My husband and the rest of the man child brigade are having a boys weekend, and I'm having some co-workers over for dinner and they are all gone and I'm all alone again, so I decided to take this amazing opportunity to finally update this story.
I have been updating like crazy this weekend though, and I've also been watching a 'Snapped' marathon on Oxygen. It's the best true crime show ever, and my husband I love to watch it!
"Does he watch your favorite movies, does he hold you when you cry, does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?" – from "Like I Used To" by A Rocket to the Moon.
I know that I have the best husband in the whole entire world. As I drove home from work, I relieved the best moments that I have experienced with Edward. All the times he has held me, comforted me, made me feel better about myself…it's incredible how sweet he is. I was lucky, and I was very aware of that. I had the most attentive, sweet, and romantic husband I could have ever imagined, I have two beautiful little children, and I have an amazing family.
But I really just need to be alone right now, at least that's what I think I need, I can't even be sure.
Edward has been wonderful, trying to comfort both me and Elizabeth, but I want some time to myself. I feel bad about that; wanting to get away from everything while he's trying his hardest to make me feel better. But I had to tell him how I feel. By the time I got home, I knew exactly what I had to say to him.
I walked slowly into the house and into the kitchen, where Elizabeth and Edward were sitting at the kitchen table. Edward had Elizabeth sitting on his knee, and he was also holding Anthony in his arms. While Edward whispered in Elizabeth's ear, Anthony opened and closed his hands, reaching for me the moment I entered the kitchen. He had obviously spotted me before Edward and Elizabeth had. I stood in the doorway, smiling at my little boy as he babbled excitedly, arching away from Edward and holding his arms out towards me.
"Aw, Anthony, is your mommy home?" Edward laughed, looking up and smiling at me. "Hey, baby." He said to me as I sat down at the table and he handed me Anthony.
"Hi." I murmured, bringing Anthony up to my chest and kissed his smooth, warm forehead. "Lizzy, are you okay?" I asked quietly, looking at my daughter.
Elizabeth slowly nodded, wrapping her thin arms around Edward's neck. "I miss Grandma Renée, though." She said sadly, and Edward rubbed her back gently. "When can I see her again?" She asked, and my heart constricted slightly at her sad, high pitched voice.
"Someday." Edward said stiffly, still rubbing her back soothingly.
"Daddy, I want to go to bed." Elizabeth suddenly said, and Edward and I both looked at her, confused.
"We haven't even had dinner yet, Lizzy." I reminded her, bouncing Anthony up and down slightly. He started nuzzling my chest, obviously wanting his own special dinner. Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, the corners of her lips still pulling down. "Why don't you and daddy make a call and order a pizza, and we can eat it on the couch together after I feed Anthony and put him to bed, okay?" I suggested, and Elizabeth started to smile slightly. "Sound good?"
She nodded enthusiastically, smiling at the prospect of getting to eat pizza on the couch. "Can we watch a movie too?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice, and I laughed, nodding.
I stood up, cradling Anthony to my chest, and kissed Elizabeth on the top of the head before chastely Edward on the lips. "Of course we can. Have daddy order us a pizza, and you go pick out a movie for us to watch." I said, and then went upstairs to nurse Anthony.
Sitting in the rocking chair by the window, I looked down at my little boy and smiled sadly, wondering what it would be like on the day that I had to leave him. I had never thought much about when I would die. Life had been moving so fast for both Edward and I, and I couldn't remember the last time I had just sat down and thought about what would happen in the future.
After a little while, the door to the nursery opened and I looked up briefly as Edward walked in quietly, his face drawn. "The pizza will be here in about fifteen minutes, love, and Lizzy has already picked out a movie for us to watch." He said, and I nodded without looking up.
"Okay, thanks." I said softly, not taking my eyes off of Anthony. His dark brown eyes, the exact same shade as mine, were getting droopy, and I smiled slightly at his angelic face. "I'll just finish feeding him and then put him down for bed and then I'll be down with you guys."
Edward sighed, and I heard his heavy footsteps moving closer to me. "Are you going to be okay, Bella?" Edward asked gently, crouching in on the floor in front of me, placing his hands on my knees and rubbing lightly. "I can tell you're still hurting…but you won't really talk about it. But talking really does help things, sweetheart. I know from experience. It's been quite a few years, but I know that it's something that you will never, ever forget."
"I'm not ready to talk about it quite yet." I said in a whisper. "I kind of want to be alone.
Edward nodded, biting his lower lip. "Okay, I understand completely. But when you are ready, I will be right here." He said, and then he kissed my cheek and left the room without another word.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn how to let go. Things go wrong, so that you can appreciate then when they're right. You believe the lies, so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.
Not sure where I got that last paragraph…it's a quote from something, I think.
I'm going to bed now…I'm pretty tired after a long day of updating! I won't even be able to update Desperate Housewives until tomorrow after work, how sad. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought of the this chapter.
Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie