap once more. But it was Byakuran, so surely he'd find a way.

Shouichi shook his head, trying to clear his mind. What was he thinking? It was almost as if... as if...


There was the usual mad scramble for seats and when the dust settled, in Shouichi's lap was...!


"You can't do that, Ginger-kun," Byakuran chastised, smiling his God-kills-a-kitten-everytime-I-secretly-watch-Shou-chan-masturbate-and-do-you-see-any-kittens-around? smile. "No matter how cute and tempting my Shou-chan is~"

It was just the alcohol. There was no other reason that Shouichi's face felt aflame as Byakuran took his rightful place on Shouichi's lap and gave him another kiss.

"Glo-kun, you're out," Byakuran said genially, and Glo-Xinia took the fall for his vice captain's crime.

Everyone silently wondered at that until halfway through the next round, when Gingerbread "mysteriously" lost his head while the music played.

The kiss tasted of ginger, sugar, and a hint of cinnamon. "Mmm... delicious," Byakuran chuckled, gazing straight into Shouichi's eyes.

Shouichi felt strangely touched and no, it wasn't because Byakuran had progressed to inappropriate touching. Blushing, Shouichi reached up and thumbed the crumbs from the corners of Byakuran's mouth. When Byakuran interpreted the action as invitation for another kiss, Shouichi didn't bother pointing out that there was only one mistletoe overhead. He may have even initiated the third kiss.

Gingerbread, eaten.

And the game continued on, with the number of players and their coordination reducing and the individual blood alcohol level rising. Shouichi felt the final scraps of his resistance flee with inhibitions and common sense sometime after the twelfth elimination.


"Shou-chan~ Hey, Shou-chan~"

Shouichi groggily cracked his eyes open and immediately wished he hadn't.

Byakuran. Next to him. Naked. Covered with kiss marks. Everywhere.

It was last XXXmas all over again.

Even his mouth had that familiar taste of booze, vomit, peeps, and...

Shouichi groaned and pulled the blankets over his head, burrowing himself in denial.

Tomorrow, he'd have to face his snickering troops, a raging hangover, and all the implausible truths and persuasive lies versions of the night that Byakuran would spin for his own amusement.

But right now, he was just utterly, utterly smashed.

Byakuran burrowed in with him, marking Shouichi with a kiss of his own.

"Merry Triple-Xmas, Shou-chan~"


The End.


The Pineapple Song - google it. It's the perfect song for drunken musical chairs. :D

As a group, Millefiore doesn't have the same dysfunctional-but-family appeal as the Varia, but I really like the individuals. I hope we see Gingerbread, Glo-kun, and Gen-chan again~ (cause really, does ANYONE die and stay dead in Reborn?)


November 14, 2009