Chapter 1

Sitting in Sadness

Disclaimer-I own nothing

The rain fell gently against his window, just like the tears that fell against his face. The pain he felt was unbearable, it had been going on for so long. He didn't want anyone to worry about him so he hid it. Now it overran him and he couldn't take it any longer. His knees buckled as he fell to the floor unable to support his weight. He felt as if he was drowning, like he had forgotten how to swim and his feet couldn't touch the bottom of the shore so he could walk to land. All he could see were waves crashing down onto him, pushing me down and further from land. He couldn't bear this alone, even if this is what he wanted, to have no one worry. He wasn't their problem; they shouldn't have to keep an eye on him. Somehow knowing that they would never understand he smiled a little.

The rain had stopped by morning and the sun was starting to shine through. The man covered his eyes from the light. It was too bright for him, pulling his sleeve down his arm more, he shielded his eyes and moved towards his bed. Every move was excruciating, nothing in his body wanted to move. Collapsing on his bed and breathing heavy he soon fell asleep again. He could hear people talking, asking if he was okay and should they take him to the hospital. He didn't want to be bothered, his eyes barely opened, all he wanted to do was sleep. Able to convince them to leave he rolled to his side, the club would worry about him being absence, maybe he would call someone later and let them know he was okay. But was he okay? This wasn't normal for him; would he be able to bounce back from this? As his body screamed for more sleep, all he could do was think of the possible answers.

Kyoya looked up from his reading, it was quiet today. Tamaki wasn't here yet, that wasn't like him. He pulled out his laptop and looked up accident reports, seeing if his car was stuck in traffic. He found it odd that Tamaki didn't inform him that he was going to be late. Seeing nothing reported he called him before homeroom started. He snapped the phone shut as it went straight to voicemail. The classmates next to him became scared when he slammed it on the desk. *Tamaki, you idiot where are you?*

Everyone was waiting in music room 3, the guests were going to arrive in five minutes and no one knew where Kyoya or Tamaki were.
"I heard that Tama-chan wasn't in school today." Hunny played with Usa-chan as he waited with the others.
"That's not like Tamaki to miss school; I don't think he has ever missed a day since he moved here." Kaoru looked over at Hikaru; he could tell he was upset that Tamaki wasn't here. As much as Hikaru wouldn't let anyone but Kaoru know, he was grateful for all that has happened to both of them. And both weren't crazy about change so any little thing seemed so drastic to him.
"This doesn't feel right; maybe we should cancel for today and check on the lord."
Hikaru turned away and was about to take out his phone.
"Tamaki would never allow us to disappoint our guests." Everyone turned to see Kyoya in the doorway. "We shall make sure everyone is happy and deal with that idiot later." They all looked surprised to see Kyoya pissed off. Did he know why Tamaki wasn't here and just not telling them?

Tamaki woke up and looked out the window, it was later then he thought. Antoinette was sleeping by his feet, when he sat up she looked up at him with sad eyes.
"I know, I'm sorry girl, I'm making you worry." She jumped off the bed as he tried to stand up. His body felt so strange, he wasn't sure he could move it. He walked to the bathroom; maybe if he washed up he would feel better. Antoinette stayed by his feet, as if to make sure he didn't fall. He was horrified by his reflection, his face looked drawn out, heavy bags under his eyes, his blonde hair was matted. Even after splashing water in his face he looked the same. It's a good thing no one from the club saw him, they would be mortified. Still unable to get rid of the feeling inside him he sat by the baby grand that was put in his room after he arrived to Japan. His fingers were on the keys but he couldn't push down on them. Usually when he was upset playing helped him but, not today. Now all he could do was stare. Antoinette barked at him and nudged his elbow; all he could do was turn and pet her head.
"Sorry girl, I can't, it's almost like I've forgotten how." Seeing that sitting there was pointless he got up and looked at his phone. He forgot it was off and plugged in because it died last night. He was about to call Kyoya but realized they would still have guest so he put the phone back on the dresser.

The maids were finally able to get Tamaki downstairs. He sat at the head of the long table and stared at the food placed in front of him. The chief asked if something was wrong with it. Tamaki had forced a small smile telling him it was fine he just wasn't that hungry. Nothing made sense to him, why wasn't this feeling going away? He should be happy, everything was good with the host club and his grandmother made him an offer to forgive his mother and let him visit her. So why did he feel as if his whole world was falling apart? He sat in the living room, a few of the maids were able to play the piano, it wasn't Mozart but it was nicely done. The music was soft and comforted him, without knowing it he had started crying. He quickly wiped away the tears so no one would see. Since he was feeling slightly better he decided to go back upstairs and call Kyoya, he had to make sure he wasn't mad at him. As he stood up his feet gave out under him sending him into a vase holding fresh roses. He landed on top of the broken glass, cutting him. The people playing quickly stopped to help him.

"Master Tamaki, your arm is bleeding, let us clean it for you." they helped him stand and walked with him to the kitchen. Luckily glass didn't get embedded into his skin. They cleaned and covered it. When they left him so he could go back to his room he stared at the bandages on his wrist going up his arm partway. Something wasn't right with him, when they helped him he didn't fuss over the pain, he welcomed it. How could that happen? He always hated any form of pain so why did he enjoy this?

Kyoya was in his room, his homework opened up, he focused on that until he found something interesting out on his laptop.
"Expanding out of Japan." He pulled out his phone as he read over the online article.
"Tamaki, you better have a good reason for skipping today." His eyes narrowed as he listened to Tamaki on the other end. His voice was horse, maybe he had gotten sick, No, what Tamaki was saying wasn't sickness.

"You enjoyed what?" He sat up from his position, "Tamaki, what is going on?"

I know slow chapter, and a cliffhanger. Hopefully I will continue sooner…I'm writing this and another story and I want to make sure I don't forget about that one.

Please review, and yes I know, I made Tamaki depressed, I'm a horrible person.