Yes. It is here.
I'd like to thank Mieu, who unknowingly inspired this story. Granted, now she knows but... whatevs.
Anyways... enjoy the Kratosy goodness. If you like Regal or Colette, leave. (Which is horrible, because I do like Colette, and I kick ass fighting as Regal but- once again, whatevs.)
Chapter One: Lloyd Discovers the Lack of Candles
Mithos was dead, the world was back to normal and Kratos decided to be an ass and abandon his son AGAIN. Then I said "SCREW CANON" and brought him back. Anyways, the party had met at the theme park in Altimira for the day. Having ridden most of the rides, they were looking for a place to eat when Lloyd realized something.
He gasped and checked the nearest calendar just to make sure he was right. Without a doubt- it was true. Immediately, he turned to the rest of the group, grinning.
"Hey guys," he said, "I know something that you don't."
Raine sighed. "Oh no. What now?"
Lloyd just grinned wider. "Guess."
"You're pregnant," Genis snickered, and was immediately smacked by Raine. "OWCH!"
Lloyd, however, was not fazed. "Nope. Guess again."
Sheena smirked. "You're gay."
Zelos interrupted with, "You're a tranny!"
Lloyd looked aghast. "What?! No!!"
Regal frowned. "There's nothing wrong with being a transgender. It's completely natural for someone to feel as if they've been born into the wrong gender."
The other seven stared at him, mouths hanging open. Presea blinked.
"You're not… a… tranny, are you?" she asked slowly. Regal suddenly looked very guilty.
"Ok, well passing over Regal's faggyness," Lloyd continued, "keep guessing!"
"Butterflies?" Colette asked suddenly, her eyes shining.
"Uh… no, but that was a very good guess, Collie. Good girl. Here have a treat."
"Lloyd, she's not a dog," Genis interrupted. Lloyd scoffed.
"We give up," Raine said, crossing her arms. "Just tell us already."
"It's KRATOS'S BIRTHDAY!!" Lloyd exclaimed, throwing his arms out wide.
There was an awkward silence.
"Um." Zelos said. "Are we supposed to be happy for him?"
Lloyd frowned. "He's my daddy, hell yeah you're supposed to be happy for him!"
Genis snorted. "Gawd, how old is he like three million?"
"Actually, he's turning 4042," Yuan said suddenly.
"Holy crap!" Sheena exclaimed. "Where'd you come from?"
Yuan shrugged. It was true. He had just popped out of thin air. Lloyd cleared his throat and decided to pretend like Yuan had never said anything.
"So anyways," he continued, "we're going to have a surprise party for him!!"
Colette clapped her hands together. "Yay, I love weddings!"
Genis did an anime sweatdrop. "Um, Colette… nevermind."
Sheena did her "to Sybak" pose. "I'll bring music!" she yelled.
"I'll bring hunnies!" Zelos exclaimed.
"I'll bring a scrapbook detailing Kratos's every move since the day he was born because there is no way in hell that I'm stalking him!" Yuan announced.
"And I'll make a cake!" Raine shrieked. Genis choked, remembering the last time he ate one of Raine's cakes.
"Um, Professor, why don't we let Regal make the cake?" Lloyd suggested.
Raine pouted. "Fine. See if I care-"
"Regal's not invited," Zelos said suddenly. Regal frowned.
"FINE! BE THAT WAY!"
And so, Regal stormed off in tears, leaving only eight of the original nine.
Lloyd frowned. "Well, that was probably unnecessarily cruel," he said, stroking his chin, "but… WE HAVE A PARTY TO GET TO!!!"
Later, at Kratos's house
Kratos sat on his couch, watching Ella Enchanted. "I have to say," he said, "besides Twilight, this is the single most horrible movie I have EVER seen in my 4041 years." He paused. "Hey, I'm 4042 today!! Wow, time sure does fly when you're… no, I haven't had any fun in the past year."
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"Gah, stupid girl scouts," Kratos grumbled.
The doorbell rang again.
"No, girl scouts don't ring insistently. It's probably Yuan." He made no move to get up.
"KRATOS AURION, OPEN YOUR DOOR THIS INSTANT!" Yuan yelled from outside.
Kratos contemplated, then responded. "Or?"
"OR I WILL BREAK IN AND EAT ALL OF YOUR SUNCHIPS!!!"
The redhead gasped. "Noooo! They're mine!"
"THEN OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"
Kratos cursed under his breath, then stood up to answer the door. "Fine, fine," he muttered. "I'm opening the damn-"
The whole party (minus Regal, plus Yuan) was standing on the doorstep, bearing gifts, a stereo and something that looked suspiciously like a narwhal.
"What is that?" Kratos asked, pointing at the object that suspiciously resembled a narwhal.
"It's a narwhal," Yuan snapped, "what did you think it was?"
Kratos frowned. "Uh… a narwhal, but why-?"
"We're having a birthday party for you!" Lloyd interrupted, grinning. Everyone cheered. Kratos stares at him.
"Uh, no thanks."
"Oh come on, Dad!" Lloyd whined. "It's your birthday."
Kratos gave his son the Glare. "I said no, Lloyd."
Yuan shoved Lloyd aside. "Nobody cares what you said, bitch!! We're having a party and that's that!"
Everyone cheered and stampeded Kratos before he had a chance to refuse.
Once the party was set up, the cake had been delivered (Remiel's Catering Service- Always Fast, Always Fresh), the music was blasting, and the peeps were dancing, Lloyd discovered that he had a problem.
"Houston," he announced, "we have a problem."
"What's that?" the cake delivery guy, wearing a nametag that read 'Houston' peered into the room. Lloyd stared at him for a second, then shook his head.
Houston skipped away. Lloyd cleared his throat and turned to the rest of the partygoers.
"Hey guys!" he yelled over the music. "We have a problem!"
"What is it, bud?!" Zelos yelled back.
Lloyd sighed, gazing sadly at an empty box of candles. "Where are we gonna find 4042 candles?" he shouted. Zelos gasped.
"I didn't think about that!" he exclaimed, snatching the box out of Lloyd's hands. He stared at it for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "We need to find 4042 candles pronto!" he yelled.
Lloyd frowned. "Um. Yeah, I know that. But where-?"
"MY HUNNIES!" Zelos shrieked, waving his arms wildly. "They must be carrying around candles! After all, they carry around orange gels and holy bottles to give to me whenever I talk to them!"
"That's a great idea!" Lloyd exclaimed.
"I see a flaw in this plan," Genis interrupted, crossing his arms. Lloyd and Zelos glared at him.
"What, brat?" the redhead snapped. "And make it quick."
"I seriously doubt your 'hunnies' are going to have over 4000 candles," the half-elf said dryly. Zelos frowned.
"Well, fine. We'll buy the rest."
"With what money?" Genis asked. Zelos gasped.
"Oh, goddess! Are you kidding? Every time I talk to a girl, I get like 500 gald!"
Zelos let out a huff. "So… my hunnies are actually very useful!"
Raine beat him over the head with a book. "Yes, they can be useful, when we're low on items and whatnot. But… Zelos, don't you remember, your 'hunnies' are all broke now?"
Everyone gasped, glaring at Zelos. "What?!" Lloyd exclaimed angrily. "How did that happen?"
Zelos wrung his hands nervously. "Um…weeeeeell… that's kind of a funny story…"
Raine rolled her eyes and turned to the rest of the group. "You know how he ran for president earlier this month? And he had all those signs and posters and everything? Yeah, his hunnies paid for those. And now they're all broke."
"You mow-ron, now we'll never get 4042 candles!" Sheena exclaimed, smacking Zelos.
Raine continued on, saying, "And that was before he realized that Tethe'alla is governed by a king and they don't have presidents-"
"Alright, alright, no need to rub it in," Zelos sighed, sulking. "You're making me feel bad."
Kratos sighed and did a facepalm. "Really, this is unnecessary. They're just candles-"
Yuan kicked him. "Shut up, bitch. This is your birthday party we're trying to perfect. You should be grateful."
"They're candles, for heaven's sake-"
"And what's a birthday party without candles?" Lloyd exclaimed. "C'mon, folks, we need to find us some candles before this day is over!"
Colette jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "Yay! Adventure time!"
Genis frowned. "Can't we just buy the candles?"
Raine whacked him over the head with her staff. "Bitch, don't try to make things more complicated! You're ruining our lives, Genis!"
"But buying them is more simple-"
"Nu-uh," Lloyd interrupted, "we're broke, remember? From when we bought that hot tub?"
"Well, just sell it then!"
Yuan smacked him. "Bitch, are you crazy? Why would you get rid of a perfectly good hot tub even if you went broke after buying it?"
Genis made a pouty face and crossed his arms. "Why is everyone abusing me?" he muttered, going off in a corner to sulk.
"Hmmm…" Lloyd stroked his chin. "So Regal, Genis, and Kratos are out- there are only five of us left-"
"Six of us-"
"That's what I said, three and a half!"
Raine smacked him. "Seven, mow-ron! You, Colette, Sheena, Zelos, Yuan, Presea and I!"
"Oh." Lloyd's face fell, but he quickly brightened up again. "Well, since there are only ten of us left-"
"- maybe we should split up on our quest for candles."
"Hold on a second." Sheena held out a hand, signaling Lloyd to stop. "When was it decided that I'm going to help you find candles?"
"Same here," Raine and Presea said simultaneously, crossing their arms in sync also. Lloyd frowned.
"Well, you guys are my best friends, so I thought-"
"Yeah but…" Sheena glanced around, trying to come up with an excuse. "We need to make sure Kratos is having a good time."
"I'm fine, thank you-"
"Yes, it's his birthday, we can't leave him alone with Emo Boy," Raine added, jerking her head in Genis' direction. Presea merely nodded.
Lloyd frowned, still looking disheartened. "Well… I guess you can stay… so the five of us can-"
"Colette should stay too," Sheena added quickly. Colette perked up upon hearing her name, glancing around with wide eyes like a small puppy. "You know, she's uh… kind of special and all," Sheena stage-whispered.
Lloyd crossed his arms. "Fine, anyone else you want to steal?!"
"Nah, we're good."
"Good!" He turned back to his Candle Quest companions and found himself looking at Yuan and Zelos's unhappy faces. "That's it?" he exclaimed. "Only six of us?"
Yuan sulked. "Why am I being forced to accompany you two on such a ludicrous mission?"
"Hey, a minute ago you beat up my dad when he tried to get you to stay!" Lloyd exclaimed.
Zelos sniffed, turning away from his companions. "My life sucks," he complained to no one in particular. "I'm broke and my best friend is a hick. And now I have to go on this stupid quest to find stupid candles for the stupid hick's stupid dad's stupid birthday party. Stupid world. I hate the world. I'm emo!!" he yelled, dropping to his knees and reaching for the nearest knife to cut himself.
"Wait!" Lloyd shouted, jumping in front of him. There weren't actually any knives around, but no one was really smart enough to figure that out. "Don't do it Zelos! Someone out there loves you!"
Zelos's eyes suddenly sparkled. "Really? Do you love me, Lloydie-poo?"
Lloyd hesitated, taken back by the weird nickname. "Er… not like that, but you're a good friend to me! I value you and I-"
"Blah, blah, blah, let's get going," Yuan interrupted, snatching both of them by their shirt collars and dragging them to the door.
"But I'm not cure of Emo yet!"
"Ok, one- Emo isn't a disease. Two- why don't you just take a spiritual journey or something and try to find your purpose in this world or whatever?"
Suddenly, Zelos gasped, clutching Yuan on the arm. "My purpose!! That's… that's brilliant!"
And so the Candle Quest begins.
Disclaimer: No. I do not own Tales of Symphonia. Because if I did- well, you read the first paragraph of this story.