It might just be me, but I was surprised that Edward hadn't caught onto my plan yet. I knew that i didn't want him to, but I was almost certain that id been thinking about it while I was near him. He would have crashed me down onto the floor, and chained me up, and never let me out of his sight ever again. I need to be more cautious of what I think around him. I need to go through with this.
Everything was set and ready for me to leave. I would depart on the 23rd of October, in only two weeks. I had no belongings accompanying me except for Alice's necklace. I would keep that with me so that I could return it to her in heaven. She would get her necklace back, whatever is took to do so.
I had to think to do something that I never had to think about before. Writing a suicide note to my family. Just so i could properly say goodbye to them. I would acknowledge them individually, but as a whole, a family. They would hate me for going like this but I would tell them that there was no other way. I would tell them that I loved them and that I was honestly sorry for the pain that would follow my death or my birth into a new life. Oh, how desperately I wished Edward were wrong.
The days seemed to go by so fast that if I blinked it would be tomorrow. Normally this wouldn't matter, what's one day when you live forever? But every passing day was another day closer to my death.
Today though, was just a little bit different than i had originally planned. I was lying on my bed, thinking about death, as i usually do. Only today, i had an unexpected visitor. Edward. Apparently, he had been listening to me longer than he usually did. I was ruined.I heard him yell for Carlisle. I heard him yell for Esme. I heard them come into the living room. I heard him tell them what i was going to do. I heard them fun up the stairs. I heard them crash through my door, their faces horror-stricken.
It had only been about four seconds.
No words were spoken but none needed to be. I felt all they were going to say. Disbelief. Horror. Sadness. Pity. Hatred. So many different emotions i could barely contain it all at Carlisle spoke. 'Jasper, son. Tell me this isn't true...' He said. I wanted to tell him it wasn't. I wanted calmness to flow through this house again, just for once. But i shook my head and more negative emotions flooded into my brain.
Esme ran to me and held me close. But i made no attempt to hug her back. I didn't want to get close enough to anyone to feel love. Edward knew that. He didn't like it, but he knew it. Carlisle and Edward left into the hall, i could hear them talking. Words like 'Alice' and 'Dead' and 'Fault' rushed into my heard from the hallway. Esme was still surrounding me. 'Oh Jasper don't ever leave us. Remember what happened to Edward.' She told me. 'Esme dear, Edward's reason for life was still alive. I have nothing to come back to.' I responded. I felt sadness crash through the air, but i did nothing to change it. She deserved her own emotions right now.
Carlisle and Edward came back into the room. Their bodies sending off feelings of power and sureness. 'Jasper,' Carlisle spoke, 'We aren't going to let you kill yourself. We love you and you ate wanted here. Doesn't that matter to you at all?' I didn't answer. I stood, breaking away from Esme, and ran out my window and onto the lawn. I saw Carlisle race after me but being stopped by Edward. Telling hin that I wasn't going to Volterra, i expect. Because nobody followed me.I ran through the woods not knowing where i was going, but not really caring. I rushed past all the trees and all the rocks. They seemed to stare at me while i passed.
It was Saturday. No school. Why wasn't Edward with Bella? Bella. Bella...Within minutes, i arrived at the small white house on the edge of the woods. Charlie wasn't there. But Bella was. I tried to think of why Bella wasn't with Edward but came up blank. Intrigue.
I climbed the tree outside Bella's window, and tapped on it lightly; but loud enough for a human to hear, I heard fumbling from inside and a faint swear following the creaking of glass. Finally she came to the window.
'Jasper?' She asked. She looked surprised to see me outside her window instead of her fiancé. 'May i come in Bella?' I asked her quietly. She seemed reluctant but finally nodded her head and let me enter the room. I saw a broken cup on the floor with water everywhere. 'Did i startle you?' I asked looking at the glass. She told me that i have but it was no big deal. I apologized anyway.I watched as she cleaned up the broken glass from the wood floor and sat on her bed when she finished. She stared at me. 'Why are you here?' I wondered for a while. Why was i there?
'Bella...' I said after a few seconds,' you knew Alice very well. She was your best friend.' I could see her eyes starting to water. 'Remind me about her. Tell me everything you remember please. I don't want to lose her any more than i already have.'