A/N: This is the honeymoon outtake that was purchased by dozens of lovely women who donated to coldplaywhore's run against breast cancer in October. Through their generous donations over $800 was raised and they received their copy of the outtake over a month ago. Thanks so much for your help ladies, and we hope you all enjoy this final outtake.
"Wake up, sweet girl," I heard Edward's muffled whisper as he breathed against my hair. I moved slightly, but even the small movement made my body screech in protest. Leaning over my armrest on the airplane to lean my head on Edward's chest probably hadn't been the best idea, but it seemed good at the time.
We were on our way to our honeymoon in Fiji and the extra long flight had made me nauseous. We'd skipped the Dramamine this time, since Edward said he would rather feel sick than feel all loopy like he did on the flight out to my parents' for Thanksgiving last year. This flight, however, was much longer, and the only thing that muted the dizzy feeling in my head was sleeping against my new husband's chest, securely fitted in his arms.
I tried moving again, but the pain remained as I looked up at Edward who was glancing down at me in confusion. "Ugh. No, can't move. Do you think there are eject buttons somewhere on these seats so we can make a quick exit like those guys in the jets?" I asked groggily. I didn't want to move my head even a fraction of an inch for fear that I would either pass out or start our honeymoon with a nice romantic round of vomiting.
Even Edward's light chuckle at my ludicrous suggestion was making me dizzy. "You mean the soldiers? Baby, I don't think that would make your head any better, considering you still can't even move from my chest." He kissed the top of my head, and I smiled to myself at how well he knew me. Being married to him is going to be the best. "But I can carry you off the plane if you want, since you were smart and only packed one carry on."
"No, I think I'll be okay by the time we're allowed to leave the plane, but do you think you could get me some ice cold water?" I asked. I didn't know if it would actually help, but it was the only accessible thing that I could think of.
"Of course. I don't know about ice cold, but I'll see what I can do." He flagged down the nearest flight attendant and rubbed my side soothingly as we waited for her to come over to our seats.
"What can I do for you?" she asked sweetly as she looked between us with a smile, as though she knew we were newlyweds.
"Do you think my wife could get some cold water? She's not feeling too good and refuses to let me carry her," he said as he nudged me gently. I smacked him playfully and smiled up him.
"Well call me stubborn, I don't care. We just got married, don't expect me to become too dependent on you right away," I joked. The attendant giggled and I smiled at her as genuinely as I could manage considering how bad I felt.
"Not a problem, I'll be right back," she said.
"Thank you," Edward and I said at the same time. I sighed contentedly, toying with the soft fabric of his t-shirt and kissed his neck.
The flight attendant came back with my water, and it helped a little bit, enough that I could actually sit up. We got off the plane in Nadi, and picked up our luggage at the carousel before we took a cab to the harbor where we needed to catch a boat in order to reach our resort in Tokoriki.
We were staying in a beach bure, which was a more private suite right on the beach, surrounded by tall grass and small, tropical trees. The boat ride took about a half an hour and did nothing to calm my already sore body. By the time we got checked into our little private suite, Edward and I were both exhausted from our trip. We carried our bags into the quaint room, barely glancing around before dropping our suitcases on the floor. We plopped our tired, heavy bodies onto the small couch in the middle of the room and watched the breeze move the plants that surrounded our bure.
"This is nice," Edward murmured into my ear as we lay in a position that wasn't quite as comfortable as our atmosphere would suggest. Nevertheless, I hummed in agreement.
"Are you kidding? This is more than 'nice.' This is amazing. I can't wait to spend the next two weeks here," I said, curling even further into his side, trying to make myself comfortable. I meant it. Even though my head was still dizzy from the plane and my back was in pain from the position we were laying in, it was one of the most exquisite sights I had ever seen.
"Hmm," he mused. "Do you think it gets even more amazing on the bed?" he asked and before I knew it, he was standing and swooping me up from the couch and we were flying to the bed. We landed with a pillowy thump and any uncomfortable position I had ever been in was quickly forgotten. The bed was heaven with its luxurious linens and flowing canopy around it; I never wanted to leave.
"Oh my gosh. Yup, it definitely gets more amazing over here," I said, as Edward pulled me closer to his body, and my back fit perfectly against his chest.
"Are you hungry?" I asked sleepily.
"Not yet. Later," he yawned. I smiled and admired the new ring on my left hand, which was nestled beautifully next to the engagement ring that I had become accustomed to seeing there. Everything that had happened over the past few years seemed so surreal to me. From meeting Edward to falling head over heels in love with him, all the way to owning a coffee shop with him while we both strived in our art. It was just… perfection. He was perfect.
"Hey, Bella?" Edward whispered against my neck.
"Are you happy?"
I laughed, because he could truly always tell what I was thinking, even when he wasn't looking for an answer in my eyes. I turned around to face him. "Edward, I'm so happy that I'm not even going to comment on the absurdity of that question. Now shut up and cuddle with me." I turned around and closed my eyes, dreaming sweet dreams of Edward and me in our honeymoon land.
My eyes fluttered open sometime later, when I felt damp, unhurried kisses being placed along my neck and they were moving even further down my body. The room was nearly dark now, and as I glanced out onto the beach, I could see the fading sun turning the beach around us purple.
"You taste good," he whispered. I moaned, sending the sound out into the empty, quiet room, as his hands trailed up underneath my shirt to gently rub my stomach. "But I want to taste something different." He lifted my shirt, trailing kisses down my chest as I lifted my body slightly so he could unhook my bra. Edward tugged my shirt off over my head and then pulled my bra off my shoulders as I moaned when I felt his tongue delve into the valley in between my breasts. I managed to get his mouth from my body long enough to take his shirt off desperately wanting to feel the heat of his body against mine.
He took one nipple into his mouth, teasing it lightly with his teeth as I strangled a groan in my throat and prayed that he would keep moving down my body. He slowly made his way over to my other nipple, giving it just as much attention as I moaned wantonly, enjoying his every touch. "Edward," I whispered, running my hand through his hair as he looked up at me with his adoring eyes.
"That wasn't what I wanted to taste either," he said against the skin of my stomach as I looked down to see a sly smile crossing his face. His hands moved to my sides, running them softly down until the tips of his fingers reached the hem of my shorts. He tugged them, along with my underwear, down with one swift pull not even bothering to undo the button. He tossed them onto the floor and began leaving another wet trail of kisses up my thigh until he reached the spot in between my legs that was pulsing with desire for him.
Not wasting any time with teasing, his tongue swept up the already slick flesh until he reached my most sensitive spot. I moaned again, but this time louder than I had before. "Mmm, that's it," he said, swirling his tongue around my clit again as he pushed my legs open, giving him better access. "Show me how I make you feel, baby." I threaded my hands into his hair and pulled his face closer to where I wanted him most.
I felt his tongue dip inside of me, quickly followed by his thumb, as he then began pressing light circles around my clit and making me cry out for him. "God, Edward. So good," I panted as my hands wound tighter into his hair. His mouth and tongue did such amazing things to my body, bringing me to the brink over and over again until he eased two fingers inside me. His fingers moved deftly, teasing me and stroking me from the inside until I finally shuddered in bliss with just a few more swirls of his tongue as his fingers remained buried inside me.
Edward kissed the inside of my thigh once, twice and finally a third time before scooting back up the bed, and lying right beside me. "Wow," I breathed, turning to look at him, his lips shining with my desire for him. I leaned in close, touching my nose to his. "I'd kiss you right now, but you got a little somethin' right there," I said, laughing and gesturing to his mouth. Edward just laughed me off and leaned in to kiss me gently, as I tasted myself on his tender lips.
Edward stepped out of the room for a brief moment and when he sauntered back in I got up on my knees, beckoning him back to me. I grabbed his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. He wrapped his arms around me as our lips lingered together. My hands were making their way to the hardness that was straining against his shorts, but I was surprisingly interrupted. "Now I could go for some food. Do you want to go out?" he asked as he pulled away.
I quirked my eyebrow at him. "You're going to go out like that?" I asked, gesturing down to the obvious bulge in his shorts.
He shrugged. "Delayed gratification, baby."
I twisted my mouth up in confusion, but he simply plucked me up from the bed, grabbing my hand and leading us back the couch where our suitcases were. We silently got some clothes together and laid them out on the bed. "Wanna shower before we go?" he asked. That was it. I was getting what I wanted, so I put my best devilish smile on and nodded.
There was a small shower inside the bathroom with barely enough room for both of us, but definitely enough room for a little fun. Edward turned the water on as he stripped off his boxers and shorts. As soon as he was naked, I pushed him up against the shower wall and attacked his neck with my lips.
"Now," I began, indulging in the combination of the water pouring down our bodies and the way my tongue moved against his wet skin. "What kind of wife would I be, if I let you go out with that… problem?" I said, my voice vibrating against his neck. I moved my hand down to stroke his erection, and I was rewarded with a low moan escaping him.
"That's what I thought."
When we finished in the shower, I slipped into one of the dresses that Alice had gotten me specifically for the honeymoon. It was deep blue jersey dress, with small straps, a nice sweetheart neckline, and it came down to my knees. It was fairly simple for me, but Alice had reminded me that layers of funky jewelry and odd clothing probably weren't the best for a honeymoon, especially if I wanted to undress easily. Edward appeared a moment later in shorts, which were similar to the ones he'd had on earlier, and a button-up shirt with his sleeves rolled up just below his elbows. It was completely unfair that he could look that good in something so simple.
"So, where are we going anyway? I can just change if this is too much, but everything I saw on the boat ride over here seemed really nice," I said casually, even though I was nervous I was overdressed.
"What you're wearing is perfect, Bella. You look beautiful," he said as he walked over to me and kissed my lips gently. "I was thinking we'd just go over to the villa, since it's not far and we don't really have time to go exploring." I nodded enthusiastically, remembering that I had admired the villa earlier in the day and I grabbed his hand as we made our way outside and strolled along the beach.
We ate dinner at the villa on a deck next to an infinity pool with lights coming up from the water, flawlessly illuminating my new husband's deep green eyes as he sat across from me. I never thought that I'd want any of this. For so long, I completely denied myself any thoughts regarding romance and marriage that the entire experience of our honeymoon was beginning to overwhelm me.
"What?" he asked as he sipped his champagne glass. We were both completely stuffed from the amazing food we'd eaten, but neither of us could pass up the opportunity for champagne.
"What, what?" I countered.
"You're looking at me funny. Like you do when you're thinking about something." I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. "What? I know you," he said, taking my hand and kissing my palm. My eyes began to glaze over with unshed tears. If my own thought processes weren't enough to make me emotional, then Edward's completely romantic, yet amazingly simple declarations definitely would.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just… being here with you, on our honeymoon, it was beginning to get overwhelming for a second. This place is gorgeous, not to mention I get to look at you all night. There was such a long period in my life where never thought I'd get married, and then I met you, and I can't imagine being any happier than I am right now," I said as I swallowed the lump in my throat, barely making my speech without shedding any tears. "I love you."
His eyes radiated love as he smiled back at me. "Let's go," he said, throwing money down onto the table. My eyebrows came together in confusion, but I stood up nonetheless. Edward took my hand and we were running back down the beach before I could even begin to comprehend his reaction to what I had just said.
We stopped in the middle of the beach, and it was so dark that I could barely see his face in front of me. He crushed me to his chest and I wrapped my arms so tightly around him I was sure he would break.
"I'm so happy with you, Bella. You have no idea how lucky I feel," he began, kissing the top of my head as he held me, "that you chose me, and I still can't believe that I managed to convince you to marry me. I love you so much."
"You're the best husband ever," I murmured into his chest. He lifted me up, swaying us back and forth, and I rolled my eyes, knowing what he wanted. "You can carry me now," I relented. He laughed and put his arm underneath my knees and hoisted me up bridal style.
"Hey, this isn't so bad. I could get used to this," I laughed as Edward continued our walked down the beach and back to our little Fijian bure.
We barely made it inside before Edward set me down on the ground, pinning me against the doorframe. He flicked his tongue out against my neck and I interlaced my fingers through his hair in response. All I could hear was the soft sounds of the ocean and Edward's heavy breathing against my skin. Eventually, Edward moved me away from the door enough so he could slide it closed, and finally we were completely alone again.
"I want you so bad. I always fucking want you," he said huskily as we clumsily made our way over to the bed, gripping and tearing at each other's clothes. I looked down to see that Edward's shirt was already half unbuttoned, and my dress was pushed down to my waist and my bra exposed most of my breasts.
"Then have me," I said as I pushed him down onto the bed, falling on top of him. I placed my knees on either side of his body, grinding myself on the hardness I felt beneath me.
My tongue was languid against his neck, and his hands caressed my entire body as I hovered over top of him. I felt him squeeze my ass as he gripped the elastic of my panties over the fabric of my dress, but I stopped him. I stood up and began to shimmy out of the rest of my dress, taking with it my panties and bra, as seductively as I could. I tossed my clothes into the air, not caring where they landed as I noticed Edward had stood and was undoing his shorts.
I watched in fascination as he undressed hurriedly and then climbed back onto the bed. I immediately straddled him and then gripped his cock and watched as he moaned in time with my hand as I approached the tip on each up stroke. "God, I love watching you," I whispered.
I moved off of him for a moment and began teasing him with my tongue, building up his need, as my tongue lathed his hard length eagerly. I wrapped my mouth around him and sucked his cock as hard as I could, my hand gripping the base of his cock that I couldn't fit into my mouth, and I smiled against him as I listened to his groans and moans of appreciation. He sighed as I released him from my mouth, but when I climbed back onto him, my legs on either side of his body, and I sunk down onto his length, all disappointment was forgotten. Our hips immediately began moving rapidly against each other as I tore the rest of the buttons on his shirt, eager to feel the skin of his chest underneath my hands.
"I need to love you," Edward said, sitting up so he could finish removing his shirt. He wrapped his hands around my neck as our lips met. He swept his hands up my thighs, slowly moving up my body until he reached the bottom of my breasts. Our mouths only parted long enough for him to suck one of my nipples into his mouth briefly. As we kissed again, the sound of our tongues gliding alongside each other, and our teeth clanging together reverberated through my head.
Our hips continued moving swiftly in tandem, until one of my hands slipped from his shoulder in our haste, causing me to fall forward on top of him. Edward flipped us over, effectively pinning me to the bed, taking my other nipple into his mouth. I closed my eyes and was immediately brought back to earlier in the day when he had been doing the exact same things to me, making me feel all of the same wonderful feelings that were currently flowing through my body. Even though the feelings were the same, they never faded. The feelings of recognition I always experienced with him never annulled the overwhelming sensations that accompanied them.
I concentrated on the feel of him moving inside of me. "Ah, fuck, Edward," I whimpered as I felt him graze the best spot inside me. "Right there, right there… ooh yeah."
"You're so gorgeous, Bella. I could fuck you all night long and never get enough," he groaned, moving faster inside me as his breathing became labored and I knew he was reaching his peak.
"Yes… oh, god, fuck me all night," I murmured lazily as the feelings he was creating inside me began to take over.
He moved his hand between us, and I began unraveling as soon as his finger started rubbing my clit. I could feel myself tightening around him, and everything happening around me became more intense. The feel of Edward's hot breath on my neck getting faster, the sound of the sheets rustling underneath our bodies getting louder, and the pressure of his hands on my hips intensified.
"Fuck, Bella," he shouted as he twitched and came inside me. We rode it out together for a few more moments, until we eventually stilled. Edward rolled off me and laced my fingers with his as we lay beside each other. "Best first night in Fiji ever," he said.
The first few days of our honeymoon had been nothing short of magnificent. I really couldn't say enough about the bure we were staying in and what we had seen of the resort, although limited, had been wonderful. Other than dinner the first night, we had spent most of our time holed up in our bure, wrapped around each other and successfully shutting out the outside world.
On day three we reveled in a his and her massage that was held on the beach in front of our private hut. We didn't even need to travel far, as the masseuses came to us and had us change in our bedroom before venturing out onto the beachfront tables. Sure, the thought had crossed my mind to seduce my wife once again as I watched her undress for our massage, but I behaved myself.
Well, I did until they left an hour after they arrived. We were both so utterly relaxed and calm, our bodies relieved of what little stress we had, that we found ourselves unable to get back into the bure to fuck. I took her on the secluded lounge chair just outside our villa and both of us were completely sated afterwards, so much so that we took a nap under the shade and crashed until dinner time.
On our first Friday in Fiji I had arranged a private picnic for Bella and me on a private island not far off shore. We took a 15 minute scenic boat ride, which brought us directly to the island and our own private beach, it was simply luxurious. The chef at the resort had prepared a picnic lunch for us which we devoured as soon as we got there. Then we spend the afternoon lying out in the sun and getting rid of any tan lines we had accumulated in our time. The rest of the afternoon we snorkeled and swam in the gorgeous blue water before I took Bella on the beach and made love to her. When we got back to our bure that night, dinner was already awaiting us and we ate furiously before having a quick shower to remove the sand from all our nooks and crannies, and then we went right to bed, both of us exhausted from the long day.
One day after Bella and I had spent the morning lying in our hammock and enjoying the view, we enjoyed a quick lunch before deciding to go out and have a long swim in the ocean. After I changed into my shorts, I waited outside in one of the lounge chairs for Bella and was shocked when she came out in yet another new bikini. Apparently she and Alice had gone on quite the shopping spree in preparation for our honeymoon, all with the encouragement and black American Express card of my mother.
Today's barely there patch of fabric was a string bikini in multi-colored stripes and as Bella sauntered out onto the beach, her legs moving seductively, I found myself unable to move because I was hard as a rock. Not that that was anything new during our honeymoon.
"Are you coming Edward?" Bella asked as she turned around after walking halfway to the beach and noticed I wasn't with her yet. I coughed lightly before I stood and moved awkwardly towards her.
"Not yet, but give me a minute," I remarked under my breath as Bella winked at me and turned back away from me, continuing along the beach. I watched her for a few moments, still in shock that she was married to me, that she chose me, as I adjusted myself and grabbed some towels from a nearby chair. When I caught up to Bella, she was already knee deep in the water, so I dropped the towels on the beach and ran in after her, pulling her into my arms as we fell under the water with a loud splash. When we came up for air, we were both laughing as she then proceeded to splash water in my face.
"That was uncalled for, Mr. Cullen."
"Consider it your punishment for teasing me, Mrs. Cullen."
"Oh and how am I teasing you?" Bella questioned as she arched her back and pulled her wet hair back so it fell down her back sensually. She was fucking with me and Jesus Christ, I loved it.
"That tiny bikini for one."
"What? This old thing?" Bella said with a playful laugh as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her collarbone before I pulled her into deeper water. We swam together for a few moments, both of us enjoying the silence and the warm water of the South Pacific.
"We both know this is new, baby. Might I add it's my favorite so far," I commented as Bella turned in the water to face me and wrapped her legs around my waist tightly. I was still standing in the water but it was more than mid chest deep on me. I clutched her forcefully, unwilling to let her go and I groaned as I felt her grind against my painfully erect cock.
"You said the same thing about all my bikinis."
"Yeah, but this one has the least amount of fabric."
"That it does," Bella replied slyly as she pulled away and swam a little bit away from me. I closed my eyes and tried to relax a little bit but when I opened my eyes, Bella was floating on her back, with the sun shining on her gorgeous body and I couldn't help myself. I swam closer to her and moved around her slowly, treading water as she remained still, soaking up the sun. She looked so calm and beautiful; she was the complete opposite of the frazzled girl I first met at the small coffee shop so long ago.
I could still picture her rain coat and owl t-shirt with perfect clarity. Of course, it made me smile brightly to think that those things now hung in a closet we shared together. I swam around a bit more, focusing on how much I adored my wife and how far we had come together. There had been so much miscommunication and wasted time, but as I floated around the water with her at my side, I knew without a doubt that everything was worth it. Every fucked up moment, every online chat and even waiting 8 hours at Central Park for my Penny Lane… she was worth it and so much more.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Bella asked, pulling me from my memories.
"Interesting choice of words; I was thinking about how we first met."
"Coffee shop or online?" she asked playfully as she came closer to me, the water splashing gently against her body.
"Both, oddly enough," I replied with a grin as Bella wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed me deeply, our tongues entwined together in sync. I pulled back and began kissing her soft neck tenderly before I spoke again. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, ya know?"
"Oh believe me baby, the feeling is completely mutual… did you really want to swim for a while today?"
Bella giggled and nodded her head before swimming back to shore and beckoning me to follow her with her index finger. I watched for a moment as she grabbed a towel from the beach and used it to dry her hair before she disappeared around the corner of our bure. I was even more intrigued at this point because I knew what was around back, hidden from prying eyes and shaded by large trees, so I practically sprinted from the water and followed eagerly, finding Bella turning on the water under the outside shower.
She grabbed the towel from my hand and draped it over the half wall made of rocks before closing the space between us and running her hands down my wet body. "You know… I wanted you the first time I met you," Bella remarked as her fingers traced the hem of my shorts before she yanked them down roughly and bent at her knees before me, my cock right in front of her face. "I dreamt about doing this very thing actually."
Before I had a chance to even blink, Bella had sucked my cock into her mouth and with her hands grasped firmly on my hips, she was expertly sucking me off. It was pure fucking heaven, in the most sinful way possible. Her tongue licked at me, swirling around my shaft and my tip as she took me as deep as she could, and then pulled me out of her mouth and began stroking me, making me hard as fuck.
"Hell, I still have sex dreams about you, but now I just roll over and do something about it when I wake up," Bella admitted with a girlish giggle as her hand remained wrapped around me, sliding up and down my cock with ease. "I had this one dream shortly after we booked this honeymoon though…"
"Do tell, baby," I urged, as she stood up and pulled the strings on her bikini bottoms, letting it drop onto the ground under her. She then did the same with her top and in the blink of an eye, she was standing before me completely naked as she turned under the warm stream of water falling from the outdoor shower.
"You fucked me here… under the shower… and bent over the half wall." Bella's eyes darkened and I was certain mine followed suite as I stalked towards her, threading my fingers through her damp hair as I pulled her towards me, my mouth desperate for hers. I wrapped my arms around waist her and pulled her flush against me as I pushed her back against the shower wall, the water pouring between us as my free hand reached down to cup her breast roughly.
Bella bit down on my bottom lip and we both groaned loudly as I pulled away and began frantically kissing down her neck, my hands now grasping at her ass as I hitched her leg onto my hip, and reached down to stroke her wet pussy deftly. "Oh fuck, Edward," Bella panted breathlessly as I smacked her ass and she yelped and jumped, so I could hold her up as she wrapped both of her legs around my waist. With one swift movement, I pushed myself inside her and as she gripped my shoulders tightly, I fucked her as hard as I could, unable to get enough of being inside my wife.
"Fuck… keep… going…" Bella shouted as I buried my head in the crook of her neck and sucked on her sweet skin, biting it as I felt her walls clench around my cock. "Jesus… so good baby."
"Is this how I fucked you in your dream, baby?"
"Oh my… fuck… so much fucking better, Edward."
I gripped my hands even tighter around Bella, and I was certain that I was going to leave hand marks on her ass, but I knew she didn't care. Bella was desperately urging me on, wanting me to plunge deeper and harder inside her, and I remembered what she said about her dream as I smacked her ass and pulled out of her. Bella actually pouted, but when I grasped her hips and turned her around towards the half wall, she knew exactly what I was thinking and her beautiful pout turned into a sly smile.
"Isn't this what you wanted, babe?" I questioned as I lifted her knee onto the wall, opening her up to me. I rubbed the tip of my cock along her wet lips as she moaned and nodded her head. I slowly rubbed my hand against the small of her back as I guided myself back inside her tight pussy and began to fuck her, starting out slowly and building momentum. Bella's moans and screams were matched to my movements and just as she yelped out in release, my cock was driving inside her fast and deep, aching for my own euphoria. With two more fast pumps inside her, I came panting breathlessly as I rested my head against her back and wrapped my arms around her, clutching her as close as I could.
"So much better than my dream, sweetheart," Bella whispered gently as I kissed her shoulder and pulled out. I grabbed a towel from behind us as she turned off the water in the shower, and helped her dry off. I wrapped mine around my waist and we headed back into our bure together, always touching and reveling in our love.
We both dressed in some shorts, though Bella tossed on a tank top, and we went to rest on the hammock on our deck. When we woke an hour later after enjoying the most relaxing nap of my life wrapped around my wife, I glanced into the bure and noticed that our phone was flashing. I quirked my eye brow in confusion as only one other person knew exactly where we were staying, and as I climbed off the hammock, I headed towards the phone with trepidation.
Bella sat up and looked at me curiously as I pressed the speaker button the phone and accessed the voicemail. The moment the message began I cringed and I noticed Bella did the exact same thing.
"Edward… it's your mother," I heard the voice I least wanted to hear say.
"And your mother-in-law. Oh, I like how that sounds," Renee commented as I noticed Bella roll her eyes.
"We just wanted to check in on you guys since we hadn't heard anything since you arrived. I'm assuming that because you have voicemail that it means you got to Fiji safely," remarked my mother, but I could hear a drunken slur to her voice, which made me laugh a little bit.
"I told you Esme, they have been spending the last few days doing the horizontal tango, making whoopee, knocking boots… you know parking the Plymouth into the garage of love." Bella and I both looked at each other in mortification as my mother asked Renee the very thing I was thinking at that moment.
"Where the fuck did you get that euphemism, Renee?"
"I heard it in a porno Phil and I watched one night," she admitted as Bella jumped from the hammock, flipping over and falling flat on her face as she attempted to get to the phone to turn off the message. She had clearly heard enough, but as I ran over to help her get up and untangle her one leg that was hanging awkwardly from the hammock, the message kept playing. "The young attractive couple were fucking on the hood of a car in his auto shop, her large fake boobs sorta flying about everywhere as the guy, who clearly used a penis pump or something, was drilling her like he was searching for oil in the desert. The sex was horrible, the moaning was obnoxious, but the stupid lines he kept spouting off were funny as hell.
"What porno was it?"
"It was called Mike Hunt's Auto Shop of Love. I don't recommend it. If you and Carlisle need something to put some spice into your love life, I know many other reputable and kinky titles."
"Anyways, that was all off topic. Well, not really. We're just calling to make sure things are okay and see if you guys have reconsidered that 'waiting for a few years before having babies' thing. We just think it would be great if you had your kids while you were still young and spritely."
"That's it," Bella shouted as she got off the floor and stormed towards the phone, slamming her hand down on the keypad because she had no idea which one was the speakerphone button. "If I hear one more thing from them about all these babies that they want us to have, I might just insist we stay here in Fiji instead of heading back to New York. You could take pictures and make postcards for the tourists and I could… oh who am I kidding, I love Manhattan," Bella replied as she flopped down in a nearby chair in exasperation.
"And regardless of how certifiably insane our mothers are, their hearts are in the right place." Bella nodded softly as I went to the chair and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder supportively. "Don't worry, we still have another week here and I'll call the front desk and make sure we don't get any more calls from crazy drunken women in the United States."
"That's the best idea you've had since I met you."
"What… asking you to marry me wasn't a good idea?"
"Oh wait… yeah, that was good too. I love you, Edward."
"I love you too, Bella… my Penny Lane.