What?! Another MvA drabble?! I might as well just make it into a collection or something!
This one arose because of the MvA DVD commentary, which is very much so awesome. (I'm not sure if I ever want to see that 'blooper.') At one point, someone mentioned that they had a 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' style therapy session. That idea, combined with one of them talking about how he found out that basically everything they thought about cockroaches were false, got me thinking about therapy sessions with our dear heroes. The image this story grew from was, during the group session, Dr. Cockroach breaking down into tears and admitting that he's not really fused with a cockroach but some other bug I can't bother to look up. (I'm sure if I did, I would come across pictures of bugs which would scare the crap outta me.) That scene had to be scrapped when I found it really didn't fit in anywhere...so yeah.
I hope you enjoy. Revieewww pleeaase!
They sat around in a small circle. In her notepad, she wrote the date and, with a quick glance at her watch, the time and was immediately at a loss of what to do next. This was probably the oddest therapy session in the world. Tina wasn't sure if she wanted to be here.
Immediately across from her was a man jotting something down on a notepad of his own. His old-fashioned plaid pants were crossed and his large bulbous eyes seemed to analyze her every few seconds. Oh, and he had a cockroach's head.
To the right of him was a large, blue, cycloptic (no, that wasn't a word, but it should be…) blob. He had no chair, having immediately absorbed it. It was chilling to watch the metal dissolve inside him. It seemed he was bored, for his eye swiveled around, looking for something that could catch his attention. She hoped the general was right, that the blob wouldn't eat her, but for now, horrible doubt lingered.
To the left of the cockroach man was a fish-ape, leaning back with his strong arms behind his head, rocking the chair back and forth. His tail, sticking out behind the chair, slapped the floor every few seconds, punctuating the silence. He was bored as well, but he wasn't looking for entertainment elsewhere. Next to the fish-ape was an empty chair. Or rather, seemingly empty. Tina wouldn't put it past this facility to have a patient she couldn't see.
"Well then," said the cockroach man as he finished his notes with a flourish. "Do you mind if I simply call you Tina? Or would you rather stick to the formalities?"
The therapist, still trying to grasp that she was talking to what was essentially a giant cockroach, didn't answer. "Alright, Tina. Now as I understand it…" Here, he flipped through his notepad. "…You claim to see…monsters…?" Tina blinked. The cockroach man could barely hold in a smirk under his neat pencil moustache. The fish-ape didn't even try to hide his wide grin. The blob was suddenly brought back to earth.
"Seeing monsters? What a wacko!"
"Quiet, B.O.B., you don't wanna excite her. We might have to bring out the tranquilizers again." The fish-ape smiled smugly at her, still rocking the chair back and forth, back and forth…
She kept hold of her composure and jotted down their apparent rebellious nature towards authority figures. The cockroach man wrote down something as well. "Ah, er, gentlemen, your light-heartedness is…uh…well, I feel you should take this therapy session seriously. It is a good chance to…uhm, come to terms with your…isolation from society, perhaps…and…maybe with some…personal demons you might…have…?" He was scribbling so quickly the pencil should have set the paper on fire. Tina found herself paranoid and curious but reigned herself in. You can't be irate with patients. "Please put that notepad down or I will have to confiscate it…"
"Hang on a mo, if you could…" As the cockroach man scribbled the last part, Tina could see him mouthing 'delusions, believes in a reversal of roles.' "Put it down now. Please," she added quickly, realizing that she had just possibly ruined a relationship bonding opportunity. However, the cockroach man just marked the pad with a period and set them in the pockets of his lab coat with that infuriating knowing smile. Like he was just humoring her.
"There. Now. Is there anything any of you would like to talk about?"
"Oh!" The blob's eye lit up again and he straightened. "I know! I wanna make a shout out to Bill! It's his birthday today!"
"Oh really? It's my birthday too. Ain't that a coincidence?" The fish-ape turned to the seemingly-empty chair. "So how old're you now?" The group waited for an answer. Eventually the blob whispered, "He can be a little shy."
"Ah," the fish-ape nodded, as if he heard a reply. "I'm reaching around my twenty millionth birthday myself. I think I'm feelin' old age catching up to me already…" Were they making fun of her? Again? Tina tried not to grit her teeth and noted the possible creation of an imaginary friend to cope with imprisonment. Her pencil almost snapped.
"Put the notepad away, please," she commanded calmly. The cockroach man slowly set his hands out of his coat pockets again. "So. Would you like to talk more about Bill?"
"Bill's awesome! He's done all this stuff! He's like, been around the world and stuff."
"Yeah. He's probably the only guy who can match me in muscle."
"Indeed. As I understand it, he's also dabbled a bit in rocket science."
"He told me he can speak manatee!"
"He spots me…not that I need him to."
"I often consult him as I design new escape plaAAUUUGH!" Tina, already disoriented by the fast replies, whirled around to where the cockroach man was pointing, adrenaline pumping, eyes darting, notebook ready to hit whatever was behind her. Her eyes fell upon…nothing whatsoever.
She turned back, still panting. The blob was staring at the lights. The fish-ape was still rocking in his chair languidly. The cockroach man had taken out the notepad again. "Now, Tina, tell me about this friend of yours…this 'Bill.'"
It took a few minutes for all the leftover fear to spiral away, but Tina eventually managed another "Put. The notepad. Away." They disappeared back in his pockets. "Now. About Bill. He's a very great guy, then?"
"Well, actually, everybody has flaws, and Bill is not an exception to the rule. He can sometimes be--" Suddenly, the cockroach man violently fell backwards, kicking wildly at an invisible attacker. He was being choked. Throttled. His large head was thrust onto the hard floor a few times as he made strained noises and flailed.
The rest of the group jumped out of their seats so that the chairs fell backwards, but nobody knew how to approach the situation. The blob shouted, "Bill! Bill! What're you doing?!" The fish-ape circled around, looking for an opening, jerkily trying to move in and quickly retreating from swinging limbs. Tina almost bit her notes in anxiety. What should she do?! What would happen if he actually died?! Would she ever be seen again?!
A pair of hands clasped heavily on her shoulders and someone whispered right in her ear, "Boo."
The therapist, after giving out a little squeak, fell forward, unconscious. Link helped Dr. Cockroach off the ground and the scientist brushed off his coat before checking the therapist's watch. "Hm. Five minutes."
"I still think it would've gone faster if we just chased her around a bit," Link grumbled, though he couldn't hide his amusement when he stared at the woman on the ground.
"Remember, however, that psychological warfare leaves almost no evidence and thus it's less likely that our kind general revoke any sort of privileges of some sort."
"So, fellas," Bill came up from behind and wound an arm around the shoulders of both Link and Dr. Cockroach. "Wanna keep talking 'bout how great I am?" he said teasingly.
Suddenly, B.O.B. scooped up Dr. Cockroach, shaking him every which way as he searched for injuries. "Doc! Doc! You're okay, right?! Who attacked you? It wasn't Bill, right? I bet it was his evil twin!"
"…Yes. But. Uh. I killed him. He's dead." B.O.B. stared at Link for a while.
"Can you put me down now?" hissed an irate, upside-down Dr. Cockroach.
He landed on his head as B.O.B. sludged away, shouting, "Take that, Evil Bill!" and pointing at wherever he thought the body happened to be.
Once again, Link helped him up. "So how many is that? Seven? When's he gonna stop sending these guys?"
"Eventually," chirped Bill. "You can only get so many quacks before you run out, hm?"
"Undoubtedly, though I do hope they give up long before that number is reached." As the three bantered for a bit against the background of B.O.B.'s random victory shouts, Dr. Cockroach couldn't shake the feeling that maybe…well…maybe the personnel of Area 52 were huddled around a small screen, sharing popcorn and laughing…