The Almost Complete Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Voxran Handerhanderhan

Disclaimer : I do not own The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Chapter 1 - Subsection 6 -

The Blue-Green planet of Garmonthera sat there spinning in space. With a population of 7 billion beings and countless other things, it was a popular place of study for such a Hitchhiker like Voxran Handerhanderhan. He stood next to a shady looking bar entitled Shady Looking Bar checking out his schedule on his wrist computer.

" Fourteen days, three minutes , ten seconds. " His wrist computer announced. Voxran wiped his sweaty brow with his sleeve. It's been too long adding to the Guide here.

" Shady Looking Bar will be serving Hotlicks Beer in 5.3 minutes. " His wrist computer continued.

" What's the next scheduled ….." Voxran was completely cut off by his wrist computer.

" It would be nice to hold a normal conversation for once. " Voxran gave his watch a curious look. Damn thing must be malfunctioning again, I don't think I got it wet. He turned off his computer watch and brushed back his dark green hair, it was way too hot out now. He watched a teenager smouldering in the alley, it was that hot.

" Excuse me, it was rather rude turning me off after a normal request for conversation. I would like to start by saying…." Voxran took his watch off and removed the battery.

He hailed a speeder taxi. He entered the foul smelling vehicle and paid the driver to take him to the nearest space port. The Mongrool driving wanted to start an argument for no good reason.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Entry No. 23,456,720 - Subsection 2 - Paragraph 45 - Page 15 - SubData Scrape 2367.7 - Half way down. -----

The Mongrool is an alien race first discovered on Garmonthera 150 years ago trapped in a cave far east of Hifart Hills. The average Mongrool is approx. six feet tall with pale yellow skin, they have a distinctive stink to them, kind of like garbage and fish combined with Dograt dung. Once they were integrated into society they quickly found use for themselves as taxi drivers, seeing as the symbol for the Galactic Cooperation of Taxi United has the very same symbol as their god Frygrool.

The Mongrool hates everyone except Mongrool's, but further studies show that they even hate each other most of the time. There has been rumours that they are a unisex type of alien, but nobody really wants to find out if its true. Gross.

" I said , " The Mongrool growled, " what space port ?! There's three thousand in this city alone man ! "

Foxran sat back and closed his eyes , " Just the nearest one please, perhaps Dranpitt Street Port. Sound good to you ? "

" Are you nuts man ? Dranport will take at least fifteen minutes through this 4:35 PM traffic jam ! "

" Well, " Foxran sighed , " how about you decide then. "

" ME ?! I don't offer those kind of thinking services !! " The Mongrool's temples bulged with veins, his pale yellow skin was turning a darker shade. For some reason, the fish part of his smell intensified.

" Perhaps I could help ? " Foxran's wrist computer chimed from his jacket pocket. He reached in his opposite pocket and eyed the battery he removed earlier.

" Please. " He said, taking the haunted watch from his pocket.

" The nearest and fasted space port is down 17 Wanker Dr, Apartment Level 6 , Garage 3. " The wrist computer chimed for the driver to overhear.

" That's the one then driver. " Foxran said putting his watch away.

" I have a NAME you know ! " The Mongrool turned and growled some more. This was going to be one long day.

The space port they arrived at was primarily a commercial port that carried everything from McDonald's to Burger King to the planet, it was a busy port. Foxran exited the car and started to walk to the nearest pilot chatting next to his ship.

" Hey guy ! " The Mongrool taxi driver called out, " you forgot to take your passenger survey report you damn idiot ! "

Foxran rolled his eyes and returned to the taxi. He grabbed the thin computer note pad off of the driver and entered his name at the top of the survey. He knew he'd be arrested for Failure to comply with the Galactic Taxi United Survey Report - By the Galactic Police Department of Federal and Republican Senates of Supernatural By-Laws , or the G.P.D.F.R.S.S.B. Now with less R.

" Name confirmation, please stand by…" The notepad informed him. Foxran waited for about 10 minutes as the bar slowly crept to the right side, it was only at 50 percent five minutes later. He leaned on the taxi as he stared non-believingly at the notepad. " HEY !! " Foxran apologised to the driver for wiping some family dirt off the side of the car.

" Name acknowledge complete. Scanning for health records, please stand by…"

" Oh, come on ! " Foxran yelled at the computer notebook, " I've been here taking this stupid survey for twenty minutes now ! "

" Maybe you didn't hear me, please stand by….."

" Don't take so long this time. " Foxran muttered.

" Did you want me to load this information sir ? I can do this all day, I have a lifetime battery. "

" Please. " He sighed.

" Then please stand by….."

Foxran stood by for another 35 minutes until the computer informed him that the load was complete.

" Good can I go now ? " Foxran was about to hand the notebook back to the driver when the computer chimed up again.

" Health records indicate you haven't had a physical in ten years. You are five foot 11, 150 pounds, you are 4.7 pounds overweight, you have a scar on your left buttock from an attack by a….."

" Alright ?! What does this have to do with anything ? " Foxran pointed at the computer screen in anger.

" We need to scan for your police record now…."

" No, " Foxran waved and shook his head , " there's no flippin' way I'm waiting here anymore…"

" Please stand by…."

" I'm not standing by ! " Foxran handed the computer back to the driver, red and blue lights flashed from the computer screen and the driver gave him a shocked look.

Foxran Handerhanderhan's adventures were just beginning, his trouble with the G.P.D.F.R.S.S.B. Now with less R was just beginning.