Title: Beauty and the Bastard. 1/10

Author: drainbamage954

Rating: PG-13/eventual NC-17

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Humor

Wordcount: 2,366

Warnings: YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

Summary: "From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you, you will perish!"

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.


1. Well Shit.

Sasuke was about ready to throw his door at the person who was currently knocking it instead of opening it. This would be beneficial for two reasons, the first being that it would stop the menace from continuing to disturb him and would also be extremely satisfying. He'd always wanted to break down a door. Unfortunately, it would also mean he would have to get a new front door. And potentially be charged with murder.

Glaring like Satan, he wrenched the large oak doors open, giving the figure before him a look that could kill small forest creatures. "WHAT!" he snapped loudly, beautiful pale and perfect face staring down.

The small and filthy creature before him looked up, her horribly old, unwashed and wrinkled face blinking pitifully up at the proud man. Sasuke nearly recoiled in disgust, about ready to punt the nasty creature off his immaculate doorstep. Why such a thing thought it would be allowed, let alone welcome here was beyond Sasuke. Usually, no one below the rank of noble was allowed past the tall marble gates, his prestige so high. To have something so low before him made Sasuke feel sick.

Shakily, the feeble old woman extended her gnarled hands up toward Sasuke, her weak mouth opening as her creaky voice wobbled out. "Alms for an old woman."

"Get off my property, hag," Sasuke spat, wondering if 'poverty' was a transmittable disease.

The old woman coughed, the action wracking her thin frame. "Please," she warbled. "I am cold and hungry. Won't you help a poor creature?"

"I'm feeling sullied and unusual but you don't see me begging you to help me," Sasuke retorted, black eyes cold as he glared down at the obnoxious and probably diseased woman.

The woman coughed again, her watery eyes pleading. "Fair Prince, please. I am old and weak, have you no goodness in your heart to save a poor soul from deaths icy breath?"

"No," Sasuke said bluntly, the old womans face falling swiftly. "I don't. Now go away before you sully the marble."

Suddenly the old woman cracked her mouth in a horrible grin, the kind that you see old people give and feel spiders racing up your spine, the lack of teeth appalling. A nasty old and wheezing chuckle rose from her throat, making the hairs on Sasuke's neck stand on end. "Were you never taught, Uchiha Sasuke," the woman said, her eyes suddenly alight with a mischief Sasuke throughly disapproved of. "Never to refuse a demon?"

Sasuke felt a cold chill race down his back, settling to rattle about in his stomach. "Actually, I was taught never to let them into my house, something about them eating my soul," he said, never one to back down even when he realized his defeat and, in this case, impending doom. He watched in dread and realization as the womans crooked back straightened, allowing her to rise to her full height before exceeding that, eventually stopping her reenactment of Jack-and-the-Beanstalk human style to tower five feet over Sasuke, her old tattered shall falling about her impressively. Her face had swiftly morphed into a younger visage, the lines of wisdom still present though not as dramatic as her eyes turned bright yellow.

"Sasuke, you are a cold and cruel being," the now impressive and fully unmasked demon said, pointing to him dramatically as the air around them seemed the throb with ominous power.

"Is it really necessary to point out the obvious?" Sasuke asked, feeling that, considering the circumstances, if he was going to die anyway he mightn't bother saving himself. It would be like denying that puberty existed as you stared at your acne and obvious morning wood.

The demon blinked at him, seeming to be legitimately surprised at his actions. "Aren't you going to start begging for your life?" it asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Crying for forgiveness, going down on your knee and swearing to change your ways?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Would that do anything?"

The demon laughed lowly, it's now magnified voice booming around the large estate, making the marble columns shiver. Sasuke hoped the foundations remained intact. "You're probably the first arrogant ass hole that hasn't tried to negotiate with me in some way," it said, leering at Sasuke, it's yellow eyes glinting.

"Is that a compliment?" Sasuke asked, wondering how long he had to wait before the damn thing blew him up, stripped him to pieces, banished him to a world of infinite torture or something equally as horrific.

"An observation," the demon clarified. It seemed to be extremely entertained. "Uchiha, you have a cold and hard heart, knowing nothing but yourself and caring for none."

"Yes, and?" Sasuke said, interrupting the demon, even daring to shoot a glare at it.

"Don't interrupt!" the demon snapped, irritation flashing through its eyes as it loomed over the raven. "I should be a proper demon and kill you, ridding the world of your arrogance, but you amuse me." Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "So, I'll give you the once in a lifetime opportunity to take that stick of conceit from your pampered little ass and shape up."

"So you're not going to kill me," Sasuke said, condensing the demons speech to a much easier message.

The demon grinned. "Not yet, at least," it said, delight lacing its voice. Holding out a large clawed hand, Sasuke watched as a small plant began to grow in the palm, rapidly maturing through the process of photosynthesis until a perfect lotus blossom rested, beautiful in the demons hand. "You will have until the last petal falls from this lotus to get someone to fall in love with you, or else you will die, cold, alone, and a bastard."

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise. "That's it?" he said in disbelief.

"Well," the demon said, mischief dancing in its eyes. "When I say fall in love with you, I mean you as you, not your princely looks, charm, or wealth. They have to love your soul."

Sasuke scowled at the demon. "This coming from the giant spectral being which just told me I'm going to die cold, alone, and a bastard."

The demon grinned delightedly. "Yep," it said, the air around them growing heavier as the sky darkened. "From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

There was roll of thunder, the sky flashing with lightning as the demon threw its hands wide, grinning maniacally down at Sasuke, who frowned, thoroughly hating the prickling feeling spreading over his skin. Around him, he saw the walls of his castle begin to darken, the white marble transforming into gray stone, his once manicured courtyard becoming overgrown with gnarled trees, brambles, and weeds. He heard a few distant yells from inside the castle, echoing through the halls, now dark as the lights blew out.

"Are the dramatics really necessary?" the raven asked, cringing slightly as he felt his skin and muscles stretch painfully, his flesh on fire as it began to contort.

The demon smirked at him. "Don't deny a demon its pleasures, kid."

The white lotus remained suspended in the air before Sasuke, the only beautiful thing around him, delicate and white surrounded by darkness and gloom. The sky boomed with thunder again, lightning splitting the sky as Sasuke doubled over, pain lacing his body as he glared at the demon. The being simple grinned at him, watching in delight as his back arched and his feet lengthened, a layer of black fur sprouting over his body. His once beautiful clothes were torn, split from the sudden growth of his body as his teeth bared, his canines elongating into fangs. His skull ached as two twisting and pointed horns grew from his hair.

The transformation lasted only moments, though, as Sasuke lay on all fours, gasping as the waves of pain slowly receded. Wincing and panting, Sasuke looked up at the grinning demon, rain pelting against him and soaking his new layer of fur, weighing it down. It suddenly made him completely understand why cats hated water. His body ached, the vestiges of his transformation into something he really didn't think was going to be attractive still lingering in the newly formed bone, muscle, and skin.

"And if I find someone to love me?" Sasuke ground out, internally withering at the growling and animalistic sound coming from his mouth.

The demon grinned. "Your spell is broken. You go back to being all pretty and human," the demon said, eyes glinting amusedly. "But, not to inflate my ego, I did a pretty slammin' job. Probably the only thing willing to go near you would be a yetti."

Sasuke raised a hand to brush his sopping hair from his face, growling in frustration when he saw that it too was covered in fur, his nails curved into claws. He was further frustrated when he realized that the hair hanging in his face wasn't actually hanging, it was covering fur and, no matter how much he wanted to push it away, it would still be there.

"Good luck getting someone to take that stick out of your ass," the demon said, laughing maliciously as it suddenly imploded upon itself, flashes of color crackling across the sky as it disappeared with a loud boom. Sasuke glowered, finally managing to push himself to his feet and glaring at the spot the demon had been, the absolute downpour beating against him.

He smelled like a drowned cat. Or dog.

Snarling angrily, Sasuke snatched the lotus, still suspended in the air, and stomped back inside his now forbidding castle. As he slammed the large oak door behind him, he tried breathing through his nose, a technique he had learned from his chef years ago. Unfortunately, the technique never worked as well for the spoilt prince as his cook. Especially now, seeing as, when he attempted to breathe deeply, he got a schnoz full of his own thick black face fur, sufficiently clogging his nasal passages.

Spitting in fury, Sasuke stomped up the grand stair case, now cold stone and twisted iron, and and the passages to his private quarters, located in the far north tower and portion of the castle. Sure, he lived here, owned the damn place, but that didn't mean others didn't reside here as well. Thus, he made sure every being in the castle knew that the north section of the castle was his and his alone. Anyone who ventured up there would be locked away and fed stale bread. Or killed.

The reality that he was sopping wet didn't improve Sasuke's mood in the slightest, only serving to further anger him. Growling, he stopped, doing something he'd never once imagined. Leaning over slightly, Sasuke shook himself entirely, much like the way dogs dried off. Growling at being reduced to such actions (even though it had been wonderfully effective), Sasuke lashed out, smashing his clawed fist into the nearest suit of armor, causing the piece to topple into the wall, ripping the painting there down and to break on the floor.

There was a startled shout behind him, causing Sasuke to spin around, teeth bared and practically shooting sparks. Standing, well, figuratively standing, was what could be recognized as the great candelabra from the banquet hall, except it was all contorted, seeming to have been moving. And it had a face.

"Sasuke?" the candelabra asked disbelieving. Sasuke felt like collapsing in a pile of angst as he recognized the voice of his butler and childhood mentor.

"I'm turned into a giant spectral beast and you still manage to recognize me, Kakashi?" the dark prince said, hunched over. "What, can you smell me or something?"

The candelabra walked closer to him (something which shouldn't have been possible), shaking its head (?). "You don't exactly smell like Sasuke, more like wet dog," Kakashi said, his voice sounding extremely strange coming from a candlestick. Sasuke growled at him. "You're just the only one who exudes angst and suppressed aggression like that. Logically, it made sense."

"You're a candelabra," Sasuke deadpanned, staring down at his once-butler, now at his feet.

"And you're a giant black beastie," Kakashi retorted.

"Touche," Sasuke growled, turning from the talking candlestick to stomp up to his tower, lotus still held protectively in his hand. Kakashi didn't follow him, instead watching as his now sulking master faded from sight.

Arriving in his study, Sasuke decimated the area, throwing his valuable and rare furniture against the walls, shredding his antique paintings and shattering the glass of the large mirror against the wall. The room, which had taken years to build up to perfection, was destroyed in minutes. Heaving, Sasuke looked down at the small lotus blossom lying on the only intact piece of furniture. Sighing heavily, he walked over and picked it up.

He had until all the petals were gone from the flower to make someone fall in love with him or else he died.

Well shit.


A/N: I needed to do something fun. I've been so focused on class work and the other two (three) stories that I just needed something to let off steam. I was sitting in class today, talking about ethnomusicology stuff, when this little idea blew up inside my head along with about 50 amusing situations. Needless to say, I didn't write many notes in that class. Lemme know what you think and if I should continue! This is pretty much the intro. The other chapters will be much longer.