By Any Means Necessary
By Adelie King
Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.
Chapter One: Assumptions
Major Samantha Carter had been irritable and unbearably physically anxious all week, actually several months. Sam was in her late thirties and Dr. Janet Frasier told her that her body was just behaving normally and that she was just in her sexual peak. Usually she could wait until she was off duty or home to take care of her business. Lately that wasn't the case. She would sneak off to her quarters several times a day in fifteen to twenty minute increments to alleviate herself.
For a while she was able to conceal it and no one noticed until recently. Carter had started to become a bit disagreeable with everyone and started avoiding her CO Colonel Jack O'Neill. In fact she'd remove herself from his vicinity as fast as possible. She'd practically run away after briefings and if he joined them in the mess hall, she'd vacate the area. He was starting to think she was mad at him or he did something to upset her.
Baffled, O'Neill sat at a table with Daniel Jackson and Teal'c in the mess hall. Jack just asked flat out, "Is Carter pissed at me or something?"
"I don't know what's going on Jack. She's obviously avoiding you but she's been a bit irritable and nasty with everyone lately." Daniel assumed observing, "She's probably just in PMS or during her cycle."
O'Neill remarked cynically, "For several months."
Jackson innocently suggested, "Well maybe she's pregnant."
Jack's face changed abruptly, his eyes glaring a sudden intense fit of jealousy that could be felt across the room. He sat like a bull seeing red about to charge, his eyes burning holes through both his colleagues.
"Negative Daniel Jackson," Teal'c calmly interjected, "I am not aware of any men in Major Carter's life at this moment. She also doesn't show any indications of being with child."
O'Neill brusquely left the table with his trey practically dropping it on the trash can storming out of the mess hall. He immediately went to the infirmary to see Dr. Janet Frasier. She was in her office working on some reports when she saw Jack come in clearly upset about something. In fact he looked utterly irate.
Janet inquired concerned, "Colonel, what's wrong?"
Jack began pacing back and forth in her office, "What's going on with Carter!?" He demanded in a very intimidating tone his eyes burning right through her just like with Daniel and Teal'c before.
"Nothing that I know of physically…" Janet half lied but he wasn't fooled, "What's this about?" She crossed her arms defensively.
"Is she pregnant!?" He demanded forcefully more than asked.
Frasier's face went flat with shock answering, "Not that I know of unless there's something she hasn't told me."
"Then why has she been avoiding me and being so nasty to everyone!?" O'Neill was fuming getting angrier by the second.
Janet's jaw dropped and her eyes looked back and forth, "I have absolutely no idea why she'd be avoiding you Sir." She swore to him calmly. Then suddenly a realization came to her which made her suspicious. She looked at him, squint her eyes and inquired in a parental tone, "What have you two been doing?"
"Nothing!" Jack swore loudly putting his hands up defensively, "I haven't had sex in years and believe me it shows." He lowered his tone at the end.
Frasier then remarked, "It shows on her too. She hasn't had a man in…" She sat there thinking but wasn't sure since Carter didn't know how long it's been herself.
O'Neill started calming and wanted clarification, "So she's not with any one that you know of?" He had his eyebrows up desperately waiting for her answer.
"She wouldn't be this uptight and tense if she was." Janet stated bluntly, "In fact that is Sam's problem. She hasn't had as she put it 'been with a man in who knows how long...'"
Jack's jaw fell open and his eyes wandered back and forth in disbelief. His side fell bumping and leaning against the door. "Okay… So you're saying she hasn't gotten any in a while."
"Basically…" Janet answered bluntly.
He scratched the back of his head and remarked, "She's not the only one…" He groaned letting out a breath of frustration.
"Exactly" Frasier then told him flat out, "In fact." She pulls out her prescription pad and writes something down, "That is what I'm recommending for her." She tore the paper off the pad handing it to O'Neill.
The prescription said A week of good hard hot sex from Colonel Jack O'Neill.
Jack's face went blank when he read it. His eyes wandered a moment in response.
"What Sam desperately needs is a good hard lay, Colonel… bad." Janet stated directly making sure to emphasize bad. She then insisted, "And I think YOU should be the one to take care of her."
O'Neill's eyebrows went up and he lost balance bumping the door into the wall. After recovering from the minor shock of the doc's suggestion, he agreed and nodded with a small smile, "Okay…I think I can do that." He and his body were more than up to the task.
The Doc then informs him, "Good I'm going to call General Hammond and recommend SG1 go on leave and that Samantha Carter is the one who desperately needs it the most." She picks up the receiver to phone Hammond.
"Good plan…" Jack agreed and headed out the door remarking, "Now just getting Carter to agree to this is going to be a problem." Then he stated, "We can barely get her to go on leave normally."
"Oh she will by the time I'm done with my discussion with General Hammond." Frasier promised in a somber tone, "I assure you."