I had a request from knownangel after the last chapter of I Am Not My Sister's Keeper to write up Eriol's agreement. I wasn't sure at first because I had no idea how Touya and Eriol should interact when discussing the contract, but then I realized that there was a far more important hurdle that Eriol would need to get past than Touya - Daidouji Sonomi. Hopefully this does justice to it.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS. Some of this was based on 'Daddy's Rules for Dating My Daughter'.
"Tomoyo-san? What do you say we do dinner?" he suggested to the dark haired girl, his tone and expression changing in an instant. "Unlike certain people who shall not be mentioned, you seem like the kind of woman who can appreciate a real man."
"Oh no you don't," Touya growled, stopping Eriol in his tracks. "Sit," he said before handing Eriol a fodder of paper similar to that Syaoran was carefully perusing.
Daidouji Tomoyo was not one prone to pouting but she couldn't help herself. No more than two hours ago she had been asked on a date by the boy she had been crushing on since fifth grade (not nearly as long as Sakura and Syaoran, but four years was still right up there) and she was still sitting there waiting while he went through the various contractual clauses written in by her mother and her second cousin, Touya. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear Sakura singing the words 'I told you so' but her boyfriend had already signed his contract and was therefore free to date her (to a degree) and so Sakura was probably in too good a mood to say it for real.
Eriol was a different matter.
"I'm glad you were able to agree to this meeting, Daidouji-sama," Eriol said politely, bowing to the woman who headed the table.
"Touya-kun seemed to think it might benefit the both of us," Daidouji Sonomi replied coolly. "I believe you wished to negotiate the contract that my nephew drew up."
"Yes, Daidouji-sama," he replied. "There were just a few changes I hoped we could make."
"Fine," she said simply. "Let us call this meeting to order."
Agreement for dating Kinomoto Touya's Evil Camera Wielding Second Cousin on behalf of Daidouji Sonomi.
I the undersigned, Hiragizawa Eriol (henceforth known as the devil incarnate) do hereby agree to comply with the following conditions on pain of death. Failure to comply will result in immediate injury, followed by a prolonged and painful death.
"I see no problem with this," Sonomi said blandly after reading the initial terms of the agreement and not even batting an eyelash at the various terms of endearment included. "That seems very much in order to me."
Eriol's charming smile froze at the indifferent look on Sonomi's face. Touya's threats were one thing, but Sonomi had all kinds of means at her disposal to carry them out. Something told him that when she was done with him, no one would ever find the body.
Tomoyo slumped down despondently in her seat beside Eriol. She could already tell this was going to be a long meeting.
"Let's just continue, shall we?" Eriol suggest awkwardly.
(1) The devil incarnate will not engage himself in any illegal activity, including, but not limited to:
a. Inappropriate relations with his teacher.
b. Procuring of black market materials i.e. eye of newt and dragons tooth.
c. Supplying mind-altering substances to minors for his own pleasure.
d. Engaging people in various conduct against their will.
e. Attacking people with .
f. Any attempt to take over the world, including, but not limited to mass-murder and magically induced apocalypse.
"Is this where the problem was?" Sonomi asked coolly, giving the boy intending to date her daughter a stern look.
"Oh no, no," Eriol protested quickly. "No, not at all, Daidouji-sama. I don't even know why Kinomoto put those things in there. Oh, such a joker that one."
"Indeed," she answered drolly.
(2) The devil incarnate will return the ECWSC home before 11pm after any date. Until further notice, the devil incarnate is limited to seeing the ECWSC twice a week outside of school, and may not socialize with the ECWSC on school nights.
"I really don't think this twice a week bit is reasonable, Daidouji-sama," Eriol explained politely. "Nor do I think an 11 o'clock curfew is reasonable. Your daughter is a responsible young woman, and is smart enough to appropriate her own time."
Tomoyo almost moaned aloud. As charming as Eriol could be, he really had no idea how to handle her mother. The problem was, he was simply too much like Kinomoto Fujitaka for his own good, and her mother had taken an almost instant disliking to him the second he tried to flash that ever-charming smile in her direction. You know the one – half closed eyes, glasses flashing, and a look of warm knowingness on his face; it was the sort of look that made Sonomi's blood boil.
"Really?" Sonomi answered. "I happened to think that my nephew was being too easy here. Hmmfp," she scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, "I suppose Fujitaka-sensei had a hand in that."
Eriol was starting to sweat. "Of course not, Daidouji-sama," Eriol said quickly. "Terrible man." You could tell he was getting desperate now and trying to butter up to Sonomi by agreeing to her on all matters.
"Very good," Sonomi replied in a business like manner. "We'll change that to 10:30pm," she dictated to her assistant, "and set a weekly limit of . . . hmmm . . . 6 hours seems reasonable."
"I told you so," Tomoyo hissed quietly. "I told you Touya-kun was offering you a good deal, but no, you reckoned you could talk my mother into changing it. Looks like you did."
"But Syaoran gets school nights and room for non-date socialization," Eriol complained.
"He also gets to name his first born 'Li Touya' irrespective of gender and Touya as a brother-in-law," Tomoyo replied. "If you want to trade places, be my guest."
Eriol briefly thought back to the malicious looks that Touya had been sending Syaoran, and shuddered despite himself. He was grateful that he had not been the recipient of those glares, but as he met Sonomi's eyes across the table, he wondered if he had spoke too soon.
"Very good, Daidouji-sama," he said aloud. "You are as gracious as you are fair."
Sonomi just raised an eyebrow at him as she sent a derogatory smirk across the table. "I suppose those sorts of charms work fine on my daughter, Hiragizawa," she said in a chilled voice that made Eriol shake with fear, "but don't think I'm even the slightest bit fooled by your charms."
"Okaa-sama," Tomoyo gaped, hardly believing her mother could be so forthright.
"He'll do for now, Tomoyo-chan," she told her daughter.
(3) It would be inappropriate for the devil incarnate to take the ECWSC to the following places unless supervised by an appropriate person:
a. Rooms with beds.
b. Rooms with incredibly comfortable sofas.
c. Rooms with sofas that turn into beds.
d. Rooms with fireplaces – this is for your own benefit
e. .Places where there will be handing holding or dancing.
f. Parties where empty bottles might be spun.
g. Places where there is darkness.
h. Places where it is warm enough to induce the removal of clothing.
i. Anywhere that cannot be monitored by CCTV.
(4) The devil incarnate will not kiss the ECWSC until he has accumulated more than 10 hours of date time with the ECWSC. (Touya had also made some mention of requiring an STD test before any such move was made, but had kindly not included it in the contract so as not to hurt his chances further)
Eriol remained silent on the matter, but it seemed that Sonomi was unsatisfied.
"That won't do at all," she said.
Eriol let out a sigh of relief, misinterpreting Sonomi's protest. "You're very right, Daidouji-sama," he said kindly. "I don't know what Kinomoto was thinking in writing that."
"Well I'm glad we agree on that," Sonomi smiled, her lips pulling into a cruel grimace. "It would simply be improper for a girl of Tomoyo-chan's standing to kiss a boy before her fifth or even sixth date. We'll have to change that to . . . thirty hours at least."
Eriol gaped at her response, but forced his lips to form a placid smile as he just nodded painfully in agreement as Tomoyo shook her head beside him. He didn't even need to look at her to know that she was mouthing the words 'I told you so' in his direction.
(5) The devil incarnate will not engage the ECWSC in anything that might be deemed 'sexual conduct' unless he intends to marry, and certainly not before he does so. Intent to marry must be conferred to Daidouji Sonomi and will not be viable until she accepts you as a suitable prospect.
"I suppose we should define what might be deemed 'sexual conduct'," Sonomi suggested. Unlike Touya, she was not willing to leave anything up for interpretation, and she certainly would not be leaving anything to Eriol's discretion. After all, Sonomi had earned herself a Law degree with first class honours from Harvard – it would be a sin not to put it to good use.
Eriol nodded silently, not risking a single syllable in his defence.
Sonomi quickly made a list and presented it in the following schedule.
SCHEDULE 1: Sexual conduct
The following will be deemed sexual conduct:
Removing the ECWSC's clothing when the temperature is below 20 degrees
Touching any part of the ECWSC's body with your tongue.
Touching below the collarbone and above the wrist.
Having your hands inside the ECWSC's clothing and similarly, having the ECWSC's hands inside yours.
In case it wasn't obvious, any touching below the below.
Any attempted touching in the 'no go zone'.
For reference purposes, Sonomi had attached a diagram with the 'no go zone' marked in red. The 'no go zone' began just above the breast, and finished mid-thigh. Eriol thought the size of the zone was a bit excessive, but suspected that it was for convenience more than anything else.
He reluctantly agreed to Sonomi's definition, resigning himself to marrying Tomoyo just as soon as he worked out what would count as a 'suitable prospect' in Sonomi's mind.
(6) The devil incarnate will not allow anyone to objectify the ECWSC including himself. The devil incarnate is expected to defend the ECWSC's honour in all circumstances, even if the guy is twice his size and holding a machete.
(7) Only the following will be considered acceptable for transporting the ECWSC:
The Daidouji town ECWSC's personal limousine.A Japanese made car owned by the devil incarnate for no more than five years with a safety rating of at least 4, a compact backseat, a twenty litre engine, and a maximum speed of 120km/h.
Note: If you need to go further than these vehicles can take you, you may safely assume that the date will not be permitted.
(8) When picking up the ECWSC for a date, the devil incarnate will politely knock on the front door and patiently wait for the ECWSC to get ready. The devil incarnate will be permitted to make small talk with Daidouji Sonomi during this time, however, he will not be permitted to complain about how long she is taking even or that they will be late to their reservation/movie/event even if he is still waiting 2 hours after he arrives. Note: this 2 hours may count towards your weekly allotment.
(9) The devil incarnate will not even look at another female while he is courting the ECWSC.
Sonomi paused, looking up with an almost sadistic smile. "I think we should clarify what sort of . . . 'damages'," she said euphemistically, "might entail from breach."
"I think I have a fair idea," he replied, crossing his legs in memory of Touya's threats to Syaoran.
"All the same," she said in a voice that made it sound like she was doing him the most unselfish of favours. She pressed the page button on her phone, calling in a large black man. "Hiragizawa-san, I'd like you to meet Jones Leroy," she told him. "He's the head of my newly constituted 'damages' team. He'll be dealing with you personally in the event of breach."
Eriol didn't even flinch at the sight of him. Yes the man was scary as hell, but he also suspected that Sonomi could do far worse by her own two hands. As far as he could tell, he was getting off lightly.
"That will be all, Leroy-san," she said, sending the man back out. "Leroy-san used to work for the secret service," Sonomi explained helpfully. "He was part of a black-ops team. An expert in every kind of weaponry known to man. He even did some work with chemical warfare.
"He brought an excellent team with him," she continued. "All of them practiced in . . . 'interrogative techniques'. Oh yes. They will come in very handy."
Eriol met her eye stoically as she spoke, not daring to react to a single word she said. The triumphant smile that rested on Sonomi's lips told him she was trying to get a rise out of him. He knew that, in the event of breach, Sonomi would deal with him personally.
(10) The devil incarnate will refrain from quoting Shakespeare in the presence of the ECWSC unless it is entirely necessary.
(11) The devil incarnate will not, under any circumstances, brand the ECWSC in any way.
(12) The devil incarnate will not try to 'charm' his way around this agreement.
(13) The devil incarnate will not attempt to use magic to circumvent this agreement.
Sonomi didn't even bat an eyelash at that one. Nor the next one.
(14) The devil incarnate will not attempt to talk the sister into using magic to circumvent this agreement.
(15) The devil incarnate will not conspire with the brat to circumvent this agreement (or the brat's own agreement) with magic or other means including, but not limited to, political favours and any sway you may have over certain bodies.
In recognition of your agreeing to these terms, Daidouji Sonomi grants interim permission to date her daughter. This agreement will be reviewed from time to time, and may be revoked on notice within ten days of any review without reason.
"Was there anything else you wanted to change?" Sonomi asked as they came to the end of the agreement.
"No," Eriol replied hastily, not wanting to risk it with even more unfavourable terms. He hastily signed his name to the bottom of the page before turning to Tomoyo. "Shall we go on our date now, Tomoyo dear?" he asked her warmly, holding his hand out towards her.
Tomoyo returned his smile, nodding her head enthusiastically before her mother cut in, waving the signed agreement before them. "Need I remind you that it is a Tuesday?" Sonomi asked with an eerily pleasant smile on her lips.
Eriol sighed despondently. "I will see you on Friday, anata," he promised before leaving the room. For a moment he attempted to leave with his traditional goodbye – a kiss to her wrist – but decided it wasn't worth the risk.
Sonomi couldn't help but chuckle as the depressed figure of Hiragizawa Eriol left the room. "I like him," she commented to her daughter once she was sure he was out of earshot. "He doesn't scare too easily."
Tomoyo smiled happily as she jumped out of her chair and ran to her mother's side. She circled her mother in a hug. "I like him too, mama," she said as she tightened her hold.
"The contract still stands," Sonomi warned, letting her daughter know that no amount of buttering up would move her on it.
"I know, mama."
"But I suppose clause 4 isn't completely necessary," she suggested as though it was nothing at all.
"Shall I let him know?" Tomoyo asked, her amethyst eyes lighting with mirth.
Sonomi held her daughters gaze, the same mischief lighting up their matching eyes. "No," she replied, "I think it's more fun if he doesn't know."
"I do too, mama. I definitely do."
"And, Tomoyo-chan?" Sonomi added as Tomoyo made to leave.
"Un, mama?" she asked, glancing back.
Sonomi grinned, her whole demeanour changing from cool business woman to devious miscrient in a second.
"I decided it was best not to include the first schedule."
Deleted scene: The devil incarnate will cut off all contact with Mizuki Kaho (henceforth known as evil, virg- "I agree," Eriol nodded. "She's a manipulative, evil, virg-" "Eriol-sama!" Nakuru called, cutting off her master. "You two clearly have issues."
"Touya, you can't write that," Nakuru gasped, awed by the screeds of profanity that Touya had managed to extol in reference to his ex-teacher.
The devil incarnate will cut off all contact with Mizuki Kaho (henceforth known as evil, virg-
"I agree," Eriol nodded. "She's a manipulative, evil, virg-"
"Eriol-sama!" Nakuru called, cutting off her master. "You two clearly have issues."