Deathly Choices.

Chapter 1.


"Mom, please, can you put that fucking bottle down!"

"Excuse me? Who the fuck think you're talking to missy?! I am not one of your idiotic friends!"

"No, you're my mother and I'm sick of you being selfish! You don't care for me at all and you know what, I'm going to stop caring for you!"

"Oh, you too? First your brother and now you.. I knew your father would talk nonsense into you. Bullshit, it's all bullshit what he said! He broke up this family, not me!"

"Mother, not this again... Can you please get over that stupid divorce, it happened two years ago! You're making a wreck out of yourself, you can't even pay the bills anymore. Could you please, please stop drinking?"

"I am NOT ADDICTED, Chikako! I knew it, you look at me like I'm a freak. Like I'm a self-centered, poor, ugly drunk who can't keep herself or her children alive. You're just like everyone else. You know, if that's what you think, then maybe I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE ANYMORE. It's not like you care, or your brother."

"God, mom, no, I didn't mean it like that.. Please, put the kunai down. We can talk about this, we can fix it."

"Fix it? So that's what you really think. I'm broken. You're right, I'm making a wreck out of myself and I'm selfish. I'm going to end this selfishness now."

"Mom. Stop. Don't do it. I'm so sorry, I take it all back."

Tears dropped from my jaw on the wooden floor as she raised the black knife to her throat. I saw her hands shaking and I wanted to snatch it out of her hand, but I couldn't move. All I could was beg her not to do it.

"I'm better off dead, Chikako. You said you're going to stop caring. I have nothing to live for without you anyway."

"MOM, NO! PLEASE, GOD NO!"

Blood dripped off the knife and as her body collapsed on the floor in a pool of red liquid, so did mine.


I woke up screaming. My head was sweaty but I was feeling cold.

Another dream.

Another nightmare.

She died years ago and it was all my fault. I should've given her more chances. I shouldn't have been so heartless. I.. I..

Tears are falling down on my oversized T-shirt I usually sleep in. I've been waking up like this for the past... what seems like forever and always with those stupid tears. I don't know what I should've or could've done about it back then, but it's been eating me up alive.

Speaking of life... I glance at my alarmclock. It's seven o'clock already. Might as well get up. I swing my legs over the edge of my bed and stand up a little too fast, making my head rush. When it stops, I put my training gear on, take my Konoha forehead protector and leave. I never eat breakfast. I remember the times when my mother used to yell at me whenever I skipped it. She just forced me to eat it, sitting across of me at the table and staring at me and my bowl of rice. A smirk leaves my lips. At that time I hated her for it, but now I can only feel thankful. Anyway... There is no time to think about my past.

So I just dash for the door.

The moment I step out of my apartment, I stretch. An appetiting smell reaches my nose. It leads to the famous ramen shop, Ichiraku Ramen. 'Maybe I'll eat there tonight.' The thought of the delicious soup makes my mouth water. Oh well.. There is no time to spoil myself just yet.

Yesterday I was assigned a mission from Lady Tsunade. I have to look for a missing girl from the Sand, with the help of two other shinobi. The girl has been missing for years and despite the search of the Sand Village, they never found her. Normally, they'd given up on the search, but since the girl was a good friend of the nowadays Kazekage, the search has been going on for ages. Therefore, the mission was given to us. However, Lady Tsunade told me this could be a mission with a lot of risks. That's why I want to train harder this morning, I guess.

Training alone is boring, but I haven't found anyone yet who is capable enough to teach me new things. And if there is someone, that someone wouldn't have the time to train just me.

Once, there was a person like that. He was amazing. It was as if he never ran out of new things to teach. He was strict and determined to make me stronger and better, but meanwhile he was also kind and caring. Next to that, there was more than just a student-teacher-relationship, so training with him was never a bother to me.

No, I am not in love. At least, not anymore. After him breaking my heart and not seeing him for three years after it, I just developed more of a... Respect feeling for him. I look up to him, he is very strong and one day, I will defeat him. Although I doubt he remembers me, let alone recognizes me. It has been such a long time since we hung around each other and back then, I was kind of young. I have become more of a woman, so to say. And I dyed my hair from blonde to red.

Although, whenever I think back to him, I feel the blood rushing through my veins and I can't help but smile. I quickly shake the thoughts off.
"It's not love." I try telling myself.
"It's not love anymore."


''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!''

The pain rushes through my fist the moment my knuckles hit the tree, which makes it fall down, knocking over three other trees in its way. 'Not enough…' I think to myself. 'Not just yet.'

I look at the sun. It's going down and the sky is turning orange and pink. I decide that it's enough for today and as I grab my waterbottle, I think of the delicious food I'll be treating myself to tonight.

When I arrive at the shop, the old man welcomes me. ''Good evening." I nod politely, take my usual seat and order my usual dish.

''Of course, ma'am.'' The man responds.

In no time I get a hot bowl of ramen and a glass of water. I thank the old man and dig in. Damn, I have been craving for this. My thoughts linger off again. This mission… A part of me can't wait to move, to face the obstacles and risks and to overcome them. I can't wait to see and experience things I can't see and experience by just doing missions in the village.

On the other hand, my laziness jumps up again and waves its hand at me. I'd rather just lay down against a tree and contemplate life. That's the ultimate cool-down exercise. If I am ever to become Jounin, my students will do that after every training.

Then I snap out of my thoughts when realization hits me.

I don't even know who I'm teaming up with tomorrow. How could I not have asked that? I sigh deeply, and mentally I facepalm myself.
Let's just hope that the team has a good spirit aswell. I am not in the mood of taking care of someone who is not up for a little adventure.

While thinking, I pay for the meal and start walking the road home. I tilt my head to gaze at the wonderful stars. They remind me of, well, him. Unconsciously, I smile and I feel the butterflies up my stomach again.

"Ouch!"

A sudden pain woke me up from my dreamland. Great… I walked into a tree. My head bleeds a little bit. And it hurts a fucklot. I must be very unlucky to walk into a tree like this and to even bleed from it. Is this tree made out of fucking metal or something?

Panick shoots through me. Did anyone see me?! I look around.
Wait, do I see someone..? 'Ah, fuck..' I curse in my mind.

A boy on the other side of the street is laughing at me, and he crosses the street, walking straight in my direction. However, the shadow of this boy is not unfamiliar to me. I squint my eyes to maybe see better, but it's not helping.

Faster than I expected, the figure stands in front of me. Because there are no streetlights near us, all I see is a black form. Clearly, it is able to see me just fine.

''Are you all right?'' the person asks. I do recognize the voice, but I cannot put my finger on it. It sure does not sound like a boy. More like a man. A former visitor, maybe? I snort, looking down at my feet. God damnit…
"Yeah, I'm fine. Whatever." I answer shortly. Never have I felt such shame.
"Are you sure? I can tend your wound if you want to."
The man reaches his hand out to my face, but I slap it away. I don't trust this at all.
"No, thank you."

I swallowed a bit, waiting for him to take his leave, but he does not move from his spot. I take a deep breath. "Who are you, anyway? Have we met before?"

The man chuckled. "Who knows, maybe we did, maybe we didn't."

Oh great. Why is he being so annoyingly cryptic? I really cannot stand cryptic people and I hate riddles and paradoxes. I mostly just want to cut to the case. Even though my thoughts are feisty, I am still looking at the ground and holding my hand up against my forehead. Can that guy just leave already?

He's obviously aware of my embarrassment. ''Don't worry about it. I won't tell a soul about your little accident." He pauses for a second, and looks at the little wound on my forehead. " You should take a look at that when you get home. It would be a shame if it gets infected and leaves a scar."

I feel myself shiver under his observating gaze. Lord, I do not feel comfortable at all. There's this aura around this guy that makes me sick.

"I have to go now. It's a shame… Although we will high likely meet again.'' The man sighs, and I hear him turn around. I raise my eyebrows. Suddenly, it dawned upon me. This voice, this atmosphere, it all comes back to me.

"Wait!"

The man stops taking his leave and again I hear him turning around. I swallow. I might know who this is, although if I'm right I'll regret it. Though I have to make sure. I have to set my mind at ease... Or not at all.

"I want to know who you are." I blurt out. I hear a mysterious – and sexy – chuckle, and the man responds to my request.

"Fine, my lady. I will reveal myself, if you do that aswell."

I frown, but I cannot disagree with him. It's understandable that he is curious to me too.
I walk past him to the nearest streetlight and I show myself to him. I hear his footsteps slowly coming in my direction and as soon as the light touches his skin, I gasp.

It can't be.

Quicker than I could react, the man comes up behind me, with his cold kunai pressed against my neck. I don't move an inch as although I am a decent ninja, I'm not nearly decent enough to even leave a scratch on his skin. Unfortunately, I know him better than I want to. At this moment, I wish I had never met him at all.

"Do you know who I am now? Or rather… Do you remember?"

"I know. Though I would have rather not known... Hidan." My voice is soft and cracky.

His loud laugh echoes through the street.
''Still being rude? You haven't changed a bit, Chikako." He pauses for a moment and I can feel him calming down. He drops the kunai and gently yet firmly wraps his fingers around my neck. It's nearly not enough to make me suffocate, but more than enough to raise my body temperature.

"There's one thing I do know…'' He starts, the fingers of his other hand striking down my jawline.
I swallow as the sound of his low voice reaches my eardrums. Not this again… Not this weird feeling again… I can't let it in.

"I know that you are still as gorgeous as last time, love. You haven't forgotten us, now did you ?"

Flashbacks try to play themselves in my head, but I shove them away. There's no way I want to think about back then.

"I wish I could, Hidan. I truly do." Because of Hidan's sloppy grip, I am able to turn around and to face him, immediately taking a step back. Unfortunately, the grey-haired ninja follows me and takes a step forward. His eyes scan me from top to toe and back and I feel chills running down my back. He grins and bites his lip, coming even closer.

"Well look at you.. All grown up. I see your dyed your hair, I like it. Makes you seem more mature. Although that's not the only thing that has made you more mature.." His gaze slides to my chest and my hips, and he huffs. "You're a real woman now. I'm sure 'training' with you would be even more fun now, wouldn't it, love?"

I let out a disgusted 'ugh' and I fold my arms to cover my breasts.

"You're gross, even grosser than before."
"Ah, don't tell me you didn't like it, dearie. Don't lie to yourself."
"You were and still are too old."
"How does age even matter? I'm immortal, I can become a thousand years old."
"I was too young."
"That's not what you said back then. You told me you were old enough."
"It was a mistake. I was 17 years old."
"You were blinded by love."
"Hell, I wasn't in love with you."
"Oh yes, you were. You confessed to me yourself. Funny thing is, Itachi had to keep Deidara locked up in a genjutsu to calm down after you told him what we did."
"I was stupid. It was over soon enough when I learned you didn't feel the same way."
"You were too young."
"I thought you just said age didn't matter?"

A smirk leaves Hidan's lips.

"Fair enough, you got me. Thing was, and still is, is that I am not able to feel anything anyway. I have seen too many things that my emotions just faded away."
"Then why did you say you loved me back? Do you know how hurt I was when I found out you lied?"

Silence.

"Because you honestly moved something in me. Deidara and I were devastated after you left. Especially Deidara."
"I had no purpose there. I got less and less training when that whole Jinchuuriki thing started to become real and appearantly all you ever wanted to do was fuck me."

Did I just blurt that out like that? Yes… Yes I did. God.

"How could I resist? You were beautiful and it seems that in three years you have grown to be even more so. I mean, you were just a girl back then. Now you're a lady and you are truly gorgeous now."
"Stop flattering me. It doesn't work. Just leave already. I don't want to see you ever again."
"You said the exact same thing in your note to me when you left. Yet I felt your heart pounding when you were standing against me."

The grey-haired shinobi grabs my arm and pulls me close with incredible strength. Our noses touch and I look into his captivating purple eyes. His warm breath brushes my lips, it smells like cinnamon. He bites his lower lip and he as hell knows that that is my biggest weakness. It feels like my heart is pounding out of my chest and my knees are so weak I can barely hold myself up. The whole atmosphere changes and it's so hard to not give in to him, it's so goddamn difficult to not just grab his collar and kiss him so goddamn deeply and heavily and to not let him take me everywhere he wants.

I can feel him leaning in and I close my eyes. He makes me feel so vulnerable and I know I shouldn't be doing this, but it's almost like I can't stop the lust and love burning inside my heart. I hear his sexy whispering and it gives me goosebumps all over.
"Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now...?"
I start breathing heavily and my hands move on their own, I grab his sleeves tightly, like I don't want to let go.
I'm so close, so goddamn close to his lips, his face, his whole fucking body. His hands slide down from my upper back to my waist, my hips, he grabs my butt firmly, lifting me up a bit, letting me stand on my toes.
"Just tell me you want me, love. Three words are all it takes and I'll love you over and over again until morning."
Oh fuck.. I have to resist, I can't do this to myself again. He doesn't even love me, he just wants to fuck and get out.

His lips caress my jawline and he moves to my neck, kissing my skin so softly. I tilt my head to make it easier and I take a deep breath only to let out a soft moan. He picks up on the sound and bites gently, pulling me even closer and our hot bodies stand against each other. I can feel his crotch rubbing against the lower part of my belly, just above my private parts. He starts kissing my collarbones, up to my neck again, heavier this time.

Chikako, please, don't let yourself be used again. You have to stop this.

"H-Hidan.. I-I can't..."

Finally I build up the courage to let him go and push him away from me. I look into his eyes again and I read.. Disappointment, sadness? Tears start welling up in my eyes and a part of me extremely regrets this decision, but I know it's the right thing to do. I sigh deeply and distance myself from him even more.
"I'm sorry, Hidan. I can't do this. Not while I'm still not over you. You broke my heart and it has still not recovered, it seems..."

He stays silent for a while and it's making me deadly nervous. So nervous, that the tears in my eyes start rolling down my cheeks. The Jashininst doesn't seem to be shocked about it. At times like this, he is really hard to read.

"If you can't do.. this,-" He finally speaks up, "then come with me, at least. Back to your home, back to the Akatsuki."
I wipe away my tears and shake my head. "I'm sorry, but the answer is no. I am done with the Akatsuki. I am living my own life now."

Another silence entered the scene, but this time I can feel the tension burning up and a part of me is scared of my life. The other part feels like it can take on anything.

"Fine." The older ninja answered after a long pause. "I'll take my leave. Don't think that this will be my last attempt. You will be going with me one day, I swear it. I am not giving up until you're dead. You belong with me."

Did he just say 'with me'?

Seemingly, he noticed his own mistake as well.
"I mean… With us. With the Akatsuki."

With that, with not even saying good bye, with not even touching me for the last time, he left. He just 'poofed' away, just like that. A mix of emotions well up in my stomach.
Anger, sadness, confusion, love... Again.

Oh, I was so young and stupid and after my mother's death I didn't know where to go. I searched for Deidara and eventually I found Hidan first. He took me to the Akatsuki and after a lot of begging of Deidara, Pain decided to take me in. As for some clearing up, Deidara is my older brother. I don't posess the same mouth-hand ability as him, but I like making explosions too.

Deidara joined the Akatsuki when he was 17 after he learned my mother was a drunk. He entrusted me with my father, but that didn't work out as planned. So, when I turned 17, I joined the Akatsuki myself. Not too many months later, I left them again. I have lived everywhere and nowhere the first two years and now I have been living in Konoha for a year and I like it so far.
For three years, every each of the Akatsuki members, except Deidara, have been sent to get me back. Not because I was such an excellent S-rank ninja like Itachi or Kisame, but because I knew strong medical jutsu's to heal most every wound and I was a good enough back-up. However… I never thought they would send Hidan. Why did they have to send him. I wouldn't mind having to talk to Tobi or Kisame or Zetsu again, but Hidan…

Maybe they knew he'd be my biggest weakness.

I hate that I still love him so.

"Let's go home…" I tell myself and I take my leave. It's an important day tomorrow.