Gibbs walked out of the elevator, coffee in hand, a blissful morning strut; the way he walked in a day where no one called with bad news, and no known terrorists were in the viscinity so they weren't his problem. Yes, it had been a good day. No marines shot dead, no navy families threatened or slaughtered, nope just a day for catching up on paperwork; his favorite kind of day.
Gibbs had just come from lunch, thoroughly enjoying his slow day. His team, on the other hand, were going a little stir crazy, but he had learned to tune them out years ago. It all had to do with the fact that they pretty much argued about the same thing over again. After awhile it becomes easy to tune out their childish babblings: he was referring of course to Officer David and Agent DiNozzo.
"All I'm saying is that between you and McGee, who I'd introduce to my mother…"
"…If your mother was still alive."
"Yes, if my mother was still living, it would be McGee, I don't see what you are having trouble with Tony, you asked a simple question I gave you a simple answer."
"It's the answer I don't get."
"What's not to get?" Ziva's voice could be heard from the elevator doors at this point they were arguing so loud.
"It's McGee, McGoo, Elflord, your mother won't understand anything he says, and definitely question your taste in men," said Tony exasperated.
"As opposed to you?" said Ziva giving him a questioning look.
"What's wrong with me, Mom's love me: they find me charming," you could practically see the narcisim dripping out of DiNozzo's smile.
"That's the point DiNozzo, you'd just flirt with her mother all evening, who wants that?" said Gibbs walking into the bullpen in his usual style.
"It's almost gotten me married a couple of times boss," said Tony.
"To their mothers?" said McGee looking quite lost at this point.
"No Mcgigglepuss, not their mothers," said Tony, resisting the urge to Gibbs-slap McGee's head.
Gibbs sat down at his desk, and took a sip of the caffeinated liquid in the Styrofoam cup. Then returning to his blissful deskwork of signing, resigning, and sipping.
"So you'd rather have your mother meet McGee than me?"
"Yes DiNozzo, will you drop it, thankfully neither of you will ever have to meet my mother."
At this moment the elevator nearest Gibbs that went down to Abby's Lab and the Morgue dinged and the doors opened. Abby and Ducky came out. Ducky had Abby engaged in an intriguing story about a Puerto Rican princess that he had crossed paths with back in the 'good ole days.'
"I was just a young traveler, sitting at the bar, drinking a lovely concoction of rum, coke and I think vodka, when suddenly a flash of red had caught my eye. I turned my head and there was this beautiful woman, wearing the most brilliant red gown I had ever seen. I don't know what possessed me but suddenly I got up and asked her to dance, through some chance of fate she accepted and her and I were entangled in a very thrilling tango. Well we danced what seems for hours and when the song finally finished she asked me to join her for an evening walk, I wasn't inclined to say no, before I knew it we were entangled in another sort of dance…"
"Telling Abby the story of The Puerto Rican Princess," said Gibbs not even looking up from his paperwork.
"Well, she really wasn't a princess, but she is what you'd envision a Puerto Rican princess would look like," said Ducky.
"So what? You had your little tryst then parted ways?" said Abby, nudging Ducky to urge on with the story.
"Oh no, we had several encounters after that, we talked, we laughed, we danced, so much so that I think I fell for her after awhile," said Ducky.
"So what happened?" said Abby, fully engaged in the story now.
"Turns out she was married to a Puerto Rican political dignitary, who had found out about our little get togethers, and thought I was trying to steal his beautiful wife from him. The last time I saw her she had come into my room one night, begging me to get out of Puerto Rico while I could before her husband's men found me and used my head as a foot rest. I escaped with my bag of things out the balcony, just as the soldiers burst through my hotel room door," Ducky said to the wide-eyed Abby.
"It sound like this one movie…"
"Tony…Zip it! I wanna hear this," said Abby firmly.
"Well, my dear, I ran down the street with bullets at my heels and managed to sneak aboard a small cargo ship called 'The Apocalypse,' which sailed me to a island in the Caribbean where I managed to pay for a ticket to Tijuana. Till this day, my head is still wanted in Puerto Rico, even though my Puerto Rican princess…"
"Puerto Rican wife of a dignitary," corrected Gibbs.
"Yes, well, anyways she's probably long-forgotten me," said Ducky rather sadly.
"Oh Ducky, I severely doubt that, you wouldn't be that easy to forget, she probably still thinks about you," said Abby putting her arm around him in comfort.
"I severely doubt that she's been dead for five years," said Ducky rather non-chalantly.
Abby couldn't help at how Ducky's moods switched so easily from a sort of morose and regretful tone to a sudden 'whatever' attitude in a comical fashion, it was one of his charms.
Gibbs finally looked up from his paperwork, staring at the pair who had walked randomly into his bullpen.
"Is there a reason you two are here?" he said inquisitively.
"Oh, Director Vance asked us up here," said Abby.
"Why?" asked Gibbs.
"Because I want to speak with all of you," said Director Vance from his perch on the stairwell.
"What's happened?" said Ziva with some concern.
"Nothings happened, not really, " Vance looked at the group giving him confused faces, "I have a mission for you guys; we were given a tip about a potential terrorist threat hiding out at a very…unusual, um, get together."
"What the heck are you talking about Vance?" said Gibbs.
"It's a gay pride couples thing, I'm sending you guys to Happy Days Gay Couples Retreat," said Vance rather uncomfortably.
Tony gulped rather comically, Ducky turned beet red, McGee coughed awkwardly, Ziva shifted from one foot to the other, and Gibbs just gave Vance 'the stare.'
"Are you saying that…" Ducky started breaking the awkward silence.
"Yes Dr. Mallard, you all are going undercover as," Vance coughed a way a snorkel, "Gay couples."
"I get Ziva!" cried Tony suddenly.
"I'm sorry DiNozzo, I said gay couples," said Vance.
"We could pull off a heterosexual gay couple," said Tony, practically pleading.
Vance decided to get past Tony's awkward moment and press on.
"Abby and Ziva, you'll be assuming the persona's of Molly Ringback and Mel Viah, female couple, living together for three years, and having a bit of couple trouble, that's why you are attending this retreat," said Vance, handing both ladies a separate file folder containing the details of the characters.
"Tony and McGee, you'll be assuming the roles of Fernando and Tyler, domestic partners attending the retreat to bond together in body, mind and spirit," Vance was trying so hard not to laugh.
"There will be no bonding, AT ALL! Of body, mind or spirit," said Tony in the most intimidating face he could muster, "got that clear Timmy Mcgoogle."
"The thought had never crossed my mind Fernando," said McGee with a smirk.
"And last but not least, long time life partners, Harlan and Goosey," said Vance, this time a smile broke through the façade of seriousness Vance had tried to keep through this whole briefing.
"Goosey?" said Ducky, with his best 'you-gotta-be-kidding-me' face.
"Long-time life partners?" said Gibbs with the same face plastered on his face as Ducky had. This made Vance lose it, it was all too good, he wished this was a prank, because then he could take the credit of making the whole team squirm, but unfortunately this mission was real, and he was going to die from laughter.
"Why do I have to do this?" said Gibbs.
"I say we just send in the girls," said DiNozzo.
"Yeah, you just want front seats to hopefully some girl on girl action," said Abby playfully.
"It's in his nature, he immediately goes to that place," said Ziva, with a certain mock-disgust
"Goosey?" said Ducky with even more disbelief.
"Good luck on your mission," said Vance trying not to fall on the floor laughing, this was going to be a most interesting week.