Last revised: 08/20/00

Well, after watching 12 straight episodes of Haunted Junction and listening continuously to "Just a Girl" and "Spiderweb" by No Doubt, I was *finally* in the right mood to work on this GW/Ranma semi-xover.   This part is short and silly, but I hope you enjoy it.  ^_^;

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Disclaimer: (Full Disclaimers at the end) Gundam Wing is copyright of its respective creators and all distributors of their work and used without permission.

WARNINGS:  yaoi hints, sexual innuendo of various sorts, comedic OCC-ness

Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (naturally!)

Archive:  http://www.geocities.com/madamhydra/GW.html

Notes:  General craziness ahead, so please fasten your seat belt and securely stow your sanity in the overhead compartments or under the seat in front of you.   ^_^  

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MUDDLED WATERS
A Gundam Wing/Ranma 1/2 fusion fanfic by Madamhydra
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Part 4
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'Cause I'm just a girl
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night

I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl
Take a good looks at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?

-- "Just a Girl" by No Doubt
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[ girls' dorm, Rinkan campus ]

Heero stood in the doorway to the bathroom, visibly fuming.  His blazing cobalt stare took in the sight of the sopping wet and apparently naked forms of Duo, Dorothy, and Relena as they sat and panted in the luxurious hot tub.

"DU-O...," Heero said in a low, ominous growl.

As soon as she caught sight of the Wing pilot, Relena bounced to her feet.  She then froze as she realized her state of near nudity, then unleashed a high, piercing shriek as she frantically covered her breasts with her hands and dropped back into the hot water.

The Wing pilot winced visibly at Relena's scream and clenched his teeth so hard that Duo thought he heard Heero's tooth enamel cracking,  The long-haired teenager lunged to his feet -- causing Relena to utter another horrified squeak at his state of complete nakedness -- and hastily raised his hands in a placating gesture.  

"Now wait, Heero!  It's not what you think...!"

Duo's voice trailed off into nervous chuckles as Heero pinned him with a ferocious stare.

"And WHAT am I supposed to NOT think it is?" the Wing pilot continued in that same dangerous tone.

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Relena wondered if it was possible to die from utter humiliation.  Here she was, virtually naked except for her pink lace panties -- trapped in the most scandalous situation imaginable with Duo Maxwell, of all people!  Still covering her breasts with one hand, she waved a clenched fist in the Deathscythe pilot's direction.

"MAXWELL!  How DARE you flaunt your nude body in front of an innocent girl!?  Have you no sense of shame, you pervert!? "

Dorothy turned her head and glared at Relena.  "You're the LAST person who should be accusing another of being a pervert!"

Relena blushed even more and instinctively sought support from the Wing pilot.

"Heero, surely you don't think that *I*...!"

To her dismay, Relena discovered that Heero was completely ignoring her in favor of Duo, despite her state of undress.

"Man, I can explain!!!" Duo yelped.

"Then EXPLAIN," Heero retorted with a stony expression on his face.

The Peacecraft uttered a loud sob.  Heero's gaze flicked toward her, then immediately returned his attention back to the plainly naked Duo.

The embarassment of being so casually dismissed was simply too much for Relena.  Didn't he WANT to look at her gorgeous, nubile body?  With a wail of embarassment, she jumped to her feet and clumsily tried to scramble from the tub.  

Unfortunately, her foot slipped on the slick marble surface.  As she toppled back into the hot tub, arms flailing wildly, Relena's elbow smashed into and dealt a near-mortal blow to the tub's temperature controls.  Freezing cold water poured forth in an uncontrollable torrent into the tub just as the drain opened wide and sucked away the hot water at a prodigious rate.

Both Dorothy and Duo only had time to cringe and utter a terrified, "AIIIII!!!" before Relena's falling body sent a small tidal wave of icy water over them.

A baffled Heero stared in bemusement as the others disappeared under the seething surface of the bath water.  As he watched the occasional limbs burst out of the water, then resubmerge, the Wing pilot wondered if he should haul Duo and the others out.  After all, he really didn't want them drown.   He wanted to kill Relena and Duo personally.

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Just as Heero was about to interfere, the three Jusenkyo victims resurfaced with a huge whoosh.  Two girls and one boy had disappeared under the roiling waters of the tub -- two girls and one boy emerged... sort of.

If Heero had only Duo's transformation into a girl -- and a very attractive girl, at that -- to cope with, he probably could have managed.  But he was completely unprepared for the oddly familiar looking blond-haired teenaged BOY who erupted out of the water, then immediately lunged toward Duo with an absolutely idiotic leer on his face.

And when he got a good look at the third occupant of the tub, the Wing pilot's jaw nearly hit the floor in shock as Dorothy thrashed her tail and uttered a singularly cat-like yowl of panicked fury.

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"DOWN BOY!!!" Duo shouted furiously as he intercepted Relena-kun's lunge and shoved the lecherous teenager's head underwater so hard that Relena's chin hit the tub bottom with a distinct clunk.  Sadly, the dunking and impact did nothing to quell Relena's enthusiasm.

Duo turned to Heero and was taken aback at the 'deer caught in car headlights' expression on the Wing pilot's face.  For a few seconds, he couldn't figure out what on earth could cause Heero to freeze like that, then he suddenly remembered about Dorothy's curse and its effect on guys....

"Oh shit...," Duo muttered as he observed the glazed look in Heero's eyes.  The other pilot looked like he was on the verge of a mental meltdown.  A faint trickle of blood began to seep from Heero's nose as first one pearl-like breast, then the other breast slid free of Dorothy-neko's haltertop -- if pearls could be the size of prize-winning cantaloupes, that is -- as she jiggled up and down, trying to shake the water out of her furry, pointed ears.

The Deathscythe pilot acted instantly to rescue the obviously overwhelmed Heero.  He took a firm grip of Relena's hair and hauled the lecherous girl-turned-boy out of the water.

"Hate to do this to ya, but CATCH!"

Duo then tossed Relena right at the unsuspecting Dorothy.

"Doro-chan!  Come to baby!" Relena-kun shouted gleefully as she wrapped her arms around the shocked Catalonia with the strength of an anaconda.

"ARGHH!!!!"

Duo-chan jumped out of the tub -- still stark naked, perky breasts a-bouncing -- and dashed across the bathroom to grab Heero by the collar of his school jacket and the waistband of his pants.

"Duo, you bastard!" the Catalonia howled behind him.

"Hang in there, Doro!  I'll be right back!" Duo shouted at her as he hauled the stunned Wing pilot out of the bathroom.  Once in the living room, the long-haired teenager yanked open the first door he saw -- a coat closet -- and hastily threw Heero through the opening.  As the Wing pilot's forehead connected with the back of the closet with a resounding thud, Duo slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Maxwell, get your ass back in HERE!!!"  Dorothy's words were broken by loud pounding sounds.

Duo leaned back against the closet door, took a deep breath, and charged back into the bathroom which was now looking like a battlefield.

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As Heero slowly slid toward the floor and unconsciousness, he caught the following disjointed noises:

BLAM BLAM BLAM

"Move 'em hands or lose 'em, bud!"

"Oooohhh, Duo-chan, you're so beautiful when you're angry...."

"LET GO OF MY TAIL, YOU HENTAI JERK!!!"

"No way, kitty!"

"KY-AHHH!!!"  floor rattling THUD

silence

"Ooh, nice move, Dorothy."

"I'm a black belt in three martial arts, thank you."

"I just fight mean and dirty."

"Whatever works."

moan

"Quick, tie the damn pervert up before he... she... whatever!... wakes up!"

ripping of fabric shuffling

"You've got one hell of an artistic way with rope, Dorothy."

"You're not too bad yourself."

groan "Woah, major league bondage!  Damn, you girls are kinky."  pause  I *LIKE* it!"

"Shut up or we'll give you a first-hand demonstration of the 'D' in B&D."  sinister laughter whip-like crack

"....ouchie...."

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[ Mr. Lonfu's rose garden ]

Amid the ruins of the unfortunate Mr. Lonfu's garden, Wufei was fully occupied with placing hot little love nips along the full length of his companion's spine... and what a prettily curvaceous spine it was!  

They writhed around each other, nibbling, clawing, licking, and fornicating like mad.  Fortunately, rose thorns were no match for draconian scales as they rolled wantonly amid a fortune in prize rose bushes.  The crushed and shredded petals filled the air with an intoxicating perfume which drove the two dragons to even greater enthusiasm.

And with long, sinuous bodies with serpent-like flexibility, dragon sex could be EXTREMELY creative.

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[ Treize's hotel suite ]

Lucrezia Noin could only sit on the bedroom floor and stare at the damp, singularly guilty looking couple of Lady Une and Zechs, who sat on the bed clad in bathrobes and nothing else.

Zechs jumped to his feet and blurted, "Noin!"

Une coughed awkwardly and put on her glasses.

"Ex... excuse me... I didn't mean to... that is to say...."  Noin turned to Zechs and said in accusing tones, "Une!?"

He sighed and said, "It's not what it seems...."

Noin scrambled to her feet and shouted, "How long has this been going on!?"

"Nothing's going on!"

"Do you think I'm an idiot!?"

Une stood up and adjusted her wet robe with military precision and said, "I need to change."

Zechs jabbed a finger in her direction and snapped, "Don't you dare run off and desert me, Une!  You're part of this fiasco, too.  In fact, it's really YOUR fault.  If it wasn't for you, Treize and I wouldn't be in this tangled mess!"

Une's eyeglasses glinted ominously as she gritted her teeth and said, "Don't you dare put all the blame on me.  You were right there, in the middle of it all.  You have to bear SOME responsibility for what happened to Lord Treize."

Noin's eyes widened in shock as she stared at Zechs.  "She... you and Treize... at the same time?"

Une sniffed irritably and said, "It was simply an unfortunate accident."

"Oh sure," Zechs retorted snidely.

The black-haired officer glared at Une and shouted in outrage, "BOTH of them!?  At once!?  What sort of woman are you?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Noin?  Regardless of what Zechs may think, I was NOT out to get both him and Treize.  It just happened."

"It... it just... HAPPENED?"

"Yes.  Exactly."  

"Then... then it was just... the one time?"

Une said acerbically, "I think that ONCE is more than enough for all of us!  I have no desire to do it again."

"That's... a relief, of sorts," Noin muttered as she stumbled out of the bedroom.

Une gave Zechs an odd look before asking, "Why do I have the feeling that we were talking about two completely different things?  After all, who would want to fall into a cursed Jusenkyo spring more than once?"

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In the living room of the hotel suite, Noin paced back and forth, thinking furiously.

(Unbelievable to think of Une having sex with Zechs and Treize at the same time!  What a tramp!  And she always seemed so frigid....  But if it happened only once....)

She glared around the elegantly furnished room.  

(But damn it, it's so unfair!  If Zechs was so eager to sleep with someone, why didn't he sleep with me?  It's not as if I haven't dropped enough hints about it!  But he's keeps telling me that he's too busy to think about personal relationships... then he sleeps with Une, of all people!  And Treize!)

Noin finally snapped.  Grabbing the first thing she saw and using both hands, she hurtled it in the general direction of the bedroom door.

The large glass vase of fresh cut flowers flew across the room and went high, striking the wall just above the bedroom door.  The shattered vase released a cascade of cold water and battered floral stems just as Zechs and Une both stepped through the doorway.

Noin stared blankly at the six foot tall, glass-wearing, sign-toting panda and the platinum blond five-tailed fox standing in front of her, then promptly fainted.

{Hell and damnation.  Not again,} Une-panda's sign said as she scowled in disgust.

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[ Sally Po's medical clinic ]

Sally Po protested, "But it's still raining outside!"

Quatre said urgently, "I know that, but I'm also worried about Duo!  Heero doesn't sound like he's taking this Jusenkyo matter well.  I'm concerned that he might get carried away and...."

The doctor raised an eyebrow and said, "And what?"

The blond pilot flushed slightly, "Well, Heero is very good at handling unexpected thing during missions, but I've also noticed that he doesn't take more... personal surprises well.  Especially surprises involving Duo."

Trowa murmured, "That's true."

Sally frowned.  "Do you seriously think that he'll hurt Duo?"

Quatre hastily said, "No no no.  It's not that... but I still would feel better if I could just check on Duo and see for myself how Heero's coping."

She rubbed her chin thoughtfully.  "Well, considering the weather, you pretty much count on changing into your cursed forms.  Now I might have problems carting around a forty-some pound wildcat, but I could easily hide a small piglet in a large purse or satchel."

Quatre turned and gave Trowa a hopeful look.  The Heavyarms pilot shrugged in resignation and reached for the water pitcher.

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[ girls' dorm, Rinkan campus ]

As he slowly awakened, Heero gradually became aware that he was resting on a comfortable sofa with a damp cloth on his aching forehead.   

"Hey man, you're finally awake!" Duo said cheerfully in his now familiar female voice.  "I was starting to get worried."

"Just how hard did you throw him?" asked Dorothy.

Duo replied sheepishly, "I didn't think it was that hard."

"That was a dirty trick you pulled on me."

"Geez, it was the only thing I could think on the spur of the moment.  I came right back and pried her off you, didn't I?"

"So you did.  But still...."

"Sheesh, you're one for holding grudges, aren't you?"

Heero peeled off the damp cloth off his forehead and sat up with only a slight wince.  A quick glance toward the window indicated that it was already early evening.  He had been out for several hours.  A warm hand gently brushed the hair away from his forehead and the Wing pilot found himself holding his breath a bit as Duo-chan leaned close to take a close look at his forehead.  In that position, he had a perfect view down Duo's loosely buttoned shirt... and he couldn't help noticing that in his girl form, Duo filled out his pants very, very nicely....

"It doesn't look too bad.  I'm really sorry, Heero.  Are you okay?"

"Hn."

Duo sat back and said wryly, "Yup.  Pretty much back to normal."

The Wing pilot noticed Dorothy Catalonia sitting in an nearby armchair.  Thankfully, she was back in her normal form, unlike Duo.  He scowled at her and demanded, "Jusenkyo?"

Dorothy sipped her steaming cup of tea and nodded, a sour look on her face.

"And Relena?"

"Her, too."

"How the hell did that happen?"

Duo dropped onto the sofa next to Heero and said, "Somehow she followed me and the others to Jusenkyo.  I guess she thought that you were coming along with us."

"So both she and Dorothy are cursed, too?"

"Yeah.  Dorothy here turns into some sort of super sexy cat girl."

The Catalonia rolled her eyes in annoyance as Heero muttered, "I noticed."

"And Relena turned into a guy with an overactive libido."

The Wing pilot glanced around and said, "And where is Relena?"

Duo jerked his thumb at a closed door.  "After we managed to change her back to normal, she's locked herself in her room and now she won't come out."

Suddenly the door of Relena's room was thrown open.  The Peacecraft stood in the doorway, fully dressed and looking all pale and tragic as she clutched a large lacey handkerchief to her bosom.

"Oh Heeroooo...."  She ran forward and nonchalantly shoved Duo-chan off the sofa.  As the braided pilot landed on the floor with a grunt, Relena flung herself at Heero and clutched desperately at his shirt.

As Duo got up and brushed off his pants, Relena sobbed, "You're the only one who can help me!  How can I possibly live like this!  You've got to find a cure and deliver me from this hellish curse!"  

An unsympathetic Dorothy muttered, "Oh please, spare me the histrionics."

Oblivious to the Wing pilot's glare, the Peacecraft buried her head against his chest and began to soak his shirtfront with her copious tears.  

"You just HAVE TO do this for me, Heero!"

Duo, Heero, and Dorothy all exchanged exasperated looks.

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Quotes from upcoming parts....

-- Incredibly cutesy girl: "Oh look!  What an adorable pig!" locks collar onto T-chan  "Now you're all mine, Alphonse!"

-- UMICWR ("unidentified male in cloak with rose"):  "Yes, I will save the beautiful braided Duo Maxwell from the clutches of that foul Heero Yuy!  For I am Satin Cape!"  swirl of rose petals

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Author's Notes:

For anyone not familiar with Ranma 1/2, Jusenkyo is full of springs that curse people who fall in one of its springs.  A cursed person changes into different sex, person, animal, monster, or entity when hit with cold water.  The cursed individual reverts back to his/her normal form and/or personality when doused with hot water.  I'm borrowing the basic idea of Jusenkyo curses from Ranma 1/2, but I've changed a few things to suit my own crazy whims.  ^_^ While the victims have a superficial knowledge of their curses, they may not be aware of the various subtleties of their individual curses.

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A quick guide to the curses (and nicknames):
Duo     - Spring of the Drowned Girl (Duo-chan)
Trowa   - Spring of the Drowned Piglet (T-chan)
Quatre  - Spring of the Drowned Desert Wildcat (Quatre-neko)
Wufei   - Spring of the Drowned Male Fire Mini-Dragon (Wufei-draco)
Treize  - Spring of the Drowned Female Ice Mini-Dragon (Treize-ryu)
Une     - Spring of the Drowned Panda (Une-panda)
Zechs   - Spring of the Drowned 5-Tailed Kitsune/Youko
Dorothy - Spring of the Drowned Sex Kitten Neko-girl (Dorothy-neko)

and last, but not least....

Relena  - Spring of the Nearly Drowned Indestructible Hentai Teenage Boy, also known as the Spring of the Nearly Drowned Ataru (of Urusei Yatsura fame) (Relena-kun)

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Keeper of Duo's Dark Side ~~~ Duo no Seishi
Co-Keeper of Duo's Scythe & Bat Wings (w/ Death)
Co-Keeper of Little Grim Reaper Duo (w/ Kitsune)
Saitoh no Koibito
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madamhydra@aol.com              /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/:E
http://www.geocities.com/madamhydra/
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The Full Disclaimer
All rights and privileges to Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing are trademarks and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. All rights and privileges to Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz Communications, Inc., and associated parties.  The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only.  This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit.
Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be the sole property and copyrighted to the author.
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