LOVE ME ANYWAY
Whoohoo!! I finally descided to begin a new story. I do fear I may have rushed to uploading this. Originally, I wanted to wait until I had atleast one or two more chapters ready to go...but....guess I got alittle too eager ^^'
I hope this turns out alright. Lol, this chapter is short compared to the ones I usually write, but I hope its good. I used to want it to just be a short fic, not too long...but we'll see how it goes...
anyway, please enjoy! :)
disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters .......I just adore the anime!!
Chapter 1: Break me once, Break me twice
The emotions that came with the slap hurt far worse than the actual contact.
Inuyasha didn't allow himself to ignore it; in fact, He hoped it had been strong enough to bruise even his hanyou skin.
As he looked back to the priestess, he winced as her eyes crushed his heart. But he would take the full force of that pain to.
"Kikyo...I'm sorry..." He whispered, his words true, though he knew they would be meaningless to the woman he'd once loved.
"I'm sure you are Inuyasha." The priestess replied in an icy tone, "You truly look like this decision was hard on you...however..."
Her gaze turned agonizing to look at.
"...Please excuse me if I find it hard to believe that I actually lost to THAT girl!!"
Not another word was spoken between the two, as the beautiful woman turned and left, her anger and pain leaving a freezing chill in the breeze.
Inuyasha would let his body feel the intensity of that chill; allow it to be like salt on a wound. Unsure if he even had the right to, he stood and watched her go, not wanting to waste the last, few precious moments of what would probably be the last time he ever saw the first woman who loved him.
Only when she had completely vanished from sight, did he allow his tears to slide down his face.
"Kikyo...I truly....am sorry..." He whispered, "A part of me will always regret my decision...but I've been messing with two hearts....for far too long..."
His eyes crushed together as he allowed the pain to consume his heart. He hated crying, hated looking weak...but this was a final goodbye. This time, he would allow it.
He let a good majority of the tears make the slow journey down his face, before he finally turned and walked in the other direction.
It was time to make his decision clear.
"Those two sure are taking their time..." Shippo spoke casually, staring up at the sky from where he laid on the edge of the well.
"Kagome should be here any time soon. We shouldn't rush her; after all, she has her own life back in her world." Sango replied.
"True we shouldn't worry about Kagome so much, however, Inuyasha left last night and still hasn't returned." Miroku spoke.
"Did he happen to mention where he was going?" Sango asked.
"No. In typical Inuyasha style, he said he had something to do, and took off." Miroku sighed.
"He probably snuck off to go see Kikyo again whilst poor Kagome wasn't here." Shippo spoke sarcastically.
"If ya got something to say, then say it to my face!"
The tiny fox demon jumped a few meters in the air at the hanyou's voice, and leaped to Miroku's shoulder for protection as Inuyasha walked into the clearing, his arms folded in front of his chest inside his Kimono sleeves.
"Well it's about time." Sango sighed with a relieved smile.
"What? You make it sounds like I've been gone so a long time..." Inuyasha frowned.
"That would be because you left at midnight last night Inuyasha, and now it's almost midday. So yes, we were beginning to wonder." Miroku stated.
"Huh? Oh…uh…right…sorry." Inuyasha replied, looking honestly surprised, as if he really hadn't been aware of the time, before his gaze dropped to the ground.
"Inuyasha? Is something the matter?" Sango asked, not missing the quiet demeanor of the usually abrupt hanyou.
"Huh? Oh, na, it's nothing..." Inuyasha quickly replied, and pulled oh arm free of his kimono…rather carefully, Sango noted…and rubbed his eyes, which the other three only just now noticed were red and swollen.
"Inuyasha? Have you been…?" Shippo began.
"Never mind. Where's Kagome?" The Hanyou quickly interrupted.
"She should be along any moment." Miroku answered after a moment, also noticing his friend's strange behavior.
"You mean she hasn't arrived yet?" Inuyasha replied, and glanced to the well. "O'well, Guess I'll go get her." He finished, and jumped onto the edge of the well.
"Inuyasha, don't be impatient. Let her take the time she needs." Sango scolded.
"I'm not going to rush her." Inuyasha grumbled back, before looking down into the dark well as a soft smile appeared on his face, startling the others, "I need to speak to her anyway." He added quietly, his voice as soft as his smile, "Be back soon!"
With that, he leaped down into the well, quickly vanishing from sight. However, something that looked similar to snow fluttered back up. Shippo jumped back to the well, and caught one of the tiny white particles curiously.
Sango and Miroku both caught a few tiny petals each as well.
"Did you see that smile of his?" Sango whispered.
"Yes, and the way he was acting…as if something important happened." Miroku answered.
"Hey, aren't these petals from the knotweed plant?" Sango replied staring closely at the petals.
"Knotweed? Isn't that a pest plant? Why would he have that?" Miroku said.
"Yes, it can be an infectious plant, but in small amounts, some people think it's quite pretty."
"Hmm. Inuyasha disappears in the middle of the night, doesn't come back until midday the next day, and when he does he appears to have been crying. He brings back flowers, acts quiet and serious, wears a strange smile but lacks the usual flare, seems insistent on seeing Kagome alone, he…"
Miroku stopped dead in his evaluation, and looked to Sango, just as she looked to him, the same realization on her face.
"Could it be? Do you think he's actually…?" Sango began.
"There's no guarantee. We'd best wait until he returns with Kagome before we jump to any conclusions." Miroku answered in a serious tone.
"What are you two on about?" Shippo spoke, giving them a weird look.
Kirara tilted her small head curiously from where she sat in the grass, sharing the small fox demon's confusion.
Inuyasha climbed nimbly out of the well, and exited the hut it was in.
"Hm…should I just wait here for her?" He contemplated, glancing around the area, " Na, I'll go wait inside."
He strolled over to the house and entered. It looked like no one was home right now.
"Kagome?" He called calmly, "Hey! Kagome!?"
A crashing sound caught his ears, and he looked to the stairs.
"Just a second Inuyasha! I'll be right down!" Kagome's voice called from above.
"Kagome?" Inuyasha replied, blinking a little, "Everything alright up there?"
"Yes! Just wait there for me!"
"Why? What are you doing?" He called back calmly, walking towards the stairs.
"Inuyasha stay where you are or I'll say 'it'!"
The hanyou flinched and quickly backed away from the stairs.
"W-what did I do??" He muttered.
He leant back against the wall, and watched the stairs.
"Maybe she was getting dressed?" He thought out loud, "…Yeah…that's probably it."
He looked away with a calm smile, as he pulled his arms out of his long red sleeves, a small branch covered in tiny white flowers held in one hand.
"Mother used to love these flowers, even though others thought they were a pain." He whispered to himself, and looked back around, " I hope she likes them to."
On cue, Kagome came rushing downstairs, carrying her usual over-filled back pack.
"Hey." Inuyasha greeted, turning to face her.
"Sorry for threatening you, let's get going!" Kagome answered a little eagerly, and grabbed his arm without stopping, pulling the surprised Hanyou down the hallway.
"Uh! Hey, Kagome??"
"Sorry I left you all waiting. I fell asleep whilst trying to cram in some last minute study." Kagome explained.
"T-that's ok, you're not that late." Inuyasha answered, feeling confused, but the sight of her face had lifted his mood from earlier, " So…why don't you slow down? I want to talk to you about something."
"Sure. We'll talk just as soon as we meet up with the others." Kagome chirped back.
"Well…actually…I was kinda…" Inuyasha mumbled, looking down "…kinda…hoping…we could talk…alone?" He knew he was blushing a little as they got outside.
Kagome slowed a little, and looked to him in surprise.
"Well, I really want to talk to you to…so how about this? We'll get to the past and meet with the others, just so they know where we are. Then you and I can find somewhere alone to talk, just the two of us? You can even yell at the others if they try to interrupt."
Though he couldn't help a little disappointment, Inuyasha had to give a small smile at that comment.
"Alright, sure. Let's go then." He replied with a small nod.
'I want to be a good guy for you Kagome, and that means I need to learn how to compromise. Something like this is no big deal, if it means you'll be happy.'
He calmly reached out and took her hand, gently leading her to the well. He felt her small hand grip back tightly, and just kept smiling, not looking around.
"What are those?"
They stopped just as they entered the hut, and Inuyasha followed her gaze down to the flowers in his hand.
"Oh. Well…" He looked down, knowing he was blushing faintly, but let the smile stay on his face, "…Actually…they're for you." He answered quietly, and held them out to Kagome, looking back up into her eyes, watching as they widened, " I know it's not usually my style…but…I kinda…wanted to bring you something nice. Are they alright? I can hold onto them for now if you want?"
He waited, hoping to see her beautiful smile. It would comfort him, reassure him that he'd done the right thing, and that everything would be fine.
Instead, Kagome's eyes began to water, and within seconds, tears were streaming down her face, causing Inuyasha to stumble in shock. He had not seen THIS reaction coming!
"K-kagome?? What's wrong? Do you hate these kinds of flowers? D-don't cry, I'll get something else…I just wasn't sure what type you'd like, I know some people consider this a weed, but my mother used to love these flowers, so I kinda just guessed…wait! I wasn't trying to compare you to my mother or anything! I just…please don't say Osuwari!" He blurted out in panic.
There was pain in the girl's voice, and Inuyasha carefully moved closer to her.
"Kagome? What is it?"
A foreign scent caught his attention then, just before fast footsteps outside the hut made him look around. Instinct took hold, and he opened the doors.
"Huh? What are you doing here?"
"Uh..well…" The boy answered hesitantly, coming to a stop as Inuyasha stepped out.
The Hanyou frowned at him, but looked over his shoulder.
"Hey Kagome! That friend of yours is here! You know, the descendant of that Akitoki guy? What's his name…? Hojo…? You want to talk to him before we go!?"
'Wait, what direction did he come from?' He thought curiously, noticing that it looked like Hojo had been running towards the stairs leading down from the temple, rather than from them.
Kagome stepped out of the hut slowly, looking even worse than she had a moment ago.
"Kagome? What's going on?" He asked, now worried.
He glanced back to Hojo.
"Wait! He didn't do anything did he!?" He growled, his protective streak flaring.
"NO!" Kagome yelled, and suddenly darted in front of her school mate, making the golden eyes look down to her in surprise, "It's not his fault! Don't be angry at him…"
"Kagome? What's…not his fault?" Inuyasha's voice went quiet.
He had no idea why, but he suddenly didn't feel well, yet not in a way he could explain even to himself.
Kagome was now shaking. Inuyasha raised his hands to steady her, but felt shocked as she stepped back, as if…as if afraid of his touch.
"I wasn't trying to hide it from you Inuyasha. This is what I was going to talk to you about when we got to the past."
Inuyasha was about to ask what she meant, when he saw something that made his blood chill.
He was within a black void. Just a few meters away to his left, Kikyo hovered, her hand out stretched. At the same distance, Kagome hovered on his right, her hand also held out, beaconing to him.
He knew this. It was where he'd been stuck for so long. Between the two women he loved. If he took just one step in either direction, it caused the girl on the other side to cry out in pain, forcing him to step back to stop it.
Only last night had he finally escaped that void, by turning to Kagome, and walking towards her. Kikyo's screams had ripped his heart to shreds with each step.
Now, just as he was reaching for kagome's hand…
…She was pulling it back.
"Kagome…Kagome, wait! No!"
"Inuyasha, I'm sorry…I've chosen Hojo."
'Is this a nightmare? Or karma?'
The ground became covered in tiny white petals, as the flowers slipped from the hanyou's hand, seeming to shatter on the ground, as if made of glass.
He wanted to say something.
He had to say something.
But even if he could find his voice, his mind was too blank to know what to say.
He couldn't even pronounce her name anymore.
"Inuyasha. I'm really, really sorry…" Kagome finally continued, her voice breaking, " I really did love you, that wasn't a lie. But, I just couldn't take it anymore…all the fuss with Kikyo…and your constant insensitivity…."
She looked away as her pain sprouted anger.
"Besides, who were we trying to fool? We live in two different worlds. You belong in the feudal era, and I belong here in my own time. I really don't want to say it…but…things are better this way."
"How can you say that?" Inuyasha finally managed to whisper, his voice seeming to act on its own accord.
His eyes remained shadowed by his hair, before he turned, not waiting for an answer, and walked down the stairs towards the well, allowing his body to do as it pleased.
"Inuyasha, listen…" Kagome tried to continue.
"What!?" Inuyasha snapped, glaring around at her, "What more do you have to say to me!?"
Her tears were like tiny needles that pricked his heart, but his own pain was too great to relent.
"Do you think this decision was easy for me!? I didn't want to give up on you Inuyasha. I understand your past with Kikyo, but do you think that made it any easier on me!?" kagome yelled back.
Inuyasha glared away, the memory of the dark void ringing with Kikyo's betrayed screams flashing through his mind.
"No. No I don't think it was easy on you. In fact I'm certain that decision was one of the hardest you've ever had to make in your life…" He replied barely above a whisper as he stepped up to the well, "I know I've caused you a lot of pain because of Kikyo…but don't worry, you'll be happy to know I've gotten exactly what I deserve."
In one quick movement, he sprang into the well, giving no answer as he heard his name cried out once more, before he slipped back through the portal in time.
" I do hope it's true. Wouldn't it be great Miroku?" Sango spoke as they waited.
"Indeed. Though I suspect Inuyasha may still be in pain for sometime if he has truly done what we believe. Still, it would most certainly be a sign of maturity from him." The monk answered.
"Could you two please explain what you keep going on about already?" Shippo whined, sitting on the edge of the well again.
He and Kirara both then looked down into the dark depths of the deceptively appearing portal, as a muffled sound reached them. They caught a glimpse of red and white, before a figure flew up out of the well, almost knocking them off.
Inuyasha's powerful leap left him hovering in the air above the others momentarily, before he landed in front of them. However, he didn't even spare them a glance before he took off into the forest.
"I…Inuyasha!?" Miroku called startled.
"Inuyasha!!" Sango echoed louder, as she and Miroku ran after him, right before shippo…who'd been leaning over backwards to see…fell off the well.
"Ouch!! Hey…where's Kagome??" He asked no one in particular, sitting up and rubbing his head.
He was quickly answered by more noise from the well, and looked up in time to see Kagome haul herself out.
"Inuyasha!!" She cried loudly.
Her voice rang loud and clear through the whole area, reaching the Hanyou as he raced through the forest.
But the tears sitting upon the edges of his eyes were the only reply he would give.
He knew he'd feel different later, but for this point in time…
…he wanted nothing more to do with her.
"Quick master Jaken! There it goes!"
"Rin! Don't chase it towards me!"
The imp like demon fell over in the stream as Rin chased after a fish, laughing lightly.
"That girl…why did Sesshomaru sama have to send me with her to find food?" Jaken whined, sitting in the stream, resting his chin on his fist.
He watched as the girl squealed as she tripped herself up, before laughing at her own mistake, just before something caught his eye.
He looked over to the high cliff on the other side of the stream, where he saw…and he was certain he wasn't mistaken…Inuyasha run to the edge without pause, leap the gap easily and land on the opposite edge. He seemed intent on NOT stopping, as he raced away into the trees behind them, disappearing in seconds. He'd shown no sign that he'd even seen them.
'Hm, strange. What is that lousy Hanyou doing around here?'
"Master Jaken? Wasn't that Inuyasha?" Rin asked, gripping a struggling fish to her chest.
"Of course! Who do you think it was!?" Jaken replied impatiently.
"Well, why wasn't he with his friends?" Rin continued, looking to the forest.
"How should I know? I don't concern myself with such meaningless things like what that foolish hanyou is doing!" The small demon replied obnoxiously.
"What hanyou would that be?"
Jaken leaped around with a yelp.
"S-S-Sesshomaru s-sama! W-welcome back my lord!" He rushed to say, looking up to the powerful youkai.
"Rin, haven't you gotten yourself a meal yet?" Sesshomaru ignored him, looking to the small girl instead.
"Yes my lord!" She answered triumphantly, holding up the fish to show him, almost dropping it as it still struggled.
Sesshomaru didn't reply, but just turned and walked away, Rin following close behind, whilst Jaken stumbled to keep up.
"What did I hear about a hanyou Jaken?" The Youkai suddenly repeated, catching his servant off guard.
"Oh..uhh…n-nothing my lord." He answered unconvincingly.
"Inuyasha past by a moment ago whilst we were fishing Sesshomaru sama." Rin spoke up.
"Rin!" Jaken exclaimed.
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
"Is that so?" He replied in a way meant as nothing more than a way of replying, rather than seeking an answer.
"We were just wondering why he wasn't with his group." Rin continued.
"You're the one who wanted to know! And stop bothering the master! He has more important things to worry about than that filthy hanyou!" Jaken interrupted.
"Indeed." Sesshomaru spoke quietly, " Do not let such unimportant things concern you Rin."
With that, he headed back towards the forest before they could answer.
Aun, who had been sleeping in the grass, stirred as Rin grabbed his reins, pulling lightly, trying to encourage him to stand, whilst Jaken shouted at them both to hurry up.
'So Inuyasha, it was your scent I recognized just now.' The Youkai thought as he continued into the forest, 'But if it really was you, does that mean it's finally happened?'
A small, sadistic smirk crawled onto his face.
"You'd best watch yourself, otoutou." He whispered cruelly, vanishing amongst the trees, Rin and Jaken both calling for him to wait.
It was starting to get dark, and yet Inuyasha still didn't want to stop.
As long as he kept going, his pain couldn't catch up and bring him down.
His heart was prepared to go on for a time span he couldn't register. Unfortunately, he'd been running for hours.
Even a hanyou had to stop at some point.
With a cry of defeat, Inuyasha fell from exhaustion, and laid face down In the grass, panting quietly. It didn't take long for the pain he'd fled from to catch up, and crash down over him as heavy as boulders.
"K-Kagome…" He whimpered, anger washed away by sadness, "Why couldn't you have waited…just a little longer…?"
*cries* please no one hate me for doing this to Inuyasha!! I hate myself for starting it like this!! But I have no choice if I'm to make the rest of it work...
hmm....actually...lol, this is a perfect size for a chapter I think....*giggles*....I need to start trying to trim chapters down alittle sometimes...^^'
well, I hope it was enjoyable...I'd love for this fic to work out.
reviews will be loved! *puppy dog eyes*