Well it was just a dream just a moment ago,
I was up so high, looking down at the sky,
don't let me fall.
I was shooting for stars on a Saturday night,
they say what goes up must come down,
but don't let me fall.
Don't let me fall.
Don't let me fall.
Don't Let Me Fall – B.O.B
"You need time. I understand. I said it from the start Jacob, I need time too." Leah said with a sigh, breaking the long silence and facing him from across the old wooden table, finishing up her breakfast.
He lifted his troubled head off the wooden table, his thoughts unclear, so unclear that nothing made sense anymore.
It was one of those feelings you get when you wake up some days from the pain you have suffered from years ago, but you can't let go of it and you don't know why but you just can't and it kills you because it doesn't make sense. It never does; this pain.
Why am I here? You start asking yourself.
Why do I feel this way?
Why can't I smile?
And you look in the mirror.
You don't see anything.
Just a shadow of who you were.
But you don't even know who you were.
You try to think but nothing makes sense anymore.
And this, this was how Jacob felt.
He couldn't seem to look her in the eye.
It was too difficult to look into those bright eyes, because she was waiting for him, he knew she was, even though she said she wasn't.
They were just words that were pouring out of her moist lips, as she took a sip from her freshly squeezed orange juice. She practiced those words, repeating them constantly to him. She knew those words like a prayer. She didn't feel those words. She didn't believe those words.
It's all so clear.
But he accepted them.
He would always accept them.
He just couldn't seem to let go of all those wet bags of sand that sat permanently on his weak body. It had been weeks, months, ever since she left him, but yet the pain felt so new, so fresh. It ate at his insides, it burned his soul. He felt like he was going to lose his mind, but this beautiful creature sitting in front of him in a white wooden chair, her black hair in a messy bun, his over sized white shirt coming down to her mid-thighs. Her skinned sun-kissed, glowing, so natural, so beautiful, and those eyes, damn those eyes saw right through him.
How did she do that?
How could she just read him and figure him out so quickly?
It blew his mind how well she knew him.
"Stop," She whispers. He looks up, finally, into those damn eyes and she knows what he's thinking.
She's always known.
What to say.
How to say it.
When to say it.
He felt like he didn't deserve her.
She was too good to him.
Too good for him.
She wouldn't let him fall.
But did she not know that what goes up must come down?
She gets up from her seat, and walks behind him; she wraps her long lean arms around his shoulders.
"Stop," She repeats, and leaves a warm kiss on his left cheek. "Now, get up, and let's go out."
Driving was probably one of Leah's favourite things to do. It was easy for her. Every since her life turned upside down at a young age, and everything just kept going downhill she would jump into her car and just speed away.
Away from the pain.
The craziness that was her life.
Away from everything.
Her window would be all the way down and the wind would dance with her hair.
She didn't know where she was going.
She didn't know where she would end up.
She didn't care.
Jacob leaned back into his seat, eyes shut, letting the clean air cleanse his insides and letting the sun warm his skin that felt so heavy.
His body felt heavy.
His head felt heavy.
His heart felt heavy.
Everything, from the crown of his head to his feet felt heavy, unbearable, vague, and uncontrollable.
Everything was wrong.
He was wrong.
Wrong to think that he could make it out of this alive.
But there was nothing he can do but try with whatever there was remaining in his bruised soul and beaten heart to fight.
To fight for his life back.
To fight for her, the only reason that had been keeping him alive, the only one that would not give up.
"Where are we going?" He asked, turning his lazy head towards her. She turned to him, smiling softly, "You'll see," she says, her eyes dancing with excitement.
"What are you up to Lee?" He says through a smile.
Half of his heart warming, and the other half numb, frozen and broken, incomplete, darkened; burnt out from the heat, from the never ending pain.
"Nothing," She answers and Jacob could see the glimmer in her eyes.
He says nothing and just relaxes back into his seat, closes his eyes and dozes off.
Hey guys, yes I know it's been a long time.
The last time I posted a chapter was when I was leaving for Europe. My trip was great, and really warm!
When I came back school became a big problem, because I had so many classes going on. After it cooled down for a bit (Winter Break) my family and I planned a trip to the Bahamas. It was very beautiful and I had a great time.
But something came up, something so heartbreaking for me. My grandfather passed away, and I'm still trying to live with the fact that he's gone. He was a very special man and I hope he rests in peace. This is the first time that I've lost someone so close to me. And I guess when you're young, you expect that your loved ones will always be there for you. But it's not true. And it's hard, really fucking hard to move on, and realize that you'll never see them again.
Now, I barely got this chapter out. It was slow, because I haven't been in the mood to write. It's really not something I'm proud of, it's lacking for me, but I just wanted to get something out.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Reviews = love!