A/N: Hi! Thanks for all the reviews guys! We've hit the big 74 reviews and I can't wait to see what else you've got to say! So, here's something that may not be as funny as the first part of Spike VS Edward…
DAWN & XANDER VS JASPER
Jasper's head felt like it was going to implode. One moment he was happy, the next he was mad at the world. Sadness, fear, happiness, hate, love, all of it was flashing through his mind in rapid bursts, in waves that crashed against the inside of his skull. All he wanted to do was bash his head against a wall until his brain fell apart.
"Please…stop this…" he begged, his golden eyes looking at the teenage girl who was in the room with him. "Please…"
"Why?" Dawn's face took on a sad expression. "Do you not like me? Am I not pretty enough for you?"
"I…I didn't say that…" Jasper said, clutching at his head. "Just stop…"
"Stop what?" It was anger now that radiated from her. "Stop being me? I'm sorry buddy, but I can't do that. That's like asking Cordelia to do a math problem. It's not going to happen. So sit down, shut up, and listen to me."
Jasper was blasted back into his seat by the wave of feeling that came from her. His body quaked and he felt sick. He turned and vomited diamond bracelets. Dawn made a face and flipped the stake in her hand, catching it awkwardly.
"You make me sick," she told him. "But then again, you're kind of hot. I mean, diamonds are pretty and your skin looks like it is made of diamonds… And diamonds are a girls' best friend. But you're not my friend."
Jasper looked at her and shook his head, a dog falling out of his hair and running away. "You've been killing everyone that I love," he said, watching the dog scurry out a small hole in the door. "You even scared away my hair!"
"Serves you right, Constipated Face!" Dawn snapped before giggling. "You know that was kind of funny. A dog fell out of your head….and you're actually scared of me, of my friends…of what I could do to you if I wanted to."
She snapped her fingers in his face. "Poof! You're gone in an instant. Vanished from the world in a puff of dust."
Jasper felt his stomach twist into knots as more waves of emotion crashed through him. He could hear silent crying outside the room and knew from the camera that was positioned over head that his Creator was watching him be tortured. If only he could get out…then he'd put an end to her crying.
"Hey!" Dawn snapped, standing in front of him. "Are you listening to me?" She smacked him on the face. "Hello? I'm talking to you here."
"No, you're just being an annoying teenage girl," Jasper muttered, glaring at her.
Dawn's bottom lip quivered and tears shone in her eyes. Jasper wasn't prepared for the backlash of sadness that came from her. He gasped and gripped the sides of his chair to the point that his knuckles turned white against his skin.
"You don't like me!" Dawn cried. "You don't want to talk to me! No one ever wants to talk to me! No one likes Dawn because she's a kleptomaniac and needs constant reassurance that she's loved! Here I was thinking that you, Master of Lame Emotions, could help me, maybe even love me, but no. You're just like everyone else!"
Jasper blinked. "You love me?"
Dawn made a face. Another wave of disgust hit him. "Hell no! I don't love you! I just like you…like a fat person likes Cheetos. There's no love there, just an obsession that makes you get fatter and fatter…" She looked down and pinched her side, pulling at a small roll of baby fat. "Am I fat?"
Jasper was unsure of how to answer her. He didn't want her to send more waves of emotion crashing into him. "Um…no."
"Liar!" Dawn jumped onto his lap and pressed the stake against his heart. "Oh, I could easily kill you now…Do so without a second thought, but as I said, I like you too much."
"So you're going to let me go?" Jasper asked hopefully.
Dawn laughed and situated herself on his lap, straddling his legs with her own. "Now…I can't do that. I never said I wouldn't eventually kill you…" She caressed his face with one hand, keeping the stake pressed against his chest. "You're just too pretty for me to let go to waste."
Jasper felt lust in the air and felt himself squirm. "You're going to have to kill me now. I'm not going to give you what you want."
Dawn frowned and pressed the stake a little closer to his heart. "Want to run that by me again."
"I have a girlfriend."
"I love her."
"She's going to die too, you know? Cordelia's going to get her good." She laughed and smacked him upside the head, sending another dog crashing to the floor. "How many dogs do you have in your hair?"
"What are you talking about? They are my hair!" Jasper tried to force her off, but Dawn was stuck on his lap and wasn't going to budge.
Dawn sent more waves of emotion at him. Jasper found himself growing hornier and hornier as the lust drove deeper into him. And he found himself growing hungrier and hungrier for her blood. All he wanted was to make her stop and take her as his own.
Jasper gently cupped her face with one of his hands and tipped it to his level. His lips were inches from hers when the door to the torture chamber opened.
"Dawn!" Xander's voice came sharply to Jasper's ears. "Buffy said to torture the sparkle-pyres, not to jump into bed with them."
Dawn looked scared. "Xander, he's putting his charms on me!" she cried. "He's going to eat me!"
Just as suddenly as the lust and the hunger came, they were gone leaving fear in their place. Dawn jumped from his lap and looked at Xander, who was also holding a stake.
"He's going to eat me, Xander!" she repeated, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
Jasper waited to see if snakes would fall out of her hair, but it was just hair. "I wasn't going to eat you."
"Yes you were," Dawn said, glaring at him. "You had that hungry look in your eyes. Did you see me as a giant big mac face?"
"No. You confusing me with Jeremiah from Vampires Suck," Jasper said. "I only wanted you for sex."
"Hold on buddy," Xander said and Jasper was hit with another wave of emotion, more tempered than Dawn's emotions. "There will be no sexing up Dawn here. She's going to be a virgin until she's forty."
"Xander!" Dawn exclaimed.
"It's the truth," Xander said, glancing at Dawn. "Buffy said so."
"Buffy said so," Dawn muttered. "You guys want to ruin my life, don't you?"
"No, we want to keep you from becoming some sparkle-pyre's sex bunny," Xander explained before looking back at Jasper. "Teenagers."
" Teenagers," Jasper agreed, taking his eyes off of Dawn for a moment. "So, can I go now? I'm hungry and I prefer not to have sappy meals."
"Sappy meals?" Dawn scowled, holding her stake at the ready. "I am not sappy!"
"Neither am I!" Xander added, sending a powerful wave of anger crashing into Jasper. "And there will be no leaving until you're dead."
"I'm already dead," Jasper commented.
"Dead-dead. As in not moving, not talking…not wasting any more space than a vacuum dust bag. Understand Emotion Boy?"
Jasper gnashed his jaws together, making an audible clicking sound. Dawn jumped back, but Xander jumped behind her.
"Xander! You're supposed to kill him!" Dawn exclaimed, glancing over her shoulder at him. "Stop being a baby and kill him already!"
Jasper had gotten back onto his feet, but both Xander and Dawn sent more waves of emotion crashing into him. He charged, but with the emotions pounding through his head, he missed them and ran headfirst into the wall. Dawn shrieked and kicked him between the legs. Jasper groaned against the floor and lifted his head when the door opened and two black shoes came into his line of sight.
A rough hand reached down and lifted the sparkle-pyre up by his hair. Another dog jumped from his head, leaving Jasper with only a tuft of hair on his head. Jasper felt despair, loneliness, guilt, sadness, and all the miserable feelings of the world come crashing into him. His hope of getting out of there vanished, smothered like a candle flame with no more oxygen. He looked up into the face of Spike and behind him Mick St. John stood, his eyes silver.
"Now Xander," Spike said, holding Jasper like he was a diseased little creature. "Little Bit, when Buffy told you to kill Constipation Face, she meant to actually kill him, not get scared when he decides to grow a pair."
"But she didn't say when we had to kill him," Dawn commented, batting her eyelashes at Mick St. John who looked away. "We were going to torture him for awhile."
Xander looked disgusted as he looked at Jasper's nearly bald head. "Dawn, you were going to sleep with a bald guy?"
Color flooded Dawn's face. "Xander!"
"Little Bit?" Spike cocked an eyebrow. "What have we told you about sleeping with vampires?"
"To not sleep with sparkle-pyres," Dawn muttered before looking at Spike. "But no real vampires want me…And he's so pretty."
"Thanks," Jasper whispered before Spike threw him against the wall.
"Of course, fairies are pretty," Spike said. "But real vampires are not pretty. We're sexy, hot…anything but pretty."
"Okay Hostile 17, we do not want Dawn-y here sleeping with any kind of vampire," Xander said as Mick St. John walked over to Jasper. "Buffy wants her to find a completely normal, boring man."
"Good luck," Mick said, picking Jasper off the ground and slamming him into the wall. "There are a lot of freaks in this world. Normal guys, we're just a rare find."
"Exactly," Spike agreed. "Dawn needs a nice vampire to be with. Mick's available since what's-her-face left him."
"Beth," Mick mumbled and Jasper felt another wave of sorrow hit him in its rawest form.
"Aw…Mick," Dawn cooed, hurrying over to him to give him a hug, kicking Jasper again. "I'm here for you if you need me."
Jasper lifted his head and looked at her. "I thought –"
"You thought wrong," Dawn stated, stomping on him which was less painful than the storm of emotions that filled the room and Jasper's mind.
"NO!" someone screamed from outside the open door. "Jasper! Don't let them kill you! Jasper, my beautiful Jasper! Please don't murder him!"
"Will you stop creating vampires that sparkle like shiny diamonds, duckling?" Drusilla's voice floated in the room. "Do it for Mummy."
"Such a naughty pet," Drusilla trilled. "Mummy says no sweets for you. Mummy will poke you with stinging points. Maybe duckling will think proper when her punishments over with?"
A wail pierced the silence of the room and sadness permeated the room. Jasper felt his heart break and slowly felt himself slipping into madness.
"Stephenie," he breathed. "Please stop torturing…Stephenie."
"N o," was the resounding answer from the occupants of the room.
"I have an idea!" Dawn exclaimed. "A really good idea!"
"Well, that's a first," Spike commented with a roll of the eyes.
"Spike!" Dawn whined. "I always have good ideas…"
"All right, sneaking out on date with a vampire, his mate, and your mate," Spike said. "Does that ring a bell?"
"Okay, I'll give you the fact that that was a bad idea, but this one is really good," Dawn babbled. "It'll make it easier to kill Jasper."
"Jasper," Xander gaped at her. "Since when do we give sparkle-pyres names?"
"She really must be in love with him," Mick commented.
"No. I am not!" Dawn exclaimed. "Will you testosterone filled imbeciles listen to me for one damn minute?" She huffed and scowled at everyone. "Just let out all of your emotions and make Jasper's head pop off!"
Jasper trembled as Dawn's rawest emotions came bubbling up to the surface with all the angst of a teenager. Xander's emotions came next, rolling on with the grief of his loves past and the sorrow at never being truly loved by anyone else thereafter. (And there came hunger from him as well…He wanted a Happy Meal.) Mick's emotions came crashing into him next; guilt, loneliness, simmering anger, burning hate hitting him with a power that he had not experienced in vampires in all of his life.
But the worst of the emotions came from Spike. Despair, loneliness, hate, love, sorrow, guilt, pain, anger, happiness…every emotion that Jasper had ever heard about, but not experienced crashed into him. It came on with years and years of built up accumulation.
Jasper cried out in pain and started convulsing. He had never felt so much pain in his life and there was nothing he could do to stop it. All hope was loss and then…
His head exploded into a pile of diamond jewelry and loose diamonds. His body stopped trembling,, his fingers twitched though. The 'hair' dogs came running back in and sniffed the body. One of them lifted his leg and peed on him while the others pulled off Jasper's fingers and started chewing on them.
"Well, that's one way to take care of a Meyer-pyre," Mick commented.
"It's a lot shinier than I remember," Xander said, cocking his head to one side.
Spike rolled his eyes and stabbed Jasper's chest with a stake. The body exploded into dust. "Now, if you want to get rid of the diamonds and give the wealth to some bloody starving orphans or save the puppies, do it. I have to go make sure Dru hasn't eaten Meyer. We wouldn't want her to get sick and die again, would we?"
"Of course not," Dawn said, stuffing the diamond bracelets into her pockets. "Can I keep these?"
"No Dawn. It's sparkle-pyre brains," Xander stated. "We'll give them to Cordelia and Harmony. Okay?"
A/N: See what I was talking about? It's not as funny, but it has its moments. Give me a review and don't forget to favorite! ~ Scarlet