The Almost Complete Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy -


Voxran -


Chapter 6 - The Hunter -


Voxran sat with Buggo and Xxxxphililiipersingland or Fat-Thing, as Buggo called him. We'll call him Fat-Thing because of the difficult time we have with his real name. The three of them sat there drinking, Fat-Thing was clearly the drunkest of the three as his speech was completely slurred. The lunch room was quiet, and dark. Buggo had dimmed the lights in case the Captain walked by the room. They were in deep trouble, the engine was dead.

" Could we replace the wires with robot internal wiring ? " Buggo asked Fat-Thing, who wasn't listening at all.

" Yer-n' assassass. Aren't ya, humanoido. " Fat-Thing eyed Voxran, with his eyes slowly closing.

" No, I'm not an assassin. A hitchhiker. " Voxran said then took another drink as he watched Fat-Thing swallow his own drink, then the glass too.


Fat-Thing ( Xxxxphililiipersingland Xcarvaniophlzermando ) - A large slime filled alien, usually shapes to a form of a fat man, who wears human clothing as well. From the planet Blobbo, he is from a massive blob family, they are highly adaptable in any situation. Usually they are computer experts, they can also consume anything. There are not a lot of cases where Fat-Thing aliens have mixed with regular aliens and humans, sooooo we'll just end the entry here and wait for updates.

Latest update…..

Fat-Things are pretty fat ? What smart ass put this update here ?


Rodney Flopper woke up in his captains chair, he rubbed his eyes and gave his head a shake to try to wake up. He stretched and let the whiskey bottle rattle away on the floor as it fell off his lap. He sat there and tapped the side of his control display. Must not be working. He gave it another tap. Then he saw that the display lights for the engine were still out. But that was HOURS ago now. What kind of twisted diagnostic are they running down there ?


" We could say, no, " Voxran slapped the side of his own drunken head, " that's a bad idea. He knew we were down there fixing it. "

" Shut up… green hair. " Fat-Thing muttered, barely conscious.

" We could blame it on this Hitchhiker. " Buggo pointed his ale towards Voxran.

" Me ? You were the one who wuz s'pose tuh warn me…." Voxran set his drink down hard on the table, but just missed the edge and his glass fell to the floor and smashed.

" See ? Human turd can't even place his glass on the table right. " Buggo started to laugh in a high pitch bug way as Fat-Thing started to slide down his chair.

" I hate you guys. I wish I was still ….." Voxran was shushed quickly by Buggo who had one of his insect fingers to his mouth.

" What ? " Voxran whispered.

" Footsteps ! Hide ! " Buggo scowled and kicked his chair out, he staggered to one end of the lunch room, quickly opened a lower cupboard and vanished from sight.

Voxran tilted his head to try to hear the footsteps. Fat-Thing suddenly became more alert and slinked away under the sink, his green form changed colour to match the cleaning products. Voxran quickly looked around the room for a hiding place.


Rodney opened the door to the lunch room. Odd, its dark in here. When did my crew become energy conscious ? Never , they never are. Something's wrong. He flicked on the light and noticed empty ale glasses all over the lunch room table. He dipped his finger inside one of the glasses and rubbed some green slime in between his fingers , even Fat-Thing is drinking, he only drinks when he's highly stressed out. Something is really wrong here.

Rodney jumped back in shock as the top cupboard flew open and Voxran came tumbling out of it, crashing violently to the floor. He picked up the young man and brushed him off.

" What were you doing up there ? " Rodney asked, trying to stay calm.

" When I was a young boy…." Voxran burped, " I wuz, I had…" He raised a finger as though he was making an important point , " …..I couldn't sleep in comfortable situations. I hadda sleep in the most cramped places as possible. "

" Have an idea why the engines are still down ? " Rodney slowly balled up the front of Voxran's shirt in his fist.

" Dunno, that bug told me to get lost, then I fella sleep. " Voxran gave Rodney a pathetic smile.

Sounds reasonable. Where the hell is that bug anyway ? " Where is Buggo anyway ? " Rodney asked pulling Voxran a little closer.

" Did ya check the engine room ? " Voxran asked with a slight hiccup afterwards.

Rodney let go of Voxran then quickly left the lunch room.

" You idiot ! We have to leave the ship ! " Buggo crashed out of the lower cupboard grabbing hold of tools as he scrambled to his feet.

" Yuh dunnit now assassass ! " Fat-Thing reappeared in his original form.

" What's all the panic guys, is he that unreasonable ? " Voxran asked , followed by the feint scream from another part of the ship. He raised his eyebrows , " Uh oh. "


How in the world did those idiots screw things up THIS BADLY ! Rodney stood in one spot trying to keep his temper in check. He tilted his head slowly to the left, then slowly to the right. He stretched his arms out then let out a long sigh. The engine room door opened and a maintenance robot entered. Rodney picked up the robot and threw him against the metal wall, the robot broke into four neat pieces.

He exited the engine room. He walked down the hallway towards to the elevator that brought him to the level where the lunch room was.

" Computer, locate Voxran, Buggo and Fat-Thing. "

" They are dead. " The computer responded in a cheerful voice.

Fat-Thing must have removed their signatures from the computer, but he's right. They ARE dead when I find them.

Rodney accessed a panel using his Captains Command Authority Code. ( C.C.A.C. ) He pressed his palm into the back wall plate, it made a confirmation beep then slid open to reveal a nasty looking rifle….


The CBX-423 - REPEATING RIFLE SOLDIER CLASS SPECIAL MOLD 5 - The CBX-423 is the soldiers class, the champion of rifles in the galaxy. Full powder coated laser chrome with a cross hatch handle that can be detached when fuel cells go low, the handle can detach into a hand pistol that fires low grade lasers. The rifle itself can blow a nice hole in the chest of a battle robot from a nine hundred foot range with little interruption in deceleration precision. The CBX - 423 version now has a built in audio detector that can pick up sounds from three hundred meters away, it also has a built in plasma grenade launcher, electronic zapper nets , rubbing oils for those stressful days, sixty two thousand radio channels and the very first fifty terabit computer brain squeezed into the main heart of the rifle, it might be the smartest gun in the galaxy. I love this gun.


Rodney picked up the rifle and smiled. The hunt would begin now.