The thirst is no fun. It over powers all of your thoughts and takes away all the boundaries that you've worked so hard to build up. It can ruin your life in a matter of seconds.
I held Alice's dead limp body in my arms, crying her name and wanting to bring her back so bad. I barely even realized when Carlisle screamed and ran out the door, followed by Esme when she realized that i wasn't responding to her on purpose. I'm glad that she eventually left as well, because i don't want anyone else in the house besides Alice and me. I lift her off the blood covered floor and place her body onto the couch. She's so beautiful in every way; the blood drying in her ears and nose and mouth, and the pieces of glass stuck in her arms and neck. Yes, she was beautiful. To me. She would always be beautiful to me.
Even though i knew she was no longer with me, i still tried to talk with her. I told her that even though she was only gone for a few hours, i already missed her. And about how her hair looked really pretty that day, it had a special kind of glow to it. About how i would have Carlisle fix up the cuts on her and she would be as good as new. But even as i was saying these things, i knew she wasn't really listening. And so i stopped talking. The thoughts in my mind are coming and going so fast that i doubt if i even had a single whole thought. Alice. Carlisle. Dead. Alice. Blood. Accident. Alice. Gone. Dead. Alice. She really made me happy. I can only think about how this situation came to be, and how easy it would have been to prevent it.
Her body is heavier than normal as i lift her back where she belongs, in my arms. I half expect her to wake up and kiss me lightly on the nose, but when she doesn't i don't feel disappointed.
I walk up the stairs and head for our bedroom; the only place where we can ever really be alone. I place her down on our bed, that Alice insisted on having just for decoration. The little areas on her that are still dripping blood stain the comforter and pillow cases. I don't mind. She's so beautiful that anything having to do with her would be beautiful in my mind as well.
I can hear the others starting to come into the 'living' room downstairs. I can hear them asking why Carlisle's not here. I can hear them calling my and Alice's names. I can hear them deciding that there's no one home. I can hear them leaving rather disappointingly. I can hear them wondering why there's nobody at home.
My eyes go back to Alice, they find hers, still open and vacant and beautifully golden, even in death. I try to find her feelings, but a new wave of sadness comes when i realize that i am no longer going to be able to read her feelings. I can no longer make her happy just to see her smile. Her smile. I'll never see it again.
Edward crashes through the door and stares at Alice's limp body laying on our bed. His eyes have a hint of sadness and pity. But i know that he's mainly in shock. He's surprised. Surprised that I'm the one that killed the angel. He runs to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders and whispers to me that he's sorry and that it's not my fault. But I'm barley listening.
I look around the corner and see Bella standing in an awkward position leaning against the wall, tears in her eyes. It was the worst time, but i remembered how excruciatingly thirsty i was. Edward read my thoughts and pushed me away to stare at my clack eyes. The ones with black rims, the ones that I've never worn while i was with Alice. I growl at Bella, and Edward returns the growl to me. It pushes me further and i lunge for Bella, but I'm stopped short and hurled out of my bedroom window. Broken glass flying everywhere and tearing my shirt and pants. And making a noise that i hoped i never had to hear again as it crashed and broke on the ground. The sound is so familiar that it snaps me out of my 'trance' and i run. I'm running faster than I've ever ran before. I don't know where I'm going, but as long as it's away.
As i run i remember.
Alice and i were hunting in the woods just like any other night. Except we had to return home early because Alice was complaining about seeing horrible visions about something happening to me. She was terrified. We finished our elk and started back to the house.
Carlisle and Esme were in the kitchen discussing something or other but i didn't pay much attention to them.
Alice and i sat on the couch together, while i tried to calm her down. I took her small milky white hands into mine and kissed her palms. She calms, whether on her own or because of me i wasn't sure.
She freezes and we all stare at her blank, expressionless eyes. When she returns to us she looks even more terrified than before. She won't tell me what she saw, but i can feel real fear coming from her.
She jumps on me and starts kissing me non stop. When she releases me she tells me repeatedly that she loves me and that she'll love me no matter what.
I'm confused about why she did this and why she's afraid, but my thoughts are stalled by the sound of the doorbell.
I tear away from my mind from that too vivid memory, i don;t think i could recall the rest of it very clearly, or without breaking down here among the trees.
I barely feel the fall leaves crunching beneath my feet as i run through the trees in the forest where Alice and i had hunted just a few hours ago. The trees are strangely colorless and don't have that wonderful smell that Alice used to point out. I slow my running to more closely examine the trees. The bark seems more rough and harsh and meaningless than before. It upsets me.
Alice loved trees.
She would always find the biggest one in the forest and climb all the way to the top and make me climb up after her and rescue her. But little games like that seem so juvenile right now. The trees look so frail and like they're on the verge of breaking anyway, I'm afraid to climb up and save my princess.