Ok, final chapter! Thank you to everyone who followed this story. It makes me happy to know someone reads it! Oh and one warning, this chapter is a little more on the mature side, nothing graphic, but enough there should be a warning.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. If they were, I would banish the layers to the ninth circle of Hell.
I stretched lazily like a cat and burrowed into the warmth in front of me. I smelled gun oil, antiseptic and good clean sweat. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed, but my bladder was loudly announcing itself and I couldn't ignore it any longer.
I tried to gently extricate myself from Sam's arms without waking him up, but as I slowly moved myself back and away, I collided with another warm body. I started violently and kicked back without thinking. There was a loud thud and a low moan from the floor.
"You know, if you wanted me to leave, all you had to do was ask."
"Oh Dean!" I gasped. "I am so sorry. I was trying not to wake Sam and I forgot you were there."
"So you throw me on the floor to what. . .incapacitate my vocal chords?" he groused.
"Shh," I said fiercely.
"Its too late. I'm awake." Sam's sleep-roughened voice rasped from beside me. "What time is it?"
I glanced at the clock, surprised. "Almost 5:30 in the afternoon."
Dean clambered back to his feet and came around the bed to check on Sam's wounds. He sighed in relief. "No signs of infection, and I think your leg is set properly too. We will probably get an X-ray before we leave town to make sure, but I think you really dodged the bullet this time, little brother."
"Dude," Sam coughed when Dean was finished. "You really smell."
"Oh come on, I smell like a man!" Dean thumped his chest loudly. "You just want me to shower so my impressive pheromones won't be cloaking your own and you will actually have a chance with the wonderful, beautiful cook. But you have eyes only for me, don't you sweetheart?" Dean sat on the bed beside me and leaned over, puckering his lips comically. I giggled and shoved him back to the floor.
"Alright, alright, I can see where I am not wanted." Dean got up and began cleaning all their stuff from the floor . I left and went to the bathroom. Dean was just finishing up when I came back out.
"I'll head back to the motel," he was telling Sam as I walked back into the room. "Shower and some dinner and I will be as good as new. Then I am going to go and have a real "Welcome back to the land of the living, Dean" party. I'll probably hit up a bar and, just to warn you, I plan to make very merry tonight. You probably shouldn't come back to the motel tonight. Just stick around here and have some fun." He winked at me and I blushed.
Sam and I were silent until we heard the closing of the front door and the roar of the Impala driving away. Then I came and collapsed back onto the bed beside Sam with my arms up behind my head. We lay still and just breathed for a while, then I turned my head to look at Sam.
"What now?" I said softly.
"Well," Sam's eyes sparkled. "You could go grab your saltshaker and take up where you left off. I promise I won't peek."
I turned on my side to face him and lazily swung my hand at his cheek. He caught my hands in his huge ones and just held them between us.
"Gosh, your hands are so tiny," Sam whispered, his voice husky again.
"I know, I have to hold bowling balls in two hands and it is hard to peel potatoes." My voice came out in a breathless squeak as Sam's strong thumbs rubbed a path across my knuckles.
"Potatoes?" he questioned softly, bringing my hand to his mouth.
"Yeah," I exhaled shakily as he lightly kissed the tip of my index finger. "They get slippery and if they are a little on the biggish side, I just can't hold on to them." I moaned as he moved on to the other three finger. "I don't know how many times I have accidentally thrown them in the garbage. it's a curse."
"Doesn't matter." Sam's tongue briefly darted out and licked the pad of my thumb. "I like the way they fit in mine." He moved back to my middle finger, drawing it into his mouth and sucking gently on it. I moaned in earnest at the feeling of his mouth.
"I love the way your hands swallow mine," I said. 'I bet you can palm a basketball. I always wished I could do that." I pulled myself closer to him, leaned forward and kissed his knuckles.
Sam chuckled softly. "Yeah." He reached out with one hand and gently cupped the back of my head, bringing me even closer. Our lips met for the first time. It was soft and sweet, the barest brush of his mouth over mine. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "Is this ok?" he whispered.
I couldn't speak, I simply brought my mouth back to his and kissed him again, tentatively at first, then with a little more conviction. His tongue came out and brushed along my bottom lip and then suddenly we were pulling each other closer, lost in the heat of the moment.
Sam rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him. I straddled his hips, careful not to let all my weight down on him and we kept kissing. A warm heat began uncoiling in my belly and I felt him harden underneath me. Then we stopped at the same moment. I rolled off of him and we lay next to each other in the bed, arms brushing.
"Sam," I said at the same moment that he spoke my name.
"Leah." He stopped and looked at me, waiting for me to continue.
"You aren't going to stay," I said simply.
Wordlessly, he shook his head. I turned my face away from him, trying to hide the sadness in my eyes. He reached and pulled me against him in the same way we had lain the first night, when he had been covered in blood and I had been so afraid and I felt the same comfort I had felt that night. We lay there, not speaking, for at least an hour, maybe more.
"Can you play the piano?" Sam finally spoke from behind me.
"What?" I turned and looked up into his face.
"With your tiny hands, can you play the piano?"
"A little, I can reach an octave, just not much more. I would rather sing."
"Will you sing me a song?"
I nodded slightly and opened my mouth.
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
for I've never known completeness
like being here
wrapped in the warmth of you
loving every breath of you
still my heart this moment
oh it might burst could we stay right here
till the end of time until the earth stops turning
wanna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for all this time I've loved you
and never known your face
all this time I've missed you
and searched this human race
here is true peace
here my heart knows calm
safe in your soul
bathed in your sighs
wanna stay right here
till the end of time
till the earth stops turning
gonna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for
I stopped when I felt wetness in my hair and realized Sam was crying.
"That's beautiful," he whispered. I lay there and I wanted so badly to turn around, to finish what we started, but I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't do that to myself. If I held him now, I would never let him go.
Then, into the awkward silence, came the sound of someone breaking wind very loudly. There was another moment of silence.
"Um. . .was that you?" Sam finally spoke.
I just lay there, absolutely mortified, before muttering quietly. "I really should never eat pie." Then we both dissolved into helpless laughter and the Elephant in the room decided to run off and join the circus.
We talked long into the night, telling childhood stories and laughing. There were no promises and no mention of tomorrow's departure, just me and Sam, wrapped up in each other and the joy of life.
Dean strode back into the motel room and immediately opened the window, letting the late afternoon sun stream in. The door had barely closed behind him before he was stripping off his soiled clothes and letting them fall where they may. He turned the shower on to almost scalding temperatures and stepped in, letting the water run over his body, taking with it blood and dirt and sweat and everything else that had accumulated on his body in the last while. He watched the murky water swirl down the drain and for the first time since Jo's death, he allowed himself to really think.
He found the wound in his soul her death had given him, sealed on the surface, but infected and pussy within and he tore it open. The pain was intense. He could not remain on his feet but collapsed in the bottom of the shower, water pounding his face and body, and gut wrenching sobs ripped out of him. He grieved for Jo and all that could have been. He looked his loss in the face and as he wept, the wound slowly began to drain. The salt of his tears proved a painful cleanse, but a cleanse nonetheless.
He sat in the corner of the shower long after it turned cold and when he stood again, he was ready to live. Jo was gone and that would always leave a scar, but he knew it was time to fight on in her memory, to protect and save his brother, to protect and save the world. Her sacrifice would not be wasted.
Dean dragged himself from the bathroom, trembling like a newborn colt. He revelled in the feeling of warm, dry clothes. He didn't go out that night, but dropped immediately into his bed and slept dreamlessly until morning.
We had finally fallen asleep somewhere around 5:00 am. When we woke up in the morning, we did not speak, not as I left the room to shower and get dressed, not as I helped Sam into clean clothes and not as I cooked him breakfast.
Dean arrived around noon and after that, it was only minutes before they were ready to go. I followed them out to the car, Sam with his arm around Dean's shoulder and leaning heavily. Sam stood balanced on one leg, holding on to the roof of the Impala as I came to say my goodbye.
I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. One of his arms came around and pulled me into him.
"Will you come back?" I finally asked the question that had been burning in me for hours.
"I don't know," Sam said brokenly. What's coming next, well its pretty bad. I don't know who I will be at the end of it. I may not even survive. I don't want you to stay here waiting for someone who may never come."
"If you are able, will you come back?" I asked again.
"If there is a part of me that is still whole, I will return." Sam leaned down and kissed me one last time. I tasted salt on his lips and realized we both were weeping.
"Then I will be waiting," I said when we finally broke away.
After that, there was a quick hug for Dean and, almost before I realized it, I was waving goodbye to their taillights.
"Be safe, Sam," I whispered to the afternoon sky and I wasn't sure if it was a wish or a prayer.
"I'm sorry Sam," Dean said as they drove out of town.
"I'll be ok," Sam said. "But do me a favour? Let's finish this."
Dean nodded. "You're right. It's time. Let's go take the Devil down." At that, Dean turned his music up and began to sing along loudly to Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam."
Sam smiled and looked down at his hands, unbidden, the words of a different song came to his mind.
I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
He looked down at his empty hands and flexed them softly, remembering softness and small fingers and the sadness nearly overwhelmed him. A tear trickled gently down his cheek but he wiped it away before Dean could see it.
However, as he sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, he couldn't give in completely to despair. He was alive. His brother was back and, for the first time in a long time, he had someone to come back to, someone to live for.
A/N: Well there you are, its over! I am really curious to know what you all think, especially since this is my first time writing something that is not strictly G-rated, at least in the physical intimacy department.
I also would like you all to know that I will soon be beginning another multi chapter fic. This one is a crossover between Supernatural and Dukes of Hazzard. I already have a good chunk of it written, although not typed up so I will probably be updating it faster.
Again, thank you to all of you who read the entire thing.