Summary: I think I'm in love with my brother. It sounds so wrong and it might be, but please listen to what I have to say. AKUROKU; side pair ZEMYX
Before you go on to say how incest isn't right... here's the thing, I'm NOT blood-related to my brother. I'm adopted. But that doesn't make things okay either. He's a guy, I'm a guy. Not right, right? That's what society says, but screw society for a minute. You can't help who you fall in love with right? You can't just pick a random person and just be like, 'I'm gonna love you', right? Ah, shit. Too much crazy stuff.
"Axel! Hey!" My brother that I love too much jumped me from behind, making my thoughts scrambled. There goes me and my short attention span.
"Rox!" I brushed his blond hair with my hand and then gave him a noogie. Roxas started giggling and took hold of my arms.
"Stop it!" He smiled which always made me blush inwardly. I can't show him that I love him like that. It's sick. Right? Agh, I dunno!
"Whatcha cookin?" I asked casually and gave him a flick on his nose.
"It's a surprise!" He held his nose and went out of my arms reach. "You know what, Axel?" He asked randomly. I think he has A.D.D.
"What?" I exaggerated a bit.
"I love your red hair. It reminds me of flames." He leaned in to touch it but I wrapped my arms around his skinny waist. I never wanted to let go, having fear that I won't be able to do this again. I might lose my self-control soon.
"Ahh! Okay, okay, let go already. I can't breathe!" Roxas whined. I held him closer to me, if that were possible and snuggled into his belly. I felt him pushing me off, so I finally backed off. He stuck out his tongue and walked back to the kitchen.
You probably think we're weird. We're not like most brothers. We're close, maybe TOO close. Oh gawd, I love him so much. My heart is about to explode from all this madness. We weren't always like this, if you can imagine that. You see, I was adopted into the Fair family when I was thirteen. Roxas was only eight at the time and it was near Christmas time. Cloud, my adopted father, told me that Roxas wanted an older brother to play with for Christmas. I couldn't complain because in all truth, I wanted a family too. Being in the orphanage isn't very fun...
"I'm making spaghetti, dummy." Roxas peeked his cutesy head from the kitchen door. "I know how much you love Italian food. I'm making it Roxas-style." A smile crawled on my face and I couldn't help but smirk. He thought about me.
"Okay then. It better be good." I gave him a pat on the back as I walked past him to go into the bathroom.
Now I'm 23 and Roxas had just turned 18 about a month ago. No no, I'm not still living with my parents. I moved out a few weeks after my adopted mother, Aerith had died. Cloud is still living his life and Roxas is taking care of him. Well, Cloud isn't all that old to the point where he needs help to the bathroom or anything. He hasn't been so jolly since. It's like he's just existing and not really living. They say that when one love bird leaves, the other goes too. I hope he's doing okay. I'm here for a visit because it's almost Thanksgiving and families gather for that, right?
I kept splashing lukewarm water in my face. My thoughts floated back together again. I wanted to clear out my feelings and all. I didn't want to like Roxas like that. It just happened, you know? Of course it's weird. But when has that stopped anyone? I can't help it! I wish there was an easier way for me to figure this all out. Maybe I should keep my distance away from him but he'll know something's wrong. I know he will. I'll just have to try harder. I'll have to push myself away. If that doesn't work, I don't know what to do.
"What's taking you so long?" Roxas pounded on the door. "Are you taking a number two?" I heard him giggling behind the door and I just rolled my eyes. For being 18, he sure is immature.
"Wouldn't YOU like to know?" I replied and I think I heard him pout.
"Don't stink it up, big butt." I ignored that comment, because I do NOT have a big butt.
"Hey dad!" I wrapped my arms around his neck, even though I was taller then him. "How have you been? Doing okay?" He returned the hug and laughed weakly.
"I'm doing okay. Rox has been doing a lot of the housework around here so it leaves me with a lot of time to just work and relax." His blue orbs, which Roxas inherited, locked with my eyes. "You sure grew tall, but you're still as skinny as ever." He stated, staring at my whole body.
"Haha, I've been eating well. Trust me." I lied. Honestly, I'm pretty poor but I can manage. I'm not that picky with food. I live off instant noodles and sea salt ice cream. But no one needs to know that. "Don't over work yourself, pops." I laughed, patting him on his back. We walked into the kitchen where Roxas wore Aerith's apron while cooking. I started to chuckle as Roxas blushed profusely and yanked it off.
"Dad told me to wear it!" He exclaimed, turning all the different shades of red you wouldn't see in a rainbow. I had to cover my mouth before I spat anywhere. My stomach was starting to hurt!
"Is...that so?" I attempted NOT to laugh. Oddly, the frilly apron matched him. Mmm, Roxas in a dress--HOLY CRAP! What am I thinking!?! Axel! HAVE SELF-CONTROL! I started to cough and gag from the spit in my mouth. That is so wrong.
Cloud just sat down before the table and let out a small smile. "Roxas, don't go accusing people." I'm sure Cloud did tell him to put it on, but hey, parents love to embarrass their kids right? I started to help Roxas set up the table. Mm-hmm, that spaghetti did look and smell nice. Sweet basil with fresh tomato sauce. Heck, I'm not a commercial or anything. We all sat down and began eating.
"So what have you been doing for the past two years, Axel?" Cloud asked. It's been a long time since I had a decent conversation with them. I'd come and go whenever I had time, but never really stayed for a long time.
"Uhm," I was pondering about what I HAD been doing. I have bad memory, so I had to think about it. "I'm a freelance photographer AND--!" I held up my right hand with my index finger up. "I'm a manager of a singer. Well, manager-friend type thing. I really don't manage much..." Now that I think about it, I really didn't manage anything for the singer, who is also my best friend Demyx. Now if you expect me to talk about Demyx for awhile, don't. I'm not gonna bother with him yet.
"Oh? Who?" Roxas interrupted. He leaned a little closer to me.
"Demyx." Like I said, I didn't want to talk about Demyx. Not that he's a horrible person or anything. We're best friends. He's practically the opposite of me.
"Who's he?" Maybe he was irritated because he didn't really know my friends, but I knew most of his.
"My... friend?" I was unsure if he wanted more information or not. He seemed rather agitated. I didn't want to push it.
"You never talked about him before." Obviously it was bothering him, so why couldn't he just say it?
"Is something bothering you Rox?" I asked. He probably didn't notice that he was glaring at me until I said that. His glare suddenly disappeared and he looked innocent. "Plus, he's just a friend."
"Huh? Oh." His eyes shifted to his plate of spaghetti. Cloud started to laugh. "N--No! Nothing's bothering me."
"Axel, don't be too hard on your brother. He just wants to be part of your life again." That's the problem. HE IS MY LIFE. Even though we haven't seen each other a lot, we practically call each other every night. Seriously.
"Dad." I swallowed my food before speaking. "You guys have never left my life. You can't try to be a part of my life AGAIN when you never left it." I tried to make my point clear that I still think about them everyday. I still love them. Cloud's smile was somehow brighter than before. Roxas had a tint of pink over his cheeks and I chortled.
Awkward silence filled the empty spaces in the kitchen. We all just sat and ate our spaghetti peacefully. Was it always this quiet?
"You're sleeping over right?" Roxas tilted his head. The question he should really ask is should you be sleeping over BUT he doesn't know I have love issues. I was actually planning on calling Demyx. Demyx knows too much for his own good and he's a blabber mouth, but if it's a secret, it's a secret. He won't break your trust. That's what I like about Demyx.
"Uh," I glanced at Roxas and what do you know, he was putting on the puppy face act again. That, my dear friends, was four years ago. Geez. He never really grew up. I then looked at Cloud, who nodded at me to stay. I can't say no to my father's request. "Okay. Sure, why not?" I exhaled.
"Great! You'll be rooming with me, right?" His eyes lit up with excitement and mentally, my mouth dropped. I was hoping to stay in the living room or something... We're brothers though. Rooming with your brother is perfectly normal.
"... Right." My heart started thumping hard against my chest. Oh gawd. OH. GAWD. This is SO SO wrong. Why can't I just think of him like a brother. That's it. He's just my brother. Axel, your hormones are just screwed over. You're late in your puber-- oh hell no. I'm not saying that. ANYWAY, I totally like girls. I don't like guys. I just love Roxas. He's the only one that makes me want to barf out rainbows with happiness molecules. That sounded lame but you know what I mean. Love isn't easy to explain. I'm sure you get that. Everyone has been in love before. I think.
"--and then Sora fell into the water! I was laughing hysterically!" I didn't notice Roxas talking until he was moving my carry-on bag into his room. "Don't you think that was funny?" He asked and noticed that I wasn't laughing with him. I was too deep in thought. I also didn't notice that I was walking with him to his room. Whoa, that's freaky!
"HAHA!! FUNNY!" I shouted a little too sudden. It was too obvious that I wasn't paying attention. Damn.
"Right. You weren't paying attention AGAIN, huh?" He stared long and hard at me. My mouth was clamped shut and my eyes felt like bugging out. I gave him a blank expression and he tilted his head. "Not answering me? Well, that means something's bothering you." He spun around and shut the door behind us. "You can tell me, Ax. I'm always here for you."
That's the problem, Rox. You're always here. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, you will always love me as your brother. Nothing will change that, unless I confess. I don't know how you'll take it. I can't tell you. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
"I," I tightly squeezed my eyes shut. "I have a naked picture of you." I lied and hopefully he bought that. I have a HALF naked picture. When I popped my eyes open, I saw an unconvinced Roxas staring back at me.
"Really now? I'm being serious, Axel." He stated. I frowned and rolled my eyes dramatically. "You can't look at me when you're lying."
SO-NOT-TRUE. Okay, so he caught on. It's true. I can't lie to him. It's just too cruel. Why would he do this to me? Ah!
"So what's REALLY wrong?" He proceeded to pry into my life.
"What? But I was looking right at you!"
"You can't DO nothing. You're Axel. Things are always on your mind."
"Not true." I quickly scooted further away and started putting out the mattress on the wooden floor.
"You found someone you love?" His eyes were still fixed on me.
"Why do you say that?" I couldn't look up at him. Not now. I'm vulnerable.
"Because," He sighed before continuing. "People always have a hard time with that. They always deny that they're in love." He seemed rather dreamy, which made my gaze fall upon him.
"What are you, a psychologist?" I laughed. A smile appeared on his pale face. He really does look like Cloud.
"I wanna be."
"Nice. It suits you well."
"So that means I'm right." I whirled around, my back facing him.
"Why are you in denial?"
"I'm not." I laughed a little. I practically admitted to being in denial. Smooth move, Ax. "Okay. I like someone." I didn't see his expression, since my back was faced towards him. He was silent for a good two minutes as I continued t fix the place where I was going to sleep.
"Who?" He sounds rather calm. I told you he would still love me. No matter what. Well, here goes nothing...
"I love..." I choked on my saliva. My confession wouldn't come out. My mouth dropped open, but nothing, not even a weird grunt or anything came. I took another deep breath, making me stare deep into those oceanic blue eyes before me.
"It's a secret." I couldn't bring myself to say anything. He didn't blink but his mouth did drop.
"What?!" He stood up defiantly. "You were-- It was-- Why won't you tell me?!" He stuttered and his pale face became beat red. Was he blushing or angry? I couldn't tell.
"Now, now Roxas." I joked while shaking my index finger before my face. He grunted and fell back onto his bed.
Beep, beep. Beep, beep.
"Who is it?" Roxas asked as he watched me pick up my cell.
"It's Demyx." I picked up. "What?"
"Axel? Are you busy?" Demyx's voice shook a bit.
"Not really. What's up?" I continued to fix my mattress on the floor and Roxas kept staring. I think he was trying to hear our conversation.
"It's about Operation Zemyx." He sighed into the phone. If you're wondering, 'Zemyx' is the code word for Demyx and his current lover, Zexion. We make those things up because it's easier and weirdos, like Roxas, won't understand. My situation is called Akuroku.
"Okay, wanna meet up?" I took a glance at my watch. 8:13 PM. Not too late.
"If you can."
"I always can."
"Thanks, Ax. So at the Sand Plot, then?"
"Okay, see you there." I hung up and looked up at Roxas to say something, but he beat me to it.
"Going somewhere?" His face looked somewhat jealous. Roxas was always kind of the possessive type.
"Yeah." I nodded and stood up. I started to pat off my pants and was about to leave out the door until Roxas took hold of my wrist. My head whirled around to meet his.
"Can I come too?" He asked.
"Um, it's actually personal talk, Rox." I felt bad for rejecting him but it was for the best. Demyx would be mad at me. I think. Plus, I wanted to rant about Akuroku too!
"What? But I'm your brother!" Adopted brother to me. At least until I stop liking you, that is if I stop liking you.
"It's a man to man talk." I joked but he took it rather seriously and began pouting. "Look, Rox. It's really personal. We have to talk alone." He spun around with his back faced towards me.
"Fine." And with that, I darted out the door.
"Axel!" Demyx ran and squeezed me tightly. I almost lost my breath!
"What is it, Dem?" I squeaked and that signaled him to let go.
"Zexion. I think he knows." A few of his dirty blond strands of hair was blocking his eyes.
"That you like him?" He nodded. "How?"
"Well, I..." He paused and his gaze shifted to the sand below us. "He saw my diary."
"You." I shook my head. "You have a diary?" I wanted to laugh, but I knew he was probably serious. "What do you write in there?"
"Songs. Erms, stuff. Uh, about Zexion. And how his name: Sexy Zexy." I face palmed myself.
"What were you doing?" I had finally asked.
"I--" Demyx looked like he was about to weep. He's so over dramatic and emotional. "I was writing in my diary and Zexion suddenly popped out behind me and and and--" I waited for him to continue. "He scared me and I was gonna write 'Sexy Zexy' but instead of writing it, I said it out loud!" I couldn't help but burst into laughter.
"You called him Sexy Zexy?" I almost snorted, but refrain because Demyx was giving me a sad look.
"Yeah. I don't think he wants to work with me anymore." His frown was serious so I stopped laughing completely. My heart began to stink when I realized how sad he looked and that didn't match his personality at all. We all knew that Zexion likes girls. He dated plenty, including his own cousin, Larxene.
"D'aw, Dem. Don't be like that." I started to pat his back and our eyes locked.
"I wish, I wish that I wasn't like this Ax. I'm starting to hate myself. Why was I born a boy? If I was a girl, it wouldn't be so weird. If I was a girl--!"
"Stop that, Dem." I interrupted. His speech was probably gonna get poetic and all sad and junk. I didn't need anymore depressing things in my life. "Don't even try to hate things that you can't change. It won't help. I had a few. Why did Cloud adopt me? Why do I love my own brother like that?" Demyx wrapped his arms around me. I decided to let that go, since he is a big hugger. Hugs are said to be comforting.
"It's the same isn't it?" He mumbled into my shirt. I felt something wet and I'm just praying that it's not his drool. Demyx tends to drool a lot, but this time it's most likely tears. "God can be so cruel sometimes."
He held me in what seemed like forever, but it was probably the first time in my life that I held him intimately too. We had felt each others pain for the very first time.
"You're back." Roxas informed me. I was practically plastered. I had a few drinks with Demyx just a few hours ago. "And you stink of alcohol." He pointed out. "And it's 2 AM."
"Oh? I didn't realize." I was talking about the time. I knew I was drunk, but not that drunk. I could still function and find my way home. This is home, right? I felt Roxas grab hold of my arm. I didn't know why, but I started to smile creepily.
"Geez. Go take a shower. You stink!" He urged and walked me to the bathroom.
"I'll need clothes." I said. I might be slurring my words. I couldn't tell. "Are you commin with me?" I noticed that I was the one holding onto Roxas.
"No! You're a grown man! Take it yourself!" He yelled a little too loudly. He was hurting my head.
"Nooooo, I want joo Roxy." I yanked him into my arms and I started to grope him everywhere. I kicked the bathroom door shut and continued fondling my brother. Adopted brother. I heard him let out a moan but he elbowed me.
"Let go, you drunken idiot!" He started to squirm, which I think is SO sexy.
"No, I dun wanna." I heard myself say. I was definitely drunk and I wasn't controlling my body anymore. I wondered who was.
"Ah!" I continued to grope his butt and I started giving out small kisses to his neck. "St--stop it Axel!" I managed to pin his fragile body onto the floor and licked his neck. "AXEL!" Tears started to form in his eyes as he screamed. I finally snapped back and took control of my own body. "STOP IT!" He screeched.
"Ah, shit!" I jumped off him and realized my shirt was missing with my pants unbutton. Oh shit is right! "Imma sowwy." My words were still slurred together. "I dun mean to." I shook my head as he got up and dashed out the door. The water for the bath tub was running and steam filled the air tight space in the bathroom. Oh shit. Oh effing shit. What the hell was I going to do?!
Rabu: Okay. This took me awhile to write. I was deciding not to make it too fast but not to make it too slow either. I hope you like this chapter... and continue reading my next few chapters. I'll be bringing in Sora sometime soon, I believe. This story line was actually going to be a sequel to another story I was planning on writing first called "All I want" BUT I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was already planning on this one, so I decided to go with it.
Do you like it, love it, dislike it, hate it? Please tell me. No flames, but critiques are always nice cuz I'm a noob writer. :D
Reviews, + Alerts & + Favs are loved!Disclaimer: I don't own anything. You and I know that!