Naruto's a What?

-I don't own anything-


Our story starts on a dark and stormy morning. Naruto has finally went to sleep in his brand new bed after having to get it replaced again. He had been hiding a secret from everyone for at least three years, but with one act of kindness, his life is about to spiral into madness.

Naruto jerked awake with a yawn as a very loud and annoying string of knocks echoed from his apartment door. Untangling himself from the bed, he cursed as he tripped and stood up, revealing that he was as nude as the day he was born. Looking around he kicked a pile of clothing over and found a pair of black boxer shorts underneath.

He pulled them on and left the room, navigating through down the small dark hallway and into his surprisingly clean and modern looking living room just as a boom of thunder echoed across the sky followed by another annoying round of knocks.

He stumbled over a glass bottle beside his couch and swore as it clattered loudly on the hardwood floor.

"Who the fuc-" Naruto asked rubbing his eyes as he slung the door open. "Ino?"

Standing outside the door to his apartment was one Ino Yamanaka, soaked to the bone and shivering in the wind.

"Ino it is..." he paused to look at the small clock hanging from the wall, "Almost two in the morning, what the fuck do you want" he asked irritably with a yawn, wishing to sleep some more.

Ino blinked, surprised at the tone he used. Naruto was always dopy and happy, glad to help anyone who needed it. But now, he seemed totally different. Not to mention hot due the to body he was showing off.

"I've decided that since your my only friend that has a place of their own, I'll be staying here for the time being" she said holding up her bags with one hand and stepping foreword only to run into him, pushing her chest against his bare one.

Naruto didn't even blink or flinch, only yawned, "This is MY apartment, you don't just barge in and say that your staying here. Besides you have a home, why aren't you there?"

If he didn't shock her then, she was now. Putting on the best pout posable, Ino looked down and poked the fingers together, "My parents kicked me out after getting into an argument with them" she said truthfully, smiling as Naruto sighed.

Bitch or not, Naruto couldn't just leave her out in the storm, besides, he wanted to get back to sleep. Moving out of the way he allowed Ino in and flipped on the lights.

"Where's the shower?"Ino asked, "I've been soaked and got some mud on me, besides I really need one."

"First door on the left" Naruto muttered loudly before pointing to the couch and yawning again, "There's the couch. Pillows are in the closet beside the bathroom as well as sheets. Towels are in the bathroom closet. Now, I'm going to sleep."

"On the couch" Ino stated making the sleepy Naruto nod.

"Yes, on the couch, night." he agreed before falling back onto said couch and snoring happily.

Ino blushed as her eyes lowered down to his boxers where a rather impressive object rested against his thigh. "Wow, I never knew Naruto looked so good" she said thinking back to all the times she saw him in an orange jumpsuit. Looking closely she noticed that the 15 nearly 16 year-old also had a few tattoos on his body. One being a gothic looking cross right above his heart and a leaf symbol on the other side.

Brushing all perverted thoughts away, Ino locked Naruto's door and took her bag into the bathroom.

'Wow Naruto's apartment looks great' she thought getting a good look at it. Everything looked brand new, even the expensive flat-screen TV looked like he just took it out of the box. Hearing something clink against her foot, Ino looked down and gaped as she noticed that it was an empty sake bottle.

Looking between the bottle and him, Ino's mind ran full speed, 'Naruto drinks?' she questioned, imagining the innocent little prankster guzzling down a bottle. Oh she'd have so much to gossip about.

Reaching the bathroom, Ino nodded in happiness as it met her expectations but gasped and stared with wide eyes as they caught sight of the bloody sink. Walking over, Ino looked in to see a pair of bloody tweezers, a shard of glass around five inches long, and bloody wire used to stitch wounds on the battlefield.

She thought back and noticed that Naruto's chest did look like it had been heal recently but didn't remember him coming by the hospital recently since she had been working there as a soon to be medic. The blood looked fresh enough to be at least a few hours old and she had just gotten off around eleven, one of the reasons her parents were angry at her.

Turning the water on in the sink, Ino carefully moved the bloody objets to the side and washed the blood out before turning the water on in the tub and stripping down to her panties and bra.

Naruto's bathroom was almost better than hers, even if it was smaller. Hers was cold and made it slightly uncomfortable to undress but his was warm, despite the fact that it was cold outside. Finding her curiosity get the better of her, Ino opened the draws and started nosing around. Finding some little stuff like combs, ear cleaners, and even a few hair gels, Ino shrugged and went to the next. Finding hair dyes in all colors, a metal case of colored contact lenses, and other make-up objects, even some white face pant, Ino was shocked and slightly creeped out until she saw a small piece of paper that read, Henge can be beaten by good ninja, changing your looks the civilian way can beat a good ninja. -Sarutobi-

'He always was looking out for him,' Ino thought, noticing that the stuff had been used more than once. Closing the drawer, Ino opened the cabinet door and found only extra rolls of toilet paper and cleaning products.

Finished with her snooping, Ino stood and noticed that the mirror had a small latch on the side. Pulling it, the mirror opened to show that it was a medicine cabinet. 'My kami' Ino gasped, there were at least twenty bottles of pain pills. Not the over the counter kind but the hard core stuff that addicts would sell themselves for.

'Naruto's a pill popper!' Ino thought, thinking back to all the times he had been picked on, 'Is it because of us?' she wondered starting to feel bad only to read the label and find that Tsunade herself had prescribed them.

Closing the mirror, Ino grabbed a towel and stepped into the tub, moaning as the water warmed and relaxed her body.

Ino lost track of time and almost spent an hour in the tub before getting out around three, she didn't have a mission tomorrow anyway so it really didn't matter. Walking down the hall, Ino walked into Naruto's room and once again found Naruto's room to be surprisingly adequate for her, if not totally surprising.

She half expected his room to be orange, from the walls to the bed. But instead it had a polished hardwood floor, a ash black fur rug with a matching queen sized bed with the covers pulled to one side. The walls were plain white but had a few pictures of people she didn't know, but none of his team surprisingly. Looking at the pictures she gasped as she found one of Naruto and princess Yuki, KISSING!!! And not just some peck or a grandma kiss, but raging battle on each others tongues.

Pulling away, Ino couldn't wait to gossip the next day and went into Naruto's closet to use one of his black t-shirts he always wore under that jumpsuit. Expecting to be blinded by a insane amount of orange, Ino blinked as she found it full of all different kinds of clothing, ranging from suits to pajamas.

"How much have you been hiding Naruto?"Ino questioned herself .

Pulling on a pair of panties and one of his shirts, the 15 year-old girl slid into his bed and sighed.


Ino sucked in a breath as the covers beside her groaned and started to freak out as an arm wrapped around her.

"Where'd you go Naru-sama" asked the vary familiar voice of a well known woman.


In his drowsy state, Naruto had forgotten all about his recent girl still sleeping in his bed. At the moment he was remembering his time back with Jiraiya training back before Pein busted his ass... or better yet his lack of training.

Due to that, Naruto had spent a lot of his time in other brothels wanting to be away from the perverted piece of shit. He still didn't know if that was a mistake or not. You see, in the training report Tsunade got, their was a whole year and some change missing due to Naruto getting pissed off and leaving the pervert half dead from a Uzumaki style beating. During that time he had many run-ins with Yakuza, Thugs, Bandits, Raiders, Nuke-nin, and Forein-nin, which caused him to gain a shit load of experience.

He even unknowingly made a name for himself, for both his stamina in the brothels and the gangs he disbanded using the classic kunai diplomacy method .


Jumping from the couch, Naruto pulled a switchblade from underneath his cushion and barreled down the hall before kicking his door open to reveal Ino on the floor while a very curvy, very important, and oh so very nude Tsunade laid on his bed, covering her sexy older body beneath his comforter and glaring at the younger girl with sharp eyes.

Suddenly, Tsunade's eyes turned to him making him gulp while his switchblade clicked shut and clattered to the floor, "Oh fuck"

Naruto groaned as he withstood Tsunade's verbal lashing, while she was submissive to him in bed, she demanded respect in public and wouldn't hesitated to smack him if he did something extremely dumb. Although, he had her in her office one time on her hands and knees while he sat at her desk before, moaning at her wonderful lips after she yelled at him for doing her assistant on her desk.

He smiled inwardly, Jiraiya would be proud.

"I can't believe you would let someone come in your home, much less ANOTHER girl and let her sleep in your bed. WHEN I WAS STILL IN IT!... Damn it, this is worse than that time you got Konohamaru to run butt-necked down main screaming that he escaped from my office"

Naruto snickered as he remembered that day, the night before Tsunade had played some joke on him knowing that he'd get her back. Just so happened that Konohamaru owed him a bunch of favors for saving his ass from the victims of his pranks. So... with a promise to wipe his depts. and a handful of candy, Konohamaru was streaking down main street screaming 'Help! I just escaped from a cage in the Hokage's office'.

Just so happened that Tsunade was there at the time. She, nor anyone else ever dared to prank Naruto again. Once again crowning him, the 'Don of Disorder'.

He once again ignored her... well he did her voice, that thong she wore for him was starting to arouse him.

Sighing, Naruto stood up against Tsunade, "Listen, don't yell at Ino. She's having family problems and it's storming outside, I was sleepy and confused so if you want to be mad, be mad at me. It was my fault she walked in and got into the bed with you and I'm sorry"

Ino was surprised to see such a mature action coming from him, From what she could remember, he would rather blame another person just to get a good laugh.

"Now, as much as I love seeing you in a Malinko (Ma-link-oh) thong, can you please put on some more clothes" he asked looking down at her thighs as she was dressed in only a shirt and said thong.

Looking down, Tsunade turned pink and turned around looking for her clothes, accidentally showing Ino just why Naruto loved seeing her in that thong since it framed her ass perfectly. She knew that her pants were in the living room because Naruto had started stripping her in there.

Finding her pants, Tsunade bent down to grab them only to hear a loud 'eeped' as her thong showed more then she wanted to Ino. Standing straight up, she blushed at the lust filled look Naruto gave her as Ino passed out on the couch.

Ino yawned as she awoke on the couch with the sound of sizzling and popping filling the air. A heavenly sent premeditated from the kitchen and filled her nose making her mouth water. Rolling over, Ino followed her nose and stumbled into the kitchen to see a shirtless Naruto cooking over a hot stove while Tsunade drank coffee from a large cup and read the paper with a tired look on her face.

The awkward tension in the room spiked as she sat down still wearing Naruto's oversized shirt and her panties. "So... how long?" she asked.

Tsunade growled, "How long what?" she asked showing that she was still a bit mad.

"How long have you and..." She was unable to even finish the question due to her shock.

Naruto broke the tension with a loud snort, "What she means to ask babe, is how long have I been plowing you into the ground, bed, couch, table, counter-"

Tsunade spit a large amount of searing hot coffee across the table and into Ino's face.

One healing Jutsu later...

"Come on Tsu-chan, we both know that it was going to get out sooner or later. At least it's where we can explain without it getting out and changing into you raping me, or us dating to revive our clans, people would freak." he said placing a plate of food between them and turning back to the stove, "Besides, us being fuck buddies is a lot better since that would be a lot more acceptable due to the fact that even a beautifully aged woman such as yourself deserves some fun every now and again."

Ino looked between the two, "But you almost 16 and she's-"

A growl from Tsunade made her rethink her next sentence, "-She's ah... The Hokage, wouldn't it cause trouble if people learned that she was using her power to order her ninjas to have sex with her?"

At this Naruto and Tsunade both snorted, "Please, as if i'd order anyone to have sex with me. Besides Naruto wouldn't do it if I ordered him to , he isn't the submissive type."

"Damn straight" he muttered flipping a pancake onto a plate.

Slowly the wheels in her head turned and with a gasp she jumped up and pointed a finger at him, "Yon mean to say that Naruto dominates you Tsunade-sama!" she asked with shock on her face.

"Of course I do, didn't you see the tattoo on her ass"

Ino froze and thought back, suddenly blood dripped from her nose as she remembered the black tattoo saying, 'Property of Naruto, Hand's off"

To be continued...