Shuck

Just 'cause I watched iFind Lewbert's Lost Love and wondered what would happen if Chuck and Sam interacted for more than a second. Chuck's P.O.V, maybe slightly OOC for some people, but we don't see the guy enough to know what really goes on in his head, so this is my interpretation. Bit of fluff, really, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

Disclaimer: Don't own iCarly. Don't do this for money. This you know. Buy me meringue.

This would be my master plan. I was bored putting off my extra algebra homework and it occurred to me – what to do? Then it occurred to me – Get Spencer.

There are few joys in the world so potent as pulling a prank on your arch-nemesis, particularly when you have 'borrowed' the freaky doorman's keys and can thus enter your target's room whenever you feel like to fill their underwear draw with spray cheese, and maybe mousetraps, should the mood take me.

So I unlocked the apartment, armed with my chosen arsenal, and there she entered my life, derailing all trains of thought and making them crash down into the junkyard of my soul.

"YOU FIENDISH LITTLE DEMON!" the dorky boy who I've seen lives in the apartment opposite screeched at her.

She just grinned like a cream-filled Cheshire Cat and danced around the counter out of his reach as he chased her, blushing.

"Who the heck says words like 'fiendish'?"

"How did you even hack into my Splashface account, anyway?" he snarled viciously like a pit-bull. Well…hmm…less a pit-bull, more a rabid Chihuahua.

Her whip-smart wit sang into my ears, as she replied, "Isn't hard when your password is 'ilovegalaxywars'."

"You didn't have to put that I was in a relationship with my mom!"

"Chillax, dude, I've totally changed it."

He stopped his pointless pursuit and said sceptically, "Really?"

She nodded, taking a bite out of a leg of fried chicken before adding, "Now it says you're in a relationship with Gibby."

"SAM!" he growled, chasing again, as she ran and laughed hysterically.

"I'd have thought you'd be more worried about the jello I put in your backpack this morning," she revealed with a flash of brilliant teeth.

He stared at her and shot upstairs, and I was glad he was out of the picture and hadn't noticed me (I have NINJA SKILLZ!!), because now…well, now we were alone.

And there she was, the girl, the soul mate, the everything, all wrapped up into one little bodacious blonde. This was incomprehensible, this was forbidden, but clearly love wears converse and eats fried chicken. My heart pounded so hard I was sure it would find its way free of my chest, but it didn't matter. Only she mattered.

The 'fiendish little demon" looked at me, barbecue sauce spattered daintily on her perfect cheek as she asked, "Who let this nub in?"

"Hi", I managed to squeak through my bubbling emotions, hoping I sounded manly. "I'm Chuck."

"Oh," she continued to stare at me. "You look like one of Freddie's loser friends, he's upstairs."

"NO," I said, composing myself, "I don't like Freddie."

"You and me both, kiddo," she buried her face in the chicken bucket and I found myself with a dopey smile unfortunately glued to my face,.

"I'm glad," I said, walking towards her, each step feeling like the jello she's apparently had the genius idea of stuffing into the dork's backpack. "Because he's not right for you."

Her head jumped out of the bucket and the confusion on her face made her look so adorable, and I could smell the barbecue sauce on her lips, the aroma intoxicating me and feeding my confidence.

"You need a man with a fire that burns as hot as yours does, " I soothed, getting closer and closer, "a man who understands your primal nature and relishes it. A man who can tame your feral ways and love you truly, madly, deeply…"my eyes closed as my face moved still closer to hers as she sat, transfixed.

"Isn't that a song?" she asked.

"Ssh," I said, muffling her by spraying the spray cheese into her mouth.

"WHAT is going on here?!" I was shaken from my Heaven as that annoying Carly made her way down the stairs, wearing an expression of amusement. I watched Sam redden as she cleared her throat and pushed me to the ground.

"One of Freddie's weirdo friends acting freaky," she explained, wiping the cheese onto her sleeve.

I got up on one knee and gazed into her endless eyes, "Won't you be the Bonnie to my Clyde?" I whispered.

Carly failed to contain a laugh as she turned my girl and said in a stupid voice, "Oh my gosh…he LOVES you!"

And then she may as well have punched me in the kidneys, as those sparkling eyes widened and she spat, "WHAT?!"

"This doesn't concern you," I spat at Carly, but by now it was too late, and the blonde whirlwind had raced up the stairs, screaming threats at Freddie.

"Did Freddie put you up to this?" Carly asked, a glint in her eye.

"Uh…yeah! Yeah, it was all a big joke!" I lied, my heart and soul in tatters. "I gotta go, I'm supposed to be grounded."

And with that I left, doomed to leave my love unrequited, and instead made video montages of my devious should-be girlfriend from downloaded episodes of iCarly. Ours is a forbidden love. The best kind.

Hope you liked. If you did or didn't, I still love reviews. I'd like to know what you thought! And if you want to read more of my crazy stuff, I have 2 other iCarly stories in progress, so click my profile and have a look, it's what they're there for!