A/N: Hey guys, it's me again.
This is going to be my first actual story on here. I have a basic plan for the next few chapters, so I *should* be able to update pretty quickly. Also depends on how much feedback I get. I'm hoping that it will be between five and ten chapters.
It's Alice and Bella, of course (there's no two better characters. And I just love Alice). It's Bella's POV, for now. Might change to Alice later on, possibly. If that's what anyone wants.
I don't own the characters, sadly. Also don't own the song that the title's taken from. Lady Gaga does.
Dreams are in italic. Or I guess you could call it a flashback within a dream. Whichever, it doesn't matter. They're going to be as if Bella was experiencing them again, in case you get confused. I change the tense a little, too. I did it on purpose, in case you were wondering.
The present day is set when Bella is eighteen. It starts in October so will be the month after her birthday.
So, on with the story. Let me know what you think. :)
It was dark in the room. The clock on the nightstand said that it was two in the morning. I was sleeping over. We were best friends, and we had been since we were tiny. We grew up in this town together. It was a little difficult for us the not become friends, seeing as we were the same age.
We went to the same school and everything. We were inseparable. My father was friends with your parents. My mother left us when I was just one year old. I hadn't heard from her since. We were twelve, when the night that changed both of our lives happened.
We were sat up, talking. Your parents were away for the weekend, so we had the house to ourselves. I don't remember what we were talking about, exactly, but I remember the turn our conversation took. I remember me being brave and asking you the question that I'd been wanting to ask for a while.
"Alice?" You looked up at me then, and you looked really pretty, sat there in the limited moonlight filtering in through the huge bay window that you used to have. It bleaches some of the blue in your eyes, making them lighter than usual.
"Yeah?" Your voice is soft, and I guess it's because you're tired. I consider chickening out and not saying anything. But then I just say it anyway, because hey, you only live once.
"Have you kissed anyone yet?" You were quiet for a while then, and I thought that you weren't going to answer me. Then you rolled over so that you were on your side, facing me.
"Who?" You blush a little then, which only makes me even more curious.
"Jasper." Jasper, Alice? Seriously? Urg, I couldn't stand him. He acted like an idiot. I thought that you liked him, but I never would have guessed that you liked him that much.
"Cause I haven't yet, that's all."
"Oh. Well, do you want me to show you what it's like?" You've moved closer, without me even noticing. And I have no idea what to do. But my mouth's forming words before I even realise what I was saying. And there's something in your eyes that's never been there before. I don't know what it is though.
"Ok." Then you're even closer, and I can feel your breath on my face. You smell like toothpaste.
"Close your eyes." So I do. I do whatever you say. You're even closer then, and I feel a slight pressure as your lips brush against mine. Your lips are soft, and I don't want you to pull away.
So when you kiss me again, slightly more forcefully, I'm happy to return it. One of your hands moves to the back of my head and hold me closer to you, and I move forward as much as I can until you're against me. I feel your tongue swipe across my bottom lip, and I open my mouth to you willingly.
We don't break apart for a few minutes, and only do so because we need oxygen. We're both breathing heavily. And we both don't say anything. I don't even know what to say.
A few minutes ago we were acting like we always had, but now? Now all I wanted was to kiss again. I didn't know what that meant. I don't even think that I wanted to know what that meant. I didn't know what you were thinking, either. But eventually the silence is killing me, so I decide to break it. All or nothing.
"Ali? What just happened?"
"I kissed you, silly. Why?"
"I don't know. I just . . . . . . . I don't know." You don't seem to get the real meaning behind my words, leading me to the conclusion that you aren't feeling the same things that I am.
"Why did you ask then? You must have had a reason." I don't answer, and I think that frustrates you. "What's the matter?" I hear you move, and then your face appears above mine. "What? I'll get it out of you, you know I will."
When I don't respond (again) you get even more annoyed. And then I don't realise that you've moved until you're on top of me, with one leg on either side of my waist. I try to move back then, not wanting you so close to me after what just happened.
You stop me before I can move far though, and one of your hands grabs both of my wrists and pins my arms above my head. There's something in your eyes now, that glint that was there before.
"Bella. What's wrong? Why won't you tell me?"
"Because I don't want to. Ok?"
"Why not? I thought we were best friends." You bit your lips then, and you look so confused that I almost want to tell you what's up with me.
"Best friends don't kiss."
"Sure they do. And even if they don't, we can be an exception. It that why you're being weird? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. I'll leave you alone, then. We can go to sleep." You release my hands then, and start to move away. But I don't want you to. I know that much.
"Ali, wait. It's not that." My hands reach up, without conscious thought, to grab your hips to stop you from moving away from me.
"What then?" In stead of giving you an answer, I just lean the short distance to your lips and kiss you again. "That's what."
I'm afraid of you reaction. Your eyes are still closed, so I don't know what emotion's in them.
"If you wanted to kiss me again all you had to do is ask."
"But isn't that weird? And I thought you liked Jasper."
"No, it's not weird. It can be our little secret. Promise. And I don't like Jasper. I used to, but then I decided that I'd rather have you. If you want me."
"Why do you have to ask? You're better than anyone else from school."
"What about Edward? He likes you."
"So? Edward's an ass. You're much better."
"Ok then. But we can't tell anyone, Bella. It would be bad if people find out. They might try to keep us apart. Ok?"
"Yeah." You kiss me again, then, before we end up falling asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.
Our meadow looks so beautiful at night. It doesn't compare to you, obviously, but still, it's a nice place. Especially in the light of the full moon. I love it.
We snuck out to meet here. We have to, now. It's getting harder and harder to keep people from knowing the truth about us. Since that first night we've both grown closer. It's been just under seven months, I think.
We haven't had a chance to be alone for a while now, and I want to make the most of this chance, seeing as there was a high possibility that we wouldn't get another one.
I pull you closer to me, and you wrap you arms around my neck, pressing yourself closer to me. Mine circle your waist as you close the distance between us to place a chaste kiss on my lips.
"Bella?" I just raise and eyebrow, silently asking you to continue. "I think . . . .I think I love you. Like, love love. Like I'm in love with you."
You look away from my eyes then, seemingly afraid of my reaction. So I reach up to pull your face back towards me.
"I'm pretty sure I love you too, Ali."
"Really." To back up my point, I kiss you harder this time, and don't let you go until my head starts spinning. It's a while before we make it back to the car.
We're at your house, in your room again. Only this time we aren't being as innocent as last time. We're on your bed, you underneath me. One of your hands is buried in my hair, and the other is halfway up my shirt.
One of my hands is supporting my weight above you, while the other is tracing patterns on the skin of your abdomen where your shirt's ridden up.
We didn't notice the front door open. And we also didn't notice the slightly raised voices coming from downstairs.
And we certainly didn't notice the footsteps on the stairs. If we had, I could have had longer with you. But we were so caught up in each other that we didn't.
So when the door flew open, and my dad was standing there, with your parents not far behind him, to say we were shocked would have been the understatement of the century.
He looked furious, angrier than I'd even seen him. I scrambled away from you, while trying to think of something, anything to say. But there was nothing.
"Bella. Get in the car. We need to talk when we get home." I don't move, reluctant to leave you. "Now Bella!" Still, I don't move. So he grabs hold of my arm and practically drags me off the bed and across the room.
I can only throw a startled glance across the room at you before I'm in the hallway and he slams the door behind us.
That was the last time I ever saw you.
I only wake up from the dream when I feel the cold floor of my room against my overheated skin. Groaning, I manage to right myself to check the time. Five thirty. Great. Just the way I want to wake up on a Monday morning. Not.
There's no way that I'm going to fall back to sleep after that so I make my way to the bathroom for a nice relaxing shower.
Because hey, I could use it.
My hands were shaking as I adjusted the temperature of the water, and I was sweating pretty bad. I stripped off my clothes before jumping under the hot spray, willing my muscles to relax.
It had been weeks since it had been that bad. Weeks since it had affected me like that. And I thought it was getting better. I had to choke back a slightly hysterical laugh at that thought.
Because it had never gotten better.
I had tried, in the beginning, to believe that it was all going to be ok. That I would be able to forget about her and move on. Have a nice, happy relationship with someone new.
I was so naive.
It's been four years since I lost her, and those dreams can still shake me up this much. I hate that she still have this much affect on me, even when I haven't seen her for such a long time.
Some days I even hate her.
If we hadn't have kissed on that night, nothing would have happened. Well, ok, it probably would have, but not as soon. Not as suddenly. And maybe if we'd been a little bit older, we wouldn't have gotten caught, and we wouldn't have been separated.
Because that's what happened – Charlie freaked and told Carlisle and Esme to leave Forks. And, for some God unknown reason, they listened to him and moved her and her brother all the way across the country.
At least, I presume that's where she went. I don't actually know. I wish that she was still here, with me. I wish that we hadn't have been so stupid on that night.
I hated Charlie, at first. He took away the one person that I loved more than anyone else in the world. For the first few weeks, I wouldn't talk to him. I couldn't. Hell, I could hardly even look at him.
I realised, soon enough though, that no matter how much I resented him for what he did, he's the only family I have, and I'm stuck with him.
I've never forgiven him, but I can live with him. I know I upset him, and maybe even scared him, those first few months. I was depressed, badly, and on some sadistic level I hoped that he felt my pain.
Because he was the one that caused it.
But standing here, thinking of her, isn't helping me forget the dream. So I manage to shake the thought of her from my mind and concentrate on getting ready for school.
It's October, and we've been off for a week. Word is, there's some new kids starting soon. Everyone seems pretty excited about it. Well, except for me. Not one of them is going to hold any interest for me. Not after Alice.
Dislodging that train of though before it develops too much; I shut off the water and wrap myself in a towel. I check that Charlie isn't around, before creeping back to my room.
I turn my curlers on, because I have enough time to use them for once, and decide what to wear today. I go for black skinny jeans and a black and a tight fitting white stripped top, and add my black cardy for good measure. After all, it's bound to be freezing today. It always is in Forks.
My phone bleeps from my bed stand, and I wander over when I'm dressed. Apparently I have three new messages. The first one:
Hey babe. Need a ride today? I can pick you up on the way. Love you x
It's from Edward. God, I still don't why I said yes to him. I suppose it was because of the pressure Charlie was putting on me. After the whole incident, he started questioning me about every single guy at school. It was enough to drive me insane.
Edward had been dying to be my boyfriend for years, and he kept asking me out insistently. It was so annoying. So annoying, in fact, that one day I gave up and said yes to a date. That was about three months ago, and the boy wont leave me alone for a second.
And he doesn't love me. He can't. He doesn't understand the meaning of the word love. All he wants from me is sex, I'm sure.
Not that he's getting any of that, either. The farthest we've gone is second. And that was only because I'd had too much to drink. It hasn't happened again.
I don't know if he notices that I'm totally not into him. Probably not, seeing as he's not the brightest crayon in the box. Not that I care. If it gets Charlie off my back, I'm happy.
Well, not happy exactly. But better.
So I text back a hasty reply, really not in the mood for him this early in the morning.
I'm good today, sorry. See you later. X
Next is one from Jacob. He's a good friend of mine, but I can tell he wants to be more. Not that he'd try anything with me though. He knows I'm gay. Or that I think I'm gay. And he knows all about Alice. He's the main reason why I started to feel better after it happened.
He helped me out so much, and I'm so grateful, but I can't understand why he stays around me when it only hurts him. I've told him as much, but he just laughs and shakes if off. Men.
Hey Bells. Party at the reservation on Saturday. You free? I feel like we haven't spoken properly for ages :( xxx
Anything that gets me out of the house and gives me and excuse to get out of a date with Edward is fine by me. The fact that I get a chance to be with my best friend as well is just an added bonus.
Hey, I'd love to. Need to be out of the house for a while. And I need to talk to you. See you soon :) x
While I wait for his reply I glance at the third message. It'd from my other best friend, Rosalie. The girl acts like a complete bitch as first, but once you get to know her she's a great girl.
She's helped me a lot, too. She even tried to help me get over Alice. We had a fling about two years ago. But neither of us was really looking for a relationship, so we broke it off after a while and just became really good friends.
High school would be murder without her. Even though she drives me crazy half the time, I love her to pieces.
Hey sexy. Lift today? I haven't had a chance to show you my new baby yet. Pretty please? Or are you getting a ride from lover boy instead? ;P Love ya, R. x
Well, she was a much better choice than Edward. Plus, I can talk to her about that dream. All of which sounds better than getting a lift from Charlie, or walking. My ancient Chevy broke down the other week, and no-one has been able to fix it. It still stands on our drive.
And I haven't see Rose's new car yet. And it's bound to be expensive, because her parents have serious money. Which is an advantage at birthdays and Christmas, let me tell you.
Hey. Yeah, sounds good. Better than lover boy anyway. You know that. Pick me up in ten? Xx
I don't have to wait long before she replies to me again.
Already on my way. See you in a few x
I make my way downstairs, and grab an apple for my breakfast, before double-checking that I've got all of the stuff I need for today. Then I hear a knock at the door. Smiling softly, I open the front door to the Rosalie Hale.
She looks as stunning as ever, of course, with flowing golden hair ending at her waist. Her eyes, although concealed by sunglasses (I don't get why, but you're always wearing them), are the cool blue of the ocean sea.
And she has the most perfectly proportioned body ever. She's just generally drop-dead-gorgeous. Easily the prettiest girl at our school.
"Something's up. What's up? Did something happen?" But her looks aren't why I like her so much. She can read me like a book, which, granted, can be annoying sometimes. Most of the time I love it though, because she always knows when I'm upset, and tries her hardest to cheer me up, no matter what.
"I had another dream last night. I thought they were going away, but . . . " I trailed off, not wanting to say any more because I can feel tears forming behind my eyes.
I had been leaning against the doorframe, but Rose pulled me into her arms even before I'd finished speaking, and she didn't say anything, we just stood there. I pulled back when I felt slightly better, and tried to smile up at her to let her know that I'd be alright.
"I'm sorry, Bells. But look on the bright side, the new kids start today. Maybe someone will catch your eye." She raised an eyebrow at me playfully, and I just laughed and shook my head.
"Oh come on. You never know. And maybe there'll be a new hot piece of ass for ma as well."
"What? I'm not good enough for you? Fine, I'll just go and spend all my time with Edward then. Leave you on your own, see how you like it." I was still smiling while I was speaking, so there was no chance of her taking me seriously.
"Lover boy? Please, at least be a little more realistic. Now come on, we're going to be late."
"With your crazy-ass driving? I don't think so." She pulls me forward anyway though, and I follow obediently, seeing her new car for the first time. It's a red Ferrari. Convertible. And totally hot.
"Yes, I like. Can I have your old car?"
"Nope, sorry. The parents sold it to pay for some of this baby." She patted the car affectionately as she was talking, and I just rolled my eyes at her.
"Come on. We really are going to be late."
"So does that mean I can do my 'crazy-ass driving' in order to get us there on time?" She asked, as we slid into car.
"Just let me put my seatbelt on."