Title: Human Emotions
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Rating: PG-13 for content
Pairing: Spock and OFC
Summary: Facing ones feelings is never easy, regardless of species.
Feedback: Yes please. I've never written Star Trek before and would like some feed back. Please be kind. No flames. I wrote this because Spock won't leave me alone. It's the first thing I've written in months, first thing I've finished in a year. I do not know much about the ST-verse.
Archive: No thank you
Author's notes: Thank you to Evilgrin for the support and beta. Love you, babe! You're the best!
Alabaster and onyx. Black and white. Logic and emotion. Everything about his nature warred against itself yet he remained aloof and detached. He chose to not show the emotion that raged like a tempest inside of him unless he was pushed past the breaking point and than he lost all control. All sense of right and wrong briefly flew out the window and he became pure instinct. Primal. Beautiful.
Spock was a man of two worlds and belonged to neither. Sure in his logic and thinking but unsure in how to feel and react to the world around him.
A lost soul begging to be found. Begging for the peace and harmony that his Vulcan brothers and sisters lived in. Spock stood alone, always alone... until her.
She was fully human and a mess of emotions and he found fascinating and infuriating. He did not understand half of what she said and none of what she did, but still he tried. He watched. He puzzled and thought. He questioned until his head throbbed and still his questions remained unanswered.
Autumn could scarcely breathe when he was close and he always seemed close lately. Always asking questions and looking at her like one of his experiments. Watching her when he was sure she was unaware. But she was, she was aware of his every action and his every move. She watched him just as intently as he.
The cadence of his voice sent chills down her spine and she had many fantasies about nibbling on his ears. Odd, Autumn knew, but she had them just the same. She wanted to see him naked, to see his vast expanse of skin bare of cloth. Exposed. Vulnerable. Spock never seemed vulnerable, but she knew better.
He had subtle tells. It was mostly in his eyes, if you knew what you were looking for. And Autumn knew. After months of close contact on the bridge, short, tense missions and passing by him on Earth, she knew.
Autumn briefly wondered if she was obsessed, but she knew the answer to that question. She was in love. She loved Spock so fiercely and fully that it threatened to consume her. Too bad he showed no real interest in her that way.
If he found her attractive, he never let on, at least in her eyes. God, how she wanted him. She could hardly do her job any longer knowing he was so close, but still, worlds away.
It was logical to stay away from the human. Logical to avoid being alone and in tight spaces with her. Spock tried to pretend that he was unaffected by how short her skirt was or the blistering rage he felt when someone else noticed too.
He was Vulcan. They did not act on the more primitive urges. They did not give in to feelings of lust and anger, of love. He did not want to make the same mistake as his father. While Spock loved his mother fiercely, being half Human caused him a lot of ridicule and made others view him as defective.
Maybe it was a fault he had inherited from his father or part of his mother's humanity trying to force its way past all the cool process thought. Spock really did not know but he was sure he did not want to find out. He would not copulate with the human.
His jaw was set and he looked almost angry. It was a look Autumn had only seen on him once before, when Kirk told him that he never cared about his mother.
He had lost it then, his attack had been quick and overwhelming. He had Kirk neutralized in seconds and for a few tense moments, everyone was unsure if he would kill him.
"Spock," Kirk turned in his chair and faced the man, "why don't you and Autumn go and review the navigation charts for this sector. It's been a long time since Starfleet was in the area. I'd like to know if we should expect any surprises."
Spock looked over and Autumn and then back at Kirk, "As you wish, Captain."
"It's Jim, Spock. Jim!"
Spock just nodded and rose silently. He paused by Autumn's station as she adjusted a few settings and then finally stood and followed him out.
The door slid shut on the lift and they both reached to press the button. Their hands touched and Autumn sucked in a sharp breath. Spock lifted his brow at her and then put both of his hands behind his back once again.
"It is unwise for either of us to act upon our urges." he stated flatly.
Unwise, Autumn stewed, urges? Right now the only urge she had was to kick him in the shin. "Though you try to hide it, Spock, I know you feel." She turned and looked up at him, "So tell me, are we talking about urges or feelings?"
"I do not wish to discuss the subject."
Autumn slammed her hand over the stop button and rounded on him, "Well I wish to discuss it."
"There is nothing to discuss."
"Yes there is. Like how infuriating you are. How much you live in denial of your true nature. You try to conduct yourself as a full Vulcan, but you are not. You are half human, Spock. You shouldn't be ashamed of that. Your Mother..."
"I am not ashamed of my mother." he snapped.
"I know that. I wasn't going to imply that you were. All I wanted to say was that your mother was human. She loved you, why don't you think that another human is capable of the same emotion?"
"She was my mother." he stated simply and in his mind, that was the answer. Amanda loved Spock because she was his mother.
"Then why did she love your father?"
There was no reply and Autumn knew that was because he did not have an answer.
"Spock," she whispered and look a step closer to him. When he didn't move away, she took another one. "Please tell me now if I'm alone in my feelings. If that is the case, I will never again bring the subject up."
Spock slowly looked down at her and swallowed. It took a few moments for him to find the courage to speak the words, "You are not alone."
"Then touch me."
"It is not an appropriate time. The Captain will be expecting us."
"Oh, please! He know he sent us down here on a bullshit run."
"Yes. He knows we don't need to check the charts, you have everything right here." Autumn touched Spock lightly on the temple and pressed her body against his.
She swore to herself she would make him come to her, but right now, that promise didn't matter. She was sick of waiting and he was close to giving in, she could see it in those fathomless eyes of his.
Autumn slid her hand over his sharp jaw and to his soft lips where she brushed the corner of his mouth with her thumb. She would not kiss him first. In this matter, she would make him come to her. She had pressured him more than she wanted, it was his time to act.
Spock's heart was pounding. She was so close, so warm. Vulcan's ran a little bit cooler than human's. It was one of the things he remembered most about his mother. She was always so warm. Autumn's touch seared him and he felt himself start to cave. All thoughts were pushed aside and emotions swelled.
His eyes lowered to her lips and when she licked and parted them softly, he broke.
The kiss was soft, tentative at first. A brush of lips, a sigh, a step closer on his part. Spock buried a hand into her silky hair and pressed her mouth closer to his. Lips parted and tongues touched. Autumn trembled and moaned quietly as she traced the back of his neck with the tips of her fingers.
The kiss deepened for a few more moments before Spock pulled back and placed his forehead against hers. "We have orders."
"You already know the answers, Spock."
"Yes, but you do not. He will ask, it is his way."
She knew he was right, but she didn't want to let go. "Don't pull away, please."
"I do no think I am capable now."
Autumn smiled, "Good because this isn't done."
"No it is not."
They stepped back from each other and Spock pressed the start button on the lift. The door slid open a second later and they stepped out together into the darkness of the archive room.
Kirk giggled like a child when the door closed to the lift. Bones shook his head and said, "You're a bad friend, Kirk."
"Bad friend? Please, I'm helping him out."
"By pushing him? He's not ready." Bones defended the pointy eared bastard that had become his friend.
"Oh, trust me," Kick said, defending his actions, "He's ready. Did you see the look on his face when Scotty was staring at her ass."
"Scotty's harmless and I don't think I've ever seen a different look on Spock's face but boredom, well, except when he was kicking your ass."
Kirk scowled at him but shrugged. He knew he was right and Spock would finally let his emotions overcome him.