It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love
Someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.
I should've known that I could never be with her. All my dreams were illusions tormenting myself. She chose him over me. When they fought and she cried, I always secretly hoped that she would hate him forever. I should've known better, Shana O'Hara mad at Conrad Hauser was like saying a living, breathing human didn't have a heart. Everything inside of me ached everytime I saw them together. Though my mind could process that we would never be together, my heart refused to accept this... this venomous thought. Every single time she looked at me or smiled at me, everything would just stop and all I could see was her.
I never told her how I felt. I was afraid that if I told her, then we might drift apart if she didn't feel the same. I've waited for her for so long. I knew I could never pluck up the courage to ask her, tell her, do anything to have her feel the same.
***One Year Later***
All Joes went out to party since Cobra was over. For now. Shana and I have grown closer. I chose this night to propose to her but I couldn't find her. I went outside to the pouring rain and found her and Conrad kissing and I saw a glint. I looked at her hand and my heart just shattered when I saw an engagement ring on her left hand ring finger. I couldn't bear it. I was paralyzed. I unconsciously pulled out the ring I picked for her. When they left, I looked down at the ring. My tears mixed with the rain and slid down my face.
Weeks later I was asked to play the piano for their wedding. I couldn't say no to Shana. So I accepted. On the wedding day I put on a suit and tie and got my music sheet. I played the wedding march. I knew in a few minutes, Shana will say yes, make vows and forever spend her life with him. She didn't know the feelings that I hide. She would never know the feelings I had for her. I should've known better than to have my hopes up. I wish that I could just scream to her that I loved her but I couldn't. I prayed every night for her to hate Conrad and for this day to never come, but I guess fate hates me. I will never be able to stand next to her and proudly claim her as my wife. I hoped she was happy with him and forgot me so I could forget her. The less I saw her, the more the pain in my aching heart will dull.
When the wedding was over and everyone was congratulating the couple I took out the ring that I was suppose to give her months ago. I took one last glance at the ring and let it fell to the ground. I walked away never looking back. I hate her for making me love her. That night I did something I haven't done in a long time. I cried myself to sleep, with one thought in my head.
Why would anyone love ol' poor broken Snake-Eyes.