Lost My Life for Music

I was always proud of my guitar, its smooth red wood and shiny string with their crisp angelic sound. I can still remember the day I got my guitar, Christmas in 1995, when I was thirteen. Even now fifteen years later sitting way up here, looking down, still playing my guitar, writing on sheets on paper, random little notes, scribbles and chords, I'm still haunted….

I was always a normal young girl, lived in a normal town and had normal friends. My parents were normal too, with boring office jobs and silly grey suits. I was just an everyday girl. Underneath, deep down inside me I had always dreamed about being a musician. One night when I was sixteen I was just messing on the computer, just chatting to my friends on IM and updating my facebook page. Suddenly a pop-up came on the screen, I couldn't believe my eyes, it was as If I HAD to click on it. I didn't know my troubles were starting…

The advert was for a competition, a music competition, the winner got to play LIVE in a concert in London! It wasn't the usual pop-ups saying you've won a laptop, or a fancy new sports car. All I had to do was email a track, and fingers crossed I would get an email back saying I've got in with a chance. The winner got a record deal after all! I thought my career had just started…

Everyday I would check my email, boring my eyes into the screen waiting for a message to pop on the screen. After about two weeks I just tried to accept the fact I hadn't got a chance. A few months past, and that spark of hope was still inside me, I had to keep believing. About three weeks later, I was chatting to my friends one night, and an email came up! My hands were shaking on my mouse; my mind was just focused on one thing. I remember just looking at it, for about ten minutes. I opened the email,

Dear Miss Rea, I am delighted...

The rest was a blur, it felt like my life had been complete, I went to heaven and back, I didn't realise I would be going back to heaven, on a one way ticket…

Two weeks before the concert, I started to feel as if I was being watched; you know that feeling, as if there was always eyes staring into the back of your head. I went to school like usual, I walked home like usual, but something just didn't feel right. I was in my room that night practising, and then suddenly a face popped up by the window, I screamed and ran as fast as I could downstairs. My mum thought I had hurt myself, and when I explained about the face she just shook her head as if to pity me. I remember her telling me it was my nerves, I believed her, I wish I hadn't.

The next day I still felt scared just walking around my house, I could always hear a little voice, deep but very quiet, calling my name, like when a CD gets stuck and repeats the same word, over and over again. I was lying in bed and then I saw the face again, I just shut my eyes tight and said in my head, its just nerves, its just nerves.

A week before the concert arrived quickly, and I was even more worried that there was someone following me. I kept seeing the man, in my dreams, by the window around the door. It felt like there was someone trying to tell me something, good or bad, I didn't know.

I was lying in bed that night and the man was standing in my room, I just froze. He walked slowly over to my bed and just looked at me. I remember his exact words,

"I have been sent to warn you, its all a scam, don't do the competition, I have to do this to you, otherwise something will happen, I have to…"

I slammed my eyes shut tight and kept telling myself it was my imagination. But I knew I wasn't imaging anything, and everything I saw and that was said was true. I wasn't going to let anyone scare me; I was determined to do the competition.

Two days before the concert and the thought of the man in my room kept running through my mind. Should I? Should I not? I had never met that man, but it seemed like his words were true.

The day of the concert quickly arrived and I got even more nervous every second. The thought of It all being a scam was still looming at the back of my mind. I was so exited, but the thought, I didn't think I could handle it. I caught the train up to London, and followed my map to the address. I turned up and this big warehouse flat. I stood outside the door, and ran the buzzer. A voice answered in a deep scary voice. It just didn't seem right. I don't know why I went in, the voice still gives me shivers. I never knew that I was going to be killed that night, I didn't know it was all a scam. I wish I listened to the man in my room. If I did, I wouldn't be all the way up here, looking at other people all the way down below.

No one can hear me sing. No one can hear my music. All I have is my soul. All I can do is cry, everyday of my life. That one way ticket to heaven back, might have been the thing that killed me.