What the fuck is your problem, old woman?

Does anyone find it really quite disturbing when old people stare at you? You just can't tell what they're thinking, librarians especially.

Do I have BO?

Have I suddenly grown a pylon out of my face?

Or...Is she undressing me with her eyes?!!

Right ok - TIME TO GO!

I've had enough of libraries any way! Shit its 8:30, I've missed the last bus. Damn, I guess it's not too far home...

I grab my notes and put them in my bag; I swing it over my shoulder and run past the (sex hound?) librarian sat at her desk, towards the exit.

I pause.

Is this a joke?

Take an umbrella, my son!

Shut up old man! I can handle a bit of drizzle! I'm not a kid!

Oh! Your words wound me! Has father not given you enough kisses?!

DAD, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! THAT'S PRACTICALLY RAPE! GET OFF-!

There's a hurricane outside. Or maybe it's a tsunami that got bored and decided to fall downwards just to be creative.

And so arises the problem. How the fuck am I supposed to get home without being swept away?

The reason I'm in this mess to begin with is because of Rukia. Wait, actually no, this is entirely your fault!

I don't really know what I want to do when I'm older. I mean there's always the whole soul reaper thing but I don't think that works very well on your CV, and according to Renji the pay is pretty shitty.

But then a few weeks ago there was quite a gory traffic accident. We had to use all the beds in the clinic and one guy has some really nasty injuries. I followed your instructions down to the letter; we were ok by ourselves for about an hour. Then we had to get the guy airlifted to a hospital. I've got to admit you were really cool. You knew exactly what to do and you stayed calm the whole time.

So I thought maybe I'd want to be... like you.

So that's why I'm here, standing on the steps of the pedoh-sex-house library.

I'm studying to get into a medical university.

Well truthfully, I know I've already got a place. I think you found a leaflet in my room somewhere and you contacted the university I'd picked. You're quite well known for your skills as a doctor and so you pulled a few strings with the examination board and head teacher. I heard you talking on the phone to someone important anyway, telling them how great I am and stuff.

I'm not that great really, you stupid old man...

It's still raining beyond the sheltered steps of the sex-house library.

Shit. Five minutes in this weather and I'll be soaked-

NEEEEE-NAWWWW

Wha-?

You pull up a few metres away from me, at the bottoms of the steps, in a huge red and white van. The siren –NEEEEEEEEEEEE-NAWWWWWWW- is still screaming at me and the strobe light you duck-taped to the roof of the van is giving me a seizure. Rukia did the paint job. So obviously there's an evil looking chappy the bunny painted in red paint on the bonnet of the vehicle, over the words 'KUROSAKI AMBULANCE RESCUE'.

I stand still for a long time.

Then, very slowly, the window rolls down.

"Fear not, my son!" You say in a deep , dramatic voice. But then you smile and your face relaxes. You appear almost normal.

"Want a ride?" You ask.

I continue with my standing still approach.

You smile gently at me, understanding that I will never, ever in the history of the world, get into that car with you.

"Well anyway, I brought you an umbrella."

Maybe one day you will fall apart.

The sheer agony of losing mum will become too much to bear.

You're afraid of being serious, so you prance around like a degenerate, crushing us with your hugs and smothering us with your kisses. We all know why you do it. You need hugs all the time so that you can feel how real we are. That we are still here. That we haven't left you.

I clench my fist around the Chappy the Bunny umbrella you have just handed me.

"Can I have a ride home, please?"

You smile at me.

Afterall dad, you're all I have too.