A/N: Sorry it's been a while since I've posted anything. I've wanted to, and I've had loads of ideas, but that stupid essay demanded my full attention, and after editing it 20 times, and still not being satisfied, I was pretty exhausted. I wanted to get this posted up earlier today, or yesterday, considering that it's after 12 now, but I also wanted to get it right, so it took some time. I hope you enjoy. I loved writing it :D
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plot, and I'm not even that sure I own that.
I walk into the room quietly, trying not to make a sound. Of the three other boys that room here with me, the only one I want to wake is the one I have called.
I see him poke his head out of his curtain, black hair tousled, grey eyes sleepy. Just to look at him makes my breath catch. He's beauty at its fullest.
He smiles at me softly, and I breathe a sigh of relief. For a moment there, I was so afraid that there would be another body lying in bed next to him, that I'd be interrupting him….
I think finding him with someone else would tear my heart out.
I know that I have no right to be jealous, no right to wish that it would be me he looked at with seductive eyes and up turned lips. But no matter how often I tell myself this, I can't help but wish that it was me….
He's my best friend.
And yet I love him so much more than I should.
It makes me feel like some kind of bloody pervert.
"What's up, Remy?"
Sirius' voice is husky when he speaks, traces of sleep still evident in it.
It does things to me that it should not. I'm a guy, and so is he, and he's my friend.
His voice shouldn't be so alluring.
"Where were you, mate? Off with some bird?" This is said with a sneer worthy of the rest of his pure blood family, and it leaves me puzzled. Why would Sirius be upset if I was with a girl?
I don't understand.
I just looked at him for a moment, before looking down at the expanse of wood flooring that stood between the two of us.
So much distance.
"Would it be so troubling," I mutter.
Sirius looks at me, clearly confused.
"The way you just said that, the thing about me being off with some bird, you said it so bitterly, as if the thought alone is disgusting. Bloody hell Padfoot, I know that I'm a werewolf and all, but would it be such a misfortune for some girl to be with me? I know I'm a monster, but am I that intolerable? Do I stand no chance at happiness? Will I always be alone?"
Sirius is looking at me still, clearly dumbfounded, before awareness spreads along the planes of his face, lighting up his eyes with a look of such understanding and regret, such gentleness, that it takes my breath away.
And before I can manage to get it back, Sirius is clambering off of his bed, rushing towards me, and I don't even have the time to utter a word, or even make a single sound, before I'm in his arms, and he's hugging me tightly, holding me against his body as if he never wants to let me go.
I allow myself the pleasure of burrowing against him for just this instant, talking in his scent, and the feel of him against me, practically surrounding me. I doubt that it will ever truly happen again.
I can feel Sirius bury his nose into my hair, and it's almost like he's sniffing at me, but I know that can't be what he's doing, because guys don't do that type of things to other guys, or at the very least, Sirius doesn't do those types of things to me.
No matter how much I wish he would.
But even as I'm thinking all this, and getting lost in Sirius, of the way his arms feel around me, of the joy it brings me just because he's holding me, as a lover might, he begins to speak, and the sound of his voice, so tranquilizing, brings me back to reality.
"Oh, my Moony. Always jumping to the wrong conclusion."
"And what conclusion should I have jumped to, Padfoot? You obviously think that I'm not good enough for anyone."
Sirius shakes his head, causing his long, black hair to swipe intimately against my cheek. "No Remy. I don't think that anyone is good enough for you."
Now I even more confused than before.
He didn't think anyone was good enough for me? But I was a werewolf. A beast. A blood thirsty monster. One of the dark creatures that everyone seemed to fear and find disgusting all at once.
I didn't understand what he could be telling me.
"You heard me Remus. You're too good for them. To good for every bloody girl in this school. They don't deserve you. You're smart, and funny, and kind, and brave too. You're just perfect, Rem, and no one here, no one anywhere will ever be enough for you."
Sirius smiled at me, nothing more than a gentle curving of his lips, and before I can open my mouth to say anything more he is kissing me, his lips soft on mine.
It was a barely there type of contact, the type that does nothing more than tease the corner of my lips, and yet it is still enough to leave me burning for more.
I'm already addicted.
Sirius pulled away from me, leaving me powerless to do anything more than watch as he puts distance between our bodies, and I couldn't understand why.
I 'm so confused.
"I'm not good enough for you," I hear him whisper, and I look up at him with wide, shocked eyes. "I'm not good enough for you Rem, but I want to be. I want to be the one that you hold and kiss and whisper things to, I want to be the one that you come to when you need something, that you come to for comfort and help and something as small as a playful laugh. I want to make you happy Rem, if you'll let me."
I can't believe what I'm hearing, and I've never felt happier, luckier, then I do right now.
And yet, I was still so confused. Where was this all coming from? It all seemed so sudden.
"Sirius…" I try again.
"I love you," he says, interrupting me again. "I've loved you forever Moony, and I can't hold it in anymore. Please don't make me hold it in. Let me be the one you go off with to do all those naughty things with." He says this with a mischievous grin curving his lips.
"I know. I want to be the first, the last, the only. Let me love you Moony, let me take care of you let me cherish you. Let me show you that even if I can't be good enough for you, that I can try. Let me show you how amazing you really are."
His words make my heart soar, and I find myself grinning up at him, even though I'm still confused, even though I still have so many questions. They can wait till later.
I push him backwards towards his bed, and soon we're both tumbling down onto the sheets, and the smell of Sirius is surrounding me.
"Yes. Oh Padfoot, yes. I love you too. Please show me."
And Sirius does, happily.
A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review. I haven't gotten many reviews for anything I've written, so it makes me think people don't like it. I have very low self esteem, so if I'm not told what a person thinks, I'll end up drawling bad conclusions. So please, let me know?