Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My


College was supposed to be about new beginnings right? So then why did it feel like everywhere I went some vile thing from my past was following close behind? Ok, it probably has something to do with the fact that the object of my contempt is walking three feet behind me, but you get my point.

All I wanted was to graduate high school and get away from that psychopath. Obviously that was just too much to ask. I mean seriously, it's really creepy to have a girl follow you for three years trying to convince you that you like her when you know you're gay. I have explained this to her many times in many different ways, but she never really seems to get it.

I don't love her. I don't find her boobs attractive, nor her butt, nor anything else that she insists on shoving in very small amounts of fabric and into my face. She, however, doesn't seem to grasp this concept, instead sticking onto me like one of those little mice caught in a glue trap. Trying desperately to accomplish a goal (in the mouse's case escape) but really just causing lots of pain. But on the bright side...it was mostly her own.

Sure there were a few incidents where she'd fucked up my relationships, but after I usually came to realize that it was either (a) a bad relationship or (b) was someone that was way more fucked up than I had originally thought. So really she's been helping me the entire time, so I guess for that I should be grateful.

But as I near the entrance of the school, all I can do is hope and pray that she doesn't pull another stunt like she did Junior year with the megaphone and the broccoli...that's something I'm pretty sure I will never live down.

"Shiro!" I can hear her yell as she hurriedly closes the three foot distance between us. "How have you been? I missed you all summer! Did you miss me? I bet you did. I bet you sat up in your room the entire time wondering if you should call me, and the only reason you didn't is because you'd rather talk to me in person," she rambled. Cirruci does that a lot. It's not a particularly likeable trait about her, but I'm sure some poor sap out there would be up to the challenge of making his ears bleed. That sap just doesn't happen to be me.

"Oh...well that's..." Well...frankly it was creepy as hell. And inaccurate. "That's...Edward Cullen! Over there! Quick! Glomp him!" In her moment of distraction I take off, both relieved and yet...utterly confused....as to why I'd elicited such a reaction. But it doesn't matter anymore because I have successfully managed to escape from her evil clutches.

Ignore that last comment. That just made the whole thing sound like a really bad action movie. And more importantly I have absolutely no idea where I'm going, so it's probably a good idea to start looking at the nearest map and figure it out. Which wouldn't be so bad if the campus didn't have six buildings with five stories and eighty million rooms each.

I do eventually figure it out and head in the general direction of what is supposed to be my first hour class. Fortunately my sense of direction isn't completely shot and I might actually make it on time.

As I walk through the center of the campus, I can spot all the new kids like myself, staring blankly at the maps, trying to figure out just what the artist was on when they drew it. At an early age I discovered that I had a knack for deciphering such things, so it hasn't ever really been a problem for me.

Mostly I had trouble with making friends and staying out of trouble. And it was all because of the way I look. I personally have no problem with it, but other people seem to think that being albino with black irises is something to be angry about or fear. Which really wasn't my problem until people decided to act on those emotions, that's when things got ugly. It's also when I learned to defend myself. Damn, I really need to stop thanking my enemies...I highly doubt it's healthy.

About halfway across the campus, I'm suddenly run over by a small crowd of people all yelling at each other. I'm not exactly clear what the argument is, but I did manage to make out a few sentences like, "They are not cute, they're the creepiest pet ever made," and "They're adorable!"

As soon as my ass hits the ground I can hear someone gasp and others laugh. I'm used to it so I just pick myself up and am about to head on my merry way when someone stops me. He has bright orange hair and...looks almost exactly like me. It's like me in Technicolor!

He seems just as surprised as I do by this fact, but it doesn't stop him from what he was going to say. "Sorry about that. They tend to get a little overexcited when things like this come up."

"I noticed the over-excitement, I'm just not sure what it's about."

"And I'm not sure you really want to," he says, chuckling.

"Trust me, I don't think it could be that bad."

"Clearly you've never met my group."

"Clearly you've never met my stalker," and just as the words leave my mouth, guess who comes bounding around the corner? "Aw, son of a bitch."

He looks at me curiously and before I can say anything Cirruci damn near tackles me to the ground laughing and giggling about some subject I'm completely unaware of. "I found you!" she says, gripping me with all her strength. Believe it or not, the girl actually has some muscle, so the hug really does hurt. "And you thought you'd gotten away. I'll have you know that I don't like Edward Cullen, I like Carlisle."

"You do realize that just made the whole thing, ten times creepier," I say, trying (in vain) to tear her off of me. "God damn, woman, let me go. You're going to snap my spine."

"I would never!" she says, giving me what was supposed to be a shocked look.

"Broccoli incident," I remind her.

"That was an accident!" she pouts. It makes her look like she's constipated and I would tell her if I knew for a fact that I would survive.

It was only then that she takes notice of my new companion (I've completely forgotten to ask his name). She looks him up and down and I know she's debating whether or not he could be a threat to her plan. Not that there ever really was a plan, she usually just puts whatever comes to mind into action.

I sometimes imagine little tiny Cirruci's gathering around a meeting table in order to accomplish something. Sometimes they argue, which isn't so bad until they break out the katana and laser guns. And I kind of figure that's how her brain got fried and never questioned it, I fear that if I do it'll become something much worse.

"Hi, I'm Cirruci," she says, extending her hand to him. She's acting rather friendly towards him, so I can only assume that she doesn't deem him a threat. "Sanderwicci Cirruci. I see you've already met my boyfriend."

"Whoa, wait, boyfriend?! When the hell was this decided?! And how many times do I have to tell you that I'm gay?! And don't you dare go off on that whole 'You know you love me' spiel." I am not worried about who knows I'm gay, because I don't really care about their opinion, so I've always been very open about it. And this doesn't seem to bother him either.

"So I take it this is your stalker?" he interjects.

"What gave you that idea?"

"I am not a stalker!"

"Then why the hell have you been following me around for the last three years?!"

"Because it's love! Love I say!"

"Because that's not stalkerish at all..."

Behind me I can hear someone call "Hey, Strawberry! You coming or not?!"

"Give me a minute!" he yells back. Turning to look at him, I raise an eyebrow in question. Strawberry? I know that can't be his real name, but it's still odd to have someone call you that, isn't it? I dunno, maybe it's just me.

"Long story, don't ask," I shrug. "Kurosaki Ichigo, by the way," he sticks his hand out.

With one hand still trying to pry Cirruci off, I shake his hand with the other. "Shirosaki Hichigo." Suddenly the grip on my waist grows tighter. "Fuck! What are you trying to do, kill me?!"

"No, I just don't want you ignoring me."

"That's a little hard to do considering you're trying to break me in half." I can hear Ichigo chuckle. "It's not funny, this fucking hurts."

"I'm sure it does."

"You can't come to class with me," I tell her. She doesn't seem deterred.

"Sure I can."

"You're taking an advanced art class?" her brow furrows and I know it's because she's torn. On one hand she doesn't want to let me out of her sight, but on the other she absolutely loathes art. I have no idea why, it was something I found out the first time she followed me around to my classrooms. She saw the art room and just sped off in the other direction. She never cared to explain and I never cared to ask.

Ichigo on the other hand, seemed to have a different reaction. "You're taking art too? What hour do you have it?"

"First."

"So do I. I guess I'll see you there," he says, walking back to his group of friends.

I used to have a really good friend. He and I used to talk about everything together. And as strange as he was, in some weird way we understood each other. I think we made that connection the first time we met, and it just kind of carried on from there. No I don't mean we had relationship going. It was more like we were brothers. And it was all well and good until his parents suddenly decided they wanted to move elsewhere.

I didn't take it well and my guardian was worried that it was affecting my health. Which I guess it was, in a way. I got depressed, lost my appetite, locked myself up in my room. You know, the usual.

But as I watch them all interact with each other, I realize that it's not something I've ever really had with someone other than Zan. Because like I said, making friends has always been an issue for me. Ichigo may have just changed that.

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the first bell and I try once again to pull Cirruci off, but to no avail. And walking with someone attached to your waist is not an easy task, especially when they weigh as much as she does.

Fortunately enough for me, the classroom wasn't as far away as I thought it was and managed to make it to class on time. Cirruci finally relinquished her hold on me when I made it to the right floor, which made it so much easier to walk.

Upon entering the room, I was told to pick a table and have a seat. The instructor wasn't very loud and looked rather sickly. Written up on the board was the name Jūshirō Ukitake, and from what I'd heard about him, he was rather lenient with a lot of things. I just hope that this all doesn't get too out of hand.

Glancing around the room I notice that the only empty seats left are in the back of the room. There was one table with absolutely no seats taken and I think it'll be a great place to hide out and doodle.

While some claim that my art is "absolutely amazing", I look at it and I'm not quite sure what they're seeing that makes them say this. Most of them involve death or violence of some manner, and as far as I know, I've never drawn a happy picture. Yet people insist that it's truly amazing and I was even forced to enter a competition one year.

At first I couldn't figure out how my drawing had ended up in the listing in the first place, but later found out that the art instructor had gone through some of my artwork while I was gone and picked out the one she liked best. Stupid bitch. Should have slapped her with a cactus. Oh well, too late now.

I have to say, what surprised me the most was the drawing that she chose. It was one I had done a few years back and I thought was a piece of crap. It was an image of two men facing each other, clearly an intimate relationship between the two, every emotion clearly written across their faces. They blew each others brains out and the spray had created what looked like a butterfly (loveless much?).

Much to my surprise it had been the winning piece. Again I'm not quite sure why people find my work so fascinating, most of the time I don't even think about what I'm doing and end up throwing it away.

Which I think I'll do now that I've set my things down and I have time. Today is the day that all the instructors introduce the class and what we'll be doing. Exciting I know, try to bear with me. I figure I already know what's going to happen in the class, so I have time to doodle and maybe read a book.

Dragging out my sketchbook, I decide that drawing is something that might hold my attention longer than a book would at the moment. I have no idea what I'm going to put on the paper, nor do I have time to think about it because suddenly a group of three somewhat loud students come walking through the door. Among them is Kurosaki Ichigo. Following him is a strawberry-blonde with rather large boobs and next to her is a very short kid with white hair. He looks kind of pissed off and I almost want to ask if all the dwarfs have fled Middle-earth and left him behind, but I don't really want to find out exactly how much damage he can cause.

And of course, being the only empty table in the room, there's only one place for them to sit. Now, because of the kind of interactions I've had with people, I've never attempted to start conversation with any of them. I figure observing from the sidelines is more the way I want to go, and I've stuck with it. But from what I can tell from looking at Boobzilla, she wants to make friends with everybody. As much as I would like to avoid her, I know it's not something that's going to happen.

She comes bounding over with Ichigo and the kid following at a more normal pace. I try to involve myself with my pencil and paper, and it almost works, until she interrupts and starts talking to her neighbor. Some other strawberry-blonde with huge boobs. Lovely, we're being taken over by giant tits, that's exactly how I wanted to go out.

Boobzilla reminds me a lot of Cirruci in the way that she talks incessantly and is kind of ditzy. It must be some kind of disease that infects girls in high school, because before that, most of them were normal. Then puberty hit and suddenly it's cool to be retarded. I mean no offense to people with mental retardations, I'm simply stating that their stupidity rises to an alarming height.

"And I told him Furbies are totally adorable, but he kept insisting that they were creepy."

"That's because they are creepy," the kid cuts in as they reach the table. By this point I'm pretty sure I've made myself invisible, and I almost feel a sense of pride for being able to do so. Not sure why, really, but I do.

"They are not!" she insisted.

"That's because you have a strange idea of 'cute'."

"But Shiro-chan," she whined at him. At first I thought she was talking about me, but then I realize that we've never actually met, so there was no way she would know my name.

"He's right, Matsumoto," Ichigo cuts in. "Your idea of cute is really fucked up. So is your taste in food. You and Orihime both come up with the weirdest concoctions, and most of the time I wonder how you manage to both find it edible and survive afterward."

"Because it is edible," she says.

The other girl with huge tits suddenly decides to join in the conversation. "Oh! I have jam, chocolate, bread, and bananas! You can come over and help me bake today!"

I almost question what exactly they're going to make, and then decide I don't want to know. If other people are questioning its edibility then the last thing I want to do is ask. I'm afraid that if I do I'll be forced to either help them make it or taste it. And I would rather make it through the rest of the week if you don't mind.

Boobzilla, on the other hand, is rather excited about the idea. I know Ichigo has already named her, but I've already forgotten and Boobzilla seems to work just fine for me. So she is now, and forever will be Boobzilla.

"Hey, Shiro," I hear Ichigo say. At first I thought he was talking to the hobbit, so I ignore him and try to focus on the paper in front of me again. Apparently I'm that's not permitted because I'm once again interrupted. "Shirosaki," he says, waving his hand in front of my face.

Do you know how weird it is to have someone do that? Not only are they invading your personal space, they're also jerking their hands around in different directions while doing so. It's rather odd if you ask me. I know it's meant to get your attention, but find some other, not creepy way to do it.

"What?" I ask, looking up.

"We meet again."

"And?"

"And....well....we've met again. It seems pretty self explanatory..."

I raise an eyebrow at his explanation. Clearly we've met again but I don't know what he expects from it.

"You know him?" Boobzilla asks excitedly.

"Yes."

"Aw, Ichi made a new friend!" she gushed, hugging him. It didn't look much like a hug though. It seemed more like she was trying to crush him between her giant tits. And it might have been funny except for the fact that it looked like he was actually suffocating. Somebody should probably help him with that.

When she did finally let him go, she asked, "So are you going to introduce us?"

"As soon as I can breathe."

"Fine, I'll do it myself. I'm Rangiku Matsumoto," Boobzilla. "And that over there is Hitsugaya Toshiro." The hobbit. "I take it you already know Ichigo, but this girl here is Inoue Orihime." I actually don't have a name for her. She has huge boobs and is apparently kind of ditzy. I dunno. I'll come up with something eventually.

See, the way I figure it, unless they're someone I'm going to be seeing around a lot, I don't really need to know their names. Plus it's kind of fun to come up with nicknames. It's kind of like a game, though some names should never be repeated. They either get you in trouble, get the shit beat out of you, or they laugh. But the whole laughing thing is rare so I hardly ever tell people about them.

"You are..." the hobbit asks.

"Shirosaki Hichigo."

He nods his head and I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I don't really care either, because I've just been dragged into the middle of a conversation I don't want anything to do with. As creepy as some people are, Boobzilla and her companion are the last people I would want to be stuck in a room with. I would rather have my head beaten in. Hopefully they never meet Cirruci.

This is where I discover that inattention is a bad thing, because before I know what's happening there are suddenly two overly large breasts being pressed against the side of my head. It turns out that Boobzilla is rather violent in her affections. It feels like my skull is being crushed and I can vaguely hear her say, "You're so cute!!!"

And I can't help but think, I won't be quite so cute if I'm dead.

"Isn't he cute?!" she asks Ichigo and the hobbit. Ichigo laughs and the hobbit just turns to take his seat across from me. I hope Boobzilla does the same soon, because I really would like my head back. I need it. I think with it.

Fortunately the instructor comes (unknowingly) to my rescue and gets everyone to sit down and shut up. And Boobzilla sits on the opposite corner of our table so I think I'm safe for now. And if I'm not, well I guess I'll be dead sooner than I'd hoped.

Mentally crossing my fingers, I once again turn to the page in front of me. I'm vaguely aware of the conversation taking place across the table, but I can already see the lines forming on the page. Keep in mind that when I draw, there is never any particular image in mind. I just let my hands go where they may and see what comes out. Which is probably why I think most of my drawings are crap, but I'm not about to stop using that method now. I wouldn't know how to think about drawing if instructions were implanted in my brain.

Ok, that was a rather disturbing image.

Everything around me has already quieted down to a low buzz in the back of my head. As time passes the lines make themselves more distinct on the page. Some thin some thick, some colorful some not.

I have no idea how much time has passed, but suddenly there is a finger jabbing into my side and it's rather uncomfortable.

"What?" I hiss, though there is no real venom in my tone. I'm just speaking quietly and in low tones under my breath as so not to be heard by the teacher while he's well, teaching. Hissing is just the result. Either way, he didn't seem to take it personally, instead just answering, "Does this look like an armadillo?"

I could imagine the look on my face as the confusion set in. "What? What the hell are you drawing that would look anything like an armadillo?" I looked over at his paper. Nope. No armadillos. There was, however, a strawberry with a slightly odd shape that he was giving a very distressed look. That was probably it. If I squint and turn my head to the side, I can kind of see it, in a fucked up hey-this-is-a-strawberry-not-an-animal-get-a-life- kind of way.

"It doesn't look like an armadillo to me. Were you trying to draw an armadillo?"

"No. Matsumoto just said it looked like an armadillo and I wasn't quire sure why."

"It does only if you look really hard and turn your head to the side."

As he does this, his eyebrows knit together and I realize that it actually looks kind of cute on him. Not that I'd ever tell him that, it was just something that crossed my mind as I watched him. But not in a creepy stalker way, in an I'm-looking-for-a-reaction kind of way. Ok, that made no sense and I'm rambling. Someone please shut me up.

"So Shiro," Boobzilla says. Again I think she's talking to the hobbit so I don't look up. "Shiiiro-chaaaaan."

"Hm?" I ask, realizing that she really is talking to me.

"What are you working on?"

"I have no idea."

"Hm..." She frowned a little, her brows knitting in concentration similar to Ichigo's previous expression as she looked at my paper, tilting her head. I couldn't help noticing that once your eyes managed to scale the mountains that were her breasts, that (should you survive, and not be forced to eat each other to survive. Seriously. They're that huge) her face really was quite nice. She had orange hair and big eyes and her expression was cute. Maybe not as cute as Ichigo's, but-

My own train of thought was derailed for me at her sudden exclamation. "It looks like an okapi!" Her finger poked accusingly at my paper. Suddenly I didn't care if she was kind of cute, bitch better not have left a smudge!

...And what the fuck was an okapi?

Ichigo snatched up the paper next and can only give her some undecipherable look. It's almost a what the fuck look mixed with laughter, but there's something else I can't quite make out. If I had my picture I might be able to tell you, (I have yet to actually look at it) but since I don't it's somewhat more difficult.

"What?" I ask, almost defensively, though I'm not sure why.

"How the hell did you get an okapi out of this?!"

"Because that's what it looks like."

Ichigo turns the paper around to show the hobbit (I think I'll start calling him Frodo. I'm not sure why I haven't come up with a name for Ichigo, or even why I can remember it) and I can see a smile almost make its way to his face.

Taking my paper back, I look at it for the first time. It's a man standing in the rain, face toward the sky with his eyes closed and his hands out, palms up. He's soaked and he doesn't care. He's waiting for someone...

As I think about it, I still don't know what an okapi is, but it sounds like some kind of animal and I can't see how she got an animal out of this. It's just him and the rain. What the hell is wrong with her? Now I pray harder than ever that she never meets Cirruci.

I must have been making a face (as I usually do when analyzing my work) because suddenly I hear, "Are you ok?"

Looking up, I can see Ichigo staring at me. Why do people insist on staring? Provided that I do it too, it does make people uncomfortable. I know it's them looking and waiting for a response, but sometimes it gets really creepy.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You had this weird look on your face."

"I usually do."

His face changed just a little, though I couldn't pinpoint exactly how. Something with his eyes, or the corners of his mouth. It was brief, but it looked like he wanted to say something. As if he wanted to deny my statement, or maybe agree. I'm not sure. But it made me even less comfortable. Shifting I said, "Is there something wrong with my face?"

"No. You just shouldn't frown that way."

"Well it's kind of a habit so it's not going away anytime soon."

"You're like Shiro-chan!"

"...How is he like Toshiro? Toshiro has one facial expression."

"Yes. Annoyed. And it looks exactly like his face does now," Boobzilla pointed a finger towards me as an example.

"I'm not annoyed," I tell her.

"Then what was with the look?"

"I always make a face when I look at my work," I said, frowning.

"Well, you shouldn't. It's weird."

"So I've been told."

Before any of them has the chance to respond, the bell rings and we're all out the door and headed to our second hour classes. Again I'm able to find my classroom before the tardy bell rings and this time I'm greeted with a rather lazy looking instructor. He has long brown hair and it's tied back rather sloppily, but more importantly, I actually think he's asleep in his chair...

There's a woman sitting next to him, her hair also pulled back. She has glasses and a clipboard and an expression that says she's a real tight-ass. I figure she's either not getting laid or any guy that goes after her is fucked.

She points to some seat in the back and I head in that direction to take it. As I watch people file in through the doors, I realize that I don't know anyone here. None of them were from my high school. That is, until Cirruci comes bounding through the door. Lovely.

"Shirooo!" she yells as she runs toward me. "Did you miss me?!"

"No."

I can feel half the class staring at me as this encounter takes place. Cirruci is very loud and doesn't care who knows about what (or who) she's talking about. It can be rather annoying at times, and useful at others. Though the useful part is rare. And I swear some of the guys hate me for turning her down, but I don't care because they don't know the horror of Cirruci. Hopefully they'll never have to.

"That's mean," she pouted.

"So?"

"Apologize."

"No."

"Why not? You're my boyfriend, you're supposed to be nice to me."

I swear I can feel a vein pop in my forehead. "How many more times to I have to explain this to you? One, I am not your boyfriend. Never have been, never will be because two, I'm gay. Now leave me alone."

"Cirruci?" someone asks.

As she turns around, there's a very tall, very creepy looking guy standing behind her. He has long black hair and a mouth that just about literally splits his face in half. I'm not sure whether to be relieved or frightened that he's here. I'm frightened because he's...well...creepy. But I'm relieved because he's managed to distract Cirruci from me. Thank god.

"Nnoitra!" she cries happily, hugging him. Apparently she knows him. Maybe he can deal with her for a while, I'm tired of it. "Oh, it's been such a long time!"

He laughs and I realize it is not something he should ever do again. It makes him 100 times creepier. "It really has."

"Nnoitra," she says, letting him go and gesturing to me.

"Don't you dare," I cut her off. She's really starting to piss me off with this whole 'boyfriend' shit.

Just as she's about to say something, Boobzilla comes wandering into the classroom. I guess it was too much to ask that the two of them never meet.

As soon as she sees me, she feels the need to suffocate/crush me again. "Shiro-chan!"

I try to shove her off and it proves to be all in vain. Damn that woman is strong.

"I didn't know you had Kyôraku-sensei's class too!"

When I attempt to say something back, it's cut off by her giant boobs and she reluctantly lets me go so I can repeat it. "Neither did I." Pointing to Cirruci I say, "Meet my stalker of three years, Cirruci. Maybe you two will hit it off and leave me the hell alone."

"You have a stalker? That's so cute!" she says, strangling me again. I can't tell if this is a habit of hers, but it's something she should probably learn to control. She might actually kill someone some day. I don't want to be that person, nor do I want to be around when it happens.

"What the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?" I hear Cirruci ask.

Boobzilla still doesn't let go. "You're boyfriend? I thought you were his stalker."

"Hell no, we've been going out for three years."

When I manage to push Boobzilla off of me, I say, "No, you've been stalking me for three years. I've also been telling you I'm gay the entire time. What part of that has yet to get through that thick skull of yours? Wait, never mind. There's nothing in there to get to."

"Hey! That's mean!"

"This is really bad," Boobzilla cuts in.

"What is?" Cirruci asks.

"I can't believe he's taken! Aw, I hope that doesn't make 'em cry..."

"What the hell are you talking about, bitch?"

"Oh, I don't think I have the heart to tell them."

"Tell who?"

"None of your bees wax, biatch."

"Fine, be that way."

Once again I have found myself in the middle of a fight I didn't want anything to do with. Why do I always get stuck with shit like this? Did I fuck up in a past life? Kill a kitten? Commit suicide? Seriously!

Cirruci storms of with a very confused clown following behind her. I know she's pissed because she thinks Boobzilla is going to whisk me away or something, but I'd rather have my balls cut off than go out with any woman like that.

"Aw...and I was so hoping I'd get to play matchmaker this year," she says pouting.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"As if you don't know."

I give her this confused look and she just smiles at me. Not a reassuring smile or a friendly smile, an I'm-up-to-something-you-may-or-may-not-like kind of smile. I don't think anything would ever make that comforting.

"I don't think I want to know."

"But you're really taken?" she says somewhat sadly.

"No. I told you she's my stalker. I'm gay. Why is it so hard to get through to people? Anyways, are you ok?"

Shaking her head she says, "I'm fine. So how's the okapi going?"

"I still don't know how you managed to get an animal out of that."

"Very carefully of course."

"...right."

As I try to pay attention to what the tight-ass is saying (because apparently she's been ignoring us and talking for a while now), I can sense that Cirruci keeps looking over at me and glaring. She can glare all she wants, but it's not going to change anything. I still think she's creepy and I still want her to go away. Boobzilla has helped a little, so I'll give her some credit.

Normally I don't like women, they're all pms-y and bitchy when they don't get what they want. They cling to their boyfriends and can't do anything by themselves. They even talk in text, which I have yet to understand. Both in the sense of 'why' and 'wtf are you saying'. Speak like a normal person! It's not that difficult.

Plus they're all anorexic or bulimic. Women, stuff your faces until you are full and learn to keep it down. No one likes the idea of having to go out with a stick. If you're fat, be fucking proud that you're fat! Seriously, have you noticed that we don't stay with sticks any longer than to have sex with them? There's a reason for that. Get over society's idea of beauty and stuff your fucking face! Damn.

And yes, I have noticed in the hour plus that more than half the girls here qualify to be in those categories. Boobzilla and the ditz are the only ones I've found so far that don't have scary issues. Other than the fact that they act like fourth graders.

Speaking of, I think it was around that time that I figured out I was gay...in fact, I'm pretty sure it was, because that was the same year I had that freaky ass teacher Yoruichi Shihōin. She scared the shit out of half the kids there and was very...athletic. By the time the first week of school had ended it was a miracle any of us were even alive. She didn't care about in class studies as long as you got the homework in. But as soon as you got her out on the field, she turned into a beast. I still wonder how any of us graduated that year...

I don't remember how I figured out I was gay, but I do remember that the first boy I ever kissed was Shiba Kaien. Now that I think about it, we looked a lot alike too...does this make me a narcissist?

Probably...Damn...


As lunch starts, I realize yet again how much I hate the first day of school. You get to sit in six different classrooms listening to the teachers rant on about the same things over and over again. The only thing that made any of it worthwhile was that I had Boobzilla and Ichigo in one class or another.

Unfortunately as I make it up to the roof, guess who finds me? My favorite stalker.

"Shiro!" she calls, nearly snapping my spine again. "I missed you!"

Before I manage to say anything, I can hear from behind me, "Hey Cirruci, there's a guy that looks like Carlisle coming to this school."

"Really?! Who?! Where?!" she asks excitedly, letting me go.

"Hm...he should be in the cafeteria right now...maybe. His name's Shinji." Cirruci runs off in a hurry, as if the world will end if she doesn't meet him.

"Shinji?" Hirako Shinji? I'm pretty sure he's in one of my classes. I vaguely recognize the name. And when his face comes to mind I realize, "They look nothing alike."

Ichigo shrugs. "They're both blonde."

As I sit down, I find that Boobzilla, Frodo, and the ditz have also made it up to the roof. There are a couple of others I didn't see before either. One looks like a zebra with a pineapple on it's head, and the other looks like he's from Mexico and should be making tacos, so he shall be dubbed Taco Man. There's another girl that's kind of short and looks like a gnome.

Ichigo starts introducing them. "You already know Matsumoto, Toshiro, and Orihime. The redhead," he points to the pineapple zebra, "Is Abarai Renji. The big guy there," he motions to Taco Man, "Is Chad. And the girl next to him," he motions to the gnome, "Is Kuchiki Rukia. The rest of our group is probably down in the cafeteria, so you might not meet them until later."

"So this is..." the Zebra asks.

"Shirosaki Hichigo," somehow the way my name rolls off his tongue makes me shiver. The part that scares me is I don't know why. Maybe I'm just having an off day, being in a new place.

"Nice to meet you, man," the Zebra says, patting me on the shoulder and sitting down next to me. Everyone else follows suit and forms a small circle.

Suddenly a blonde that I vaguely recognize as Shinji comes storming through the door to the roof. He looks pissed about something and I'm pretty sure I know what it's about. Behind him I can see another short girl with pigtails and freckles dragging Cirruci behind her. "What the hell was that?!" he yells, pointing at the unconscious stalker.

Ichigo bursts out laughing and I have to fight the smile working its way across my face.

"This chick comes out of nowhere and damn near kills me, claiming I'm someone named Carlisle! I was lucky enough that Hiyori was able to knock her out before she actually killed me. So who the hell told her I looked like this guy Carlisle?!"

Ichigo is still laughing and Boobzilla has already joined in. It kind of looks like Frodo is fighting off a laugh too, but I could be wrong. I could swear I had a smile on my face right now, but this is just too funny. Finally, there is someone that can manage to keep Cirruci in line.

"That's Shirosaki's stalker," he manages to get out through his laughter.

"Who?"

Still laughing he points at me. "She's your stalker?"

"For three years."

"Damn. Talk about devotion."

"You have no idea."

Suddenly there's a groan from behind the Crab Ass (dunno where that came from) and we all notice that Cirruci is waking up. Damn. I'm fucked. And not in the good way.

"Wha-?" she says, propping herself up on her elbows. I'm the first thing in her line of sight and I know it because she suddenly lights up and comes bounding after me. "Shiro!! I found Carlisle!"

"That's nice, leave me the hell alone!"

"No! I can't leave my boyfriend!"

"Son of a-I'm not your freaking boyfriend! How many fucking times do I have to tell you?! Damn it! Get off me!"

Before I realize what had happened, Cirruci was knocked out again, and Crab Ass was standing over her with her sandal in hand. I'm really beginning to like these people.


Credit goes to RedFaerie as always for her help. Especially with Taco Man