Things I learnt from reading Hannibal´s fanfics...

1) Clarice loves Hannibal, Hannibal loves Clarice, but she will NEVER recognize her love until:

a) she finds him to aprehend him

b) She meets him in: the street, in Florence, in Buenos Aires, in a strep tease club, muskat farm, in my grandmother's house, whatever...

c) She is sexually frustrated and needs SOMEONE to fullfil her ( she is not very exigent, a cannibalistic serial killer is OK with her)

2) Ardelia Mapp lives with Clarice, but she will NEVER be in the house, not even careing if Clarice is kidnapped, raped, killed, or abducted by UFOs. She only wants to:

a) have a family

b) go wild on parties

c) fuck any male character that is on the novel/film/author´s imagination

3) Hannibal shall be kicked, shot, beated with sticks, hit with a laundry machine, but he will ALWAYS be ready to fuck Clarice, no matter the circumstances...

4) They will meet in the least expected places: a ship sinks? Anyway, but by a wonderful marvelous miracle, they will end in the same isolated island, in the middle of nowhere, with little (none at all) clothing, and terrible sexual hunger.

5) Any place is perfect to get laid: bed, sofa, a cementery, my bathroom, a table, on top of krendler´s body...

6) EVERY female character will always be attracted to Hannibal, even when he is soaked with blood, smiling, crying, ¨ defecating¨, dancing Macarena...

7) It doesnt matter if Clarice is 17, 20, 30 or 80, she is whether sexually frustrated or a virgin ( likeee a virgiiing, for the very first tiiimeee)

8) The only thought racing inside Mason Verger´s head is the wish of killing Hannibal (it seems that he is a little bit stupid, if he has only one thought)

9) Margot Verger only appears to:

a) kill her brother

b) help Hannibal

c) make fun of Clarice

d) have a hot and disturbing sexual scene with her girlfriend

10) Paul Krendler was, is and will always be an asshole and he will always be killed (by Hannibal, by Clarice, by himself, by a flying piano, by a duck, by any living and no living creature in this world)

11) It doesnt matter if Clarice is wearimg Gucci Armani or Dior shoes, they will always be CHEAP and vulgar.

12) If Hannibal has children, they will be able to contact Clarice, even if they are having a bath in a fountain in the middle of Tokio.

13) Hannibal can be standing in front of Jack Crawford, he will never be recognized (so fuck all the FBI training)

Hope you like it, dont kill me please, I dont wanna die so young so beautiful and without having loved (?)

R&R please =X