A/N: So I haven't updated in awhile, but I'm not really sure how to continue this. Another short chapter that is still sort of setting the ground work, but also moving it along, if only a little. I know how this is going to end up, but I'm not sure how to move it along from here. The quote from scrubs, while it is from scrubs, seemed appropriate, so here it is.
Summary: She was the most perfect and ethereal thing that had ever let him touch. And that made him afraid of her. And it made him obsessed with her. It made him passionate for her. It made him love her.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
You like strong women, don't you?
Are you kidding me? They're the only ones I let ruin my life.
Strength was subjective. Like the term "good," it was up to interpretation. There were different types. Serena was the kind that knew what she wanted. And what she didn't want. She was confident in her self and kneed certain people in the groin when they were about to get what they didn't want. But she was also weak. She wore her emotions on her sleeve and was far too susceptible to sweetness.
"You're sweet. And you're genuine. Those are two things that I don't hold in high regard."
Chuck was hiding behind a pillar when he heard Blair Waldorf drop that piece of wisdom on Daniel Humphrey's head. They had been involved in some sort of sexual relationship that Chuck held with the utmost disdain. And it wasn't because he was Dan and she was Blair. Blairs didn't do Dans, especially like that. Chucks did Blairs and their so called "relationship" made Chuck want to get drunk and vomit all over everything. He knew the "Dan and Blair" phase wasn't to last, but it didn't mean that it didn't make him really get drunk and vomit all over everything and be completely insulted.
He told her as such but she ignored him. She was angry and he understood that. He knew that it was her purpose to insult him and that was why she went and fucked the one person Chuck hated the most. She wasn't sweet and she wasn't genuine. And it made him grin when he heard her tell Dan as such. Because he knew what she was talking about. And he knew it was only a matter of times before she was in his arms again.
What he wasn't expecting was that it ended up like this. With her sneaking into his room at night and that was it. They never had a relationship after that. But that didn't mean that Chuck didn't want it. He most definitely did. But he also wanted his power. And treating her the way he did ensured that she would come back to his bed. And right now, that was the most important thing.
And that was what differentiated her from everyone else he knew.
Jennifer Humphrey had no strength in his opinion. She never knew what she wanted, unlike Serena but acted on whims. She thought she knew what she wanted but then acted on opposition a week later. He would have been bored of her in the middle and nothing would have changed.
He didn't like the so called strength that Vanessa had. He didn't care about her independence or her caring about other people. He didn't care that she didn't care what other people thought of her. It made him think less of her that she pretended that she didn't care what other people thought of her. Because everyone cared what other people thought of them. It just correlated differently to different people.
Georgina "Psycho Bitch" Sparks had strength in chaos. And as admirable as that may be, she disgusted him. It may have had something to do with that there was a time when he was afraid of turning into her as much as he was afraid of turning into his father. She slept with the opposite sex at any chance she got and inhaled anything that looked white. She was strong in that she didn't need anyone else. But Chuck wasn't like that. And he was glad there was at least one difference between them.
That was the thing with Blair Cornelia Waldorf. They were opposites. And they were the same. It was something that he couldn't explain and the one thing he couldn't escape since she first graced his bed and his limo. She was cold and unrelenting. And he understood her manipulations enough to know exactly what she was thinking when she was thinking it. But she was also pure. She was the most perfect and ethereal thing that had ever let him touch. And that made him afraid of her. And it made him obsessed with her. It made him passionate for her. It made him love her.
That was the problem. He wasn't supposed to love her. They were just supposed to be having callous, passionate sex that didn't mean anything. But the more she tore her clothes off for him, the more he remembered. He remembered how he needed her and was never going to let her go. Not now. Not ever.
His voice cracked through the darkness. He regretted it the moment he did because she started to move away from him. He fumbled clumsily in the darkness. The moment his fingers ghosted against her recently flushed skin, she jerked away. She started searching for her clothing as he exhaled in defeat.
"I have to go."
It was all she ever said anymore.
And she did.
He surprised her, as he was prone to do at times. It was the first time he had ever said anything of the nature. Usually he just let her go. He knew it was the only way not do screw everything up anymore. But he had to do it. Maybe she would walk out one day and never come back. And he wasn't sure he could let that happen again.
"Don't," she whispered after a moment.
"I have to, Blair."
"I said don't, Chuck," she snapped. "Don't say it."
"You know it's true."
"That makes it worse."
He followed her from his bed, cornering her in the darkness.
"You're the only woman I let ruin my life," he said truthfully. "None of the others were worth it."
"Maybe you should reconsider," she said tightly. If the lights were on, he knew her eyes wouldn't match her mouth. But they weren't. So he didn't.
"You're the only one strong enough for me," he said as she went for the doorknob.
"Not strong enough, it seems," she replied before slamming the door behind her.
He had to convince himself that her voice wasn't choked up. Then he could pretend that he didn't love her so much.