Summery: Post Eclipse/Pre Breaking Dawn. What started as a plea to inch further in their physical relationship turns into a one sided debate that, once again, holds Bella as the one girl who changed Edwards perspective on life, or in this case, death.
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, I'm just using it's characters and situations.
AN: This was originally just an exercise to try and get me back into writing Edward and Bella. It turned into much, much, much more. So let me know if they seem in character, even if they don't it's still food for thought. This is a couple of weeks after the end of Eclipse.
Warnings: 1) There is an implied lime (I don't do descriptive ^_^).
2) There are some biblical references (don't mean to offend any one, just fighting fire with fire)
3) It's an itty bitty bit AU (it's possible that BD would have far less angst had this happened)
4)Major family fluff at the end (not so much a warning as a promise)
Ease Off The Clutch, Leaving Your Soulless Thoughts Behind
"Bella." He warned me, pulling out of our over-enthusiastic kiss. I had escaped Alice's clutches for a while, Edward came as close to begging without actually begging, as begging gets, which is what it sometimes takes with Alice. She had winked at me with a huge smile on her face as we walked upstairs to his bedroom. It was difficult for Edward and I to not to have our hands on the other at all times, but at the same time…
"Edward." I shot back… Ever since the day in the Meadow, when I said no, he had gone right back to the old over careful vampire fiancé. Fiancé, it still tasted funny, but after having talked with Renee while Alice was hustling around like there was no tomorrow, I had slowly been getting used to the idea. I sighed and sat up on his bed.
"Bella…" It was apologetic this time. It was to the point where I was almost wondering if he was embarrassed to have his family know what he was doing with the human, as much as I was embarrassed they knew I wasn't capable of caring when his mouth was on mine. On a second look, one would assume because of the years that he's had to put up with their… activities, that he would be more than happy to exact revenge.
"Love, you know I don't want to stop." I turned to look at him sitting next to me. I looked at his eye's. As dangerous as it was for me, more recently I'd discovered it was just as dangerous for him, just like the word "please", it had him crumbling. I was careful to continue breathing, needless to say I still forgot.
"Breath, Love." I sucked in a burst of air and he broke the connection looking out his window wall. I scrambled to put my thoughts together, I had been thinking about something before I got lost in his eye's. What was it… ah, I momentarily wondered who was all here right now. I don't know if I really wanted to bring this up now, it could go in so many different directions. I should have asked Alice. Then again she was smirking at me earlier… Edwards phone buzzed. Speak of the Devil. He opened it.
"It's Alice." He handed me the phone. It was a text.
*Give the phone to Bella* The phone vibrated again and I hit the select button.
*Go ahead, it needs to be said. NO one will make a peep. 3 Alice* I closed the phone and gave it back to Edward. I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned my back against the headboard of the bed. He was looking at me, waiting. I didn't really know how to start, so I just plunged in. I had been thinking about this for a while, even more so in the last week. Who knew where the other side of the conversation would leave us.
"Edward, what kind of damage do you think my Truck's engine would take if you somehow managed to go from, say… ten miles per hour, to lets say 65, in a few seconds."
"We could find out." He said hopefully. Him and his incessant hate for my truck. I rolled my eye's.
"I've never tried to go 65, we have no idea how my truck would handle that, let alone in such a short period of time."
"Love, whatever you need to say just say it, if you want another…"
"Would you shut up about my truck?" He raised an eyebrow, I needed my second approach. "Ok, just so you know what track you're brain should be on, I'm going to compare you to a motorcycle."
"Okay." He was fighting back a laugh I'm sure seeing as his lips were twitching upward though he was attempting to remain neutral.
"What happens to a motorcycle when you just let off the clutch?" I didn't give him time to answer as I continued on my explanation. God help me if Emmett is here, there will be no end to the embarrassment of the next sentence I was about to utter. "The bike shoots forward, and generally the person riding said bike gets hurt." I'm sure my face was beet red right now. There was no way I wanted to look at Edward, but I wanted to see if he understood. Before I could work up the courage, a sound similar to a boulder breaking came from below us. I really did not want to know who was down stairs. Why didn't Alice just drag them all away. I looked back up at Edwards face and if he could blush, I'm sure he would be. The phone buzzed again. Edward made no effort to get it. I picked it up. It was Alice.
*Trust me, this isn't just for our entertainment, we need to be here for later.* I wondered if it was for a family moment or if there was going to be a safety issue. It buzzed again.
*Family moment* How did she do that? Maybe I was actually going to ask. More importantly, why was she using the phone when she was just down stairs interrupting anyway? Nothing. I continued.
"So, my point is, in order for the um," There was no avoiding it, just spit it out, "the rider to avoid getting hurt, they ease off the clutch slowly. Each bike is different, so no matter what you do or don't know about bikes, you have to get used to how much speed comes from how much you let off of your clutch before you bother to go full throttle. Even more so for newbie's. Even more important than knowing how to go forward is how and when to use the brake. I know you said you're still… keeping things light, because you're control beyond some imaginary line has since, disappeared. But testing the break is going to be as important as testing the speed on the clutch. Is this making any sense?"
"Yes." He wouldn't look up at me. There was so many reasons he might not want to look at me right now. The one I feared the most and had the least relevance to what I was saying, was that he would notice that this was all stuff I had learned from Jacob during the Cullen's… absence, and I was using that knowledge to compare riding a motorcycle, something that was just a Jacob Bella thing, to the physical relationship between Edward and I. Somehow I had the slightest of feelings, that was where this was going. We had already talked about this. I let go of my knees and crawled over to him. I grabbed his chin and lifted in up, he let me but he had his eye's closed.
"Edward look at me." He still did not open them. "Please." He could not refuse me, when I used that word. His eye's opened slowly and his sadness was more than evident. Sometimes It seemed Edward had more insecurities than me.
"Bella…" I cut him off.
"Edward what does it take to make you forget your self hate and remember the strength of our love? What made you change your mind in our Meadow the first time we were there, the last?" His eye's shot from the corner of the bed directly to my eye's. Normally I would call this dazzling, but there was something primal in his gaze. His eye's were light, having hunted just yesterday, but at the same time it seemed even more predator like, than when his eye's were black, be it with blood lust, or just… lust. This wasn't dazzling, it was piercing.
"Breath." It was nothing short of an order, one that I readily obeyed. My lungs heaved with need. It would be nice when I could look into his eye's and stop breathing, and not have to worry about suffocating. His piercing gaze softened, it lost its edge.
"What?" I couldn't help but ask. What brought out that look.
"Just, you. Always you Isabella. Your silent mind, your selfless nature, your love. Your touch drives me mad with want, two very different wants. Even with the burn you make me forget… forget that I'm dangerous, forget what I am. Forgetting is dangerous, especially around you. I can't forget my strength lest I crush you, I can't forget the burn lest I bite you, drain you. I can't forget, but you make me forget; the knowledge that there is a point in my own mind that I know I'll forget, is what makes me pull away now, not your blood. That point is when the man takes over the monster while the monster lies in wait for an unsuspecting moment, when I'm not paying attention, when the instinct to drain you overcomes the need to love you. When I offered… in our Meadow, your selfless nature made me want to put you above all else, so much so that I forgot that I'm dangerous. It was the fact that you somehow felt something for me, a soulless creature of the night, the first time I took you there."
My throat closed and the tears were very close to falling. He turned his head down, staring at the comforter. My hands found their way to his cheeks, my left brushed back into his bronze hair while I trailed the knuckles of my other along his jaw line. If it weren't for the dead silence, besides our breathing, I probably never would have heard it, a small purr, but I did. It was a small rumble in his throat. I trailed the fingers of my right hand down from his jaw to his Adams apple. His throat was actually vibrating, it reminded me of a cat… a mountain lion. My mountain lion. My mountain lion who hated himself, who didn't want to subject me to his "soulless" existence. His point of view on that was also something I had thought a lot about. It seemed the very root of his fear, so perhaps it was not as much a jump in topic as it seemed. Perhaps this needed to be dealt with before anything else.
"Soulless huh?" I had imagined this conversation many times but never had the guts to say anything. I knew that some of my points were hitting, below the belt, so to speak; but if it's what needed to be done to jam it into his thick marble hard vampire skull, then it's what I'd do. Perhaps this was what Alice was referring to for a "Family Moment", at this point for my own sanity, I would pretend they weren't here. Edward looked up looking slightly ashamed, perhaps.
"Bella you know how I feel about that." He's right, and I was going figuratively give him a piece of my mind for it. Just what he always wanted.
I was getting a bit uncomfortable in my current position, and though he'd never worry about staying in one place for too long, I did. I laid down on my back, my head resting on a pillow. I patted the spot next to me. He complied albeit cautiously, lying on his side with his elbow bent and his hand holding his head, his other hand wrapped around my waist. I thought it only fair to give him warning, and the warning that popped into my head once again brought us back to a time when my visiting Jacob was in dispute. I didn't want to bring it up, but it seemed fitting in an odd way considering my bike metaphor.
"I once told you that you were going to come home to something that would make angry grizzlies look tame, that didn't end up happening… You're cashing in your rain check." I looked from the ceiling back to his face. He looked acceptably nervous. I could almost picture Emmett's face lighting up at the sound of grizzlies. But I couldn't think about the rest of the Cullen's, I couldn't think that they where going to hear what I was going to say. It was just me and Edward, I would deal with the repercussions later.
"Okay." It took a lot to be mad at Edward, but he was already feeling slightly insecure, and as horrible as it sounds it was probably the easiest time I was ever going to have getting him to listen to what I had to say.
"Does Esme have a soul?" Simple question, with a double edged sword for an answer. He was shocked, and he was hiding it badly. I wasn't going to make him answer, but it needed to be thought about. "By your definition, she doesn't." His shocked demeanor also took on a chagrined expression. I continued.
"You know what I think about that? I think it's bull shit." Once again I caught him off guard. I didn't normally swear, but I was working my way passed an Angry grizzly bear. I had to start somewhere. "I practically raised myself while watching over Renee. Esme is the mother I never had and never knew that I wanted until I had her. How the hell do you think that makes me feel, to know that You think she doesn't have a soul?" I looked at him. He was looking at the ceiling. Laying down while talking just wasn't working. I pushed his hand off. He grimaced as I got up and he moved to his back, with his knees up. I started pacing at the side of the bed.
"Carlisle, yet another parent figure. Charlie's great to live with but he's never… even when grounding me or when he's acting like a father, he's more like a quiet friend, like my mother, though far more responsible. Phil, he's someone I entrusted Renee too, nothing more. But Carlisle, he's the kind of father you can trust with anything; and know he won't judge you. He treated you as the prodigal son when you returned from your rebellious stage, did he not?" I paused and received no clarification. I continued, "After all that he's been through, after all the years of perseverance to become a doctor and living alone, after all the lives that he's saved… after all he's done for this family, for You… Does that description really hit you as a soulless person?" Edward was looking out the window now.
"Rosalie, the older sister: the one I look at with envy. Not just because of her good looks, but because of the confidence she holds herself with. After what she's been through, one look at Emmett and quite a hike home just to save him later, and you know there's more behind the bitch façade. Rather than just let me be ignorant of what it is that I want, she told me her story to tell me what I was giving up, what I could have instead. Does a soulless person do something like that?" His eye's were closed now.
"Emmett, the big brother, and the little brother at the same time. Such a kid, yet such a pervert. With as much fun as he has in… death… he so easy to laugh at, and laughs at everyone just as easily. He's the protector, the guy you know has your back. Really how can someone like Emmett not have a Soul? It just doesn't make sense to me, how a vicious yet sweet teddy bear could possibly be soulless." Edward hadn't moved an inch, I'm not even sure he was breathing.
"Alice, the best friend I've ever had, my sister, Your sister. We all know she can be a handful, always meddling, but how could anyone not love her? When she was here after our… adventure in phoenix, she helped me, a lot. We talked a lot. When I need a girl to talk too, I think of her first, I know I can trust her... And not just because she can see the future. When it comes to her make over's… I honestly don't like being "Bella Barbie," but I'm willing to amuse her because she doesn't have any memories of what it was like to be human, yet she enjoys shopping and works magic with make up. No human memories and yet, she was so comfortable with me already when I first stepped in this house, she has so much energy, such a welcoming presence. Would someone without a soul be able to be like that?" I let the silence linger for slightly longer than what was comfortable. Jacob had been my best friend too, but he was a guy, Alice a girl. Two very different ends in two very different categories. Edward still hadn't moved.
"Jasper, the newest to being a vegetarian, the brother in the background. He tries so hard for Alice, for himself, for everyone, despite his… upbringing. So many feelings and thirsts while fighting his own. Always managing to make you feel calm when under… other circumstances you probably wouldn't." I'd have to thank him later, "He's lived through so much and yet he tries to make the best out of it with what he has and the choices he makes; you all do. Doesn't that sound human? Doesn't that sound like someone with a soul?" Edward was shaking now, probably in silent sobs, I was breaking through… I hoped. My pacing slowed, it was more contemplative now. I hadn't really thought beyond that. But there was more to be said none the less.
"I've never been that religious, Renee has been through so many "phases" it's not really funny. Christianity was one of those phases, so I know my fair share, I used to have all the popular quotes memorized, but there is one that I vaguely remember from 1st Corinthians. 'And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.' Love was created by god right? How can anyone love unless they too were created by god? And who is god to create a being and leave them without a soul?" His eye's were clenched shut with eyebrows furrowed while pinching the bridge of his nose. He was still shaking some.
"Clearly love is something vampires are more than capable of. Hell, James and Victoria loved each other right?" There was a low growl in his chest, this is what I get for adlibbing. "I'm sure they had souls as much as Bonnie and Clyde did." Edward gave a short snort. "Just because you have a soul doesn't mean you're going to heaven. You of all people should know the human scum of the earth. I'm not saying killing humans is right, that's like a lamb telling a lion that it's fine to kill the rest of the flock," his lips were trying to smile at our old analogy, "but at the same time just because a human is more conscious of how animals in food farms are treated doesn't make them more likely to go to heaven, but it's a belief, a way of life. In your case it's a way of death, I guess." I hadn't honestly talked this long at once since the days in the beginning, when Edward asked me question after question after question.
I crawled back onto the bed and put one leg on each side of his stomach to straddle him. I took the hand that was still on his nose in my own and took it and kissed his palm. This got his eye's to open. There were too many emotions to identify. I leaned forward shaking my head a bit. My hair enclosed us in our own very small world. My eye's locked with his and for once I could think clearly.
"Shall I tell you why you have a soul?" I didn't bother waiting for him to answer me. "You are my love, my only love. When you left, you left me broken," He winced. "It obviously wasn't physical, more than anything it was emotionally. But tell me… what human ends up like I did from just 'emotional' pain?" He opened his mouth but I kissed him, forcing him and his stubborn self to use chaste kisses, effectively shutting him up. I stopped briefly.
"We both have souls, but by then it was too late, they had already started to become one, if they weren't already. You left us with half a soul each, always begging for the other half to come back to it. And then when it did, the only pain remaining were those from memories. It fused back into one so easily, as if there had never been a break. It has told us all along what our mind's have not been able to comprehend, what our hearts haven't been able to understand." I had no idea where these words were coming from, I could only assume the comfortable feeling was from Jasper, but perhaps not.
"If you silence the battle between your heart and your mind," I brought one hand under my hair curtain to brush both of our hair from his forehead, "you can hear it, you can feel it. You just know. Close your eye's and listen to the silence." I brought my hand to his cheek caressing it, urging him to close his eye's. He complied. I let the silence linger for a few minutes, hours, perhaps seconds, I couldn't tell, until a small smile played at his lips. I really needed to stop worrying if it had something to do with someone downstairs. I could not panic right now. How his mind and heart were handling their silence, I didn't know. His eye's opened, they were far away. My eye's burned into his for once. I couldn't take it. "And?"
"This is right. We're right. I won't hurt you, because I can't." I was worried it was just me, but it wasn't. He still had that distant smile on his face.
"I know." I smiled, "You're not just saying that are you?" He's face adopted a wicked grin. Before I knew it our personal curtain was gone, lying on a pillow no thanks to gravity as my back was against the bed.
"Not a chance." I gasped at the sensation of him grinding me, albeit lightly, but still. I hadn't expected this, this was unusual. I didn't understand how we had gone from my questioning his belief on souls to… to this. The pressure increased and my eye's rolled back in my head as I moaned. It seemed like I wanted to be quiet, but I didn't remember why, so I didn't bother. He kissed me, his lips moving urgently but feather light while his hands grazed the sides of my torso. I wanted more, but I'd take what I could get without complaint. Thinking ceased to be a matter of life, as did breathing… several times, Edward always reminded me of that. But, we were wearing everything one would normally walk right out the door wearing, yet I was climbing. Climbing for something; I had a vague idea what it was. There was no doubt he knew what it was. I wasn't aware of speaking but I could vaguely remember hearing my distant voice scream his name while his voice screamed mine as my back arched off the bed. Edward slowed his grinding as I came back from heaven. There was no doubt this man had a soul.
I slowly opened the eye's that I hadn't realized I had closed. I was on my back and he was on his side again leaning his face against his hand as his other brushed along the line of my pants. It occurred to me that perhaps he needed that more than I did. I know he needed that more than I did. He hadn't hurt me, and he had proven that 'easing off the clutch' just might work, before he had the time to question it's accuracy. I had no idea what the look on my face was, I knew this is something that I had wanted for… for a while. But only now did he give it to me when he was giving me so many other things already, it hardly seem any fair. Just the same I couldn't help but want more of it.
"Such a tease, taking me to heaven and back. You'll be doing that more often, right?" I was going for sexy; surprisingly enough it might have worked, if not for my insecurities of not knowing what he wanted.
"Yes love, dear god yes." He sighed into my hair. We were quiet, I don't know for how long but I couldn't help breaking it. I didn't understand still.
"What are you thinking?" He smiled into my hair no doubt laughing that I would be asking him that.
"When you first came to forks, my eye's were shut tight, so stuck in my own beliefs. I though that you had shown me how to open them, but you didn't. You told me how to, for how could I see with my eye's closed, how could I understand when I didn't have access to your mind. And when I refused to open them on my own, you did it for me, shoving the facts in my face. Like flicking a switch in my brain, you've done it to me so many times. I doubt you will ever cease to amaze me. How such a creature could love a mo… How could such a woman, have fallen in a love with a man like me?" I smiled at his correction.
"You say I don't see myself clearly. You seem to have the same affliction. Let me lend you my eye's." His eye's looked at mine in confusion. "You're a handsome young man with green eyes aged topaz with time and blood. You're beautiful, you're old, but you're still a horny teenager." He couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.
"I'm not the only horny teenager here Mrs. Soon-to-be Cullen." He flipped over so that he above me. I laughed lightly.
"Don't you mean Mrs. Soon-to-be Masen-Cullen?" His eye's tightened a small bit, but were still full of confusion. "Cullen makes me a part of this family, Masen makes me yours." His lips were on mine, cold and not nearly as gentle as usual. I met his urgency taking advantage of the time I had before he regained control of himself. He broke away so that I could breath, tracing kisses down my jaw line. My mouth was open as my lungs grasped for air, Edward didn't wait for me as long as normal, though I wasn't complaining.
All at once, it was new, it was more, and still not enough, his tongue stroking mine in my mouth. My eye's rolled into the back of my head as I let out an involuntary guttural moan as a shock of electricity made it's way down to my core. He stopped briefly, I let out a pathetic whimper, I felt him smile.
"I love you my Isabella." I smiled back.
"I love you my Edward." This is generally where things fade to black and bliss ensues, unfortunately there were others around, others who apparently wanted a word. Now.
The repercussions of my words.
A loud bang hit on our door. Edward rolled to my side. I sat up looking at him, then I heard the door creak open. He was smiling like the teenage, over protective idiot he is. I turned to face behind me with a cheesy 'please don't eat me' smile. I was going to get up, and then I realized just how uncomfortable being that… wet, with cloths still on, was.
"I need a human moment first." Alice was instantly in front of me lifting me off the bed in a giant hug. I screwed breathing and just hugged her back. I heard Edward growl at Alice, probably for my extended, non breathing time. She chuckled lightly and pulled out of seemingly thin air, a new pair of jeans and, hopefully underwear in there too.
"Three minutes thirty two seconds, and just leave them in a corner, the pack rat will find them later." My blush had to be reaching record proportions, everyone laughed at that except Edward, I didn't dare look back at him. I quickly took care of my human needs ignoring what the underwear Alice provided me with actually looked like, though the jeans did fit nicely. I walked back out and was immediately enveloped in Esme's figuratively warm, but still very motherly embrace.
"Thank you Sweetheart. You've no idea how much that meant." I readily wrapped my arms around her waist as small tremors wracked her body.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" Esme cut me off, placing her lips on my forehead, then whispered fiercely,
"You've nothing to be sorry for. Nothing." I swallowed back a lump in my throat. Esme let me go and Rosalie was next. Perhaps following the order I mentioned them. She approached me, her eye's for once unsure and cautious, much like they had been when we returned from Italy. I smiled softly at her, I didn't know how what I'd said would go with her. She was four feet away, and then she was crushing me to her. I hiss out a breath of pain, and she loosened the hug immediately.
"Sorry, I'm not used to…" I wrapped my arms around her lightly making her stop mid-sentence.
"I know, don't worry about it." I laughed quietly.
"Only you could find the good in someone that has treated you like I have." She let go, uncomfortable… probably for many reasons. I looked at her as she retreated.
"All one has to do is look." I replied. Then Emmet was lifting me off the ground in a hug, having more experience in not crushing me it didn't hurt, but it was… slightly scary. He set me back down.
"I've always got your back kiddo." It was probably the most serious I had ever heard him be. I hugged him back with a smile on my face. "By the way, a word of advice about the bike…" Cue immediate blush and groan. Emmett laughed. Go figure. "I'm sure the clutch is sticky and his breaks probably suck. So if he goes all animal on you, don't get too scared, Eddie's been sexually repressed for far too long." I may have been extraordinarily embarrassed, but I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my face at that comment. The moment Emmet let go Alice was in his place.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." I giggled into her hair as we hugged again. She whispered in my ear. "Love you Bella." I smiled.
"Love you too Alice." She giggled and jumped back, shoving Jasper forward. I looked at him in amusement as he was trying, and failing to keep a very, very goofy grin off his face. I could only imagine what the atmosphere was like. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, just the same I didn't want there to be a difference. A double edged sword of sorts. I stepped forward leaving a small gap between us and I looked up to look him in his eye's. He was my brother, the one who struggled. I let my emotions flood over. A mix of brotherly affection and support. He lost the fight with the goofy grin and I honestly wanted a camera.
"Say 'mountain lion'!" I looked towards Alice confused, then was blinded. Apparently she had the same idea. I blinked a few times only to feel Jaspers hand on my shoulder. The feelings that came next were so strong had Alice not been there to hold me up, my knees probably would have buckled. Sisterly affection and a healthy dose of gratitude. It was better than any hug. I felt a few tears fall from my seemingly constantly watery eye's. I looked back up at him and smiled. My face was almost beginning to hurt from all this smiling. In a way this didn't seem real. The entire family in Edwards bedroom, hugging me… accepting me. I guess, this made me feel like I was truly a part of this family. The only one's missing were Carlisle and Edward.
I looked at everyone and they were all looking slightly behind me. I turned, and I almost wanted to look away it seemed so… private, I guess. A soft smile once again spread on my face. No secrets was my mental reasoning for staring as everyone else did. My fiancé and my soon to be Father-in-Law were wrapped in a tight hug. I'm not sure if they were both shaking, or if it was just one. But just from their stance, I knew that if they were human, both would shed tears for finally being able to sit on the same island on this subject.
I was proud of Edward, but I was also slightly proud of myself. It seemed silly and self-centered, but I had managed to stay coherent enough to get it all out. I had made him listen, and he had listened willingly. And here he was in his fathers arms sobbing over past words, past actions, past beliefs. My heart felt far too small. It felt like it could explode. It actually hurt, apparently it was bad enough that jasper put his hand on my shoulder and the pain of so much love became bearable, I placed my hand on top of his in thanks.
Edward and Carlisle were no longer shaking, they lifted their heads and opened their eye's, both seemed a bit lighter than before. They let go and Carlisle's eyes met mine. He smiled briefly at Edward, and he seemed slightly sheepish after having such a moment with his father in front of everyone. Carlisle looked back at me and walked over in a few steps, Jasper let go as Carlisle swept me into a hug that rivaled one of Alice's or Emmett's, but his hug didn't leave me breathless, it was his more practiced human side that allowed this I'm sure. I hugged my Father back and smiled. Then he whispered in my ear, his voice still wavering,
"Thank you my daughter. For everything you have done for my son, for my family." I lost it then. The tears escaped my eye lids and the salt water started flowing, I hugged him tighter, managing to hiccup a few words,
"Thank you father." He managed a small laugh, at what I don't know but he held me a slight bit tighter. Edward came to one side wrapping his arms around Carlisle and I. Esme came to the other side doing the same. Alice came and wrapped her arms around Edward and I. Jasper wrapped his arms around Carlisle and Edward. Rosalie wrapped her arms around Carlisle and Esme, and Emmett as big as he was managed to wrap his arms around Esme and I as well as some of Alice and most of Rosalie. No one said anything, because no one needed to.
This… This was family. This is what I was keeping.
I saw in that moment a distant future when all the humans I had ever known were long since gone. I saw happiness, I saw fights, I saw fun, I saw sadness, I saw love, I saw Edward, I saw Family. My rock was my family and my ground was solid.
I had thought I was ready before this moment. But I wasn't. I know if I asked, Edward would probably give in right now. I was ready now, I knew I was ready now. But I still needed to say goodbye to everyone else first. It was going to be hard, I knew that. I knew it was going to suck. But that was life, and I chose death. Two very different paths that hardly ever crossed with a pleasant end.
My end was forever.
My crying had eased to a few sniffles. The moment slowly ended as everyone backed away from the embrace. Carlisle held me out holding me steady. I nodded only to have him let go and fall backwards into Edwards chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. Rosalie left first only to come back with a box of tissues a second later. I smiled at her in thanks, feeling rather embarrassed at being the only one able to produce tears. Edward laughed at my blush, as I blew my nose, throwing the Kleenex away in the trash basket by the door.
Other than my embarrassment, I was basking in this feeling… this feeling of warmth I had never had before, not even remotely close… If Jacob had been my sun. The Cullens… We Cullens were a Supper Nova. But of course, Emmet being Emmett, couldn't leave well enough alone.
"Jesus Bella, didn't know you were related to elephants." He chuckled lightly as Rose smacked the back of his head. We all dissolved into laughter.
This was going to be life, this was going to be death, things would change, I had no doubt. I'm sure some couples would need alone time, every few years. High school and College would be repetitive, boring. But this is what I needed, what Edward needed. What we wanted.
They left us alone; Alice promising us a few hours before she came to collect me for a few more wedding technicalities to iron out. When the door shut I turned in Edwards arms facing him, raising my arms around his neck. I stood on the tips of my toes bringing my mouth to Edwards ear. I grazed my teeth over his earlobe. He moaned, inhaling deeply. My last words before we truly eased off of the clutch some, were these,
"Ease off the clutch, leaving your soulless thoughts behind."
AN: Wow! I hope you enjoyed, despite the possible AUishness. These were just some things in my head that would just not go away until they were written. R&R
On a side note, does this need an EPOV?