AN: I'm sorry for calling the extra guy Mark, I wasn't really sure what his name was. I acutally just guessed on those. I really like most of what you guys reviewed, and all of your suggestions, and what you want to see WILL be met. Maybe not right this second, but very soon. Glee's my insparation. I've gotten a LOT of story alerts, but I'd like more reviews, that's how I know what to work on, and what to make better.
Although I thought the recent episode where Quinn tells her parents wasn't that great. I was kinda dissapointed, to tell you the truth. And I'm really into Tina's voice after seeing True Colors, I thought that was an awesome song for them to do.
Why does something like this always happen to me? I finally find someone who makes me happy, and someone I feel can understand and handle the complexities that come with being around me. Now I find out he's a man whore. Some random act of oddness has to always ruin the good things I've got going.
Noah was a good thing. I know he was a jerk, and he was really mean to me before, but that doesn't change what developed between us. He really turned out to be all that I wanted in a guy. He had a nice body, a great personality once you got the his famous jerk part out of the way, and he was definetly a sight for sore eyes. He treated me good, he complimented me in his own way. We could have been something great, but now... it's all gone.
How could all of us have been so blind? A hot tub? Seriously. I'm a 4.0 GPA student and I couldn't figure out a simple lie? This not only crushes me, it's making me feel stupid. I really hate the feeling of being stupid. It's one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. Worse then someone getting my lead, worse then being a back up singer, worse then getting a slushie to the face every other day of my freshman year.
I sat on the stool in the middle of the stage, with the lights glaring down on me. My hands were clasped in my lap, and I'm sure I had some make up around my eyes. The tears weren't falling, but they were there.
This wasn't new though. I've never really been a stranger to heartbreak, I've just been a stranger to the extent of it. Even with Finn, it'd never hurt this bad. Oh god... That could only mean one thing. I never really loved Finn...
I guess I was almost in love with Noah. It's the only way I can get a possible answer. I can't believe it though. He was so good to me. He treated my like I've always wanted to be treated, I know we've had a few rough moments where we fight, but statistics show that people who fight in relationships are actually more functional then people who hide their feelings and don't tell the other how they feel. The bottom line would be that Noah and I functioned like a real couple should.
And on top of all that, he made me happy. That was all over now though. This is over. I can't be with Noah now. He's got to take responsability for what he did to Quinn. She's my friend now, and this is all going to make her life even more hectic then it already was. Now I bet Finn was going to kick her out.
Serves her right.
No. It doesn't. Rachel, get your head together. You just said Quinn was your friend, you can't just contradict yourself like that. It shows you don't have a lot of confidence, which we do have. Hello, you're a Berry! Dad always says that we've got more confidence then anyone else, but we're not cocky.
Face it, Rach. You're miserable. You really don't want things to be this way, but they are and now we're going to have to do something about it. Lets get even with her. Noah was your man, your boyfriend, and now all of this happens and we're just gonna go all soft? Remember when that guy got your part, you got Sandy FIRED. This seems to be more important to you then that did, and now you're just gonna sit by and let it happen? This isn't a very Berry thing to do.
Why is my mind so confused? Really, this can't be healthy. It's the first time I've ever been unsure of how to react to a situation. No. Actually, I've got this figured out. I'm not going to let this bother me. I wasn't in love with Noah, he was just a fling. He wasn't anything important to me, because you know what. I deserve more then he could have ever offered me.
That gave me an idea.
I went to the left of the stage to the sound board, and turned on a microphone. Then I went to the prop closet and grabbed a stand. I'm not going to be sad about this. I'm better then Noah. He's the one who's got this loss on his hands. I'm never going back to him. This is the biggest mistake he's ever going to make. I heard it earlier on the radio, and took an instant liking to it. Cry Your Eyes Out by Hit The Lights.
Anytime you talk, It's all time used,
So you can prove how big your mouth is.
Oh the lies that leave those lips.
You've got them dropping like cancer, baby.
Colder than ever.
And that's why I'll say,
That even if I wanted you back, and I don't,
You'd still be on call tonight for anyone who's down.
Every time you call for some sympathy,
Make it worth my while.
And cry your eyes out, baby cry your eyes out.
Every time you call for some sympathy,
Make it worth my time,
And cry about it, cry about it.
Any word I bought that was sold by you,
So tell me how you deal with dead ends.
Oh the lies that those hips.
You've got me sweating like a heart attack,
Coming from all the stress you put me through.
And even if I wanted you back, and I don't,
You'd still be on call tonight for anyone who's down.
I've had it.
Cry about it now,
It's not like anyone's supposed to know,
You were here making more messes for yourself.
So figure out your damage,
And own up to what was said.
Save your excuses,
I'm not hearing it.
Every time you call for some sympathy,
Make it worth my time,
And cry your eyes out,
Baby cry your eyes out.
I looked up slowly as the song trailed off. I brought my hands up to my face, and wiped the water off my cheeks. It turns out I was the one who was crying.
Who was I kidding...? I'm miserable. This is when the tears started pouring. I know that I'm better then this, but the pain isn't something that I can handle. I couldn't stand it.
Someone started clapping from Stage left.
I turned to see Finn, standing there clapping, slowly coming over to me. I didn't want him to see me like this. I turned away. My make up has got to be completely ruined, and I've got to look horrible.
"That was great, Rach." Finn said, still moving closer to her.
"It's just an easy song with a few high F's. Nothing speical." I said, it really wasn't. One of my best jobs, if I do say so myself. I guess what they say really is true. Music sounds better when you mean it.
"It sounded from the heart."
I turned back to him. This day wasn't the greatest thing ever for him either. I couldn't be selfish and act like I was the only one with the broken heart here today. He found out his girlfriend had cheated on him when he was dating her. In my situation, Noah wasn't with me at the time of the conception.
"It was..." I said. I was done feeling sorry for myself, Finn needed me more the I needed myself. I held my arms out for him to come into a hug, and he did so quickly. He started crying. I rubbed his back, trying to comfort him right this minute. I can't imagine how hard this has got to be for him. I bet it's way worse then how I'm feeling. He's got to be dying inside, while I was just wounded. "Come over here and sit down, Finn."
I guided him to the edge of center stage and sat down with my legs hanging over the edge. He coppied me.
"Rachel, what do I do?" He said, trying his hardest not to keep crying. I'd assume he was trying to stay strong for me, or at least I slightly hoped that's what he was doing. Just for me.
"I'm not sure... This isn't the first time I've actually had a loss for words with you..." I said. I don't know why, but I did. I couldn't tell him what to do, not when I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do.
"What? This isn't the first time?" Finn asked, looking forward instead of at me. I watched his eyes go up and down the room, thinking and wondering about something.
"I have a tendency to lose my train of thought when you're around."
Finn's eyes widened a little, but slowly went back to normal, "Yeah?"
I mumbled a yes, looking down at my hands that were in my lap. This was awkward.
"That's good. I've had the same problem and I really never knew what it was from. Now I know it's all from you." Finn said.
"Yeah. I guess you get used to it after a while." I said, biting my bottom lip.
"I know that everything that's going on is really fucked up, and I'm not okay, I'm actually really fucking pissed," I laughed at how many curse words Finn was using, he never used those words around me and it was a weird change, "But if you need me, I'm here. I really care about you Rachel."
"I'm here for you, too. I know you care, that's what friends are for." I said.
"Yes. They are, but I'm talking about caring about you a little more then that. I really like you. Maybe this baby isn't mine because I wasn't actually supposed to be with Quinn. I wasn't happy. Our love faded when I found out about the baby. There was to much shit going on and it didn't help our relationship at all. It ran it into the ground." Finn said.
"I know. Right now it seems as though we both weren't supposed to be with the people we ended up with. This may just be a blessing in disguise." I thought about that. It could seem logical. I mean, I'm a believer in fate.
"That's what I think. So maybe, if you're up to it, we can hang out sometime?" Finn said.
I looked over at him and smiled with a nod. He looked to me and I blushed. His smile showed a little, showing me that even though everything bad was going on right now, it didn't matter because now I had Finn. Like I've always wanted.
No. Like I want.
At least, that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Even if it kills me.
Noah is a part of my past. He may have ment something to me then, but he doesn't mean a thing now. I am, and I always have been, attracted to Finn more.
Let's just say I'm good at acting and making my own mindsets.
Puck walked up to the front door of the auditorium. He could have swore that he heard Rachel singing from inside, so he tried both of the door's. They were locked. He would have ran back to the Glee room and asked Mr. Shue for his keys, but that seemed pretty pointless. He didn't want to get into another fight with Finn. He could kick Finn's ass in a second, but today just wasn't one of those days.
He cursed to himself when he tried the left backstage enterance and found that it was locked. Now he's gotta pray that the right one wasn't locked. He had to talk to Rachel. There was no way she was going to get out of his life like this. She wasn't allowed to leave at all.
If you asked him, he'd never admit it, but he needed Rachel.
She was the only one who really cared about him. Santana just wanted him for sex, and nothing more. Quinn didn't want him for anything before Finn found out about everything, now she just wanted Puck because Finn wouldn't be there. Rachel actually wanted to be with him. She didn't have any hidden agenda. Or at least none that he knew about. She was with him to be with him. Nothing to physical, it was all emotional.
Puck needed that. The act he put on for all of his friends was that he didn't need her. He didn't need anything more then something physical to keep him happy. No doubt, he did love the physical aspects of relationships, but he was never open with anyone about what he really craved. The only reason he told people otherwise was because he didn't want to feel weak, and he had a reputation to uphold.
His reputation ment everything to him. Even though he was in Glee, he still managed to keep a decient one up and around him no matter what.
The door opened on the first tug. He walked in, making sure the door didn't give his position away. He didn't want her to jump and run. He wanted to talk to her. Puck stepped over the wires that were forgotten to put away, and moved around trying to avoid the stage clutter. He got to the stage enterance and saw Finn and Rachel sitting together, to close for Puck's liking.
He didn't care that Finn was there, he was going to talk to Rachel.
"Well. Isn't this a nice surprise?" He said, walking into the spot light that was already fixated on the stage. Rachel got up and just stared at him, while Finn got up and stood next to Rachel. "We need to talk."
"I've got nothing to say to you, Noah." Rachel said. She sounded fine, and it bothered Puck. He thought she'd try and rip his head off or worse. Castrate him.
"I don't care. I've got stuff you've got to hear."
"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to." Finn said, glaring at Puck. He glared back.
"Shut up, bro. Rachel, I'm sorry-"
"Sorry? You're sorry," Rachel smiled and laughed. Puck and Finn were both confused, "You're trying to just say sorry for this? Sorry's not enough, Noah. Sorry only works if you forget to take out the trash, or you accidently hit someone walking down the hallway. You got your best friend's girlfriend pregnant. That's not something a simple apologie can fix. The past can't be altered by you just saying that pointless little word. In this case, it's useless."
"Then tell me what I need to do Rachel. I don't want us to be like this." Puck said stepping closer to her, but when he got less then 5 feet from her, Finn stepped in the way.
"If she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't have to."
"Don't push me here, man." Puck said. His fists balled up, and he closed his eyes looking down.
"Or what? You'll knock up my next girlfriend?" He teased in a serious tone. This was a side of Finn that Rachel hadn't seen before. He was dark, and he was intimidating. She was flabbergasted at how he was taking Puck on like this. Sure, he already proved that he could take Puck on, but still. This wasn't like Finn. This wasn't what Rachel wanted. At least not this side of Finn. It reminded her to much of Puck.
She didn't want Finn to remind her of Puck.
"Rachel, restrain your caveman." Puck ordered.
That was it. Rachel walked in front of Finn, much to his dismay.
"Look here, Noah. I want you to leave me alone. You did this to yourself. I can't go back and change what you did, even though I wish I could. I admit that I was happy with you, and I would have loved to be with you longer then just a few short months, but I can't do this now. You need to be there for Quinn because it's your responsability. And if you're there for Quinn, you can't be there for me. There's nothing else to say but that we're done." She said, her voice cracking towards the end. She could barely get out the words 'we're done'.
It killed him to see her like this. He finally knew that she really cared by the tears welling in her eyes.
"I can't just let you leave. Not without a fight." Puck said looking at her intensely.
"That can be arranged." Finn mumbled. Rachel looked back at him and he shrugged. She rolled her eyes.
"I'll still be here if you need me Noah, but it's better if you go find Quinn. She probably needs a friend right now." Rachel said. He could see the hurt in her eyes, but her voice stayed strong.
"Tell him how we're going to hang out soon." Finn said, putting an arm around Rachel.
Puck was astonished when she didn't shrug it off. She just crossed her arms and looked down at the floor, "Thanks Finn."
Finn smirked at Puck.
Like he said, he shouldn't have pushed him.
Before Rachel knew it, Puck threw a punch right into Finn's nose. He fell to the floor before they could start a round 2 of their brawling. Puck looked at Rachel one last time before he left. Their eyes locked, and they both felt the pain in the other. It wasn't right, but there wasn't anything they could do.
Rachel sat down next to Finn, checking to see if he was okay. He had some blood dripping down his face. His nose was bleeding, and Finn was holding it in some sever pain, "Oh Finn..."
Out in the parking lot, the sky was dark and gray. There was a slight drizzle, which made Puck have even more mixed feelings. He remembered the day Finn was going over baby names he though would work and came up with the dumb ass name Drizzle.
He didn't know if he should hate Finn for everything, or be happy that he's got Quinn now. The only thing wrong with this picture was that he didn't have his Berry. When he thought of his future with his child, he thought of having Rachel there and Quinn. Now that wasn't going to happen. Even though it was what he wanted, he wasn't going to get it. Rachel held grudges. And he was sure that this wouldn't be an acception.
He went out to his truck, and he was pulling out his keys when he noticed someone was standing there.
Quinn had to have been standing there for a while because even though it was drizzling, she was soaking wet and was pretty damn lucky she was wearing a dark blue dress to school that day instead of all of her lightly colored things. She had her hair sticking to her face, and some of her make-up hadn't began running, it just clung around her eyes where it shouldn't have been.
Puck's heart lifted up a little. He still thought she looked beautiful.
"Hi." She said as he walked over to her. They let the rain fall down on them without even acting like they noticed.
"Hey." Was all he said.
"What do we do now?" She asked, her voice cracking like Rachel's did. He let out a sigh. He didn't want Quinn to remind him of Rachel.
"How am I supposed to know? I'm still trying to figure out what the hell just happened in there." Puck said leaning against his truck.
"Since you missed it, Finn found out and shunned both of us, and Rachel broke up with you." Quinn said.
Puck glared at her, but when he saw her expression, his own softened. She was crying, and her eyes were blood-shot red. He grabbed her hand and pulled her over to him. He held her and let her cry into his shirt. He ran a hand down her hair, kissing her on the forehead. "What do you think we should do?"
She pulled back a little from him so she could look up at him, "I think you can start doing everything you've wanted to do, like helping with your child."
"Okay." He said. That helped the pain a little. He wanted to provide for his family, but with Finn in the way, he never had the chance.
"And... Maybe we could be together? Y'know, be a family?"
And that made his heart beat faster, "Really?"
Quinn nodded and sent him a weak smile. This was what he wanted, right? Right. He got to live up to what his actions caused, and he didn't have to take the role of a dead beat like his father. He got to make a change. Finally.
This was what he wanted, and he was going to be happy with it.
Even if it kills him.
AN: Sorry that took so long, I've been REALLY involved with Wake Up Call and I sort of pushed this story aside. I'm going to still update this one, but it's going to take a little while. I've got a LOT of stuff on my plate, so I hope you guys understand that it's hard to keep up with a life and writing.
- Presley Profanity.