How not to suck at writing a Hannibal fic.

Here I will explain how not to kill a reader when writing a Hannibal fic. This may cause severe loss of IQ and inminent stupidity. Warned you have been.


1) Choose a good title. And by this I mean "How Hannibal met your mother" is definitely not a good title. Try to be creative and to match the content of the story. For example if you are going to write a comedy, mass suicide is not a good topic. Except for parodies. And it's still a bad topic. Better love story that Twilight though.

2) WATCH HOW YOU SPELL THE NAMES. I am tired of saying this. It's not Lector, Lectar, Lec-something, Lectah. NO. At least read wikipedia before writing if your backside is to heavy to actually grab the book and read the cover. Period.

3) Summary. And here is probably one of the most *horrible* common mistake. You can be an excellent writer. Your story is actually not bad. You have future. Or at least you think you have one. You are writing about Clarice and Hannibal's complex realationship and all the tragedies they have been through. And still you write "Hannibal finds Clarice masturbating at Burguer King's bathroom. Sorry for the summary, better plot inside. Read and review plz! lololol". This makes my eyes bleed. And no, I am not being dramatic.

4) Hannibal's affairs... and here comes the atomic bomb. I strongly suggest you stick with Clarice and... ahem... that aunt of his... whom I will not name... If you feel that is absolutely necessary to create an OC (original character), that you cannot live without doing it, that the world is going to end if you don't write about her... still don't do it.

4-II) OCs. What a terrible invention. Why? Because an OC is very difficult to write. And you end up creating a Mary Sue. What is a Mary Sue? It's something like this. You begin writing about a girl that works at MacDonalds and end up writing about Hannibal and Queen Elizabeth II's daughter who disguises her violet eyes and is a genius (I still wonder how she ended up working at a fastfood place) and is an excellent killer and yada yada yada. See my point? As a reader, I want to jump from a 5th floor and If I survive, jump again.

5) Hannibal and Clarice's sex scene. There are fics called PWP, that means "porn without plot" or "Plot? what plot?". These are generally one shots (believe me, you can't stand 50 chapters of The Good Doctor and Starling have party all night long... except when your lover leaves you and you drown your pain and sadness in this fics... which I totally understand, everyone has issues...). And here comes the sun... if you are uncomfortable writing this kind of things, then DON't WRITE them, or at least practise it before uploading it.

For instance "And the doctor touched Clarice's clitoris gently AndThenHePenetratedHerandYad aYadaYadaHotStuff " is not a good sex scene.

6) Hannibal's sexuality. Oki doki, and you will say "But Aldana are you homophobic?" and I will answer "Who are you? why are you in my kitchen? Why are you naked?" No, I am not homophobic at all. It's just that Hannibal being gay is too unreal for me. I know this yaoi-crazy thing every woman has, but it has it's limits. Or at least don't pair him why another character (Crawford) and write a sex scene (see above) that will end up in a permanent massive trauma for every reader and every reader's mother.

7) Crossovers. Twilight. No.

8) Desctiptions. Describing Clarice's red dress in about 30 pages and uploading a photo of it doesn't fit as a good fic. Nope. Bad idea folks.

9) Song-fics. You want to read a good song fic and you find yourself pityfully reading "hips don't lie" by Shakira. I understand your pain, bro. I know it.


I ran out of ideas. If anyone wants me to write about a special topic, don't hesitate in pming me or leaving a review. THank you.