Disclaimer: Still not mine..
A/N: And here we have our conclusion. This is Ziva's view on Kate, and I hope it isn't too out-there or out-of-character for any of you. Enjoy, and thank you all for reading! (:
Six Years: Ziva.
Ziva David had never met Kate. To her, Kate was the look in Tony's eyes when he looked at the desk across from him after a hard day at work. Kate was Gibbs' face when she started profiling a killer. Kate was the tone of Abby's voice when the goth brought up a 'girl's night'. Kate was Ducky's sad, remembering smile when anyone brought up anything Catholic. Kate was the way McGee tensed up when Ziva teased him in a way that she could only guess was similar to the way Kate used to.
Kate was the gun sitting on the top shelf of Ziva's closet.
Ziva didn't dislike Kate, nor did she like her; she had never met the woman. Her brother had made sure of that. But her teammates seemed to have loved Kate, and that made Ziva wish that the swelling anger in the pit of her stomach towards Kate didn't exist. It wasn't even like she had a reason to be angry, at least not at Kate. It was all Ari's fault. Well, Mossad's, really. But she still worked for them - she couldn't think like that.
When Ziva first went into work and had to clean out Kate's desk, it had been simple. Routine, almost. Empty out the desk. Give Gibbs anything important. Keep any simple office supplies that might be needed (just so long as Tony or McGee didn't catch her). She ended up keeping white-out, a stapler, paperclips, a few pens, and a gun.
Ziva could only guess about why Kate kept a second gun. She figured it was a back-up. In which case, nobody else would need it. It was fair game.
She knew what she was going to do with it the moment she decided to keep it. She knew it was wrong, she knew it was twisted, and she knew that she was basically lying to herself. But it made her feel just a little bit better, and that little bit of comfort made it worth it.
So she slid it into her jacket, keeping it carefully concealed until it was time.
Then she slid it out, aimed it precisely -
And he was dead.
And she got what she wanted. She got mad at Kate. Mad because she left the gun. Mad because she had to die. Mad because she had to let Ari kill her. Mad because she made Ziva feel weak. Mad because even using her gun to kill him couldn't make Ziva hate her.
When she thinks about Ari, sometimes Ziva pulls down the gun. That's when she remembers why - why she had to kill him, why the faces of her teammates were so thrilled, even though she had just killed her own brother. That's when she remembers how much of a monster he truly was. That's when she remembers that she didn't just help save Gibbs that day - she had helped Kate get even.
That's when she realizes that no matter who's gun it was, it doesn't change who pulled the trigger. Just because it was Kate's gun doesn't mean Ziva can blame it all on her.
Ziva wishes she could hate Caitlin Todd. But everytime she tries, she just ends up hating herself even more.