1DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Sadly.


SUBJECT: Parachute Malfunction

To whom it may concern,

As a Starfleet captain, I feel compelled to write this in order to make you aware of the situation, as your product is widely used throughout the Federation.

I have recently used your product, and am sad to say I found it's overall performance lacking. On a recent mission, I had performed a space jump, during which I used your product. Initially the parachute worked as specified, allowing me to safely land on my intended target. However, due to ensuing events, I required the use of it once more.

A fellow crew member had lost his parachute, though through no fault of yours, and had fallen from our landing point high above the planet's surface. I, of course, jumped after him and was able to grab him in hopes of us both being able to gently float to the ground below with the assistance of your product.

Upon pulling the release the parachute did open and promptly detached itself from the harness.

One cannot express the disappointment one feels when one's parachute fails to function upon being deployed. When one is plummeting at unsafe velocities toward certain death one cannot help but question the merits of your product.

I would like to point out that the combined weight of myself and fellow crew member was well within the specified range set by your engineers, who also state that this product was intended for repeated use. I can find no logical explanation as to why the parachute would disengage from the harness if it were, in fact, built to the standards you claimed. I do realize that in mass production an occasional 'bad egg' does occur. Upon later inspection of the harness, I do not feel that this was the case in this instance.

During a brief moment of clarity during the aforementioned rapid decent, it occurred to me that your product would benefit greatly from a second chute to act as a back-up, should the events mentioned above happen again.

I also believe that the fact that your product does not already have such a safeguard in place is a massive oversight on your part and should be reconsidered.

Had it not been for the quick action of a young ensign on the ship in orbit, both I and the previously mentioned crew member would be in a black hole, (if you require more information please contact me directly).

Though we were safely beamed up in a timely manner, this experience was not without a certain amount of distress.

Through this incident I have found that one's momentum does not cease while in transport. As a result, the crew member and I were slammed into the transporter pad, breaking not only several bones in my hand, but the transporter pad as well. Luckily, the other crew member to suffer through this did not receive any serious injury.

It would be greatly appreciated if compensation for damage inflicted to both man and machine was received.

I would also like to inform you that until the aforementioned defects are addressed and safety protocol mentioned above put in place, I will recommend that Starfleet cease using your product.


Captain James T. Kirk

USS Enterprise

NCC 1701

Ooh! This was fun!!!

A BIG thank-you to Kippling Croft for writing this with me!

Thank you for reading! And pretty-please, if you take the time to put this in your favorites, take the time to write a little review, too!