One-shot written at roughly three am - which, in my case, should say enough about the quality you can expect.
"The selfish, tree-hugging bastard!" Rick yelled, stomping about the drawing room angrily, his braids bouncing up and down in the process.
"Shut up and come here!" Vyvyan shouted at him, nearly doubling Rick's volume. "Where is Neil, anyway?"
"Oh, I don't know.. said something about Warlock and took off, I think. What about Mike?" he in turn inquired.
Vyvyan rolled his eyes, "He went to the laundrette."
"What?!" Rick uttered in shock, "The l-laundrette?!"
"He fancies the girl that works there, you nerdy!"
Rick shot him a glare but returned to the problem at hand. "Without Neil, that still leaves us to cook the tea!" He went on, with a hint of panic shining through in his voice.
"You do it, poof!"
"I will not, fascist!" he could barely complete the sentence, having to dive away from his housemate's rapidly approaching fist.
"We can have broken crockery again." The punk suggested.
"That just won't do... we had that last night. God – it's always the same, isn't it?! You never need a hippy around, and when you do they're out shopping for bloody flared trousers!"
Vyvyan looked across the room, ignoring Rick's ranting. "We can eat SPG."
"I'm a vegetarian!"
"More for me then!" Vyv said triumphantly, and started to charge at the hamster sitting on top of the disgusting fridge.
"I don't think so, laddeh!" the hamster interjected angrily, biting his owner's finger when he attempted to grab him.
"Vyvyan, would you be serious for one moment?! What does Neil usually do?"
"Complain and say 'heavy' a lot." Came the somewhat absentminded reply as Vyvyan checked the damage to his hand.
"Right! – No! Well, yes, but what I mean is – how does Neil usually cook the blummin' tea?"
"Well if I knew that I would've made you do it already! Isn't there anything to eat that doesn't need preparing?"
"We had some crackers but they ran away this morning. That's Thatcher's bloody Britain for you!"
"I swear, Rick – if you don't shut up, I'm taking a bite out of you!" The punk jumped at him threateningly.
"That's not funny, Vyvyan!" Rick said, slightly nervously tugging at his sleeves and backing away from his housemate, "Cannibalism is very serious!"
"Yeah? Since when?!"
"Since – oh forget it! Neil still isn't back and we haven't done a thing to solve the problem! I'm starving!"
They both began opening cupboards and drawers frantically, searching to find something edible - and preferably non-lethal.
"Wait!" Vyvyan began, "How about the vegetables from the garden?"
"It's the middle of winter!"
"So? I don't mind them cold!"
"Nothing grew except the tomato's!"
"Let's have them, then!"
"YOU THREW THEM AT ME WHEN I WAS HAVING A POETRY READING!"
Vyvyan laughed at the memory. "I remember! That was brilliant!"
"They still call me 'girly-tomato-trousers'!"
"I know – I started that."
"Bastard! – Never mind all that, we've – "
"Rick, shut up – I've found the lentils!" Vyvyan interrupted, now on the floor, looking under the kitchen cabinets and reaching under one.
"That seems like an awfully strange place to keep them." Rick said, putting his hands in his sides.
"Shut up, virgin."
After some more bickering and name-calling, the lentils had finally found their way into a big pot that seemed to be more muck than metal.
"Now this!" Vyvyan grabbed a box of matches from the counter and lit the gas, somehow causing the whole thing to explode and lentils to fly everywhere. Both students were thrown back violently by the severity of the blast and landed uncomfortably on the floor.
"Get off me, you girl!"
"Move your leg first, spazzy!"
"Guys?" A voice emerged from the hall. "Guys? I'm back, sorry I took so long. I brought home chips – eventhough I'm against them – but the line was like, really long, and it started to get really heavy to- "
"NEIL, YOU BASTARD!" was the last thing the hippy heard before he realised it was time to run.
I'd really like to know what you thought of this, and ofcourse, I hope you enjoyed :).