Disclaimer: I do not own Leah, or Sam.
Notes: Drabble. Just enjoy.
"Leah?" Sam's ever so thoughtful brain nudged slightly against my own steel-enforced one.
"Watch the south end, near that deserted beach."
He always asks things so carefully. Like speaking to me requires giant rubber gloves, and perhaps a hazmat suit.
"Oh. Fine." I begin to trot southwest, away from the remainder of my pack. It is nearing the end of winter. I hate that we all had to watch out for Bella Swan's safety. They all claim its for the safety of our land and peoples. I know it's because of her. She brought those bloodsuckers here.
And Jacob has the gull to actually love her. The one who wants to be them. Well he can go ahead. He isn't the only idiot who'd bite off an arm for her.
I don't complain about watching the south point. The beach at night is too beautiful to argue with. Not that I would dare go against Sam. He is the Alpha.
The water looks black. I stand at the edge, and feel its below freezing touch against my front paw. Its actually rather pleasing. I settle into the thin layer of sand and wish I could just go home and be human. It isn't that I don't like being…a werewolf. It steals a lot from you. It took my father. It wrestled my mother's trust away from her. It forced my baby brother into manhood. It's just so time consuming, and being the only female is never as much fun as it sounds. Plus everyone thinks I'm a huge bitch. I was sure Sam thought so before…but I'd be able to sense it if he did.
Now he just doesn't care. I'm just one of his numbers. Under his rank.
That is what kills me the most. Because as long as he's around I'm not allowed to forget.
When other people break up with their significant others, they can cut them away. Edit them in a manner so they are a mere memory. Change their phone numbers, maybe even move out just to be apart from whom they have lost. I can't ever leave Sam now. He'll always be a packmate until one of us dies. It is the most horrible hell anyone could have dreamt of for me. Everyday is like a continuation of one long nightmare that has no peaceful release. It started once Sam met Emily. I always wonder what if he had never met her? What if she would have just…I don't know…died when we were younger. Would I get to keep Sam?
Maybe they are all right. I'm just a bitter hag who dwells on the past. It's so wrong to think that way. But knowing that will never change how I feel. I know Emily is perfect for Sam. Why else would they have Imprinted? I feel so screwed over. It's just too late. It was over before it even began. I will never, ever, get to show Sam how perfect he is for me.
There is no one else.
I feel wetness on my face, I hadn't realized I'd phased back. Cold salty tears sting my bare flesh. I wish I had remembered to bring clothes. The moon is very clear for such a cold, wintry night. Images come to slash at my head. When things were sane, Sam would keep me warm at times like this. He was warm before we all changed. But it was natural for him then. Now he will never be natural again, and neither will I.
The light snow on the ground doesn't even began to chill my skin.
Sometimes, I wonder what is left for me. There can't be much. I have to stay here to assist bloodsuckers. Then what? I have to live out my life in the Olympic Peninsula forever? Sounds too much like a prison sentence than a happy obligation. I dig my nails too hard into the back of palms. I've probably drawn blood, but who will that bother?
I have to force myself to phase back. When I do, I feel no pulls. No one is missing me, as usual. They send me to remote areas that won't ever be pestered. I can't refuse so it is too easy. I should probably show that I'm more than just the only girl. And I will, that I can promise. What I can't promise is that I'll be around too long. Life doesn't last for people without a cause. Once Seth is grown, I'll be simply the black sheep.
If I roam and get lost, that is just fine. I just know I'll be hitting that road alone.
"Leah?" Sam's quiet thoughts scramble into mine.
"How's the south end your way?"
"Good." His thoughts fade and change so quickly it is hard to read any certain emotion. "Uh, Leah…"
His tone has a bit of spark. My ears twitch a little. Had he heard my feelings? Perhaps he has seen through my negative front?
His mind is faster than the tires on an out of control race car. No picture.
"Head up to the North end. We need that covered too."
Everything about me that had been in a static, calms.
"Oh. Sure thing."
Too little, too late.
The End. Feedback is always welcome.